The Choices We Make
by ennisjackgal
Summary: AU/AU sequel to Lessons In Love. 2009 sees Ennis and Jack married and living in Provincetown, MA. Life goes by and they are very happy, but a visit from Alma looks set to change all of that.
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1**

_June 15th, 2009_

Ennis whistled to himself as he prepared breakfast for himself and Jack, half-listening to the morning news on the radio. It was another beautiful summer's day and it was almost like a dream; everything just seemed perfect here.

He could hear the shower running, as it did every morning. He preferred to shower in the evening, unless they were in the mood for taking one together. They had settled into their routine fairly quickly; after all, they had been living together for five years now. They'd lived just off campus since 2004, and had been living here in Provincetown since the previous year. Things had progressed fairly quickly after the move to the coast; their first wedding anniversary was fast approaching.

The shower stopped and Ennis smiled to himself, looking forward to seeing Jack. They'd seen each other already this morning, after waking up, but still. He loved it every time he clapped eyes on Jack; his husband was just so beautiful to him.

Jack emerged from the bedroom and spied Ennis preparing breakfast, a smile spreading across his face. He came up behind Ennis and wrapped his arms around him. "Good morning," he greeted, kissing Ennis's cheek.

"Mornin', bud," Ennis replied, smiling. Even now, he still hadn't quite lost his Western accent. He knew that Jack liked it and he didn't want it to disappear. "You doin' good?"

"Mmm, yep." Jack peered over his shoulder and sniffed. "Smells good...looks good, too."

"Thanks...you know I like cookin' for you," Ennis told him. "You lookin' forward to work today?" Jack was still an intern at the local counselling clinic, but Ennis knew he was doing well and could soon be looking at being hired properly. The same could be said of him; his boss at the animal clinic was pleased with his work so far. They were still living off Jack's inheritance and weren't in dire need of money, so they had the opportunity to build up their work portfolios.

"Yeah, reckon so," Jack replied as he let go of him, heading for the coffee pot. "It's going pretty well. Haven't really encountered anybody too challenging yet...but I want to put my degree to use at some point. Hopefully I'll get to do more soon."

"It'll happen," Ennis assured him, dividing the food onto their plates. "You're good at what you do an' I bet they know that. You could end up bein' hired by the end of the year, I reckon."

Jack smiled at him over his coffee cup. "Thanks, bud. I bet you're gonna do well too. You're good with animals. You've...got a kind of gentle nature." He moved towards Ennis and whispered in his ear, "But you can still pound me into the mattress when you get going."

Ennis rolled his eyes and brought the food over to the table. "Is that all you can think about?" he asked in mock exasperation. "You've got sex on the brain, Twist."

"Only 'cos of you," Jack told him as they sat down. "You drive me crazy."

"Are we gonna talk about this over breakfast?" Ennis asked, shaking his head. Jack shrugged.

"Okay." He fixed Ennis with a look. "But...I was thinking of you while in the shower. And...not just about sex. I always think of you, Ennis, when we're apart."

Ennis covered Jack's hand with his own. "Me too, darlin'. I'm always thinkin' of you. Guess it proves how much we love each other, huh?"

Jack nodded and smiled widely at him. "Sure does." They took their hands back and started eating, talking about the day ahead of them. They would normally meet up for lunch since they had the same length of time for a break, and would come back home later. They'd made a deal that whoever got back first would start dinner; it seemed fairer to them. It hadn't been easy to figure out who did what around their home, but they'd managed to make it work. Ennis tended to make breakfast since Jack showered in the morning, but Jack usually made dinner anyway since the counselling clinic was closer to their apartment and he made it back first.

"When's Lureen comin' over?" Ennis asked, thinking of their friend who had moved to New York. She came over at least once every couple of weeks to see them, as they had remained very good friends. Lureen was doing well as a dancer in the big city, and was thinking of becoming an instructor.

"Next weekend," Jack replied. "She's kinda busy so she doesn't have a lot of free time."

"Glad she's doin' well," Ennis said, and Jack nodded. "Looks like everythin' worked out okay. She seein' anybody?"

"I think she mentioned a guy who lives in her building...think she went out with him a couple of times. Remember when she was trying to help us? Like when I was attracted to you and didn't know what to do?" He grinned, recalling how scared and unsure he'd been. He didn't know what might have happened if Ennis hadn't returned his feelings. They certainly wouldn't be here now.

"Yeah, I remember," Ennis agreed, also remembering that time. He too had felt confused and lost, but for different reasons. "Anyway...sure am glad that things worked out for us. You know I'm happy here with you."

"I am too, cowboy," Jack said softly. "You make me happy, just like you promised you would."

Ennis smiled and they continued to eat, both feeling blissfully happy on this beautiful summer's morning. Life drifted from one day to the next in their corner of the world, and there was very little drama here. Provincetown was a safe place for couples like themselves to live, and they were glad to have somewhere like this.

Both of them wondered now and then where their life together might lead them, and what the future might hold, but there was no rush for that. Life was good and they loved each other very much, and that was all they needed to know right now.

* * *

Jack entered the clinic and the receptionist nodded at him with a smile. He was good friends with everybody he worked with and was happy working here. It seemed to him that everybody who lived around here was either gay or very accepting, and he knew it was good for himself and Ennis. They could concentrate on their relationship rather than worry about homophobic bigots that would have it in for them.

"Morning, Jack," Jessica said to him as he approached her. She and her partner Amy lived near him and Ennis, just around the corner from their building, and they got on well. He knew that they hadn't been together long, but both had talked about getting married one day. Jack thought that they were very lucky to live in a state where they could legally marry; there were still very few that allowed this.

"Hey, Jess. What's going on this morning?" he asked her, and she consulted her books.

"Well, Dan wants you to sit in on a meeting at ten. And he mentioned that he has a project he wants you to work on."

Jack raised his eyebrows. "A project? Really..." That was unusual; this had never been mentioned to him before. Maybe he really was moving up here.

"Yeah, he seemed pretty happy about it. You're doing well, Jack...anybody can see how dedicated you are. I reckon you'll be hired by the end of the year."

"Ennis said the same thing this morning," Jack commented, smirking, and Jessica smiled.

"Guess he knows you pretty well. Isn't your wedding anniversary coming up soon?"

"Yep...August 12th. Don't know what we're doing for it, though."

"How about a copy of the Kama Sutra?" she suggested, her grin widening. Jack laughed.

"Good idea...we've nearly worn out our copy," he replied, and they dissolved into laughter. He liked being able to talk to someone about his relationship with Ennis; Lureen was great but they didn't see her often. At least Jessica understood what it was like to be involved in a same-sex relationship.

Their boss, Dan White, came through the door and spotted Jack. "Hey, good morning."

"Hey, Dan. Jess told me about a project you want me to work on?"

"That's right. We've got a meeting at ten I want you to sit in on, and we can talk about the project after. I think you'll like it," he told Jack, who nodded. "Until then, there's just some paperwork I'd like you to file away. In the office."

"Okay, thanks." Jack nodded at them both and headed down the hall towards the filing office, wanting to do whatever he needed to impress his boss. While money wasn't an issue for them, he still desired to have a good career and make something of himself.

As he worked, he found his mind drifting towards Ennis as it usually did. He couldn't help it; he loved Ennis very much and they were so happy together. Jack was secure in the knowledge that they would be together for the rest of their lives, so there was no real need to reassure each other of this. But he still liked it when they confirmed their love and commitment to each other.

He sat in the meeting as requested, which was a board director's meeting. Jack wondered why he'd been asked here, and he hoped that it was due to a possible hiring.

Afterwards, he followed Dan into his office and sat down. "So...what did you want to talk to me about? What's this project?"

"Well, I'm very pleased with your work, Jack. You've been with us for almost a year now, and you've impressed everybody. That's why I wanted you to sit in the meeting; because...I've been thinking about hiring you."

Jack grinned. "Oh...well, that's great. Thank you..."

"You're welcome. The project I have for you will demonstrate your abilities and will, hopefully, show us why you would be a great asset to the team. You said you wanted to go into counselling, so this is your test." He reached into his desk and pulled out a file. "I want you to put together a portfolio of sorts. There's a patient at the local hospital who's been put in touch with us. He was in Afghanistan and is showing signs of PTSD following a double leg amputation. He's been referred to us upon his release from hospital and is in need of counselling."

"Right," Jack said, wondering what exactly he would have to do. Dan cleared his throat before continuing.

"So, he's going to come here a few times a week. Now, Dr Green will be counselling him, as she is qualified to do so. But she will be supervising you as you assist her. You will need to put together a portfolio of the client, your thoughts on the matter in relation to PTSD and what you think needs to be done for him. Dr Green will be assessing you on how you contribute to the needs of the client and how you perform."

Jack couldn't believe it; this was an incredible opportunity for him to gain some experience and also get himself hired in the process. It was exactly what he needed. "Dan, I...I don't know what to say. This is amazing."

Dan smiled. "If you accept, you can get started right away. He'll be released tomorrow and will start coming here on Thursday. I thought it was high time you had the opportunity to demonstrate your skills to us."

Jack smiled back and knew he could do this. "In that case...I accept. I'd love to do this."

"Very well. You can see Dr Green after lunch so she can tell you what needs to be done. And...I wish you the best of luck." He extended a hand across the desk and Jack shook it, determined to prove himself and finally get his career started. He couldn't wait to tell Ennis about this; he knew his cowboy would be very proud of him.

* * *

Ennis and Jack met up for lunch on the front, in a small café that had a great view of the bay. They enjoyed living in this resort town, and were happy to make their life here. Both fondly recalled their first spring break together, when they had driven over here and fallen in love with the place.

Jack was the first to arrive, and he was brimming with excitement over the project he was to handle. He'd met with Dr Green; Emily was a very likeable woman and understood how much Jack was looking forward to this. He knew that he would have to impress both her and Dan if he was going to be hired at the end of it; the project would take the entire summer and most of the fall season, ending around October. Emily's goal was to counsel the veteran in need of help, and Jack was basically going to be her assistant. It would give him the chance to prove himself.

As he waited for Ennis, he sent a text to his mother to tell her that he had some big work-related news, and that he would tell her later. He knew that his parents were proud of him for how well his life was going right now, and that Ennis's mother was proud of her son.

Just as he was thinking about all of this, the door to the café opened and the love of his life walked in, searching around for him. Jack grinned as their eyes met and Ennis came over, smiling widely.

"Hey, bud," he greeted Jack, leaning over to kiss him. Jack always did enjoy it when Ennis kissed him; their mouths just seemed to fit together perfectly.

"Hey yourself," he replied as Ennis sat down, taking a menu. "I've got some great news about work and I've been dying to tell you."

"Okay." The waitress took their orders and Ennis raised his eyebrows. "So, what's goin' on?"

Jack took his hands and rested his own over them. "Well, I was talking to Jess this morning, at the front desk, and Dan came out of his office looking for me. He said he wanted me to sit in on one of the board meetings."

"Really? How come?" Ennis asked, looking puzzled. Jack grinned.

"Well, he also said he had some big project for me...said that it could lead to me being hired by the end of the year."

Ennis's mouth fell open and his eyes widened. "Oh, darlin'...that's great!" He kissed Jack again and saw the light in his eyes. "What is it?"

Jack gave him the details of what he would be required to do, and Ennis could see how enthusiastic he was already. He knew that Jack had been looking for a chance to prove himself and show his skills, and now it was here. Ennis could feel pride surging through him and he squeezed Jack's hands.

"Bud...that's great. I'm proud of you, darlin'...they're seein' how good you are an' givin' you an opportunity. When do you start?"

"On Thursday; that's when the guy starts coming in to see Dr Green. I'll be shadowing her, learning more about counselling...and my own skills will be assessed through the portfolio and how well I help her." He sighed. "I still can't believe it..."

"Me neither..." Ennis smiled at him and could feel the waves of happiness emitting from Jack. Life was going their way and it seemed to him that their future was secure.

The food arrived and Jack was finally breathing normally again; he'd had an adrenaline rush all morning and could now relax. "I sent a text to my mom, saying that I've got some big work news. I'll tell her more later when we get home."

Ennis nodded. "Yeah. Bet they'll be proud of you, too. An' I could tell my mama; she'll wanna hear it too, you bein' her son-in-law an' all."

Jack smiled. "Right." A thought of Ennis's deceased father flashed through his mind, but he decided not to say anything. The anniversary of his father's death was next month and he didn't like reminding Ennis of it. Their relationship had never been repaired and Ennis's father had never been able to accept the choices that Ennis had made in his life; leaving to go to college instead of staying on the ranch, breaking up with Alma and choosing to be with Jack instead, and then deciding to marry Jack out here.

They continued to eat, and Jack's leg wrapped itself around Ennis's ankle as it often did when they were sat at a table together. It was as though his body was trained to seek out Ennis's and latch on somehow, just because they were in love.

"Know somethin'?" Ennis asked as he enjoyed the feeling of Jack's leg around his.

"What?"

"Since yer doin' so well an' you've got somethin' big comin'...reckon I oughta give ya some kinda reward." His deep brown eyes peered at Jack and it was plain as day what he meant. Jack grinned.

"Well...I won't say no to that, cowboy. What did you have in mind?"

"Hmm...how about me fuckin' yer brains out all night?" Ennis replied, smirking. Jack could feel himself becoming aroused and he shifted.

"Sounds good to me...but only if I can fuck your brains out, too." They did switch now and then, and he knew that Ennis had no issues with being topped. They had sex pretty much every night unless they were too tired, and Jack topped at least once a week if not more. They were lucky to have such a healthy sex life, and knew that it was born from a strong relationship that was almost six years going.

They kept on eating and enjoying their break until it was time to go back to work, and with a lingering kiss they finally went their separate ways until the evening, which was full of promises and what would be a night to remember.

* * *

The pair of them worked through the afternoon and then returned home to their apartment on the front. Like the café, their bedroom window had a wonderful view of the beach and the water. They did like to occasionally go to the other side of the Cape and look out towards the ocean, but this was good for them too. They loved their apartment with its open-plan kitchen and how it was one with the living room. But they both had to admit that the bedroom was their favourite room.

Jack got home first and started cooking dinner. Because of where they lived, they'd started eating a lot of seafood and plenty of fish, and it was always fresh from the store.

As he cooked, Jack started thinking about his conversation with Jessica that morning; about his and Ennis's wedding anniversary. It would be their first, and he wanted to celebrate it in a special way. When they'd gotten together, he'd never dared to hope that one day they would be married. For one thing, it hadn't been legal back then and everything was unsure in those early days. Neither had been in a relationship with another man before, and Ennis had been especially nervous about it. He couldn't believe how far they'd come.

He heard a key in the door and grinned; he couldn't help it whenever he became aware that Ennis was around. Jack listened to Ennis entering the apartment and kept his back turned for now; he hoped that Ennis would come up behind him and pull him close.

Sure enough, Ennis spied Jack at the stove and crept up behind him, wrapping his arms around Jack and squeezing him. He kissed Jack on the cheek and made a soft, contented sound. "Mmm...glad to be home."

"Me too," Jack replied, turning the heat down and moving to face Ennis. His own arms came up around Ennis's neck and he smiled. "My favourite time of day, being here with you." He leaned in and their lips met, softly at first but then more firmly as they melted into each other's arms. Ennis just let go of all his tension from the day and focused on the man in his arms, who was pressing close and kissing him deeply. He could feel Jack's tongue in his mouth and let out a sigh, enjoying the intimacy of it.

"Damn," he breathed when they pulled apart for air, and Jack smiled.

"Yeah..." They kissed a few more times and then Jack resumed cooking as Ennis set the table. They worked as a team and knew that it was a key ingredient of a happy marriage, after love of course. "Ennis?" Jack asked as he turned the fish over.

"Yeah, bud?"

"I wanted to ask you...what are we doing for our anniversary? It's just a couple of months away..."

Ennis stood next to him, leaning on the counter. "I dunno. Never had a weddin' anniversary before, so..." He bit at a hangnail; a habit he'd held onto all these years. "You wanna maybe...take a trip somewhere?"

Jack looked at him; it was perfect. They loved going away together and it was a great opportunity. "That...that sounds great. Perfect, even." He laughed and kissed Ennis on the cheek, seeing that his cowboy had gone a little red. "Where are we going?"

"Um, dunno." Ennis shifted; there were so many places in the world that he wanted to visit, and he would love to take Jack with him, but even with Jack's inheritance they weren't rolling in money. They needed that money to live on while they weren't earning. "Well, maybe...we could go campin' somewhere. Up in the mountains maybe."

Jack nodded his approval, already looking forward to it. "That sounds good. We live on a beach and we go to Boston a lot, so...maybe out in the woods is just what we need. But...I don't wanna sleep in a tent. Too cold and hard, I reckon."

"We can rent a cabin," Ennis told him, smirking. "Get one with a big bed, so we can have some fun." He leaned in and kissed Jack's neck, making him squirm.

"Ennis...gonna burn this if you don't cut that out," he protested weakly. This was one gesture from Ennis that could render him completely helpless, especially if Ennis happened to be inside him at the same time. The feeling of Ennis's lips on the sensitive skin of his neck drove him crazy with lust and made him weak in the knees. Ennis knew this and often did it on purpose just to get him going.

Ennis took pity on him and let him go, allowing Jack to finish cooking and get the food onto their plates. They moved to the table and sat down, looking forward to the evening and what it might bring. Jack knew that Ennis was planning on fucking him more than once, and the thought alone was making him hope that the evening would pass quickly. Apart from that, the idea of returning the favour was equally appealing. He loved being inside Ennis and showing him how good it felt to be taken care of.

They spent a couple of hours in front of the TV with a beer, but then couldn't take it anymore and retreated to the bedroom. The pair of them spent a few more hours rolling around the bed and taking it in turns to fuck each other, their moans filling the room and the bed becoming a complete mess. The sheets would definitely have to be changed and washed, but they didn't notice right now. All they cared about was getting as close to each other as possible and letting their love for each other physically manifest in the best way they knew how.

When they were finally spent and could barely move, Jack looked at Ennis and they exchanged a smile. It wasn't often that they had a night like this, with hours of making love, but it was very welcome.

* * *

_June 16th, 2009_

Alma drove along the road in the rental car, enjoying the sunlight despite what she was about to do. She was headed for the airport to catch her flight to Provincetown, and she wondered what kind of reception she might get. She knew that Ennis had married his roommate Jack Twist; his mother had told her so only recently. The wedding, if she could call it that, had occurred almost a year ago. She still couldn't fathom why they would legalise something like that.

She looked down at the seat beside her, at the sleeping girl. For nearly six years, she had wanted a family with Ennis. But going to the campus in Amherst hadn't yielded the results she'd expected. Ennis had told her that he was seeing his male roommate, and that he was in love. That had destroyed all of her hopes of being with him, but now she was ready to cut off all ties. She had a new life waiting for her, and she couldn't hang on to the past anymore.

"Mama?" came a small voice from next to her. Alma looked over again and saw a pair of deep brown eyes staring at her, so like the man who'd fathered her. She wondered how they would look when she landed on his doorstep.

"What is it, honey?" she asked, a small part of her regretting what she was about to do. But it was for the best. Junior yawned.

"Where we goin'?"

Alma sighed. "I'm takin' you to live with yer daddy. He's gonna look after you from now on."

"You comin' with me?" Junior asked, blinking. Alma bit her lip; that was the last thing she wanted, and not because she didn't love her daughter. She was doing it because she wanted to start a family with her new fiancé, and an illegitimate child would not be welcomed by his family.

"Sorry, honey...I can't. But I'm gonna write to you, an' call you now an' then. An'...yer daddy lives at the beach, remember? Yer gonna have a lot of fun there."

Junior smiled. "Really? Will he take me for donkey rides an' everythin'?" she asked, her eyes lighting up. Alma gave a small smile, wishing that it could just be Ennis out there. But no; she would have to contend with his...husband. She shuddered at the thought; they had been allowed to legally marry, going against God and everything the Bible said. People encouraged it, too. What was the world coming to? She would have to live with knowing that Jack Twist was raising her daughter, and she was trying to come to terms with that.

But she wouldn't make it too easy; the legal issues were bound to eat at him somewhat and she felt a kind of grim satisfaction at the thought. Giving Jack certain rights didn't mean that she would ever approve of him or his relationship with the man she should have married.

"I'm sure he will, Junior," she told her daughter, nodding.

"Does he have any other kids? Is he married?" the girl asked innocently, unaware of her father's living situation.

"I don't think he has any other kids, but...he is married," Alma begrudgingly admitted. _Even if it is an abomination, _she thought waspishly. _People say they can be married out there in that state...unbelievable. _"You'll see for yourself soon enough."

Junior nodded, and then looked out of the window. "Mama...why ain't you comin' with me? You an' Monroe can come an' live with us."

Alma shook her head; that would never happen. Even if she wasn't engaged, there was no way she would live anywhere near Ennis and...that man. She hated Jack Twist and she'd never even met him. He had stolen Ennis away from her, and Ennis had refused to come back to Wyoming because of him. What had happened for him to choose Jack over her?

"That can't happen, honey. Monroe...wants to live in Wyomin', an' yer daddy lives out on the coast. It's too far away."

Junior fell silent, conceding defeat. She didn't understand why her mother wouldn't live with her and her father, or why her mother wouldn't tell her more about what was going on. At just five years old, there was a lot she didn't understand about any of this.

Alma thought back over the past six years as she drove on. Finding out that she was pregnant had scared her at first, given that Ennis had already left for Amherst. She'd thought that by going to see him over the holidays, she could convince him to come back with her. But all of her efforts had been fruitless; he'd confessed that he was...gay. Not only that, but he was in love with a man. It didn't make sense to her; how could he love a man when they had been together just a few months before?

The thing that hurt the most was that Ennis had planned to break up with her over the holidays, and that was why he hadn't told Jack that they were technically still together. He'd broken up with her there and then just to save his new relationship, and that still stung after almost six years. True, he hadn't known that she was expecting his child, but still. If she had said something, would that have changed his mind? Would he have come back with her then?

She didn't know for sure, but she hoped that Ennis could step up for his daughter now. This little girl needed him despite everything, and Alma didn't care if Jack wasn't ready to deal with that. He'd stolen Ennis from her, and Alma was determined to get her own back in a quiet and refined way, with minimal fuss that would make maximum impact.

_They're gonna pay for what they did, _she said to herself as the airport came into view, leading her to her destination and what it would bring. _They can't get away with what they did._


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

Ennis and Jack were making out on the sofa as they waited for dinner to cook. Both of them liked passing the time in this way, and Jack was busy exploring Ennis's neck while he lay on top of him.

"You drive me crazy," he breathed, nibbling at the sensitive skin. When Ennis did this to him, it always made him hopelessly aroused, so he figured he was getting his own back.

"Damn, Jack," Ennis whispered, tilting his head to give Jack further access. "Love it when you do that..."

"Mmm..." The oven timer went off just as Jack was reaching for Ennis's belt. "Fuck."

"Guess we'll have to wait for that," Ennis commented as Jack got up and headed for the kitchen. "Somethin' to look forward to..."

"You bet, cowboy. Gonna get you good after."

"Can't wait," Ennis replied with a grin when he saw Jack's ass moving so snugly in his jeans. He'd never admitted it, but he loved looking at Jack's ass. He especially liked doing so when he was fucking Jack from behind, and could see himself moving in and out. He shifted in his seat and tried to will his arousal to go down. Fortunately, Jack didn't notice his little problem and carried on with what he was doing.

Both of them were looking forward to their anniversary, and the trip that they were planning. Even though they always celebrated the day they first got together, this was special. They knew it was a huge privilege to be legally married; not every gay couple had that. Even now, only a couple of states allowed people like them to get married.

Ennis looked at Jack as he thought of this, knowing in his heart just how lucky he was to be here. It hadn't been easy while they were still in college, and nothing had been certain even when they had said they loved each other. But he figured that his breakdown near the end of their first year together had changed all of that. He'd told Jack that he was prepared to deal with whatever came their way, and Jack had accepted this.

He was very grateful to Jack for helping him so much during that time. He was no longer afraid of something happening; not to that degree, anyway. And if they ever read about a hate crime happening, he never jumped to the conclusion that the same was going to happen to them. It was never a guarantee just because they were gay.

Ennis got up and came up to Jack, kissing his cheek before heading for the bathroom. Jack stared after him, wondering where that had come from. He smiled to himself; Ennis did have moments where he could be very sweet and this was one of them. Jack lived for those moments, and they came fairly often. He was still so much in love with his husband and he knew that they could handle anything as long as they stuck together.

They sat down to eat and Jack poured a little wine for them both. These days, it felt as if they had a lot to celebrate with how well life was going for them. He still had the occasional thought of talking to Ennis about them somehow creating a family, but there was time for that. They weren't yet thirty, after all, and they had their entire lives ahead of them. But he did still think of the possibility and knew that he wanted to have a family with this man.

"This looks great, bud," Ennis told him as they started eating, and Jack smiled.

"Thanks...I know you like anything with chicken, so I figured I'd make you something you'd look forward to. And you can clean up after." Most of the time, they shared chores but neither complained if they did things on their own.

"Fair enough." As they ate their way through the meal, Ennis kept looking at Jack. How on earth could he be here right now, a former ranch hand from Wyoming? Surely this kind of life was unattainable for someone like him, yet here he was. He was in love, married and living a good life in a beautiful place. Surely nothing could go wrong for them now.

"You know, I was thinking about that trip we've got planned," Jack started, not noticing that Ennis was staring at him. "I think it'd be good for us to go out into nature...but where are we gonna go? Vermont? Wyoming?"

"Um...dunno," Ennis admitted, twirling his fork. "Think...Vermont might be better. Ain't sure I ever wanna go back to Wyomin'."

Jack nodded. "I know how you feel about it, bud. We don't have to go there if you don't want to. So...we'll go to Vermont." He smiled. "I can look online for a cabin that we could rent. One with a big bed, like you said."

Ennis's cheeks reddened and he looked down at his plate, already thinking of what they might get up to in that bed. The thought was very appealing and he couldn't wait for it to happen.

"Sounds good. An'...maybe we could go fishin' or somethin'. We don't really get the chance to do that much." It was true; they hadn't been to a lake for a long time and they missed doing that together. They both liked to get back to nature and just take things slowly for once.

"Yeah, sure," Jack agreed, and he lifted his wine glass, looking at Ennis over the brim. "I love you, you know."

Ennis smirked. "Love you too, darlin'. An' I'm lookin' forward to us spendin' our first weddin' anniversary together. It'll be fun out there in the woods."

"Yep." Jack lifted his glass in a toast and they continued with their meal, looking at each other and reflecting on everything they had built. They'd come so far and things were going so well for them, and neither of them could wait to see what was in store for them.

* * *

After dinner, the pair of them spent a couple of hours in front of the TV. Around nine, Jack turned the TV off and started giving Ennis a very familiar look; the one that told Ennis he was wanted in the bedroom. Ennis smirked and went to lock up, having done this a few hundred times already since they'd started living together.

He joined Jack in the bedroom, seeing that Jack was waiting for him. They moved close together and exchanged a soft kiss, Ennis gently resting his hands on Jack's hips. "C'mon, let's get in..." Jack nodded and they moved to their respective sides of the bed, eyes watching each other as they undressed and got under the sheets.

Ennis turned to face Jack and ran a finger down his cheek. "How'd you want it tonight, bud?"

"Hmm," Jack replied, wondering what he wanted tonight. They had a wide repertoire of what they did in bed, so there was always plenty to choose from. It was one the things that kept their sex life so alive. "I'm thinking...I wanna tie you up...and maybe...fuck you, if that's okay? You got my ass plenty of times last night."

Ennis bit his lip and nodded, anticipation building up inside him. "Sure...best get to it, then." Jack kissed him hard and rolled on top of him, plunging his tongue into Ennis's mouth and drawing a moan out of him. He loved being able to make Ennis aroused like this; to get him to make those sounds. Just as they were getting somewhere, Ennis broke away.

"Jack...you don't have to ask me if you can fuck me. You know I don't have a problem with it. Unless...you prefer it when we ask?" he asked, feeling puzzled. Jack lowered his eyes; he'd never really stopped feeling like he had to ask Ennis if it was okay.

"Sorry, I just...old habits die hard, I guess," he said sheepishly. "Okay then." They kissed again and he reached for the nightstand, pulling out the length of red silk they kept in there. He could remember them buying this bed, making sure to get one that had bars for a headboard. It was just easier that way. "You ready?"

Ennis nodded again, a trusting smile on his face. He could trust Jack with his very life; he knew that more than ever. Jack took his hands and tied one end of the silk around Ennis's wrists, and then tied the other to the top bar over Ennis's head, a gleam in his eyes. His hard erection rubbed against Ennis's as he moved, and Ennis had to bite his lip again to keep from moaning.

When they were ready and Jack had prepared himself generously (he hated running the risk of hurting Ennis), he gently spread Ennis's legs and got into position, their eyes locking together. With an encouraging nod, Jack started to push himself into Ennis and watched his husband's face. Ennis's eyes were half-closed out of sheer pleasure, and Jack was pleased to see it.

He found his way fully inside Ennis before leaning in close. "I love you, baby," he whispered in Ennis's ear, knowing that Ennis loved it when he called him that. It was the most precious endearment they had for each other, and they usually only said it in this room when they were completely alone. Ennis opened his eyes and smiled, feeling the gentle pressure of the man he loved inside him. He gulped and gazed up into Jack's soothing eyes.

"I love you too," he breathed, and Jack nodded. Jack then lowered his head again and started moving, taking it slowly at first and just watching. How far they had come since the secretive nights together in their dorm room, keeping their relationship private apart from Lureen. It was fortunate that they had been roommates; for a number of months nobody had suspected anything, and it had helped them to form their relationship and just focus on each other. And now they were here, with everything they had wanted.

Jack leaned in and pressed their lips together, moulding his mouth against Ennis's and feeling the soft wetness of Ennis's tongue against his. Things could get messy when they became intimate, probably because they were both men who were able to take it hard, but neither of them cared. The sheets could be washed, they could bathe and there would be no trace of their lovemaking. But they were able to have sex without protection, and in that they could release into each other, coming hard and deep and making their mark.

He thought about all of this as he made love to his husband, increasing the pace and feeling Ennis shaking as he neared the edge. He fell into Ennis's arms so that their chests pressed together tightly, and he couldn't help but thrust quicker and harder, trying to reach that place where everything made sense. "Oh God, Ennis," he breathed, gritting his teeth as he felt the explosion coming. "Oh, fuck, I love you..."

Ennis's head was flat out on the pillow and he strained against his bonds, wanting to touch Jack and yet liking that he was completely at Jack's mercy. "Darlin'...darlin'..." he whispered over and over, squeezing Jack and finally being rewarded for his efforts. Jack came inside him with a yell and he shot between them, coating Jack's stomach and bucking up against him, effectively ejecting Jack from his body as they finished.

Jack collapsed onto Ennis's chest, breathing heavily as he tried not to pass out. Even though he had been the one in charge, Ennis had still found a way to gain the upper hand by squeezing him; this was one game that they both loved to play.

He reached up and undid the silk bonds, allowing Ennis to wrap him up in his arms and hold him there, neither of them able to move much. It didn't matter; they had the rest of their lives for talking.

* * *

_June 17th, 2009_

Ennis was busy working at the animal clinic, in the kind of environment he liked best. Even though he hadn't wanted to take over his father's ranch, he did still want to work with animals and this had seemed like the logical solution. Inspired by Jack's potential hiring over at the counselling clinic, Ennis had decided to work a little harder and get himself noticed by his boss. To his surprise, he didn't feel jealous of Jack's success; he knew that the same could happen to him soon.

At the moment, he was busy feeding a newborn hedgehog that had been found in the grassy area north of the town. Jack's love of baby animals had rubbed off on him, and he'd always liked taking care of the young back on the ranch. He sat there with the little one in his arm; it had been found abandoned on its own, no sign of its mother or any siblings. Jack had always said that he had a gentle nature, and maybe he did.

_Wonder what it'd be like if we had a kid? _he thought to himself, and then blinked. _Where the hell did that come from? _They had discussed a family now and then, but always in a hypothetical way; they had never made any concrete plans or even had a serious conversation about it. But now that the thought had entered his mind, it wouldn't let go. What would it be like for them to have a family? Obviously, they would have a lot to plan given that they were both guys, but still.

He shook his head and concentrated on what he was doing, seeing that the hedgehog was full and falling asleep. He put it back onto its bed in the cage and left the room, needing to clear his head.

When he entered the reception area, he was greeted by a large and friendly Labrador, golden in colour with deep brown eyes like his own. He knelt down to pat it and saw that it belonged to their friend Mark, who also happened to be their lawyer. He'd been a great help to them when they'd first arrived, advising them on their wedding and all the legal details they needed to know.

"Hey, Mark," he greeted their friend, standing up to shake his hand. "Didn't know you had this guy."

Mark nodded, looking a little tired. "Yep. Me and Daniel have been talking about it for a while, finally got one and now he needs his shots. Figure it'd do us good when one of us has to work late."

"Right...he sure is friendly. How's it going with you guys?" Mark and Daniel lived a few blocks away from him and Jack, in an apartment amongst the shops further back from the beach.

"We're good, thanks," he replied, stroking his dog. "Been talking about getting married, actually. Ever since I helped you guys, I can't stop thinking about us doing the same. Since it's legal, and we love each other, we might as well take advantage of it. Do things change much when you get hitched?"

"A little, maybe. Things seem more...permanent. And it's great to know that it's legal; like we really are equal to straight people. Did you hear about that Proposition 8 over in California?"

"Yeah, I did. Talk about homophobic. I sure as hell hope that we don't have to deal with that here, ever."

"I reckon we'll be okay." He then looked down at Mark's dog. "You know, I'm not busy right now. I could do the shots for you; I'm allowed to do that."

Mark nodded and followed Ennis through to the back. It was true that Ennis was allowed to give shots; they were already measured out and ready to give and his boss had even said that he was allowed to do it. Ennis hoped it was a sign that maybe soon he would be hired.

As he worked on the dog, whose name was Sandy, he decided to ask Mark's advice on children. "Listen...I've been havin' these thoughts. About...me an' Jack maybe havin' kids one day."

"Wow...that's a huge step. You guys talked about it?"

"Now an' then, but...nothin' for sure. Was just wonderin' what you thought."

"There's a lot to consider, but I'm sure you know that. For one thing, which way you want to go. Egg donor and surrogacy, or adoption. Both could take a long time, not to mention a lot of money. But it's not undoable. You would have to discuss it with Jack thoroughly and make sure he's ready for kids. Because if he isn't and you do it anyway, it could cause problems. I'm sure you don't need that."

"That's true." Ennis finished with the shots and gave Sandy a pat while he rested. "Well...I know I'd have to talk to him, but...I'm thinkin' he might be ready. Things are goin' well, an' we're happy. We did always say that we wanted a family one day." Ennis smiled to himself. "I know I want one with him, though. However we decide to do it, we'd be creatin' a family."

Mark nodded and saw that Sandy was ready to move again. He put the leash on and extended a hand to Ennis. "Thanks a lot, Ennis. And if you guys do decide to go for it, with somehow having a kid, you know where I am."

"Right," Ennis replied, shaking his hand. "Thanks." Mark left and Ennis sat down, thinking. Some part of his heart told him that Jack was ready for kids, and he himself was. Maybe it was time for this next step.

His phone buzzed in his pocket and he opened it to find a text from Jack.

_Gotta work through lunch, loads of paperwork. Can't make it but there's plenty in the fridge at home. Love you xxx_

Ennis sighed to himself; it wasn't the first time and it wouldn't be the last. Still, he would be seeing Jack later and that was all he cared about.

* * *

Jack was busy working through his lunch break, hating that he couldn't spend it with Ennis. He liked meeting up with his husband for lunch to discuss their morning and just to be together. Still, he knew he had to prove himself now if he was going to be hired, so he was willing to do whatever he had to. He knew that Ennis understood how important this was, and they would see each other at home anyway.

As he worked his way through the files, his cell buzzed on the desk; it was his mother.

"Hey, mom."

"Hi, sweetie. Hope you're not too busy."

"Have to work through lunch. What's up?"

"I was wondering about your big work news. What's going on?"

"Right. Well..." He proceeded to tell her of the wonderful opportunity he was being offered, and he could hear the pride in her voice when she spoke.

"Oh, Jack...that's great! Your boss must be seeing that you're a good worker. I bet Ennis is pleased for you."

"Yeah, he is," Jack affirmed, smiling to himself at the mention of Ennis's name. "We're...we're doing really well, mom. Things are great for us right now."

"I'm glad to hear it. I know you were miserable before you came out, and for those months before you got together with Ennis. I'm so glad to see you happy now. So...what's next on the cards for you two?" He heard the question in her voice and knew what she was hinting at.

"Mom...are you asking about kids?" he asked her, the thought flitting through his mind.

"Well, I know you haven't been married for long, but...it was just a thought."

"Yeah...I don't know. We've talked about it, but it was always hypothetical. It was a someday kind of thing, you know? I thought we'd be thirty before thinking of a family. Give us time to enjoy married life, you know? We're only twenty-five, you know."

"I know, honey. And I don't want to put pressure on you. Things like that should only happen when you're ready. Anyway...I need to get lunch started over here. Take care of yourself, okay? And give my best to Ennis."

"Will do, mom. Love you."

"Love you too." Jack hung up and stared at the wall, digesting what his mother had said. He'd been thinking that he and Ennis were too young still to start thinking of a family, but now that he thought about it...

_Could we handle it? _he wondered, twirling his pen over in his fingers. _There's the whole money issue to deal with, since we're not earning yet. And what about actually being around to look after the kid? We both have to work. I don't know if it could happen right now. And...what if it's too stressful, juggling work with childcare? What if it causes problems?_

Jack wasn't entirely sure what to do with this thought, but it wouldn't let go of him. Maybe, just maybe, it would work out. He could imagine what it might be like with a kid; days at the beach, donkey rides, walks in the park...it sounded good. But he knew that they had to be practical; there was a lot to think about before taking those first steps.

_I love him, _Jack thought to himself simply. _And he loves me...we're really happy and I know we're gonna make it. Maybe...we could at least talk about it?_

He was lost in thought when there was a knock on the door, and Jessica entered. "Hey. Dan wants these dealing with, too." She dropped the papers onto his desk and saw the far-off look in his eyes. "Earth to Jack..." He blinked and finally saw her.

"Oh, sorry Jess. Was miles away just now."

"I'll say. What's with you?"

"Well...my mom just called. She's hinting about grandchildren, and..."

"And...what? Are you thinking about it?" Jessica asked, looking intrigued. Jack shrugged.

"I don't know. We always saw it as a someday thing, that would happen years from now. But...after talking to her, I'm starting to think differently." The thought wouldn't leave him alone now that it was in his head.

Jessica leaned on the desk, arms folded. "Well...you obviously know that there's a lot to think about. Money, juggling work..."

He nodded. "I know. But...I love Ennis and we do want a family together. And if it's meant to be, then surely it'll work out, right? It did for us when we got together. Is it too crazy? Too soon? We haven't been married for a year yet..." He knew that some people had kids after just a few months of marriage, but he wasn't sure if it was right for them.

"But you've been together for almost six years," she reminded him. "That's a long time and I bet you would've married sooner if you hadn't been so focused on your studies. Right?"

"Maybe," he replied, looking up at her. If they had simply met somewhere else, without being at college, would they have been married for longer by now? It was true that they'd wanted their studies out of the way before settling down properly, so maybe Jessica was right. "I don't know, Jess. I think...maybe we could at least talk about it and I could see where he is. If he's not ready, I don't wanna force him. That'll just spell disaster."

"I know. But...I know you guys pretty well, and I've got a feeling that Ennis might be ready for a family. You never know unless you try. So...give it a shot." She straightened up and smiled. "I've gotta get back to work...but let me know how it goes." He nodded and she left him to his thoughts.

The more he thought about it, the more it appealed to him. He wanted to have a family with Ennis and that was the end of it. He would talk to Ennis tonight, after work and over dinner. Maybe they really were ready for this next step, and there was only one way to find out.

* * *

Ennis couldn't help but think of Jack as he walked back to the apartment, wishing that they could spend lunch together. But work had to come first and he wanted Jack to be hired, so he could deal with it. He knew that they would make up for it tonight.

He made his way to the front street next to the beach, the bright sunlight beating down on him as he walked. The days were always beautiful here and he loved living in a place like this. Something told him that it would be a great place in which to raise a child, and maybe the thought wasn't as far-fetched as he'd first thought. It was the next logical step for them and he did love Jack.

_We'd make good parents, _he thought to himself as he approached their building. _A kid don't always need opposite-sex parents as long as they're cared for. An' we could find a female role model for the kid anyway. Lureen, Jessica, Amy...any woman we know. It'll work out, I'm sure. _He nodded to himself, liking the idea more and more. He knew that they could handle it, and he thought he knew that Jack was ready for it.

He reached the building and let himself in, not knowing that he was being watched by someone who had once known him, but who wasn't sure that she knew him anymore.

Alma sighed to herself and glanced at Junior, who was busy with the ice-cream she'd bought her. Ennis looked so different from the last time she'd seen him, back in 2003 on that failed trip to Amherst. She'd wanted him back but he was long gone by then. What had the world come to?

She knew that she could turn around right now and leave, to not get involved in this again, but she had steeled herself. Her fiancé would want them to start a family together, and it pained her to acknowledge that there was no place for Junior there. Alma knew it was the best thing for the little girl to be with the parent who did have the opportunity to care for her, even if he did live with another man.

After a little while, she decided to go for it; to do what she'd come here to do. She might regret it afterwards, but she knew it was for the best.

Ennis whistled to himself as he prepared lunch, wondering if Jack would get the chance to eat anything and hoping that he would. He didn't want Jack to go hungry and thought about calling him, but he didn't want to make a fuss. But what if Jack forgot to eat because he was so busy? Ennis didn't want him to get ill.

_Oh, fuck it. I'm callin' him, _he decided, taking out his phone and pressing the speed dial for Jack's number.

"Ennis?" Jack asked when he picked it up. "What's going on?"

"Just...was wonderin' if you was gonna get somethin' to eat, with workin' through lunch an' all. Everythin' okay?" Now that he thought about it, he was kind of embarrassed for doing this. But it was too late now.

"Yeah, I've got a sandwich. I'm okay, cowboy." Jack smiled a little at Ennis's caring nature; Ennis had always been there for him no matter what. "Miss you, though."

"Me too. But we'll see each other later. There's somethin' I wanna talk to you about, bud. Nothin' bad, but..." He trailed off, needing to gather his thoughts before doing this. He needed time to prepare himself and work out what he wanted to say. He'd never been good with words but he knew he wanted to do this.

"Okay. I've gotta talk to you, too. So...I'll see you later, okay? I'll send a text when I leave."

"Alright. See you later, darlin'," he replied, and they hung up. Ennis sighed, at peace to know that Jack was at least eating while working. He turned his attention to his own lunch, thinking about the blue-eyed man who had stolen his heart.

_That ain't true, _he realised. _Jack didn't steal it...I gave it to him. _He blushed at his own thoughts and tried to concentrate, jumping when he heard a knock on the door. Wondering who on earth it could be, he headed to answer it.

The person on the other side was the one whom he'd never thought he would see ever again. "Alma?"

"Hey, Ennis," she replied cautiously, smiling in spite of herself. She had loved him when they were together, and regretted that things hadn't worked out. But that wasn't her fault; she saw it as being Jack's fault for stealing him away. "Been a long time."

"Yeah. Um..." He noticed that she was holding a small, red-haired girl in her arms and wondered what was going on. "You wanna come in?" he asked, knowing that she had come a long way and was probably tired.

"Thanks." He led her inside and she put the girl onto the sofa, leaving Ennis to stare at her in puzzlement. Why was she here, after almost six years, and who was the girl?

"So, um...you look good."

"Thanks, you do too. How's...Jack?"

"He's good, we both are. He's at work right now."

She nodded, glad that she wouldn't have to see him. "Well...I can't stay long. My fiancé's expectin' me back soon.

"Congratulations," he replied, and he meant it. He did want her to be happy, even if it wasn't with him. "So...I take it this is yer little girl, huh? She's cute." The sight reminded him of his own desire to have kids, but he wasn't prepared for Alma's next announcement.

"Actually, Ennis...she's _our_ little girl."

He blinked at her and then looked at the girl, wondering if he'd heard right. "What?"

She nodded. "You're her father, Ennis. She's your daughter."

Ennis stared at her with wide eyes, unable to process the information and wondering if it was just a bad dream.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

Ennis could feel his head spinning slightly as he digested Alma's words. "My daughter?" he repeated, looking back at the young girl in the chair, who was now looking back at him with brown eyes just like his.

Alma nodded. "Yeah. Remember the last time we slept together? It was about a week before you left for Amherst."

"Right. So, um...that would make her..."

"Five, 'cos she was born in May 2004. I was a few months gone when I came to see you in December."

"That's why you wanted me to come back with you," he realised, and she sighed.

"Yeah. I didn't wanna be an unmarried mother. But that's how it worked out." Taking pity on him, she stepped closer and laid a hand on his arm. "It ain't like you abandoned me, Ennis. I didn't even know myself until after you'd gone. I made the decision to wait until the holidays to try an' find you, before I gave birth."

He looked at her, feeling very unsure of himself. "Why didn't you tell me? If not then, why not since? It's been six years..."

"I know, an' it might not have been the smartest choice I ever made. But it's the one I did an' that's that. She knows who you are; I showed her photos of you. Junior?" she said to the girl, who got up and walked over to her. "This is yer daddy," Alma told her, and the little girl looked up at this tall man with wide, curious eyes.

Ennis couldn't believe the feeling that hit him as their eyes met. Here was his flesh and blood, right before him and he could already feel a bond forming. "Hey there, Junior," he said softly, crouching down to her. Junior regarded him for a moment and then smiled.

"Daddy!" She moved into his arms and he picked her up, the motion coming naturally to him. She was so tiny and precious, and he could finally understand how it felt to be a father.

"She's somethin' else," he marvelled, looking at Alma.

"I was hopin' you'd say that," she replied nervously, bringing the papers out of her bag. "I, um...I've decided that I want you to take her. Let her live here with you an' Jack."

"What?" he asked, his shock returning. She nodded.

"As her biological father, you already have parental rights. But I've decided to give you custody. My fiancé's family...they don't like that I have a child out of wedlock an' they won't let the weddin' happen as long as Junior's around. So...I've decided that this is the best solution. An'...I've decided to sign my parental rights over to Jack."

"You have? Why?" He was feeling very confused right now; this was happening too quickly for him to get a handle on it.

"Because...he can then adopt her. I don't like that you left me for him, but this is how it is. An' I know that you two will give her the lovin' home she needs. That's all I care about right now. All he has to do is sign them an' have them drawn up, and then he can apply for third-parent adoption. It's a simple process, really. I looked it all up."

"Alma...what about you? Are you keepin' in touch with her?" he asked, hoping for Junior's sake that she would.

"Yeah. I'm gonna need your number so I can call, an' maybe yer address if it's okay so I can write to her."

"Sure, I can give you that. But...are you sure 'bout this?" He wasn't too sure himself if they were ready for this. He and Jack might want children, but they'd intended to take things slowly to figure it all out. This was throwing them in the deep end and he wasn't too sure how Jack might react.

"I'm very sure. I made up my mind just after her birthday an' decided it was for the best. I reckon she'll be just fine with you two. Ennis...promise me you'll take care of her. If you can't promise me anythin' else, then give me this."

"I promise I will; we both will. We'll take good care of her," he reassured Alma, nodding and pulling his daughter closer. He still couldn't believe it; he was a father. He hoped that Jack would be okay with this; it could hurt him that Ennis had a child that didn't have anything to do with him.

She nodded and smiled. "That's decided, then. We all make our choices, Ennis. Yours was to be with Jack, an' mine was to give our daughter to you. Consider it a peace offering; hopefully we can all get along now." She had been prepared to feel resentful; to punish Ennis and Jack for what they had done. But she didn't feel that now, seeing Ennis with his daughter. And she had heard what Jack was like; he seemed like a good man who would also be a good father. This was truly the best solution for all of them.

Ennis looked at her, unsure of what to say. "Alma, I...thank you."

Alma nodded again and placed the papers on the nearest chair. "There you go. It's done now. Can I just ask...if I had told you then that I was pregnant, would you have...?" She trailed off and shook her head. "Never mind. I don't think that either answer is gonna make me feel better."

"I'm sorry about all of that," he told her sincerely. "Wish that it hadn't been so bad. But...I love Jack, Alma. That's the way it was always gonna be."

"I know." She kissed Junior's forehead and smiled. "You be a good girl, okay? I'll call you soon." She then gave Ennis a piece of paper with her cell number. "Let me know how to get in touch, okay? I'll be sendin' her things along when you give me the address."

"Yeah, sure," he replied, watching as she left the apartment. This was the last thing he'd expected to happen today, and now he wasn't quite sure what to do.

* * *

Jack was steeling himself for his conversation with Ennis as he made his way home. He was ready to talk about them having kids and he hoped that Ennis was in the same place. He wanted to have kids with Ennis and felt as if they were finally ready for a family.

As soon as he walked in, he sensed that something was very different. For one thing, he could hear a child talking and there was a piece of paper on the floor, covered in stickers and pen as if a child had been using it. His brow furrowed, wondering if they were babysitting and where Ennis was.

"Ennis?" he called, eyes travelling over the living room and then looking towards the kitchen. Ennis was there, and at the table there was a little girl. She had red hair and as he looked at her, she turned her large brown eyes on him. Ennis looked over to see Jack looking confused; who could blame him?

"Hey, bud," he said quickly, moving over to Jack and giving him a brief kiss. "A lot's happened since lunch," he began, ready to explain everything before Jack freaked out.

"Daddy?" called Junior from the table, and Jack blinked. _What the hell...?_

"Come on over, Junior," he said to her, and she joined them, gazing up at Jack. Like her father, she was drawn in by the deep blue eyes and wondered who this man was. "This is Jack. He's...yer stepdad," he finished, realising that it was true.

Jack couldn't speak, and wondered if he was dreaming. Who was this little girl? Ennis put an arm around his daughter and looked at Jack. "This is Junior...Alma Junior."

"Huh?" Jack asked, wondering how Alma fit into all of this. Ennis led Junior back to the living room and took Jack's hand, sitting him down on the sofa and hoping that he could keep him calm. This was a lot to handle and he hoped they would be okay.

"Jack...Alma paid me a visit. About a week before I left Wyomin' to come to college, that was the last time I slept with her. Seems like I got her pregnant an' she didn't know until after I'd gone."

"Wow," Jack breathed, unsure of what to make of this. "So...that's why she came looking for you, and why she was talking about you going back and marrying her," he said, remembering when Alma had arrived and almost destroyed everything.

"Yeah. But she went back because I was in love with you, an' had Junior by herself. Now she's gettin' married an' her fiancé's family don't approve of Junior bein' around. So...Alma's given us custody."

Jack stared at him, feeling like a fish out of water. He'd just wanted to talk to Ennis about having kids, but now this had landed on their laps. To say that he was scared would be an understatement. "Really?"

"Yep. Thought it was crazy, myself...but she reckons it's for the best. She said that me an' you can give Junior the lovin' home she needs. So...we're parents now, me an' you. I know we ain't really talked about it, but..."

"Yeah...so...we've got joint custody?" he asked, wondering about the finer points. He wasn't too sure about the laws in this state regarding gay couples and children.

"Pretty much; I've looked over the papers Alma gave me. With me bein' her daddy, I've got parental rights. An' since yer my husband, legally, that makes you her guardian too. But...you don't have full parental rights." He bit his lip before continuing. "There is a way you can get 'em, though."

"How?" Jack asked dubiously, and Ennis took his hand, squeezing it gently.

"Alma signed her parental rights over to you. So if you have them filed, say with Mark, then you can start the process of...adoption. That's if you want to," he added quickly, knowing that this was all going very fast and sensing that Jack was feeling blindsided right now. "It ain't absolutely essential. Yer still her guardian through me, but...adoption would give you full rights by yourself."

Jack nodded, his head spinning. "Wow," he repeated, leaning over with his head in his hands. "This...it's a lot to take in, Ennis."

"I know, darlin'," Ennis replied, putting an arm around him. "An' I wish you coulda been better prepared. But she just arrived at the door without warnin', tellin' me I've got a daughter an' then she told me she's givin' us custody. Still haven't got my head around it, to be honest."

Jack leaned back against the sofa, looking at Ennis. "Well...guess we better just get on with it. Where's her things?"

"Alma left me her cell number; I'm gonna text her the address so she knows where to send Junior's stuff." He gave a tentative smile. "You okay?" he asked cautiously, seeing the look in Jack's eyes.

"Yeah, I...I'll be fine," Jack told him, trying to believe his own words. While Junior looked like a wonderful daughter to have and while Ennis's happiness was important to him, Jack didn't know how he felt about looking after a child that technically wasn't his. She was a connection between Alma and Ennis that he would never have, and he felt very strange right now.

Ennis kissed the side of his face. "Love you, bud. You know that, right?" he asked softly, and Jack nuzzled him with a slight smile.

"Yeah, I do. Can't say this is gonna be easy, but...we'll manage." He decided not to talk to Ennis about them having a kid; now was really not the time and he didn't want to think about the possibility of Ennis feeling fulfilled as a father now that Junior was here. Jack couldn't help but feel like he was trailing behind, as an afterthought and not really part of this family. He hoped that as time passed, the feeling would dissolve and he could see Junior as his own. It was really the only way for this to work.

* * *

Jack went for a walk to the shops while Ennis looked after Junior, needing fresh air and not really knowing how to react to what had happened. He still didn't know how he felt about it; their lives had been turned upside down. He sat on a bench on the front for a little while, watching the sun slowly set.

Still, he returned to the apartment and saw that Ennis had started dinner. He smiled a little and spied Junior in the living room, drawing again. Thinking that he should try to make an effort, he went over and sat near her. "Hey, Junior."

She looked up at him and smiled, clearly remembering who he was. Her face was full of trust and Jack wondered if he could step up to this task. "Jack! I'm drawin' a picture of you an' Daddy," she announced, pointing to the paper. He felt drawn in by her innocence and purity, and knew that certain paternal instincts had the opportunity to grow.

"That's great," he said to her encouragingly, looking at it and nodding. He could make out Ennis's blonde hair and his dark locks, as well as the differences in eye colour, and he smiled. She giggled and carried on colouring in. Ennis looked over from where he was preparing dinner and felt calm at the sight of his daughter bonding with his husband. Maybe everything would be okay, despite how unexpected it was.

Jack got up and headed over to him, needing a little attention from his man. "Hey," he said softly, kissing Ennis on the cheek. Ennis returned the favour and put an arm around Jack's waist, squeezing him.

"You okay?" he murmured, and Jack nodded.

"Yeah...needed to clear my head. Sorry if you felt I was running away..." He looked at Ennis with an apologetic expression, but Ennis shook his head.

"I didn't think that. I know this ain't easy for you; take all the time you need, bud." He smiled and kissed Jack lightly on the lips, thinking that he would have to give Jack some much-needed love tonight when they were in bed. He had to do whatever he could.

"She's a sweet kid," Jack told him, nodding at her. "Definitely got your eyes." Ennis nodded, wondering what was going on in Jack's head. He knew this man very well by now, and could tell that he was struggling.

"Thanks. Dinner's gonna be a while...think we oughta go sit with her." He put the food into the oven and led Jack over, feeling Jack squeezing his hand. They sat down near Junior and watched as she drew; now it was the beach where they lived. One thing was for sure; she was going to like living here. It was a great place to raise a child and Ennis felt like they could make it work.

He put his arm around Jack, sensing that Jack was wary and under-confident. He was trying to remind himself that Jack might feel a little left out, given that Junior wasn't theirs together. She was a reminder of Ennis's past, and Jack didn't know how to open up to her.

There were other things bothering him about this, but they would have to wait until later. He had to get Ennis alone before asking these questions.

When dinner was ready, Jack got Junior settled in and made sure she was comfortable before sitting down himself, trying to bond with her because he knew it would make Ennis happy. He wondered if they could ever talk about kids of their own now that Junior was here; Ennis might no longer want one. The thought hurt but he could understand if that turned out to be the case.

Ennis sat next to him and they kept an eye on Junior, who could feed herself very well and was still polite. She made a little mess here and there, but that was a given for a child her age. Both men found her quite endearing.

"You okay there, Junior?" Ennis asked her, and she nodded with a grin.

"Yeah, Daddy," she replied, eating with gusto. Jack watched the interaction between them, a strange and unwelcome feeling creeping into his heart. Ennis didn't notice, but he was already suspicious that Jack was having a hard time with this.

Afterwards, Jack washed up while Ennis made up a bed for Junior, using the pack that Jack had bought earlier. He wanted Junior to feel at home, and that would hopefully happen as her things started to arrive. He would like for the three of them to be a family, like he thought they should be.

Jack would normally whistle while doing such chores, but he couldn't muster up the enthusiasm tonight. It had been a long, hard day and it was only the beginning. Junior was a well-behaved young girl, so she wasn't a problem. The only issue was that Jack was finding it difficult to accommodate this new aspect into their life together. There was so much he still needed to know; so much he wanted to hear from Ennis that would make things better.

He heard Ennis talking to Junior, who was chatting and laughing away in response. Jack knew he should feel happy about the love in this apartment and the family he had, but all he could feel was confusion and fear. What if he just couldn't do it? What if he felt like he had to leave? Could they really get a divorce? It didn't bear thinking about.

Ennis walked back into the living room, holding Junior in his arms and smiling at Jack. He set her down and started helping Jack with the dishes, nudging him gently.

"Love you," he said quietly. Jack sighed and looked at him.

"I love you too," he replied, knowing that if nothing else. That was all that mattered in the long run, regardless of anything else. He was very much in love, and would just have to deal with this.

* * *

Ennis sank down onto Jack's body, pulling out of him and sighing. "Darlin'," he breathed, running a hand over Jack's chest and feeling the sweat there. "You okay?"

"Yeah," Jack replied, feeling loose-limbed and relaxed now; he'd needed to unwind after today, and this was the best way. "That was good..."

"Mmm..." Ennis raised his head and looked into Jack's eyes. "Jack...you'd tell me if somethin' was wrong, right?" he asked, rubbing Jack's chest. "Like...the whole thing with Junior. Are you sure you don't wanna talk?"

Jack looked back at him, knowing that Ennis could read him like a book. "Alright," he sighed, moving to sit up. Ennis moved and sat next to him, seeing that Jack was steeling himself.

"What's goin' on in here?" he asked softly, stroking the back of Jack's head. "Come on..."

"I just...this isn't easy for me, Ennis. To come home and see...it was the last thing I was expecting. Things were just going at the right pace for us, and we were enjoying married life. Now all of a sudden...we're parents and...I feel like we've been thrown in the deep end. It's just hard to deal with."

"I know, darlin'," Ennis told him, holding him close. "I ain't findin' this easy, either. I never expected to see Alma ever again, an' then she was at the door with Junior. Thought that was all over after Christmas when she came lookin' for me. My mama told me she'd told Alma about our weddin', so she already knew..."

"Yeah. We nearly broke up because of her...when I found out you hadn't broken up with her, it hurt so much. I just...couldn't deal with it. So now...for this to happen...what if it breaks us up for real?" he asked, and Ennis could see the panic in his eyes. "What if it's too hard?"

"Hey," Ennis soothed him, now rubbing his back. "That ain't gonna happen. I want both you an' Junior in my life. We're a family now, an' nothin' can take that away from us. I love you so much, Jack...an' I don't wanna lose you."

They looked into each other's eyes for a few moments, but Jack still had concerns. "Ennis...tell me something. When Alma came looking for you that year...if she'd told you then that she was pregnant, would you have gone back with her? Would you have left me?"

Ennis sighed. "Alma was gonna ask me the same thing, but she changed her mind, sayin' that neither answer was gonna make her feel better."

"So what is the answer?" Jack whispered, feeling cold all over despite it being June. Ennis kissed him softly, cupping his cheeks.

"I would've stayed with you. I knew I loved you, even though I didn't say it until later. I woulda offered her child support or somethin', but...I wouldn't have gone back with her. I'd be miserable without you, Jack. And I woulda tried to find a way to keep both you an' Junior in my life. So...now I've got both of you."

Jack nodded, knowing that Ennis was just trying to do his best by both of them. "I know. And...I'm sorry if I'm pissing you off with this. I shouldn't be complaining when it's clear that you're happy to have Junior around. I want you to be happy, Ennis. That's all I ever wanted."

"Same to you, darlin'," Ennis answered, and he found Jack's hand, squeezing it gently. Jack smiled at him.

"You know...when we got married I promised to stand by you no matter what. So...that's just how it's gonna be. I'm here, and I'll do what I can."

Ennis kissed him in thanks and thought for a moment. "You know...Alma wasn't hateful when she came here. She was pretty civil...an' she'd have the right to be mad at us. But she even suggested we all try to get along for Junior's sake. She even gave you her parental rights."

Jack nodded, thinking of those papers in the desk drawer. He knew he ought to sign them, and part of him wanted to, but he wasn't prepared to do it until he was absolutely sure. He needed more time, he figured, and he was grateful that Ennis was giving him that. "Yeah..."

"I ain't gonna put pressure on you 'bout that, Jack," Ennis told him, and he gave Jack a little shake. "I know you don't need that." It was remarkable how they could practically read each other's minds. They really were a perfect match, and they had to hold onto that.

Jack leaned in and kissed him deeply, tongue working its way inside Ennis's mouth. They kissed for a few moments and then he drew back, eyes dark with lust. "You wanna go again?" he whispered, and Ennis grinned.

"That a trick question?" Jack laughed and pushed him back down, attacking his neck with enthusiasm and pushing away his dark thoughts. He worked his way down Ennis's chest, his destination becoming clear.

He took Ennis in his mouth and wrapped his lips around the swelling erection, tongue flicking out and causing Ennis to groan. "Fuck, Jack..."

"Mmm..." He sucked hard and fast, knowing that Ennis liked it when he did that. He needed to let go tonight and just focus on them. It was all he could do to try and stay sane.

A little later, he lay on Ennis's chest and gazed up at him, finally calm. "Think I needed that," he murmured, feeling sleep starting to take him over. "Can't wait for tomorrow...a new day and all that. Always a fresh start..."

"Yeah." Ennis was stroking Jack's hair and looking into his eyes. "Things are always better in the daylight. We'll be okay, bud," he tried to reassure Jack.

"I know," Jack replied, hoping that he could believe it. Junior was a very sweet girl, and he wanted to bond with her, but it would be very difficult. Maybe he would call Lureen or his mother, and get some advice. He needed it and so much more.

* * *

The next day, Ennis decided to take the day off to look after Junior while Jack went to work. He'd told his boss what had happened and he was sympathetic, telling Ennis that he could take off as much time as he needed to. Ennis knew that they needed to figure out what to do in terms of childcare; maybe they could enlist the help of a friend who could keep Junior until either he or Jack finished work. But for now, he was happy to take the time off. He wanted to get to know Junior and make her feel at home.

Thinking that she would enjoy some fresh air, he decided to take her to the park. None of her things had arrived from Wyoming yet; Alma had told him it would be a few days yet. So he went to the baby store first to get the essentials and took her out.

He knew that he was getting a few second glances from people; as far as they knew he didn't have any kids. Perhaps it did look strange to have one all of a sudden.

At the park, he held onto her and let her take a look around. "What d'you wanna do, Junior?" he asked her, and she blinked at this strange environment. The park back home had been so much smaller and almost always empty. But a lot of couples around here had kids, so it was fairly busy, and it was a good deal larger.

"Daddy, look!" she exclaimed, pointing at the swings. He nodded and smiled down at her. "Come on!" She tugged at his hand and led him to them, and he got her onto the seat with ease.

"You ready?" She held onto the chain and nodded, full of excitement. He started to gently push her a little way, careful not to overdo it. The last thing he wanted was to frighten her. After a few moments, he heard her laughing and the sound warmed his heart. A strong paternal instinct was building up inside him and he was actually glad to have her here. He just hoped that Jack had the same opportunity to bond with her; perhaps they could do something this weekend.

After a while, she indicated that she was growing bored so he scooped her up and walked around a little. He was leading her over to the pond to see the ducks when he heard a voice. "Ennis?" It was Amy, the woman who lived with Jack's workmate Jessica. They'd been together for longer than himself and Jack, and had been very welcoming when they had moved here.

He smiled at her and walked over. "Hey, Amy. How's it goin'?"

"I'm great. Jess is at work so I thought I'd get some fresh air. Who's this?"

"My daughter, Alma Junior," he said proudly, and he moved Junior closer to his friend. "This is Amy," he said softly, and Amy smiled.

"Hello, little one," she said kindly, squeezing Junior's tiny hand. Junior smiled at her. "So...how...?"

"My ex turned up yesterday. I was with her before movin' for college. Turns out I got her pregnant before I left. So..." He shrugged and kissed Junior's forehead. "It's okay, though. I'm gettin' used to bein' a dad an' she's a real sweet kid."

"So I see. How's Jack taking it?" she asked. She had worked in counselling and had seen situations like this before. She knew that people in Jack's position didn't always deal with this very well.

"He's...copin'. I know it ain't easy for him, an' I'm tryin' not to put pressure on him. Alma signed her parental rights over to him so he can adopt her, but he ain't signed 'em yet. I hope he will, though. It'd mean a lot to me."

Amy nodded. "Right. At least you understand how hard it is for him. A lot of spouses with kids from previous relationships don't always get that. They tend to expect their other halves to just go along with it no matter what. I'm glad you get it, Ennis."

"I love him," Ennis said simply. "I just want him to be happy so I know I can't force him. But...I think it's gonna be okay. He's makin' an effort with her an' he even told me he's gonna try. Guess we've just gotta see how it goes."

"You're right, Ennis." She smiled at Junior once more and kissed Ennis on the cheek. "I've gotta run, but we'll be in touch, okay?"

"Actually, I wanted to ask you for a favour," he said, realising something. "You don't work durin' the day, do you?"

"No, why?"

"I was thinkin'...I took the day off to take care of her, but...I've gotta go back to work soon. Do you think you could...?" He bit his lip, knowing that it was a huge favour to ask.

"Look after her while you guys are at work?" she asked with a knowing smile, and he nodded sheepishly. "Sure, I'd love to. You can drop her off before work and pick her up after. It's no problem."

"Thanks, Amy," he told her as she left, and he smiled at his daughter. "Reckon we'll be okay, huh?" he said softly, and Junior rested her head on his shoulder. "Come on, let's get you fed." He took her to the park café and settled her into a booth, ordering a large plate of fries with gravy.

As they ate, he kept thinking about the documents Jack was due to sign and knew that he couldn't press the issue. This was Jack's decision to make and it had to be on his own terms. Ennis was happy to wait; he didn't want to put pressure on his husband and he understood how hard it was. One day, Jack was sure to make his peace with the situation and he would be ready to be Junior's father just like Ennis. For now, things were okay the way they were.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

_June 20th, 2009_

On Saturday, Ennis and Jack took Junior to the park together. The day before, Ennis had returned to work and left Junior with Amy as agreed. He was very grateful to her for helping them and hoped that everything would be alright.

Also, Jack had started work on his big project. The veteran had come in yesterday to start his counselling, and Jack was currently just observing how Dr Green worked with him and was taking notes. He knew that a promotion practically hung on his performance during this project, and he was determined to do well despite his personal problems.

Ennis noticed that Jack was struggling to get used to this whole situation, and the thought saddened him. He loved both of them very much and just wanted them to be a family. Junior's things would probably arrive next week and it would seem more permanent than ever, and he hoped that Jack would be prepared for it.

As they took Junior around the various rides, they could see how much fun she was having. They were getting used to having a child around, as strange as the experience was to both of them. Jack's brother in New York had recently had a baby with his girlfriend, and they'd visited a few times since. But this was different and Jack knew it. This was Ennis's child and not his, and a part of him felt like signing on a dotted line wouldn't change that. All he could do was hope that he'd get used to it.

"Jack?" Ennis asked after a couple of hours. "I need to use the bathroom, could you watch her?"

"Sure," Jack replied, picking her up and allowing her to rest against him. "We'll be okay." Ennis nodded and smiled at the sight of them before heading off. When he was gone, Jack looked down at the little girl in his arms. Here she was, trusting and loving, and he was doubting whether he could do this. He wanted to get to know her, to love her and be her father. But he got a strange feeling whenever the three of them were together.

Jack could appreciate that Ennis wasn't trying to put any pressure on him, and that he was giving him space and time to figure things out for himself. He hadn't yet been able to sign the papers and didn't know if he ever would.

He sat down on a nearby bench with her and kissed the top of her head, sighing a little. "Looks like we're in a bad situation, huh?" Junior just blinked up at him and curled up, leaning into his body and closing her eyes. Jack smiled and held her close, feeling protective. He did like taking care of her like this, despite his thoughts, and he knew that Ennis liked to see it. "It's not your fault, after all...you didn't ask for things to be like this...none of us did. Just the way it is."

Ennis emerged from the toilets in time to see Jack rubbing Junior's back, clearly bonding with her. He smiled and watched them for a few moments, liking how much they looked like father and daughter. He was happy for Jack to adopt her, and hoped that it would happen. All they needed was a little time and maybe some legal advice.

He moved around the bench and caught Jack's eye, and they smiled at each other. "Hey, bud."

"Hey," Jack replied, looking nervous now. "Um...so what d'you wanna do now?" he asked, looking around. Ennis shrugged and scooped Junior up when she came to him.

"Guess we could get somethin' to eat," he suggested, and Jack nodded. They headed to the café and spent some time eating with her, seeing a few of their friends in the process. Ennis kept having to tell them how Junior came to live with him and Jack, and every time he could see how Jack shrank back. He wished that things didn't have to be so hard for them, and he could see that he was hurting Jack with every time he mentioned Alma.

Jack kept thinking about how he'd wanted to talk to Ennis about them having a child in some way, and he wondered if he could ever bring it up now. They had a child, no matter what the circumstances, and he figured that might be it. He knew he needed to talk to Ennis anyway, to get this out in the open if nothing else. They needed to at least settle the issue so he knew where things stood on that front.

He was quiet after the meal, and sort of tagged along when Ennis took Junior to see the animals. It was clear that she was enjoying herself and he was glad to see that, but he was too distracted now to feel it himself.

They sat down on a bench together while Junior played on the slide with other kids, and Ennis put an arm around Jack. "You okay there?" he asked, squeezing Jack's waist. Jack shrugged, unsure of how he felt right now.

"Yeah, I'll be okay. Just...it's not easy. I am trying, Ennis...you've got to know that. And I do want to do this."

Ennis nodded, kissing his cheek. "I know, darlin'. I can see it ain't easy, but I know yer tryin'. An' I appreciate it a lot, bud. Just...do whatever yer comfortable with. I don't expect too much from you right now." He took Jack's hand and laced their fingers together. "Gonna be okay, you know."

"Yeah. And...she's a real nice kid to be around. She's a credit to you, Ennis...and to Alma." He swallowed past a lump in his throat. "I, um...I know I can't change things, but...I can cope with what's happened. And...we'll be okay." He leaned in and kissed Ennis warmly, knowing that Ennis appreciated the effort he was making. He loved Ennis with all his heart and that would never change.

* * *

Afterwards, the three of them went to the beach and Junior started building a sandcastle, clearly in her element here. She already loved it here and even though she missed her mother, Alma had called the night before to say goodnight to her. Ennis thought it was important for the two of them to keep in touch, and at least he and Alma could be on speaking terms. She had told him that she was sending along a DNA test that proved he was Junior's father, for legal reasons. Ennis hadn't doubted her but he was glad to have the proof.

He could tell that something was wrong with Jack, though. He'd been quiet for a lot of the day, and Ennis wasn't sure what was going on. Maybe Jack was just worn out with looking after a child; he could understand the feeling. Having a kid around did take it out of him; even though she wasn't demanding she was still a bit of a whirlwind to be around.

They sat together on a beach towel they'd brought with them, watching Junior as she played nearby and enjoying the sun. There were a lot of couples here today, as there usually was at the weekend. They also spotted one or two of their friends here today. Some of them had kids and the two men felt like a lot had changed for them. They were entering a new stage of their life together.

While Junior was preoccupied, Ennis put his arm around Jack and gave him a squeeze. "Wanna talk to you, bud." Jack looked at him, wondering what was going on. "I, um...I noticed that yer kinda down at the moment. Just wonderin' if everythin's okay." He hoped that Jack wasn't too down about what was going on right now; they had to pull together if they were going to get through this.

Jack sighed and realised that he couldn't hold it in any longer. "Alright. Something's been bothering me for the last couple of days. You remember when I came home on Wednesday and I found Junior with you at home? Well...when I came home, I was thinking about talking to you about something. I, um..." He lowered his head and sighed. "I wanted to talk to you about...us having kids. You and me...some way." He shrugged. "But with everything that happened, I figured it wasn't a good time to bring it up."

Ennis couldn't believe it; Jack _had_ been in the same place as him when it came to having kids. He'd wanted to talk about it and was ready for them to move forward. He wished he'd known about this beforehand, so they could have talked about it sooner.

"Jack..." he sighed, pulling his husband closer. "I didn't know...I sure am sorry about that. You know...I'd wanted to talk to you too before Alma arrived with Junior. I just wasn't sure if you were there, you know? An' I didn't wanna pressure you about it."

They looked at each other and thought about their marriage so far. It had been wonderful and they were very happy, and Jack knew that they couldn't let something like a child from a previous relationship taint what they had now. None of it was Junior's fault, or even Alma's; this was just the way that things had worked out. Jack was determined to see this through and do what Ennis needed him to.

"Well," Ennis started, looking over to where Junior was playing. "It ain't totally out of the question, Jack. Folk are allowed to have more than one kid. An'...I know I want a kid with you. Maybe it could still happen for us. But...could we put it off for a while? I wanna concentrate on Junior first, if it's okay."

Jack nodded, understanding what Ennis was asking of him. "Sure, that's okay. It's probably a good idea. There's a lot to consider with us having a kid ourselves, a lot to go through...so I reckon we should wait. I just wanted you to know how I'm feeling right now. We've gotta talk about these things, Ennis...we're married."

"Yep. An'...I know it's been hard on you these past few days. With tryin' to get Junior settled in an' the whole thing...I know you've had a bad time of it. An' I just want you to know that...things are gonna get better for us. I'll try an' pay you more attention from now on, you know? Do things to make you happy. We can go on a date sometime, if you want. I know you like that."

Jack smiled at him, pleased by the gesture. "I'd like that, Ennis. I'm not saying that you have to pay more attention to me...I know Junior's important to you too. And...I want us to be a family, Ennis. I do like Junior...and...she's your daughter so it's only right that I make the effort." He rested his head on Ennis's shoulder, sighing. "I'm not ready to sign those papers yet, but...I'm getting there. Promise."

"That's good," Ennis told him softly. "I told you...there ain't no rush for it. It's really okay." He kissed the side of Jack's face and then saw Junior headed for them.

"Daddy, can I get an ice cream?" she asked, her wide brown eyes pleading. Jack smirked at how much she reminded him of Ennis. She was so like him and Jack loved Ennis, so maybe he would come to love her too.

"Sure can, Junior. Come on."

"I'll get it for her," Jack offered, feeling nervous but sure. Ennis looked at him and nodded.

"Sure, bud." Jack stood up and took Junior's hand, leading her to the ice cream truck parked on the road. Ennis watched them walk off, feeling happy that Jack was trying with her. He decided that he would try and pay equal attention to both of the people he loved. He needed to be both a husband and father, and he had to find a balance that would suit everybody.

* * *

They got Junior home and she fell asleep as soon as Ennis got her on her bed. He decided to let her nap and chose to spend a little time with Jack on the sofa; they needed this.

He got them both a drink and sat down next to his husband, glad to be home after such and eventful day. He had enjoyed taking Junior out but he had to admit that it wasn't easy to keep up with her. She was so full of life and energy and could run circles around him and Jack.

"Feels good to be home," he sighed as they settled on the sofa with the TV on a low volume. "I'm beat."

"God, me too," Jack replied, leaning against Ennis and stretching. "She's something else, isn't she?"

"Yeah. I'd say we're doin' pretty well, considerin'," he commented, thinking that they were doing something right where Junior was concerned. They had been thrown into this and were adjusting fairly well. "It was good of you to get her the ice cream, Jack...I think she appreciated that."

Jack smiled, remembering the smile on the little girl's face when he'd bought her the large cone. She'd had a happy, messy time with it and he'd loved seeing her like that. "Yeah...reckon she did. I was glad to do it, Ennis. I wanna be more involved like that." Ennis put an arm around Jack, resting it on his upper chest.

"Good. 'Cos Junior needs both of us here for her. We're her parents now...even Alma said so."

"I know," Jack said quietly, and he placed his drink on the coffee table, turning towards Ennis. "Hmm..." He leaned in and kissed Ennis on the cheek, a smile playing around his lips. Ennis smirked back at him and put his own drink down, knowing that they couldn't go too far right now. Junior could wake up at any moment, and even though their bedroom door had a lock there was no way they could go at it now. But the offer was tempting, he had to admit.

He covered Jack's mouth with his own, tongue finding his lover's almost immediately. They'd done this so many times that it was second nature by now. He could remember those nights in the dorm room when they'd had to be quiet as they'd explored each other. That had been during the very early days of their love when they were still trying to find out what this was between them. A part of him had known even then what he felt for Jack, but it was Alma's visit that had driven him to finally admit it. Now he was happy and more in love than ever.

After a few long, slow kisses, Ennis forgot about everything else and started pushing Jack backwards to lie down, settling between his legs and sliding his hands up Jack's shirt. The skin was warm and firm like he knew it, and he felt Jack's hands on his back.

"Darlin'," he sighed, nuzzling Jack's neck and hearing a soft moan; he knew exactly how to tease his lover and drive him mad with lust. "God, I love you."

"Mmm," Jack moaned, running his hands over Ennis's bare skin. "Love you too, baby...come here..." He pulled Ennis's lips back to his and could feel himself getting hard. When he felt Ennis's own erection pressing into his leg he knew they were going further than they had anticipated, but it was too late to turn back now. He wanted Ennis to fuck him on this sofa, right now.

The sound of a door being opened made them spring apart, and Jack was reminded of their almost-first kiss in the locker room so many years ago. "Shit, he muttered, adjusting himself and placing a cushion over his lap. Ennis put the paper over his own crotch and pretended to be watching the TV just as Junior came into the room. He knew that they looked like a pair of teenagers on prom night but there was nothing he could do about that right now.

"Daddy?" she asked sleepily. Ennis motioned her over; his arousal was going down by now, to his disappointment.

"What's up, Junior?" he asked her as she sat next to him. She rested her head on his arm.

"Just wanted to sit with you...can I watch somethin' on TV?" Ennis nodded and flicked over to the cartoons, eager to keep the peace right now.

"Sure...wasn't really watchin' it anyway." Jack looked at him and got up, heading for the bathroom and trying not to feel too disappointed. He'd been looking forward to that and hoped that they could do it later. Ennis felt guilty about taking things so far when he knew that Junior could wake up. He felt a little irresponsible and didn't like that he'd gotten Jack's hopes up like that. He'd known that Jack wanted it there and then, so to take it away was like a punch in the gut to him. He would have to make it up to Jack later.

With this idea in mind, he left Junior watching TV and called Amy, hoping that she could help him out. He wanted to create a romantic night for Jack, but needed some supplies. They were out of everything except lube, and tonight would need more in light of their failed coupling on the sofa.

He met her outside the building while a confused Jack kept an eye on Junior, taking the bag and thanking her. "I reckon I need to make it up to him," he told her, and she nodded.

"I understand, Ennis. And I think you're on the right track with this stuff. Have fun," she added with a wink and he smiled at her, heading back upstairs.

With the supplies safely away in the bedroom, Ennis returned to the sofa and kissed Jack on the cheek as he sat down, knowing that Jack would appreciate what was in store for him.

* * *

The next day was a Sunday, so Ennis planned for them to have a big dinner as a family. He and Jack usually did this for themselves, so he wanted to share this with his daughter. Jack agreed that it was important for Junior to be a part of this and to have some kind of stability.

After they'd got back the day before, a letter had arrived from Alma. It had a copy of a DNA test that proved Ennis was Junior's biological father; he hadn't doubted it considering how much Junior looked like him and that she had his eyes, but it was good for them to have it.

Ennis had done his best to make it up to Jack the night before, with the candles and massage oil he'd asked Amy to get him. He just hadn't known what else to do, but Jack had appreciated the effort and they'd had a good night together. Ennis had massaged his back and then slowly made love to him, whispering in his ear how much he loved him and that he was glad they were together. Jack had felt so safe and loved in Ennis's arms and he'd never wanted it to end. He knew that Ennis was just trying to do the right thing for everybody right now, and he promised to try and help his husband. Ennis needed him as they went through this change in their lives.

"You okay over there?" Ennis asked, causing Jack to snap out of his reverie. They were preparing dinner while Junior was napping in her room, and it was quiet. The radio was on low and both of them were looking forward to dinner.

"Oh, yeah," Jack replied, nodding. "Just thinking about this whole thing. You, me, Junior...been thinking about it a lot." He thought about it most of the time, trying to make sense of it all and figure out what his feelings were. They were very mixed at the moment.

"What about it?" Ennis was hoping that Jack was okay with their new situation. It had only been four days, after all, and the whole thing had been so unexpected for both of them.

"Yeah, I'm fine," Jack assured him. He sighed and turned to face Ennis, knowing that he needed to elaborate. "Look...I won't lie to you and say that this is easy, because it isn't. But...I'm your husband, Ennis. We're supposed to support each other no matter what. And..." He stepped closer to Ennis, placing his hands on Ennis's shoulders. "I want you to know that I'm here. I'm gonna do my best to be here and do whatever you need me to. I like Junior and I want us to be a family. I did want a family with you, and I still do. It'd be a shit thing for me to do if I started complaining about Junior being here. She's family to you, so she's family to me too. Even without me signing those forms, I'm still her stepfather. So...that's it." He smiled softly, hoping that he could believe his own words. He wanted to; more than anything.

Ennis sighed, wrapping his arms around Jack's waist. "Darlin'...I dunno what to say. I don't wanna put no pressure on you, bud. But I believe you...and I'm grateful. Thanks, Jack." They kissed and returned to their work side by side, feeling as though things were getting better every day. Jack was determined to at least try with Junior, and Ennis appreciated the effort.

When the food was almost ready, Jack offered to go and wake Junior up, which Ennis agreed to. He trusted Jack with his own life, as well as that of his daughter's. He knew that the three of them would be very happy if they got through this.

Jack slowly entered Junior's bedroom and saw her sleeping on top of the covers, clutching the bear that Ennis had bought for her. He smiled at the sight and sat down beside her, gently shaking her shoulder. "Junior?" he asked softly, hoping that he wouldn't scare her. "Junior, wake up..."

Her eyelids flickered and the deep brown eyes appeared; she looked just like Ennis when he woke up. "Jack?" she asked sleepily, blinking at him. She trusted him and wanted to get to know him, but he was still quite distant to her.

"Dinner's ready, honey," he said to her, using an endearment for the first time since she'd come to live with them. "You wanna come on out and get ready?"

She nodded and sat up, rubbing her eyes. "Okay." Jack got up and she took his hand, holding it tightly in her sleepy state. He swallowed and led her out into the main room where Ennis was finishing setting the table. Ennis smiled at the sight of them together.

"Hey, Junior," he said to his daughter, kissing the top of her head as she sat down. He and Jack then started getting the food onto the plates. Both of them were good cooks by now, and they could tell that Junior agreed with that. She always seemed to finish off whatever was put in front of her and she wasn't fussy. They were lucky on that front; Jack could remember his younger cousins being very picky about food when he was growing up.

As they ate, the talk turned to education. Junior would be starting kindergarten in the fall, and there were good schools down by the harbour that they could send her to. Since he and Jack were her guardians, Ennis felt as if they should do everything properly and give her the kind of opportunities they had. He would be very proud if she ended up going to college like them, but that would be her decision. He'd found the love of his life at college; maybe the same would happen for her. All he knew was that he wanted Junior to be happy and he would do anything to make that happen.

* * *

After dinner, Jack's mother rang him wanting to know how things were, so he headed out into the hall for some privacy. "Hey, mom."

"How's everything over there?" she asked, unaware of what had happened to them. He sighed.

"Something big...happened. And...I'm not sure how to feel about it." He leaned against the wall, hoping that Ennis couldn't hear him. He would get the wrong end of the stick and accuse Jack of lying to him.

"What is it, honey?" she asked, now concerned.

"Well, you remember the year that Ennis and I got together? And how Alma turned up wanting to get back together with him?"

"Yeah, you told me. What about it?"

"Well...it seems that about a week before he left Wyoming for Amherst, Ennis got her pregnant. Before we even met."

"Does that mean...?"

"Yeah, the kid's with us. Alma came by here a few days ago with Junior, saying that she wants us to take Junior in as her guardians. She's given us custody."

"Why?" Karen asked, unsure of this.

"Alma's getting married and her fiancé's family don't approve of Junior being around, since she was born out of wedlock and she's not the fiancé's daughter. So...that's why Junior's with us. And I just don't know how to feel about it." He sighed. "I don't suppose you've got any advice?"

"Well...I don't know, Jack. I've never seen this kind of situation before. How's Ennis taking it?"

"He's adjusting really well," Jack informed her, knowing that it was true. "And I admire him for it. He's a great dad, mom...and I wish I could say the same about me."

"Oh, Jack...I'm sure you're trying your best. I know it can't be easy."

"Yeah...Alma signed her parental rights over to me. I can adopt Junior if I want to."

"Are you going to?" she asked him. He bit his lip.

"I don't know. I know it's what Ennis wants, but he's told me that there's no pressure. I'm her stepfather and we're legally married, so I've got some rights anyway. But this would finish it off and make everything legal. To be honest...I want to do it. But I'm not ready to yet. It's been just four days and I'm still getting used to having her around. She's a real sweet kid, mom. She's got Alma's red hair but she looks just like Ennis, even got his eyes."

"She sounds wonderful, Jack. And I'm sure it'll be fine. You just need some time, I think. Get used to her, spend time with her, and make sure that you and Ennis get some alone time as well. That's important for any parent. You'll be okay, I'm sure."

He smiled a little, thankful that his mother could always make him feel better. She always knew what to say and he didn't know what he would do without her. "Yeah, maybe. I mean...we've spent some time together already. Like at the beach and stuff. I think she likes living here with us."

"That's good, Jack. You're already making progress with her, I'm sure. So stop focusing on your doubts and fears, and concentrate instead on how you can make things better. Focus on what you're doing right and lean on Ennis from time to time. I'm sure he needs you more than ever now."

"Yeah, probably. Earlier, when we were making dinner, I told him that while this isn't easy, I know he needs me. I told him that I'm here no matter what, because we're married."

"Good," she told him. "Make sure you follow through on that, Jack. Stick together and you'll be fine."

"Okay. But I've gotta admit...this is a lot harder than I thought it would be. He knows I wanted kids with him, and he wanted the same thing. We've decided to put that on hold right now, while we're raising Junior. Adopting a kid together would put us through a lot and we don't need that right now. We've got to put her first."

"I agree, honey. Ennis loves you, Jack. We all know that. And he's good to you. That's all you need to know...it should be enough to hold you together through this."

"I love him too, mom," Jack said shakily, trying to calm his nerves. "I wanna help him with Junior, and...I will. I'll be okay."

"Alright, then. I'd better let you go. Talk to you soon, okay?"

"Yeah, sure. Love you, mom."

"Love you too." They clicked off and Jack stared at the wall for a few moments before plucking up the courage to go back in.

He found Ennis with Junior in the living area, helping her to copy pictures from her books onto paper. He smiled and sat down on Junior's other side, trying to be a part of this. Ennis nodded at him and smiled back at him, and Jack felt peaceful for once. He knew deep down that one day he would be able to sign those papers given to him, and then everything would be complete. He and Ennis would be Junior's parents and they would be a real family. This was what he'd wanted for a while now, and he hoped that he would stop caring that she was Alma's daughter too.

"What're you drawing, Junior?" he asked her, and she pointed at the picture of the elephant. That gave him an idea; there was a large zoo down by South Yarmouth on the opposite side of the bay. Perhaps they could take Junior there sometime. He would have to talk to Ennis about it and hoped that his husband would see the effort he was making. His mother was right; he had to focus on making Junior part of their family and to try and ignore his doubts and worries. They would likely come to nothing anyway, for there was no reason why things would turn sour for them now. They were building a family together and that was everything that Jack had wanted with the man he loved.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

_June 23rd, 2009_

Pride weekend was coming up, and Jack was looking forward to it. Every year since their first Pride event, he and Ennis had taken a weekend trip to Boston to join in the celebrations. Since their first, a few more states had legalised same-sex marriage, but he liked knowing that they lived in the first state to do so. It felt as if they were a part of history somehow.

However, things were different this year. He didn't know for sure if Ennis would want to go with Junior around. There was the chance that she was too young for something so loud and he didn't want her to get scared. Perhaps they could leave Junior with Amy and Jessica for the weekend; they needed to decide soon while the plane tickets were still reasonably priced.

He entered the apartment at lunch to find Ennis cooking for them. Jack knew that Ennis was okay with leaving Junior with their friend during the day so they could work, but he had to wonder if the same would apply to an entire weekend. All he could do was ask.

"Hey, bud," he greeted his husband, kissing Ennis on the cheek as he sidled up to him. Ennis smiled back.

"Hey yourself. Good mornin'?"

"Yeah, I'm really getting into that project. And Dr Green seems happy with what I'm doing, so..."

"That's great." Ennis kissed him and carried on chopping carrots for the salad. "Just called Amy; Junior's doin' okay."

Jack nodded, steeling himself for what he wanted to say. "Good. How's things at your work?"

"Pretty quiet." Ennis looked at him and could tell that something was on his mind. "Jack? You okay there? You look like you wanna say somethin'."

Jack swallowed and wondered where to start. "I do wanna talk to you about something, but it can wait until we're sat down." Ennis nodded and hoped that nothing was wrong.

The wait for lunch to be ready was unbearable; Jack was starting to fear that Ennis wouldn't want to go to Pride this year because of Junior. He tried not to feel resentful, but it was very difficult because Pride meant a lot to him. His own coming-out had been painful and he'd found himself a wonderful man in Ennis, so he wanted to celebrate that with people who might have a similar story.

They finally sat down and Jack took a few bites before starting. "Well...it's Pride this weekend, Ennis. Remember?"

"Oh...you're right," Ennis replied, finally remembering. Having Junior around had completely pushed it to the back of his mind. "So, um..."

"Are we going to Boston? We've got to decide soon because you know how expensive last-minute tickets are."

Ennis nodded. "Right. Um...Jack, I dunno. With Junior around an' all..."

"We could leave her with Amy and Jess," Jack told him, hoping that Ennis wouldn't get angry with him.

Ennis shook his head. "They always go to Pride in Boston, too. Just about everybody we know goes somewhere to celebrate it." He gently laid a hand over Jack's. "Darlin'...I know we go every year, but...things are different now."

Jack took his hand away, disappointment rising in him. "So things are gonna be different just because we've got a kid. Wait, scratch that," he added, feeling hurt. "_You've_ got a kid."

The air became thick with tension and Ennis couldn't believe what Jack had just said. "Jack...there ain't no need for that. Junior's ours, 'cos we're married. Papers or not, she's yours too."

Jack bit his lip and looked down at his plate; he'd lost his appetite. "Ennis...I wanna go to Pride with you because it reminds me of everything we've achieved. Not just gay people in general, but us personally. You know how hard it was for me to come out, and then I found you...I like celebrating that on Pride because there's people there who understand it. And this was the first state to say that people like us can get married...that's a huge thing."

"I know, but...I don't wanna leave Junior for a whole weekend. An' she's too young for all that yet. It could scare her."

"What, the noisy crowds or the sight of two guys kissing?" Jack shot back, losing his temper. "Something tells me that there's more to this than you're letting on."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Ennis asked, having no idea where this had come from. Jack leaned back in his seat, staring him down.

"You used to love going to Pride, celebrating all of this. And now there's a kid around...it's like you're better than that, right? So full of responsibilities and you've got no time to be running around with a bunch of queer guys." He used the word on purpose, knowing that Ennis hated it as it reminded him of his father.

"Jack, knock it off. I ain't ashamed, if that's what you're thinkin'. I'd be happy to run around Boston with you and hang around with other gay people. Hell, I'm one of 'em. But Junior's too young for all that noise an' fuss. An' I don't wanna leave her."

He looked into Jack's eyes, hoping that he would believe him. Ennis did genuinely fear that it would be too much for such a young child; Jack's accusations were way off.

Jack shook his head. "All I know is that we were happy before Alma turned up. Both at Amherst six years ago and now. History's repeating itself, Ennis."

"But we got through that when she came to campus," Ennis reminded him, and he sighed.

"Yeah. But...something tells me it'll be a lot more difficult this time around." He was hurt and needed to get away from Ennis right now. "I'm gonna go for a walk and then go back to work. I'll be back for dinner." He got up and headed for the door, Ennis following him.

"Jack, don't run away. We promised we weren't gonna run away anymore."

"I know...but that was when we were happy." He shut the door and left Ennis alone, wondering what the hell he was going to do now.

* * *

Jack was at his desk trying to work when Jessica came in, clearly on the warpath. "What the hell is wrong with you?" He jumped at this unexpected assault.

"What?"

"Amy just called me, said that she'd talked to Ennis. He told her about you snapping at him because he doesn't want to go to Pride this year. In case you hadn't noticed, Jack, he has other things going on right now."

"Yeah, like his kid," Jack fired back, turning away from her. She moved around the desk and grabbed his chair, forcing him to face her.

"Jack, stop it. I know it must've hurt to hear that you can't go this year, but there's no need for this. You guys love each other and this is poison. Just because things are different now doesn't mean you have to go and make things more difficult." She folded her arms. "I can't believe you accused him of thinking he's all high and mighty now he's got a kid. That he's better than the guys who run around during Pride."

Jack shrugged, his anger ebbing away. He knew he was wrong to say those things, but his temper had gotten the better of him. "I just...wish that things could be the way they were."

She crouched down and looked up at him. "Jack...that's never gonna happen. You know that. I know you just reacted like that because you're scared. That maybe...he won't have time for you anymore with Junior around. But that's not the case. He loves you so much, and you know...Amy told me he was pretty torn up about what just happened."

Jack couldn't speak, but just nodded. He was terrified that their relationship would deteriorate; he'd heard it could happen to new parents due to stress. "I...I didn't mean what I said to him. I know he doesn't think he's better than the rest of us. But..."

"Look...remember how the gay pride symbol is the rainbow? Think about our community, Jack...all across the world. There's the guys who run around Pride in leather or drag, the tweaked-out club kids who get off with a different guy every night. And then there's couples like you two, and like me and Jess. The ones who would rather be with just one person and spend their evenings at home. And the ones who have kids," she added, squeezing his arm. "Every colour of the rainbow, remember? We're different from the other gay people in some ways, but we're still one family. And Ennis knows that; he doesn't think he's better than them. He's in love with a man, and that makes him one of us."

Jack looked at her, knowing that she was right. There were many different kinds of gay people in the world, and he and Ennis were in some ways no different from the guys at Pride. Just because they lived their lives differently didn't mean they weren't the same. He knew that Ennis had come to understand that in the last five years, having been to Pride every year.

Shame was creeping up on him now, and he wondered how on earth he could face Ennis after what he'd said to him. "God...I feel like an asshole now."

"You are one," Jessica told him. "But at least you know it. You shouldn't have said those things, but it doesn't matter now. You should call Ennis right now; let him know that you're sorry. This can't wait until you go home."

"What am I gonna say? He probably hates me now," Jack replied, feeling as though he deserved it. She sighed.

"No...he's just confused as to why someone he loves so much would say those things. Why you would accuse him of thinking like that when you know it isn't true."

Jack lowered his head, seeing that she was right. Despite the fact that they were in love, it was clear that they still needed a woman around to knock their heads together. He was glad that Lureen wasn't around; she probably would've slapped him for being so stupid.

"I'm gonna call him. I don't want him thinking that I hate him, either." She nodded and got up, seeing that he had learned his lesson.

"Alright. I'm gonna go back to work. Set it right, Jack...or you'll have even more problems." He nodded and watched her go, grateful to her for knocking some sense into him. He got out his cell phone and dialled Ennis's number; he knew that Ennis was likely to be doing paperwork at this time.

"Jack?" came the beloved voice, and he swallowed.

"Yeah. I'm sorry, Ennis. For everything I said back at home. I know you don't think you're better than those other guys at Pride. You've never thought that. And I understand that you've got to put Junior first now. I didn't mean to...assault you like that. I love you, Ennis...and you've gotta know how sorry I am."

Ennis sighed, happy to hear Jack's voice. "I love you too, bud. An' I'm sorry if I made you feel like I don't appreciate you right now. I really do...an' I'm sorry we can't go to Pride this year. I know you like goin' an' I do too."

"It's okay. Jess reamed me out about it just now, 'cos you told Amy. Good thing we've got those two, huh?"

"Yeah. Even though we're together, I'm glad we've got a pair of women around to sort us out."

"Are we okay, Ennis?" Jack asked tentatively, hoping that they would be. He knew he needed to make this up to Ennis and he was determined to do that. "I love you so much..."

"I love you too. An' we're gonna be fine, darlin'. Let's just get through the next few hours an' we can go home, with our kid."

Jack smiled, liking the sound of that. "Alright, cowboy. Looking forward to it."

"Bye, bud."

"Bye." Jack hung up, very thankful that he hadn't screwed this up too badly. He didn't want to be without Ennis and knew that they had to work at this.

* * *

The next few hours dragged by and all Jack wanted to do was to go home and talk to Ennis; he had apologised but felt as if more was needed. If Ennis was prepared to forgive him, then he would count himself very lucky. He wasn't sure that he would have forgiven himself for what he'd said earlier.

Working with the veteran was interesting, and he even managed to get distracted from his inner thoughts while working on the case. Jack just hoped that he wouldn't end up needing counselling.

At last, he was free to go and started walking home, looking forward to being back. He was more determined than ever to make an effort with Junior, not least because he knew it was important to Ennis. He just had to try, and something told him that his efforts would be rewarded. He would never know if he didn't try, so there was only really one option available to him.

When he walked in, he immediately spotted Junior napping on the sofa and smiled to himself. It looked homely, like they all belonged here, and the thought was comforting. He then saw Ennis in the kitchen area, watching him. Jack sighed and walked straight over to him.

"I'm so sorry," he said softly, looking imploringly at Ennis and trying to read his expression. Ennis didn't look angry; he simply looked like he was waiting for Jack to get out everything he wanted to say. "I really am, Ennis. I understand if you wanna hit me, 'cos I probably deserve it..."

Ennis shook his head; he couldn't stay mad at Jack and the hurt had ebbed away by now. In a way, he could understand it. "I ain't gonna hit you, Jack. That don't solve nothin'. But...I accept yer apology, bud." He smiled when he saw Jack relax. "You gotta tell me, though...what brought that on? Was it just 'cos of the Pride thing?"

Jack shrugged and leaned against the counter. "Not just that. I...I feel like everything's changed since Junior came to live with us. I know that everything has, but...it's a lot to get used to." He sighed. "I know you're trying to keep the pressure off, saying that there's no rush for me to sign those documents. And I appreciate that. I don't know why that happened at lunch, Ennis...I'm just all over the place with this whole thing."

Ennis moved to stand next to him and took Jack's hand. "Darlin'...I know this ain't easy for you. I wouldn't expect it to be, you know? But I also know how strong you are, and what a good heart you've got. I know that if you just made the effort and had some time, you'd be a great dad to Junior. An' just 'cos she ain't ours together don't mean you can't love her like she is. We're gonna be raisin' her together."

"Yeah, I know. I just...I just need time, Ennis. That's pretty much all it is. The whole thing hit me funny and...I just need to get used to it. And I will." He smiled at the man he loved, finally starting to see clearly again. "And I'll make the effort with Junior, promise."

"Thanks," Ennis said softly, kissing him on the cheek before returning to the dinner he was making for them all. Jack gave it a few more moments before speaking again.

"You know...I don't wanna fight again, but...what are we gonna do about this weekend? If you don't wanna go, that's okay. I can live with it."

Ennis looked at him. "I do wanna, but...there's Junior. We've got a responsibility now, Jack."

"I know," Jack replied quickly, trying to keep things civil. "And Jessica had a real go at me for that. She told me about...how even though we've got a kid now, we're still not that different from the guys who run around at Pride. Not even the club kids, to some extent. We're still gay like them, so..."

"We just live it differently to them," Ennis replied, nodding. "We all have our own ways of living as gay guys; same for the girls, too. Some prefer to go to clubs every night an' fool around...an' some prefer this, like what we've got." It was one of the things that made them similar to straight people; everybody was different yet in some ways the same.

"Every colour of the rainbow, Jessica called it," Jack told him. "Makes sense when you think about it. We're all different, but we're all the same too. That's why...I know that you don't think you're better than them just because you've got a kid. I always knew that, I guess. I was just trying to find a way to justify what I was feeling. And that was pretty stupid of me."

Ennis pulled him into his arms, kissing him lightly. "Yeah, it was. But I see why you felt like that. An'...I'm sorry if I pushed you into feelin' like that." He sighed. "So...I was thinkin'...instead of goin' to Boston for Pride this weekend, we could take Junior out somewhere. Like a picnic or somethin'. Just the three of us, all day. That sound good?"

Jack nodded and smiled; it was a different way of celebrating Pride than usual. But they would still have fun as a family and everybody would be happy. That was the most important thing.

Junior woke up soon after and Jack sat with her while Ennis cooked, helping her with a book that had been delivered from Wyoming. They looked like a normal family and Jack hoped that things would settle down for them now. All he'd ever wanted since they'd gotten together was a family with Ennis, and this was the one that had been given to him. Ennis thought of him as being strong, and as having a good heart. He hoped that he could tap into that and rise to the occasion; having a family with the man he loved was worth it.

* * *

The evening passed pleasantly enough, given the events of the day. The three of them watched TV together and both men got Junior tucked into bed, since Jack wanted to be more involved. He liked the notion of being a father, and he figured that he could pick it up just from watching Ennis if nothing else.

At last, it was time for them to go to bed. This was their favourite time of day under normal circumstances, but tonight was special. It was the opportunity for some make-up sex and both were up for it.

They entered the bedroom together and Ennis locked the door before turning to Jack. Wordlessly, they moved to their respective sides of the bed and slowly undressed, watching each other carefully and feeling desire rise in them. Neither of them could think of any better way for them to reconcile after an argument, and they knew that a good night was ahead of them. When they were under the sheets, they turned to each other and Jack trailed a finger along Ennis's collarbone.

"Mmm...looking forward to this," he murmured, and Ennis nodded, kissing his wrist.

"Yeah. How d'you want it?" he asked, and Jack considered; there was only one way he could think of right now.

"I, um...I want you inside me," he whispered, his eyes meeting Ennis's. He needed to forget the things he'd said and his feelings, and just focus on them tonight. Only Ennis being inside him could do that right now.

Ennis nodded, seeing why Jack needed that from him. Jack needed some reassurance that they were okay. "Alright, bud. Just lie back..." He rose up over Jack, gently pushing him down and moving to lie between his legs. Ennis wanted to let Jack know that all was forgiven; that it barely even mattered now. They understood each other perfectly.

He leaned in and kissed Jack on the mouth, keeping it deep and warm how Jack liked it. He knew that Jack felt ashamed of himself for what he'd said, and he just wanted to make sure Jack knew he was forgiven. As he pressed kisses to Jack's mouth and face, he slid his hands under Jack's body and pulled him up, holding him close as they could feel themselves getting hard. Jack was in heaven; he loved it when Ennis held him like this in bed. In these moments, he felt as if nothing could ever hurt him.

"Ennis...come on..." he whispered in his lover's ear, bucking upwards as Ennis kissed his neck. "I want you..." Ennis took pity on him and pushed him back down again, reaching for the lube as Jack took deep breaths, a little hazy from those kisses. When he was ready, Ennis pulled Jack's legs up and around his waist where Jack locked his ankles together, ready to do this.

"Gonna be good, darlin'," Ennis told him with a smile, seeing the light in Jack's eyes. He could see how aroused Jack was and could feel the familiar ache in his lower stomach; he just had to have Jack right now.

He moved into position and slowly started to push in, the warmth surrounding him and the ache dulling as he slid into his version of paradise. Maybe it was a cliché, but Jack's body just felt like home to him. They fitted perfectly together and Ennis knew that this was meant to be. "Oh, Jack..." he breathed, eyes closing as he felt himself fully inside Jack, who could feel a sense of completion now. He didn't know how Ennis did it, but he could feel pure bliss even though they weren't moving yet.

Then Ennis took Jack's hands and laced their fingers together over his head, staring down into his eyes; there was only one thing left to do now. "You ready, bud?"

Jack nodded, biting his lip. "Yeah...come on..." Ennis kissed him deeply and started to move, sliding smoothly out and then back in, keeping it slow and steady because he knew they needed to savour this moment.

As they made love that night, Ennis kept kissing Jack everywhere he could reach, and eventually let go of Jack's hands so that he could hold him again. Jack just laid there and allowed Ennis to take control, thrusting in and out of his body in the way they both loved. "God, I love you," he breathed, head tilting to one side so that Ennis could kiss his neck.

"I love you too, baby," he whispered, and Jack shivered at the intimacy of the endearment. That was definitely the best word Ennis had ever directed at him; it told him so much that no other term could. "Don't worry about nothin', Jack...I ain't goin' nowhere an' we're gonna be okay."

Jack opened his eyes at this, knowing in his heart that Ennis was telling him the truth. They really would be okay no matter what happened, and he just had to hold onto that promise. "Ennis...come here..." He turned his head back so that they could kiss and their tongues wound around each other, making the night disappear into a haze of love and lust tied together into one. Everything just made sense when they were here together, carrying out this ultimate act of love.

Afterwards, Jack lay on Ennis's chest and was practically purring with contentment. He was feeling very satisfied and loved right now, and he felt like they were back on track after their slip-up. "Mmm...you were right, Ennis. That was good..."

"Told you," Ennis replied, stroking his back. Jack sighed and kissed his chest, unable to move. "I love you, Jack."

"I love you too...so much..." Jack trailed off as sleep finally caught up with him, and he was soon snoring softly. Ennis kissed the top of his head.

"Get some sleep, darlin'...everythin's gonna be fine. You, me...an' our kid. We're gonna be okay..." He too then closed his eyes, praying to whoever might be listening that his words were true.

* * *

On Thursday, Lureen had some free time at last and came to Provincetown to spend some time with them. They hadn't seen each other for over a month because she'd been so busy in New York, so they were all looking forward to it. Jack wanted to know her opinion on the situation with Junior; he had a feeling she would be able to give him some more advice.

Things had improved over the last couple of days. Ever since their long talk about everything, Jack was a lot calmer about things. They had agreed to take Junior out over the weekend, and he'd told Ennis about the zoo on the other side of the bay. Ennis had thought it was a good idea, so they were making their plans now. Since Lureen would be going home on Sunday, they figured they could ask her along if she wanted to.

Jack was very glad that he and Ennis were back on track now; he'd never liked arguing with him and preferred to talk things out. If they were going to make this marriage work, they had to talk. He wanted them to be together for the rest of their lives.

Lureen exited from the gate and looked around; Jack was there with a wide smile on his face. "Lu!"

"Jack!" She made her way to him and threw her arms around his neck; they were still quite close these days even though she didn't see him as often. She'd always been there for him and Ennis when they'd needed her, so Jack was happy that she would be around. "How's it goin'?"

"A lot's happened since we last saw you," he informed her as they made their way to baggage claim. "Ennis is at home...you'll see why when we get there."

"What's happened?" she asked, watching him closely. He sighed and proceeded to tell her about Alma and Junior. She was wide-eyed by the time he finished, at which point they were now heading for his car.

"So...I apologised to him and we made up. I know he doesn't think he's better than the guys who run around Pride just 'cos he's got a kid. I just didn't handle it very well."

"Clearly," she replied, shaking her head. "I'm glad you saw sense, Jack. I always hated it when you guys had problems, back at college. Didn't like seein' you like that..."

"Yeah. We haven't argued properly at all since we moved in together...not until the other day, anyway. But...it wasn't really an argument 'cos it was all one-sided. I just laid into him, Lureen...he didn't deserve that."

"You're right. So...what's Junior like, then?"

Jack smiled a little. "She's the sweetest little kid. Looks like Alma, but she's got his eyes and she acts just like him. I can see that Ennis loves her."

"What about you?" They were in the car by now and he was starting the ignition. "How do you feel?"

"I...I like her. And I can see that she trusts me and wants to know me. It's just hard to get there when I'm feeling so messed up."

Lureen sighed. "Jack...why do you feel like that?"

"I think...it's because I wanted to have a kid with Ennis somehow, and now he's got one that doesn't include me."

"You feel left out," she replied, nodding.

"Makes me sound like a dumb teenager, huh?"

"No...you're just feeling a little lost right now. You're only human, Jack. Does Ennis know that you wanted kids with him?"

"Yeah, I told him. Turns out that he wanted the same thing. So...we agreed to put that on the back burner for now...concentrate on Junior. And he says he'll pay more attention to us as well...to our marriage. I just hope it all works out."

"I'm sure it will," she assured him, squeezing his arm. "You guys were meant to be together, and I know it'll be okay." He gave her a small smile, hoping that she was right.

When they reached the apartment, Ennis greeted her warmly and introduced her to Junior, who was curious about this new person. Lureen's natural instincts shone through and she was soon playing with Junior while the men cooked side by side.

"Talked to her on the way over," Jack informed Ennis, looking at him. "She reckons we can pull through this."

"Do you think we can?" Ennis asked, searching Jack's face for answers. Jack smiled and kissed him.

"Yeah, I reckon so." Ennis nodded and breathed a sigh of relief. He didn't want to risk their relationship.

Dinner was soon served and the four of them took their places. Lureen watched how Ennis and Jack interacted with Junior; they were clearly at different points of confidence. Ennis was much more relaxed than Jack, but that was to be expected. She saw that Jack was trying to do well with her, but that it didn't come as easy as it did to Ennis.

She thought it was interesting that Alma had given Jack her parental rights so that he could adopt Ennis's daughter, and wondered if Jack would sign those documents. He'd told her that he wanted to, but that he couldn't do it until he'd sorted out his feelings about the entire thing. There was no telling when that might be, so all they had to do was wait it out.

Jack knew that Lureen was watching him and Junior, thinking about everything. To think that he was the one who had a Masters in Psychology, he'd often found that she was better than him at things like this. Maybe it was just for the fact that she was a woman, but he didn't know.

If the last few days had taught him anything, it was that he would do anything for Ennis to make him happy. He probably would sign those papers sometime soon, because he knew that Ennis wanted it. A marriage was about co-operation and making an effort, so that was what he had to do.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

_June 28th, 2009_

It was Jack's mother's birthday, and they had already sent on their gift of a voucher to her favourite spa in Charleston. They knew that she would love it and Jack often said that she deserved things like that after everything she had done for him. She loved Ennis like a second son, and had danced with both of them at their wedding.

Jack wondered what she thought about Junior living with them. He knew that she seemed certain of things working out, and that she was great at giving advice. He wished that she could come to Massachusetts soon; he wanted her to see the young girl for herself and to reassure him that everything would be okay.

Over the weekend, he and Ennis had taken Junior to the zoo along with Lureen, and they had all enjoyed it very much. Jack would never forget the look of sheer wonder on Junior's face as she'd stared up at the elephants, so much bigger than the ones in her book. They'd all bought souvenirs for themselves and for Junior, and it had been a wonderful family day out. Both Jack and Ennis had come to think of Lureen as a sister over the years, so she was very welcome.

When they got back, they found the Pride celebrations in full swing all around town. Knowing that it was important to them, Lureen offered to take Junior back to the apartment so that Ennis and Jack could spend some time alone together. Jack thanked her and then grabbed Ennis's hand, leading him into the crowds.

They enjoyed running around town and seeing what was going on, and it allowed both of them to get their fix of this year's celebrations even though they couldn't really leave Junior. But as they headed home later on, Jack came to realise that he'd actually missed Junior while they were out. Maybe he was getting old, after all.

On the Sunday, Jack called his mother to wish her a happy birthday. "Hey, mom."

"Sweetie, hi. How's it going?"

"I'm good. I just wanted to wish you happy birthday. Ennis and Junior are here, and Lureen is too. So happy birthday."

"Happy birthday," Ennis and Lureen called into the phone, and Ennis leaned in close to Junior. "You wanna wish yer grandma a happy birthday, Junior?" he asked her softly, but everybody heard it. Karen groaned at the thought of being a grandmother at her age, Lureen looked amused and Jack looked shocked but pleased. He hadn't expected that from Ennis.

"Happy birthday!" Junior repeated, grinning. Jack could hear his mother laughing.

"Thank you, honey. I'll be seeing you soon, okay?" Ennis and Jack were looking at each other, the words hanging over them and settling like dust. It had somehow felt right to Ennis to say that; she was Junior's grandmother in a way because of him being married to her son. There was no other word for it as far as he knew.

"You coming up soon?" he asked her when he could tear his eyes away from Ennis's.

"I was thinking about it, since it's the summer. I'll bring your dad and your sisters with me and we could spend some time on the beach. That'll be fun."

"Right. Well, we'll look forward to it. The summers are always great here."

"Okay, I've gotta go. But I love all of you and take care, you hear?"

"Yep. Bye, mom." They clicked off and Jack looked around at his companions; Lureen was once more playing with Junior and Ennis was hovering nearby, eyes darting to Jack's face now and then.

"Um...hope it was okay for me to say that," Ennis mumbled, not sure of Jack's reaction. Jack couldn't help but laugh.

"I think you made my mom feel old, but never mind. She'll get used to it."

"Are you okay with it?" Ennis asked him. "I mean...we never talked about that."

Jack shrugged and moved closer to him. "Bud...it's okay. Junior's your kid, and we're married. That does kind of make my mom her grandmother when you think about it." He leaned in and gently kissed Ennis on the lips, sensing Ennis's nervous state. "Hey...it's really okay, bud. It...it felt good, to be honest. Like I really am part of this. Guess I should be thanking you..." He smiled and moved into Ennis's arms, and Ennis acted on instinct by pulling him close.

"Well...guess yer welcome , darlin'. Glad I could help." He kissed the side of Jack's face and was oblivious to Lureen watching them. She was becoming more and more convinced that everything would be fine.

When Jack went to the bathroom, Lureen cornered Ennis and gave him an approving look. "That was a good thing to do, even if you didn't plan it."

"It just slipped out," he told her, not entirely sure himself how it had happened. It had just felt like the right thing to say, and clearly it was. Lureen smiled.

"I'm glad it did, Ennis. I think Jack needed to hear that from you...some confirmation that he'd part of this family. He's been feeling left out a little since Junior came here...that's why he's been acting in a certain way."

Ennis hung his head, feeling guilty that he'd hurt Jack in that way. But even then, he promised to himself that it wouldn't happen anymore.

"I'll sort it, Lu. I'll let him know how much he means to me. That it's not just me an' my kid, an' him taggin' along. He's part of it, too." Ennis looked down at his left hand; the ring there had once been just a commitment ring when they spent their first Christmas together, and now it was a wedding band. They had made their promises to each other and he wanted this to work so much. He loved Jack with all his heart and never wanted to be without him. He knew that as long as he let Jack know how he felt, they would never part.

* * *

That evening, they had to say goodbye to Lureen once more. The weekend had passed too quickly for their liking and she had to get back to work, but they were all happy to have seen each other. Jack was especially grateful to her; she'd been there for him when he'd realised that he was gay, and again when he'd fallen for Ennis. Now she was here for him during this latest issue, and he didn't know how he could ever repay her.

He decided to take her to the airport while Ennis stayed with Junior; it would give them time to talk in private about everything. Jack didn't like having to keep things from Ennis, but he didn't know what else to do. Everything was fragile right now and he just wanted to keep the peace.

"So, you'll be okay?" Lureen asked as he waited with her in the seating area. It wasn't yet time for her to go through the gate, so he figured they could have a few more moments.

"Yeah, I think so," he replied, nodding and hoping that it was true. "I mean...Ennis really is trying to make things better for all of us. I don't know what you said to him..."

"I just told him that you seem really down about Pride and how you maybe don't spend as much time alone. I know things are different now that there's a kid, but I reckon that's no reason to let your relationship suffer. You know?"

"Yeah. And he told me that things are gonna get better. He's got a date planned out for us." He smiled at her. "That should be fun. And we're making plans for our anniversary trip."

"Good. I know he loves you, Jack. Anybody who knows you guys can see that you're head over heels for each other. Having a kid around shouldn't change that. Junior really is a sweet kid, Jack, just like you said. An' I know you'd be a good dad if you just let yourself."

He looked at her, seeing the wisdom of her words. He wanted to be a father figure to Junior, but his own issues were standing in the way. He just didn't know how to get over this whole thing; that they were having to raise a kid that wasn't his. He didn't know how to stop feeling so left out, because it was clear that Ennis was trying to include him as much as possible.

"Maybe. I want this to work, Lu...and I don't want it to get to a point where I can't take it anymore. I could never leave him, not after everything we've been through. But I know we need to talk this whole thing out at some point. We've talked a few times, but...I don't think it's helped."

"He needs to ask you what you're really feelin'," she advised him. "An' you need to be honest with him. I'm sure it'll be fine as long as you guys just talk."

"Yeah." Just then, there was a call for Lureen's flight and she was allowed to go through to the gates; it was time to say goodbye. They stood up and faced each other. "Well..."

"Yep. Guess this is it...again. Wish we lived closer to each other."

"Me too. Maybe we could set up a webcam for our laptops so we can see each other more often," he suggested, and she nodded.

"Yeah, I'd like that. I'll look into it when I get back." She smiled and hugged him tightly, hoping that things could work out for him and Ennis. They were her best friends and she'd always wanted them to be happy. Just because things were shaky right now didn't mean that they would always be that way. "You guys take care of yourselves, okay?"

"We will. And you too." They broke apart and she kissed him on the cheek before heading off, leaving him alone with his problems. He hoped that her visit had done some good for them.

He sat in his car for a little longer than he'd planned, thinking about what it would be like when he got home. Would Ennis greet him enthusiastically, or would he be too distracted? Jack sighed to himself and started the car, a part of him not looking forward to this.

When he entered the apartment, he could hear Ennis talking to Junior in her room; he must be putting her to bed. Jack got himself a beer and sat down on the sofa, waiting.

Ennis emerged and spotted him sitting there; a grin spread across his face. "Hey, you're back."

"Yep." Jack couldn't help but smile back at him and Ennis sat down. "Miss me?"

"Like you wouldn't believe," Ennis told him, leaning in for a kiss. Jack responded and was glad that everything seemed okay. He then rested his head on Ennis's shoulder and sighed.

"I hate having to say goodbye to her. Seems like she does a lot of good for us when she's here."

"I know. She, um...she told me that yer feelin' left out, Jack." At this, Jack sat up and stared at him. Ennis shook his head. "I'm sorry if I'm makin' you feel like that. You know I don't mean to..."

Jack didn't have the energy to argue; he simply resumed his previous position. "I know. And...she tried to assure me that we're gonna be okay. I hope...I hope we are, Ennis." Against his will, he could feel a lump growing in his throat and his voice became shaky. "God knows...I couldn't stand it if...we..." He bit his lip and Ennis saw it coming. He took the beer from Jack and set it on the table before taking Jack into his arms.

"Shh...it's okay, darlin'. Nothin's gonna happen to us...we're gonna be just fine. I couldn't stand that either...but it ain't gonna happen. We're gonna make this work." He kissed Jack's temple and rubbed his back, trying to soothe the confused and frightened man in his arms.

* * *

_June 30th, 2009_

The veteran that Jack and Dr Green were supposed to be counselling was with them today, but Jack was a little distracted right now. He and Ennis had planned a date for tomorrow night and he was looking forward to it. They hadn't been out together on a date since before Junior had come to live with them, and he'd missed it.

He kept trying to focus on what Emily was saying to the veteran, who was named Richard. He had been officially diagnosed with PTSD following the events in Afghanistan and his double amputation, and he was in a wheelchair. Jack had taken one look at him and realised that his own problems were pretty minimal in comparison; this guy had it so much worse than him.

"So, how have you been feeling?" Emily asked, clipboard in hand. "I know yesterday was a bad day for you..." Richard had heard that one of his comrades had died on the field from a shrapnel blast, and had taken it badly. Jack had learnt that PTSD was common in such cases.

"Yeah...just can't believe he's gone. We talked about opening some kind of business when we were both out of there, since we live near each other and we became good friends. And now...it's not gonna happen."

Emily nodded. "Well...I understand that it's not easy. But you have to remember how lucky you are. You're still alive, and you've got to take care of yourself. He wouldn't want you to beat yourself up over this, would he?"

"No, guess not. Just...feels like I'm gonna miss out on so much." He looked down, and Jack could see the flicker in his eyes at the sight of his missing limbs. "Like...I wanna get married and have kids one day. What woman in her right mind would have me?"

"Richard...it's okay. You'd be surprised; a lot of women don't care about things like amputations. You're bound to find someone. A woman who'll love you for who you are; who'll recognise how brave you've been." She smiled a little. "There are plenty of women like that."

Jack was busy taking his own notes for the portfolio he had to put together; he was learning a lot from these sessions and from talking to Emily and he knew that he could do this. He liked being busy; it distracted him from his problems at home and gave him the opportunity to focus on something else. As much as he loved Ennis, he needed some time by himself at the moment. He knew that Ennis understood, given the circumstances.

"Yeah, maybe," Richard replied, sounding unconvinced. Jack felt sorry for him; this disorder really ate into a person's spirit, it seemed. He hoped that it never happened to him or Ennis; he couldn't imagine living with something like that. But then, he could never imagine going off to a war like that; he'd never be able to spend so much time away from Ennis with their only communication by letter. "I don't know...don't believe much of anything anymore."

When the session was over, Emily and Jack returned to her office and she sighed. "This is gonna be harder than I thought it might be, Jack. It's clear that he doesn't believe he's going to have much of a life now. It's understandable, but it's not impossible to fix."

"What do you think we should do?" he asked her, feeling a little out of his depth in this real-life application of the theory. He'd never done anything like this before.

"Well, that's what I was going to ask you. Part of your portfolio is what you think ought to be done for him. You should do some research into treatments of PTSD and decide on what might work for him. I do have my ideas and I think I know what would work, but I'd like to know what you think."

He nodded, determined to prove himself. "Okay. I'll get right on that."

"Good. So...until then...is everything okay for you? I heard about Ennis's daughter coming to live with you..."

"Yeah, she did. I...I'm trying to cope with it, but it's not easy. He's really good with her and I admire him for it. I just wish I could be like that with her...she's my stepdaughter, after all. And her mother did give me parental rights so I can adopt her."

"Are you going to do that?" she asked, and he shrugged.

"I don't know. I think Ennis wants me to, because he wants us to be a family. And...I do want to. But I'm just so messed up about it right now."

She nodded. "Well...I'm not your counsellor so I can't give you much advice. But I can tell you this; talk to Ennis. I know he loves you and that he'd be willing to listen to you."

"Yeah. I mean..." He smiled a little. "We've got a date planned for tomorrow night. I'm looking forward to it."

"Good. It's important to keep things going. Just take each day at a time and keep talking to each other. That's all you can really do."

"I know. And we're both trying to make this work...it seems to be okay right now. I just struggle when it concerns Junior, 'cos she isn't mine. And I can't sign those papers and adopt her until I've got my head sorted out. That could take a while."

"Okay. Well, I've got some more work to do today. Why don't you go on over to the library and get started on that research?" He nodded and left the office, looking forward to getting some fresh air. He and Ennis had planned to meet for lunch as they usually did, and he liked having some normality in their lives again.

He wasn't too sure what was going to happen with their current situation, and he was scared that he might not be able to deal with it at all. He didn't want to be without Ennis, ever.

* * *

That afternoon when they got home, Ennis and Jack started preparing dinner together while Junior watched TV. Summer was wearing on and the weather was always good here; they'd enjoyed taking Junior out.

Since their fight and reconciliation, Jack had tried to ignore his feelings of being left out. He knew that Ennis had never meant for that to happen, and he could see that Ennis was trying to prevent it from happening again. It meant a lot to him, so he vowed to do his part and try to be more of a father to Junior.

As he'd been doing research in the library, he'd taken the time to really think about everything. Some of Junior's things from Wyoming had arrived that morning and they were due to decorate Junior's room to make her feel more at home. Jack was supportive of this effort and he figured that it might help him. He knew it was important to Ennis for them to be a family, so all he could really do was try; he didn't want them to break up just because he couldn't get over it.

Jack didn't understand what was really bothering him about it; something was there and he didn't know what it was. But when he looked over at Ennis and saw him chopping the carrots like nothing was wrong, he knew he couldn't let it bother him. All that mattered was that they were together and happy. They were still as much in love now as they had ever been.

There was suddenly a buzzing sound and Ennis went to answer it. "Hello?"

"Got a delivery for Ennis Del Mar," a voice replied. "From Wyoming?" Jack looked up at this and Ennis nodded at him.

"Be right there." He turned to Jack. "Could you...?"

"Yeah, we'll be fine. Go on," Jack told him, smiling a little. Ennis smiled back and went to collect the delivery. Jack put the food on a low light and went over to Junior, feeling nervous. "Looks like your mom's sending more of your stuff, Junior," he said to her, and she looked up.

"Is mama gonna come an' see me soon?" she asked him, looking so innocent that his heart melted. He wished he knew how to answer her.

"I don't know, Junior. Your dad never said if she would...but I bet she misses you. Guess you miss her too, huh?"

She nodded and leaned against him. "Yeah." Jack put an arm around her in an attempt at comfort, and was relieved when he heard Ennis coming back upstairs.

"Her drawin' table, all packed up," he was saying as he came through the door. "I wonder how much more there's to come?"

"Maybe you could call Alma and ask," Jack suggested, and Ennis looked surprised. Jack didn't normally talk about Alma at all if he could help it.

"Yeah, I guess. Anyway...we'll get this set up later, Junior." She nodded and Jack re-joined him in the kitchen.

"Listen, bud...Junior's been asking about Alma. Wondering if she's gonna come and visit sometime."

Ennis looked at him. "Really? What did you say?"

"I just said I didn't know...'cos I really don't. Wasn't sure what to say to her...but...I can see she misses her mom a lot. She's only five, Ennis...and she's just had Alma since she was born. I bet they were close."

"Yeah. Maybe I will call Alma an' ask her about that. I don't know if she'd go for it, though...with her fiancé's family not approvin' of it all. Maybe she don't wanna offend 'em or anythin'."

"Right. Still...Alma said they don't approve of Junior being around, right? Did they say anything about Alma coming here to visit her?"

"No. Maybe you're right, Jack...it's worth a shot." He smiled at his husband, pleased to see some progress. "Well...you're doin' well with this, bud. Fightin' Junior's corner like that."

Jack shrugged and looked down. "I just...when she asked me, she had this look on her face and her eyes were all...big and innocent, you know? Just...really got to me." He looked into Ennis's deep brown eyes. "Actually...they reminded me of you. Guess those eyes do something to me."

Ennis smiled widely and kissed him on the cheek. "Well, I appreciate it, bud. Means a lot to me that yer tryin'." He returned to the food and Jack joined him, feeling pleased with himself that he'd managed to do something for Junior.

After dinner, they got Junior's drawing table set up in her room; it was a soft pink colour and Junior squealed with delight when she saw it. "Daddy!" Ennis ruffled her hair affectionately and she hugged his legs. "Thank you!"

"You're welcome, darlin'," he said to her. "We gotta get you ready for bed soon, so you can have a little time with this if you want. Okay?" He couldn't deny her that when she was clearly so happy.

She nodded and grabbed some paper, eager to use this again. Ennis and Jack left the room and flopped down on the sofa. "That went well," Jack noted, and he turned so that he was perpendicular to Ennis, resting his head on Ennis's lap. "Turned out to be an alright day."

"Yeah." Ennis was smiling down at him and stroking his hair, an expression of deep love on his face. "I'm gonna call Alma at some point, an' I'll ask her about visitin'. Would you be okay with her bein' around?"

Jack thought for a moment. "Well...I know I'm not her favourite person in the world. But I reckon that as long as she's civil to me, it'd be alright. That's all I really ask."

"She will be," Ennis assured him, now rubbing his stomach. "I'll make sure of it." He leaned down to kiss Jack again, deeper this time. He was looking forward to their date tomorrow night and knew that nothing would spoil it. A very good evening and night were ahead of them; he was sure of it.

* * *

The next evening, Ennis and Jack were getting ready for their date. Junior was staying overnight with Jessica and Amy, so they had the entire night to themselves. It had been a while since their last date, so both were looking forward to it. Ennis knew that they had to get back into this, since their marriage was still so new.

Ennis entered their bedroom to see Jack getting his jeans on, and he was shirtless. Momentarily struck dumb by this sight, Ennis simply stood there. He could see Jack's muscles moving underneath his tanned skin, tight and firm. Jack's ass looked very appealing in those jeans and all Ennis wanted to do was rip them off him and push Jack down to the bed.

Jack felt eyes on him and turned to see Ennis staring at him, and he grinned. "Cat got your tongue, cowboy? You wanna have your way with me right now?" Ennis snapped back to reality and immediately went red at having been caught practically drooling over Jack.

"Um...I was just..." He went to the nightstand to retrieve his wallet and then took a deep breath. "You, um...you look good," he managed, trying not to stammer.

Jack smirked and started putting his shirt on. "Thanks, bud. You know...you don't look half bad yourself. I guess all this coast living is doing us some good, huh?"

"Yeah. So, um..." Ennis looked around nervously, embarrassed by the swelling in his jeans that he was sure Jack could see. "See you out there."

"Sure thing." Jack noticed how Ennis had trouble walking and he laughed to himself; it felt good for them to be like this again after the problems they'd had. Maybe tonight things would be more normal, and he craved that right now with everything that was going on.

By the time Jack was ready, Ennis's blood pressure had gone down and he could walk again. They made sure that they had everything and then headed out, looking forward to a romantic evening together. They took a walk down to the front and went to their favourite seafood restaurant where Ennis had proposed to Jack shortly after moving here. This place meant a lot to them and Ennis wanted to take Jack here tonight because of that meaning; it just felt so right to come here.

They took a booth in the corner and settled in, listening to the slow music being played in the corner by a live band. It was still very romantic here and it was just what they needed.

Ennis took Jack's hand across the table and squeezed it. "I know we need this tonight, Jack. Just you an' me. An' to be honest...I need it too. I love Junior, but I know I've gotta focus on you too. I'm tryin' to find a balance."

Jack sighed and placed his free hand over Ennis's. "It's okay. I know this hasn't been easy for you, either. And I'm trying to put some effort into it. I love you, Ennis...have done for a long time now. And...I really want this to work out." Ennis nodded and then a waitress came over, ready to take their order. They both went for sharing a seafood platter, which they had always enjoyed, and also ordered some wine. Tonight was just about them and their love.

While they waited, Ennis looked into Jack's eyes and gently played with his fingers. He thought about their life together so far, ever since they were young students who had become roommates. He never would have imagined that he would fall in love with this man, but it had just happened. He didn't regret any of it; not even that he'd had to break up with Alma to keep Jack. Even before their relationship had started, Jack had always encouraged him to follow his heart and to do what he wanted without fearing the reactions of his family.

"What are you thinking about?" Jack murmured, seeing that Ennis had a slight smile on his face. It always warmed his heart to see Ennis smiling.

"Just...about when we was just friends. How you always told me to do what I wanted, an' to not worry how my family would react. You were there for me, even then."

Jack smiled. "You were my friend, Ennis. And I kinda knew about following your heart, remember? It was what I had to do, after all, when I came out."

"Yeah. I'm very grateful for that, Jack. I know it...wasn't easy for you when you first heard about me breakin' up with a girl. You had a crush on me an' thought I was straight. Sorry if that hurt..."

Jack shook his head. "No big deal. It's all water under the bridge now, and it worked out; we're together now. Where we ought to be." He leaned over and Ennis met his lips eagerly; even if they hadn't been surrounded by gay couples he wouldn't have cared. They kissed a few times and broke apart to see the waitress hovering with their food, a smirk on her face.

"When you're ready, guys," she said to them, and they grinned in embarrassment. She set their food down and they started eating, eventually feeding each other and trying not to make too much noise.

When they were finally done, Ennis paid the bill and they headed for the beach to take a walk, holding hands as they walked barefoot on the sand. They had been married on this very beach, and both of them could remember how the sunset had looked on the water, turning everything red. It hadn't even been a year yet, but they felt as if it could have been a lot longer. It had definitely been the best day of their lives and they would never forget how they had felt to make that kind of commitment, legally no less. Jack knew that as long as they had such memories to hold on to, they would be okay.


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

_July 3rd, 2009_

On Friday, Jack felt nervous as he approached Emily's office. Having done some research into PTSD, he'd come up with a potential method of treatment and he hoped that it was right. She was a lot more qualified than him to make that kind of judgement, but he hoped that one day he would be able to do that kind of thing himself. He wanted to help other people, but something told him he couldn't until he sorted out his own crisis.

He knocked on her door and waited, thinking about the other aspects of his life. His and Ennis's date earlier that week had gone very well after their walk on the sand. They'd ended up having a few drinks in the bar near their apartment and were suitably aroused by the time they got home. Jack fondly recalled how they had made good use of their bed for the remaining few hours until falling asleep, and he was on cloud nine after having such a good time.

They had agreed that they needed to try and get back into the habit of having date nights together, to keep things going well between them. Ennis had told him that he'd missed doing that and they had worked out that from next week, they could start going out on Saturday nights. Junior would be just fine with Amy and Jessica, or with any of their other friends if the girls also wanted to go out. Both he and Ennis trusted their friends, feeling a kind of bond with them already.

"Come in," called Emily, shaking Jack from his thoughts. He entered the room and smiled at her.

"Hey, hope I'm not too early." She shook her head and waved him in.

"Not at all, come in." He sat down opposite her and waited for her to speak, still feeling nervous. "So...I take it you've been doing that research?"

"Yeah, I have. Just hope it's what you're looking for," he replied, and she nodded.

"Don't worry about it, Jack. Just let me know what you think."

"Well...I looked up treatments for PTSD and...I'm thinking that psychotherapy could be the best one. We could get him to talk about what happened to him and to describe his feelings and everything. It might help him come to terms with it, you know?"

Emily was nodding. "You're right; that's the treatment that I was thinking of. I guess you really are cut out for this, Jack. So, is there anything else you'd like to ask me about the case? Or any suggestions?"

"Well..." Jack tried to recall what he'd read, and a few things came to mind. "If he's got family nearby...someone who could help him, then maybe they could sit in with us and give him moral support. And if he doesn't wanna talk, then there are other ways. Like...listening to music or something. It might help to calm him, you know?"

Emily smiled. "That's exactly it, Jack. You're doing very well with this and I think you can cope with patient therapy. With some more practice, of course. Now then...I know your portfolio isn't due in for months yet, but...how's it coming along?"

"It's taking shape," he told her, and it was true. Jack spent every moment he could at work on the portfolio, even if it was just a quick five minutes when he was in the office and had nothing else to do. He tried to do some at home but things were still uneasy there and he wanted to focus on Ennis and Junior when he was at home.

He knew that their anniversary trip was coming up and he hoped that they could still go ahead with it. Ennis had been reluctant to go to Boston for Pride for just a weekend; how might he feel about leaving Junior for a whole week in Vermont like they had planned out? Jack hoped that since things were better now than they had been, Ennis would be alright with it. All he could do was hope.

"So," Emily continued, looking at him over the desk. "How're things at home?"

He shrugged. "Okay, I guess. Better than they were. We went on that date and it was fun to be just us again. We sure made up for lost time." He grinned a little and looked down. "I really missed it. And I know that things have to be different now because of Junior, and that's okay. But we agreed that we need to focus on each other, too. We've arranged a date night every week from now on. Just me and him, out together. I think it'll help."

"Good," she told him, nodding. "As someone who has given marriage counselling in the past, I can tell you that it's very important to make time for yourselves. That's why a lot of new parents have problems; they focus on their child all the time and not enough on each other. The key is to find a balance and I hope that you two can." She thought for a moment and lowered her voice. "Look...if you and Ennis ever do need to talk to someone, or you want to talk alone...you know where to find me. I'd be happy to help you out if you need it."

Jack was touched by her offer but he hoped that he would never need it. "Thanks, Emily. I appreciate it...but I hope it doesn't come to that."

"I know. And...you'll probably be able to work it out yourselves. But I'm just saying that if you need me, I'm here."

"Right. Anyway, um...I'd better get back to my paperwork or I'll never get out of here for lunch. See you later, yeah?"

"Sure. Take care, Jack." They shook hands and he left the office, feeling a little better than he had before. His work was going well, he and Ennis were getting back on track and were even meeting for lunch, and everything seemed to be sorting itself out.

* * *

At the café where he and Jack had agreed to meet up, Ennis was dialling his mother's number as he waited. He hadn't yet told her about Junior coming to live with them, but he had to wonder if she already knew; she seemed to know a lot of things before he did.

He kept an eye out for Jack as he pressed the phone to his ear, hoping that he would show up soon. Things were going really well for them right now and he wanted it to stay that way. It was clear to him what Jack was so afraid of; that the whole situation would be too hard for him to deal with and that they would end up divorcing. The very idea made Ennis's blood run cold and he knew that he couldn't let it happen. Jack simply meant too much to him for that.

"Ennis?" came his mother's sweet, familiar voice. They'd become a lot closer since she had come to visit him and Jack on campus all those years ago, and she had been so accepting of their relationship. He wondered what it might have been like if his father hadn't died; would he have accepted it? Ennis didn't think so.

"Hey, mama," he replied, pushing away those dark thoughts of that man who would rather have seen him dead than gay. "I know it's been a while..."

"It sure has. Everythin' okay?" she asked, and he thought he could hear something in her voice that indicated that she knew.

"Um, well...a lot's happened. Do you...already know?"

"About Alma an' Junior? Yeah," she said with a sigh, and he nodded to himself.

"Okay. Did Alma talk to you?"

"Yeah. She called me when she was tryin' to decide what to do. I told her she ought to think about what would be best for Junior, an' that I'd be supportive no matter what. I hoped that she'd let you have her, considerin' that you're her daddy. How are you copin'?"

"I'm...doin' okay. Junior's a good kid an' I think she's happy here. But...Jack's taken it hard."

"Really? How come?"

"Mostly 'cos...he wanted to have kids with me somehow, an' then Junior came along. She's my kid but not really his an' I think it gets to him now an' then. An'...did Alma tell you about her parental rights?"

"Yeah, that she's signed them over to Jack," Ellen replied, remembering what Alma had said to her over the phone. "So he can adopt Junior."

"That's it. Thing is...I ain't too sure if he can do it. He's been havin' real trouble with the whole thing, an' we already had a fight 'cos I didn't think I could leave Junior so soon. He wanted us to go to Pride like we do every year, but I thought it was too soon to leave her."

"Ennis...I know it can't be easy for him, but at least you understand that. You know, before I met your daddy I was thinkin' of goin' to college myself. But then my daddy wanted to marry me off an' yer daddy was around...they couldn't get rid of me quick enough. They wanted me to give 'em grandkids, an' I was to be a wife an' mother no matter what. The point is...I learnt to deal with the disappointment that my life wasn't goin' the way I wanted. I learnt to adapt an' to find new ways of bein' happy. An' I reckon Jack's tryin' to find his way, too."

"What d'you mean?" he asked, hoping that Jack wasn't thinking of leaving him to be happy elsewhere. But Jack was equally scared of them breaking up, so it wasn't likely.

"He's been thinkin' that you two are gonna have a kid together somehow. An' now this has happened with Junior an' it ain't what he expected. He's just tryin' to adjust to this an' cope with the change in direction. I bet it wasn't easy for you, when you decided you wanted to be with him."

"No, it wasn't," he agreed, and she nodded to herself. "I thought I'd end up with a girl, even if it wasn't Alma. Never thought I'd fall for a guy."

But you adjusted," she reminded him. "Because you wanted to be with him, an' because you loved him. To you, it was worth changin' your thinkin'. An'...I reckon Jack knows how important it is for him to change his thinkin'. It's what he needs to do to make this work with you. He'd just tryin' to find a new way of bein' with you. As the stepfather of your daughter an' not just as your husband. All new parents go through that in their own way, especially if they didn't expect to be parents."

Ennis digested her words, seeing how true they were. Jack really was trying to get used to having Junior around, and they both knew that it was very important for him to do that. Ennis didn't want to rush him, so he knew that he had to simmer things down a little.

"You're right...he's just tryin' to adjust. An' I've told him there's no pressure to sign those papers. He don't have to do it until he's ready, an' he told me that he will be one day. I can wait for him, mama. Like you said...it'll be worth it."

"That's it, my boy. Listen, I gotta go now but I'll be in touch again. I'd like to see my granddaughter sometime."

"Yeah, that'd be good. So...see you then." They clicked off and Ennis spied Jack walking into the café, looking happy. "Hey."

"Hey yourself," Jack replied, surprised by the kiss that was planted on his lips. "What was that for?" he asked as he sat down.

"Just 'cos I love you," Ennis shrugged, smiling at him and knowing that he was very lucky to have someone like Jack in his life. He hadn't expected it, but sometimes the best outcomes were the unexpected ones.

* * *

Ennis let his head fall to one side as Jack attacked his neck, biting his lip to try and stay quiet. But it was very hard when Jack was doing that to him and rubbing against him at the same time. The lights were off apart from the bedside lamp and the door was locked; the perfect opportunity to get up to something.

"Jack," he breathed, his eyes falling closed as Jack's soft bites turned to kisses. Jack seemed determined to give him a hickey and he didn't particularly care. It just felt so good to be this passionate again, and he hoped that things would only get better for them.

"Mmm," Jack moaned against his skin, trailing a hand over Ennis's stomach and knowing how sensitive that area was right now. He knew all the buttons to press that would drive Ennis crazy and he always made full use of that knowledge. "Ennis...wanna be inside you...can I?" he whispered, nuzzling his lover's face.

"Yeah," Ennis replied, knowing that he needed it that way as much as Jack did. He no longer cared that another man was dominating him like that; he loved how Jack felt inside him. Jack knew how to make him feel good, too. "Go on...fuck me..."

Jack rose up and looked down at him, cheeks flushed and hair in disarray. He had a dark, lustful look in his eyes and Ennis gulped in anticipation. When Jack was heavily aroused like this, he knew he was in for a good night. Jack prepared himself with the lube and kept his eyes fixed on Ennis's, seeing that Ennis kept glancing at his erection and the fluid already leaking from it. "You want that, cowboy?" he whispered, advancing on him, and Ennis nodded.

"Yeah..." Jack smirked and flipped him over; that was the best way when they wanted it hard; doing it face to face would just be painful at the pace they were due to go as it strained their hips too much.

"This okay?" Jack breathed in Ennis's ear, remembering to make sure that Ennis was alright with this. Ennis nodded, resting on his knees and taking deep breaths.

"Uh huh." He shivered as he felt Jack behind him, knowing that he was about to be fucked hard and looking forward to it. Jack wrapped an arm around his waist and started to push in, trying not to hurt him even in his passion. He eased himself in until he was fully buried and he gently rubbed Ennis's back, letting him know that it was okay.

Jack pushed Ennis down slightly so that he could lean over him, reaching up with his hands to interlace their fingers; even when they went at it like this it was important to remember that they loved each other and that it was about more than just sex. "Tell me when you're ready," Jack murmured in Ennis's ear, and they shifted together until both were comfortable. Ennis then let out a sigh and told Jack that he was ready.

They moved slowly at first, finding their pace, and Jack kissed Ennis's back as he moved inside him, feeling his love for Ennis fill his heart and mind. He did love it when Ennis topped him, but he loved this too and was glad that they could be equals; it added up to a healthy sex life and a good relationship.

After a few minutes, Jack gripped Ennis's hips and picked up the pace, pulling out only a little before pushing back in, hard. Ennis groaned in both pain and pleasure as Jack tried to get even further inside him, fucking him hard and panting in his ear. "Fuck...Jack..."

"That's what I'm doing, bud," Jack replied with a gasp. "Fucking you hard, like I told you. Damn, Ennis...you feel so good..."

"So do...you," Ennis choked out, lowering his head to the pillow and raising his hips for Jack, who was pleased that he was making Ennis respond like this. There was some part of him that was very aroused by the fact that Ennis was at his mercy like this; he would never hurt Ennis or force him into anything but he liked how they could be like this. He knew that Ennis trusted him and that was why he felt okay about doing this. "God, I love you..."

"Love you too." Jack kept his strokes hard and fast, watching as he moved in and out of his lover and marvelling at how much Ennis could take. It was lucky that they were both tough guys who could take a good pounding and still enjoy it. "Love you so fucking much..."

He leaned right over Ennis's back and lowered one hand to Ennis's crotch, taking hold of him and jerking him off quickly in a way that he knew would make Ennis explode very soon. "Come on, come for me, baby," he breathed in his lover's ear, and that did it. Ennis shot hard onto the bed and bucked his hips, contracting his muscles and affecting Jack. A few more strokes into a trembling Ennis and Jack was done, coming deep inside him and trying not to pass out from exhaustion.

They collapsed together on the bed, Jack's cheek stuck to Ennis's back as they both tried to breathe again. "Damn," Ennis whispered, head spinning from what they'd just done. Jack pulled out and fell onto him again.

"Yeah. That was...so good. Are you okay?" he asked, rubbing Ennis's back. Ennis turned over and wrapped his arms around Jack, kissing his lips softly.

"I'm fine, darlin'. An' that was...well...ain't been like that for a while, have we?"

"No...I missed that." Jack smiled at him and they nuzzled their noses together, feeling happy and satisfied. There was nothing quite like this for either of them, and they both had the feeling that everything would be okay. All they had to do was hold on to each other and remember how they felt; hopefully that would be enough to keep them together.

* * *

The next day was Independence Day, so Ennis and Jack decided to take Junior out for the day. They knew that there would be fireworks later on, so that was something to look forward to. The main street of the town was usually blocked off for the parade and then the stalls afterwards, and there was plenty for them to do. Ennis and Jack usually enjoyed this day and hoped that Junior would too.

"What d'you wanna do first?" Ennis asked as they reached the main part of town, where crowds were milling about already.

"Don't know. The parade isn't until noon, but we can look through the shops," Jack replied, seeing the look of wonder on Junior's face. Things were going very well now and they were happy, having cleared everything up. And Jack knew he would never forget last night and what they'd done; that was a precious memory to him. He didn't top as much as Ennis did, only when he really felt the need for it or if Ennis felt that need, but he enjoyed it when they did it that way. He remembered their first time back in college and how nervous Ennis had been.

He could recall the look in Ennis's eyes as he'd first entered him, wide in shock at the initial pain but then relaxing as he got used to the feeling. And Ennis had gazed up at him the entire time until he had to close his eyes; Jack had been so happy to see how he was making Ennis feel.

The three of them wandered through the shops, seeing how everything was decorated with flags and lots of merchandise. Both of them remembered that they should call their parents later, which again made Ennis wonder if things might be different if his father was alive. He would now never know if his father could make peace with who he was and his decision to be with Jack.

"You okay?" Jack asked in a low voice as they walked, taking Ennis's free hand; his other was holding onto Junior. He gave a gentle squeeze as Ennis shrugged.

"Just...thinkin' about my dad. If he'd lived...would he be okay with us? With me bein' this way?"

"I don't know, bud," Jack sighed, knowing that this really got to Ennis whenever he thought about it. "But I know your mom accepts us; she was even at our wedding. I remember when she came to see us on campus; she seemed okay with it even then."

"Yeah. An' I'm glad I've still got her, but..."

"You'll never know if your dad might have changed his mind," Jack finished for him in a quiet voice, nodding. "I know..." He kissed Ennis's cheek as they walked on, just trying to make him feel better.

Just before the parade was due to start, they headed into a small café for lunch and watched the other patrons as they waited, seeing how the day was being celebrated in their community. Jack couldn't help but see some parallels with Pride; it was about celebrating freedom and community spirit, and everybody went all-out for it. He loved living here in this little corner of the world where nobody would hurt or discriminate against them. It was the safest place for them to live, and the safest for them to bring up Junior.

Ennis glanced at Jack now and then as they ate; he seemed a lot happier than he had been over the last few weeks. Now that they had finally talked and cleared the air about their feelings, it was as if everything was suddenly okay. He couldn't believe that everybody had been right, and that they had sorted this without a huge fight; he didn't like arguing with Jack and it was a waste of time anyway. He would much rather spend their time showing each other their love, and being happy together. Arguing would not achieve anything except the possibility of a breakup, which they both wanted to avoid at all costs. Ennis didn't think he could live without Jack in his life now, and hoped that he would never have to.

"We better get a move on if we wanna catch that parade," Jack was saying as he checked his watch, breaking into Ennis's chain of thought.

"Right," he agreed, finishing his lunch and helping Junior out of the booth. They headed back outside and found a good spot to watch it from; Ennis had Junior stand in front of them so that she could see, and he placed his hands on her shoulders protectively.

After the parade, which Junior had enjoyed, they walked along the street to the various stalls and looked at the hand-crafted items on display. While Ennis was preoccupied with Junior, Jack paused by a stall that was selling homemade candles; small ones that could be placed around the bathroom if he had a mind to. Smiling to himself, he picked up a case of the sandalwood scented ones and caught Ennis's eye.

"You'll see," he said innocently as Ennis wondered what he'd bought. He knew the look in Jack's eyes; he was planning something romantic and spontaneous for them. Ennis smiled and made sure he was holding onto Junior as they walked after Jack.

"Lookin' forward to them fireworks tonight," Ennis commented as Junior looked at the handmade toys. Jack nodded and leaned in.

"Yeah...and then the fireworks we'll be making when we're all alone," he whispered, and Ennis bit back a grin.

"That so?" he asked, trying to ignore the slight swelling he was experiencing at the thought.

"Yep. We're taking a bath tonight, bud. Just you and me." He kissed Ennis's cheek and moved forward to see what Junior had found. Ennis watched them affectionately and saw how good Jack could be with her; he didn't want Jack to feel rushed into signing those papers, but he knew that Jack would be a good father if he just gave himself the chance.

* * *

After an eventful day in town, the three of them returned to the apartment for another bite to eat before heading back out for the fireworks. They would be watching the fireworks from the park and were looking forward to it.

While Junior was taking a short nap, Ennis and Jack sat on the sofa together and took a breather. Ennis kissed Jack a couple of times before resting his head on Jack's shoulder.

"Had a good day today," he commented, and Jack nodded, kissing his forehead.

"Sure did. You know, I was thinking earlier...about how Fourth of July is kind of similar to Pride, in a way. I mean, it's about freedom and...well, pride. Don't you think?"

Ennis nodded, seeing the logic in Jack's words. "I guess." He looked up at Jack, taking his hand. "I promise...we can go to Pride in Boston next year. It was just too soon this time, with Junior comin' to live with us."

"I know," Jack replied, squeezing his hand. "And I can see that now. I guess I was...kind of selfish at the time. Wanting nothing to change even though everything had...it wasn't fair to you to have to put up with that...and I'm sorry."

"It's okay," Ennis told him in a soft voice, sitting up and kissing him again. "It really is, Jack. Doesn't matter now." He smiled and patted Jack's leg. "We better get a move on soon if we wanna catch those fireworks."

"Don't forget, cowboy...you and me have a bath date," Jack called after Ennis as he headed for Junior's bedroom. Ennis smirked.

"Like I'm gonna forget that." Jack grinned and got up, walking to the bathroom and goosing Ennis as he passed.

When all three of them were ready, they left the apartment once more and slowly made their way to the park, seeing that a lot of people were already heading in that direction.

"Ennis! Jack!" It was Jessica and Amy, who were a few feet behind them with smiles on their faces. "Hey, you guys. Hey, Junior."

"Hi," she replied shyly, standing close to Ennis. Jack smiled at their friends.

"We're heading for the park to watch the fireworks...you wanna join us?" The girls nodded and the group walked on, talking and enjoying the atmosphere around them. Jack thought about what it might have been like if he and Ennis didn't have Junior; if they would adopt a child or go via an egg donor and surrogate. They knew a few women who they thought would be willing to help them, such as Lureen and these two, and he wondered if it would ever happen.

They reached the area of the park where everybody seemed to be congregated and stood together. Ennis couldn't stop thinking about later tonight, when he and Jack would make use of their bathtub for once. There was no better way to take a bath as far as he was concerned; it was always interesting when they were in there together.

Jessica and Amy kept an eye on Junior while Ennis stood behind Jack and slid his arms around his waist, wanting to hold him and just breathe him in. He was still so much in love with Jack and he was grateful for every day they had together. Things would never be the exact same as before now that they had Junior, but they would simply be different. He was starting to believe that Jack could cope with this situation and would sign the papers soon.

"Mmm," he moaned softly, kissing Jack's neck. "I love you..."

"Have you been drinking?" Jack asked, grinning as Ennis squeezed him. "You're horny."

"No, I ain't been drinkin'," Ennis protested, rolling his eyes. "Just...can't a man tell his fella that he loves him?" Jack turned in his arms, a sincere look in his eyes.

"'Course he can, bud. I was just messing..." Ennis kissed him on the mouth and smirked.

"I know. But...I do love you, Jack. You oughta know that by now..." He sometimes worried that Jack wasn't aware of just how strong his feelings were. He knew that Jack knew he loved him very much, and that he was the love of Ennis's life, but Ennis didn't know what else he could say to describe his deepest feelings. The words would never come to him no matter how much he tried to find them. He just couldn't describe what he felt for this man.

"Are you okay?" Jack asked, seeing that Ennis looked like something was troubling him. Ennis shook his head.

"I just...I wish I could find the words to...let you know what I'm feelin', bud. I feel real strong on you, an' I don't know what to say except the obvious." He hung his head. "Wish I could...it gets to me that I can't...an' I keep thinkin' that you don't know how much I..."

Jack kissed him to shut him up, knowing what Ennis was trying to say. "It's okay, baby, It really is. You say all the right things when you have the right moment. And...I'm sure the right words for you will come in their own time. If it's important for you to find them, I'm sure you will. I know you love me, Ennis. And I know how much. You don't need to say those words for me, whatever they are. But if you want to say them for your benefit, then you'll figure out what they are. I know it."

The sound of a firework soaring upwards caught their attention and Jack turned back around, feeling warm and safe in Ennis's arms. As the five of them watched the display and thought about their lives, they all felt as if everything was falling into place for them.

Jack thought about Ennis's frustration at not being so great with words, but he had to admit that he'd never seen that himself. Ennis always seemed to know what to say to make him feel like nobody else ever could, and he hoped that Ennis could one day see it in himself.


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

_July 10th, 2009_

Six days after the celebrations in town, Jack and his mother were making preparations over the phone for a visit. It had been agreed that she and his father would be bringing his two younger sisters and a couple of younger cousins that wanted to go to the beach. He'd invited his brother in New York to join them with his girlfriend (who was actually now his wife), but they both had to work a lot over the next few weeks.

Still, things were going well for all of them. He and Ennis had thoroughly enjoyed their bath date, and Jack had arranged the sandalwood candles around the bathroom for their enjoyment. There had been wine and soft music playing, and it had been very romantic.

"_A man could get used to this," Ennis sighed as he settled between Jack's legs, leaning against his husband and listening to the music. Jack kissed the back of his neck and sipped his wine._

"_Sure could. I just figured we needed something like this, Ennis...something romantic..."_

"_Yep." They clinked glasses and just revelled in the quiet around them._

Jack thought about this as he was on hold, waiting for his mother to retrieve the plane tickets so they could agree a time to meet. When he and Ennis had finished with the wine, Ennis had turned around with a gleam in his eyes; red wine always made him horny. They'd had a lot of fun in the tub before growing cold, upon which they had retreated to their bedroom for round two.

He was very relieved that their sex life hadn't suffered too much in the light of their problems; that was the last thing he wanted to happen. He loved Ennis so much and never wanted to go for too long without their physical love. He couldn't possibly imagine having sex with a complete stranger at random, like a lot of gay men did. For him, sex had mostly been about love. He hadn't loved the girls he'd been with in high school, but now it was different. As far as he and Ennis were concerned, sex did equal love because there was no way they could separate the two.

"Jack?" came his mother's voice, shaking him from his thoughts.

"Yep. Did you get them?"

"Sure did. We've got a flight at eight in the morning on the seventeenth. We should be there for around nine or so."

"Okay. I don't think my car's big enough to take you all, so I can pick up the kids and you guys could take a taxi or something."

"That'd be fine, Jack. How's everything there?"

"All fine. Ennis and I are okay right now, thank God. I really don't know what I would have done if we'd broken up." Ennis, who had just walked into the main room from the bathroom, heard this and stopped, staring at Jack. Clearly, their fight was still getting to him. "I just...I don't ever wanna lose him, mom. He's...my soul mate, you know?" Ennis smiled at these words and leaned against the doorframe, watching Jack.

"I know, honey. And I'm sure you'll be fine. I can't wait to see you boys again, and to meet Junior."

"Yeah. Can you handle being called Grandma?" he asked her with a grin.

"Well...it was bound to happen one day, one way or another. I always figured your brother would be the first, to be honest. Any news on that front?"

"No, they haven't said anything. I'm sure he'd let you know if there was."

"Yeah. Anyway, I better get back to what I was doing. Give my love to Ennis and Junior."

"Will do. Bye, mom."

"Bye, honey." Jack clicked off and jumped when he felt Ennis's hand on his shoulder.

"Damn it, Ennis..." He turned to see a strange look in Ennis's eyes; he couldn't really figure out what it was. "Ennis?"

"That fight we had...is it still gettin' to you?" Ennis asked softly, feeling sorry for Jack that he'd been suffering alone. Jack sighed.

"Well...not really. But I can't stop thinking about what might have happened if we hadn't made up. I don't want it to ever get to a point where one of suggests a...divorce." Even just saying the word made him shudder; it was so final and bleak. Ennis pulled him close, kissing the side of his head.

"It ain't gonna happen. To be honest...I can't see either of us bein' able to say that each other. I don't wanna be without you, Jack. Not after everythin' we've been through."

Jack took several deep breaths and tried to calm himself, knowing that breaking down wouldn't do him any good. "Yeah."

When Jack was okay again, Ennis released him and kissed him on the lips. "Right then...what d'you want for dinner?" Jack laughed at Ennis's ability to cheer him up no matter what.

"I don't know. You're the chef tonight. Maybe I should get you one of those 'Kiss the cook' aprons, you know?"

"You know you don't need an excuse to kiss me, Jack," Ennis replied as he started rummaging in the freezer, and then the fridge. Jack grinned when Ennis bent over, admiring the sight before him.

"Nope, sure don't..." Ennis realised that Jack was staring at his ass and rolled his eyes.

"Put your eyes back in, Jack. Ain't got no time for that," he said as he straightened up.

"So does that mean I'll get some later?" Jack asked slyly, sidling up to him and letting his hands wander. Ennis squirmed away with a grin.

"Maybe...you might just get lucky later on." Jack nodded his approval and left him alone to cook, heading for the sofa to watch some TV. He loved being like this with Ennis again; even just hitting on each other could be a lot of fun because they knew where it would end up later on. Jack was already looking forward to the night ahead that Ennis had tempted him with.

* * *

Ennis was lying on his back, letting his mind go blank as he enjoyed the sensations running through his body. Jack's head had disappeared under the sheets and was now between his legs, lavishing attention on him. He felt very relaxed but also straining for release, his neck arching a little.

Things were going very well for them at the moment; he and Jack were soon due to start planning for their anniversary trip in August. They had agreed on going to Vermont and renting a cabin for the week of the twelfth. Since it was their first wedding anniversary, they both wanted to make it as special as possible.

Jack felt himself rubbing against the sheet as he sucked at Ennis, both hands occupied; one was stroking Ennis's stomach where he was particularly sensitive in these moments, and the other was making its way underneath to the dark passage. Jack had a feeling that when his finger penetrated Ennis, that would be enough to send him over the edge. He liked how it wasn't just about the act itself, but about doing different things at once. He loved using every trick he knew on Ennis to make him feel like he was on cloud nine.

"Jack..." Ennis sighed, head falling to the side as his hips bucked slightly. "I...I'm close..." Jack glanced up at him, seeing the look on his face. It was as if he had forgotten the world and even who he was; like he was somewhere else entirely. Jack liked making Ennis feel this way and was happy that he was the one doing this.

He let go for a moment to breathe, and rubbed Ennis's stomach. "S'alright...let go, Ennis...let it out..." When he dived back in, his finger reached its target and pushed in, moving around until Jack found what he was looking for. Ennis kept bucking his hips and was groaning, straining and gasping for breath. Jack sucked a few more times until he felt Ennis coming into his mouth, the unique taste running down his throat as he took it all, his own hips bucking until he started spilling onto the sheet.

"Fuck, Jack!" Ennis gasped out, thrusting helplessly into Jack's mouth and staring wide-eyed at the ceiling. He collapsed back down, breathing heavily as his head spun. Jack looked up at him, now also spent and satisfied. He smiled and crawled up Ennis's chest, glad to see Ennis like this.

"Enjoy that, cowboy?" he murmured, draping himself over Ennis and kissing his husband's neck. Ennis made a soft purring sound in the back of his throat and his hand found Jack's.

"Yeah. That was somethin' else. Always seems to get better with us, every time..."

"I know. Thought it was supposed to get worse after getting hitched," Jack mused, watching their fingers playing together. Ennis shrugged.

"Maybe, but it ain't like that for us. Hope it never does, either. Can't imagine us bein' married an' not doin' it regularly. Couldn't live like that, Jack."

"Yeah...but you know...one day we're gonna be old men, and we won't be able to do it. Our bodies won't be able to cope." He looked up to see the deep brown eyes watching him. "Could you live with that?"

"If we're old, yeah. I might not feel like doin' it by then anyway. They reckon yer sex drive goes down when you're a lot older."

"Hmm." Jack folded his arms on Ennis's chest and rested his chin on them, still watching Ennis's face. "I hope that doesn't happen for a long time yet."

Ennis stroked the back of his neck, liking the feel of Jack's damp hair between his fingers. "It won't, darlin'. I promise. We're gonna keep doin' it regular until we just can't anymore. That okay with you?"

Jack grinned at him. "Sure thing. I love you, baby..."

"Love you too...come up here." Ennis tugged at Jack to pull him up, and their lips met. Jack kissed him deeply, pushing his tongue into Ennis's mouth as if trying to count his teeth. Ennis's hands travelled down Jack's muscled back until he reached his ass, rubbing and stroking. Jack shivered with delight and bucked slightly, breaking away.

"You wanna go again?" he whispered, and Ennis shrugged.

"Figured I'd give you a little somethin'...shut up an' stay still." He moved his hand and pushed a finger into Jack, smirking when Jack's eyes widened. Jack gulped as Ennis started searching for the sweet spot, head falling to Ennis's shoulder. Both were hard by now and their erections were rubbing together, Jack whimpering into Ennis's neck and unable to move.

Ennis kissed Jack's skin as he fingered him, knowing that Jack liked this and that it drove him crazy. Jack was soon shooting between them and groaning into his neck, making Ennis shoot up onto his chest soon after.

Jack collapsed onto him, his vision swimming as he tried to figure out who and where he was. His brain just didn't work when he came like that, and needed a moment to rewire itself. He sighed and relaxed against Ennis, making a contented sigh. "I love you..."

"Mmm...love you too, darlin'." Ennis wrapped his arms around Jack and hugged him, his heart soaring with the love he felt for Jack. Before they'd met, he'd never thought it was possible to love one person so much. Yet here it was; he was lying here with the love of his life and they were very happy. He knew that things were far from perfect for them right now, with the issue of the parental rights documents and the adoption, not to mention Jack's conflicting feelings. But they would be okay; he was sure of it. When they were together, Ennis felt as if they could handle anything.

He looked down to see that Jack had fallen asleep, and smiled. Jack looked like an angel when he slept, yet Ennis had never told him that. Maybe he would at some point; Jack would love to hear it.

* * *

_July 12th, 2009_

On Sunday morning, Ennis and Jack were making concrete plans for their trip to Vermont. After doing some research on the internet, they had found a cabin available for rent just outside Groton State Forest, right next to a lake. It looked like the perfect place for them to spend their anniversary, so they were deciding on how they would go about it.

Jack was currently on the phone trying to call the owner of the cabin to see if it would be available, while Ennis was browsing flights. So far, he couldn't yet find any for August but he figured that would change as the month wore on.

"Hey, I'm looking for a Mr James Peterson. Oh, right. Well, I'm interested in renting your cabin in Vermont for a week in August, if it's possible. Yeah, the one by the lake outside the Groton Forest. My husband and I are looking for a cabin for the week."

Ennis smiled at him, liking the word husband more and more every day. At first, it had felt a little strange to be married to another man, especially legally, but now he was used to it. He hadn't expected any of this, but he couldn't be happier. He loved Jack very much and would do anything to make him happy.

"Okay, that's great. We don't have a flight yet; we can't find any for August. Alright, I'll call you back when we have one. Thanks, bye." He hung up and sat back down. "He says we're welcome to use it for that week. When we have a flight booked, I'll call him back and he can meet us there with the key, and so we can pay him. Sounds good, right?"

Ennis kissed him in response. "Sure does. I know we need some time away together, Jack. I reckon we deserve it after everythin'. Just you an' me, an' we can be as loud as we want."

Jack grinned and squeezed his fingers. "Yep. Seriously, though...I know what you mean. It hasn't been easy lately, and we need some time alone. Don't get me wrong, Ennis...I like Junior. But...sometimes I want it to be just us. And maybe that sounds selfish, but-" Ennis put a hand over his mouth.

"It ain't selfish, Jack. All parents need that, an' we're no different. Like I keep sayin'...I'm Junior's dad but I'm also yer husband, an' we've just gotta find the balance. I know I should pay you more attention than I probably was, but...this is what bein' a parent's all about, I guess. Findin' time for each other an' not just our kid."

_Our kid, _Jack thought to himself, the words sinking in. He wasn't sure if he thought of himself as any kind of parent to Junior yet; he kept trying to bond with her and be a father to her but something just wasn't right about the whole thing, and he couldn't figure out what it was.

He'd tried, of course. It was partially because Junior would never truly be theirs together, and because of their history with Alma, but he didn't think that was it. He hoped that he would figure it out soon; maybe then he would be able to move past this.

Ennis caught the look on his face at the words and shook his head. "It's okay, Jack. Don't think on it too much if you don't wanna." He kissed Jack's cheek and went to get them some more coffee; wondering when Junior was going to wake up. Since it was Sunday and they didn't have anywhere to go, he figured she could sleep in.

When they had more morning fuel inside them, they browsed together to look at the area where the cabin was located. It was a beautiful area, looking quite secluded and private. They knew immediately that they had made the right choice; it looked so romantic.

"I'm looking forward to this," Jack sighed, wrapping his arms around Ennis's waist and resting his head on his shoulder. Ennis laid a hand on Jack's arm.

"Me too. An' look at that lake. Reckon we could go fishin' there."

"Hmm...there's only one pole I want during this trip, Ennis. And it's not a fishing pole," Jack murmured in his ear, making him grin.

"Yeah, I think you proved that the other night," he replied, and Jack laughed.

"Can't help it. All those inches...hard as a rock...don't wanna waste it. I'd rather have it down my throat..." He kissed Ennis's neck, feeling frisky with all this talk. "Or maybe...up my ass," he breathed into Ennis's ear, biting it softly. Ennis gulped and felt himself becoming aroused. Images filled his head at Jack's words; images that he knew very well. Junior could wake up very soon and he didn't want her to catch them like this.

"Jack..." he protested. "We can't...Junior..." Jack paused where he had been placing little kisses on Ennis's jaw and inwardly sighed. All he'd wanted was some love from his man.

"Right," he replied, breaking away. "Yeah, she'll be up soon. What d'you want for breakfast?" he asked as he stood up, heading for the fridge. It was as if a layer of ice had descended upon them; the mood had dropped considerably.

"Jack...don't be pissed at me. You know the deal now; none of that out here while Junior's around. I don't want her seein' us." Jack didn't reply at first but stared into the fridge with unseeing eyes.

"I'm not mad," he eventually replied, pulling out the eggs and bacon. "It's okay." The truth was, he felt as if he'd been slighted. Maybe he shouldn't have gone so far while Junior was close to waking up, but he couldn't help it. They used to be all over each other all the time, no matter where in the apartment they were. It was hard to adjust to this new way of living, and Jack was starting to wonder if he could ever make it.

* * *

The morning had been tense, to say the least, so Jack went for a walk by himself to clear his head. He had been annoyed by Ennis's reluctance to go back to the bedroom, even though he knew deep down that Ennis had been right about being careful. He hated feeling like this; he was sure that he wasn't jealous of Junior taking Ennis's attention away from him. He was just struggling to get used to having her around and he didn't know why.

As he walked barefoot along the sand, he thought back to how things used to be. There was a time when he and Ennis just couldn't keep their hands off each other for long; he could remember them having a quickie in the alleyway back in Amherst a number of times, simply because they'd wanted to. They had been good times, and now Jack wasn't sure that they would ever be quite like that again.

He didn't have a problem with being more responsible and mature now that there was a child around; that would have happened even with their own child. But he did miss the times when they could neck on the sofa and not worry about traumatising anybody. Not to mention their first nights in their old apartment and now their current one; how both had been christened thoroughly. He could recall good times on the washing machine and the floor by the fire.

_Maybe I'm just too used to it being just us, _he thought to himself as he aimlessly wandered back to the street. _We spent most of our days together back in college, and it was just the two of us at both apartments. Now we have to adjust to there being a kid around. It's not easy when he turns me away like that._

Jack felt bad for thinking that; their sex life was as good as ever in the bedroom. Ennis was still attentive and loving towards him, even in front of Junior. They just couldn't get too amorous when Junior could walk in on them, so he had to find a way of reining it in somehow. It was difficult when he was so attracted to Ennis; he couldn't always help himself and knew that had to change.

He ended up in front of their lawyer's office, and decided to ask Mark for some advice. Nobody else was waiting there, so he went straight through and knocked on the door. "Come in."

"Hey, Mark," Jack greeted him, poking his head through the door. "Are you busy?" Mark waved him in.

"Not at all, come on in." Jack sat down opposite him and sighed.

"I just...I need to talk to you." Mark nodded and he continued. "About Junior. I know Ennis wants me to sign those papers..."

"But you're not ready," Mark finished for him, seeing the problem. Jack sighed and looked down at his hands.

"Yeah. Something's just...bugging me about this whole situation. A few things are, but I've figured out what they are."

"Okay. Tell me about the ones you recognise, to start off with," Mark instructed him, folding his hands on the desk.

"Well...one of them is that I wanted to have kids with Ennis one day, somehow. And then Alma turned up with Junior...and now he's got a kid and I'm...feeling kind of left out, to be honest. Ennis is trying to get me more involved, but..." He shook his head. "I don't know. And...it does hurt that Ennis has to focus more on Junior now, even though I understand it."

"I don't know what to tell you, Jack. Ennis does have to focus on her now, but that doesn't mean that he doesn't love you. I don't mean to pry, and you can stop me if you don't want to answer, but-"

"Our sex life," Jack answered, seeing where this was going. "In the bedroom we're fine. Great, actually. But outside of there...he still kisses me and touches me when Junior's not looking, but that's as far as it goes. There was a time when we could go further, but that doesn't happen anymore."

Mark nodded. "Well...I've provided legal advice to new parents before, and I've seen people with the same concerns as you. All new parents can find it hard to adjust, especially when they're used to it being just the two of them. All it really takes is time and effort, though I realise it's harder for you."

"Yeah. I really want this to work out, Mark. I don't want us to be coming to you and saying that we're...getting divorced." Even just saying the word was a struggle; he couldn't hold the thought in his mind.

"I don't want that, either. I'm sure Ennis doesn't. He's not rushing you to sign those papers; he's letting you get there in your own time. That says a lot for him and how much he loves you, so don't get yourself worked up over it. You still have your rights as Ennis's husband and Junior's step-father, so there really is no need for this to happen right away."

"I know. Things weren't so good this morning; that's why I'm out here on my own. But...I think I can go back now. I'll talk to him, properly, and we'll try to figure out what's bugging me so much. If we can do that...hopefully things will start to get better."

"Right. Good luck, Jack." They shook hands and Jack left, a light breeze from the water hitting his face and washing over him. One thing was clear now; he and Ennis needed to have a good talk about what was going on and their feelings, to hopefully flush out Jack's innermost thoughts and figure out what was wrong. Jack never wanted to lose Ennis and knew that the feeling was mutual, so they had to work at this. It was what a marriage was about, after all, and it was what they had promised to each other on their wedding day.

* * *

When Jack got back to the apartment, he could see that Ennis was sat on the sofa alone; he figured that Junior was in her room. He shut the door and made his way over to Ennis, who looked tired but pleased to see him.

"Hey," he said quietly as Jack sat down. "You okay now? I know you needed to be on your own..."

Jack sighed and pulled his legs up underneath him, taking Ennis's hand. "I'm alright, but it wasn't fair of me to just run off like that. Should've stayed and talked."

"Where'd you go?" Ennis asked, hoping that he was okay.

"Walked on the beach a little, down to the spot where we got married. I like going back there. Then I came back to town and ended up at Mark's office. I talked to him for a few minutes, about all of this."

"Yeah? How'd it go?" Ennis was talking quietly, so Jack figured that Junior could be napping or that he didn't want to start a fight.

"Well...I told him what's been troubling me about it. Like this morning, when you had to tell me we couldn't go past kissing because Junior was about to wake up. It wasn't right of me to get pissed about it. I know that things would be like this even with our own kid, and I really don't have a problem with that. It's just..." He took a deep breath. "When we got together, we were roommates. We spent most of our time together, and we were all over each other when in our room. Hell, we even had quickies in the alleyway more than once, remember?"

"Yeah, I do," Ennis replied, squeezing his hands. "I miss that, too. But...things are just different now. You think our sex life's sufferin'?" he asked, unsure of what response he was going to get. But Jack shook his head.

"No, I don't. No complaints about that, bud. It's just hard to adjust to this new way of living. Reining it in when Junior's around, 'cos I just...you know how much I'm attracted to you, Ennis."

Ennis smiled softly and touched Jack's cheek. "You can tell me what's wrong, Jack. There's somethin'...there that you ain't sayin'. What is it?"

"That's just it...I don't know," Jack admitted, biting his lip. "I tried to figure it out, but..."

"Alright." Ennis sat up a little, determined to help Jack. "I'm thinkin' it's somethin' to do with Junior bein' my kid with Alma. Like...Junior reminds you of how I used to be an' that brings back those memories of before we got together. Like when I told you I'd just broken up with a girl an' it made you think I'm straight. Is that it?"

"Well...that does hit me pretty bad but I don't think that's it. I think...it's more to do with the fact that you've had a biological kid with someone; that's something we'll never have together no matter how much we love each other. Unless one of us was to have a sex change..." He shook his head. "Never mind."

Ennis stroked his fingers, wishing that they could figure this out; he didn't like to see Jack suffering. "Bud...you really don't know what it is? Or is it just about us not being able to have a kid?"

"I really don't know, Ennis. Maybe it's just that..." He couldn't shake off this feeling that it was more, but at least they'd made a start. "Anyway...I'm sorry about this morning. I'll try to keep my hands to myself when Junior could walk in on us, promise."

Ennis smiled and kissed him. "We can still do this, though. We've just gotta remember not to take it too far. An' keep our hands above the belt, too." Jack grinned and kissed him back, relieved that they had cleared the air. "I love you, darlin'."

"I love you too, Ennis...so much. I said to Mark...that I hope we never have to ask him about...a divorce." Jack gulped and looked down, then felt himself being taken in by strong, familiar arms that always made him feel safe.

"It's okay," Ennis soothed, rubbing his back. Jack held onto him, enjoying this feeling of security that only Ennis could offer him. When he was younger, only his mother could make him feel this safe; now Ennis had taken on that role as his husband. Jack didn't care how old he was, or that he was male; everybody needed to be held now and then. Everybody needed this kind of feeling with someone they loved, and he'd found it here. There had been times when Ennis had needed him, and there might be more in their future, and Jack would always be there for him.

"We've gotta make this work, Ennis. We...we need each other. No two ways about it." He closed his eyes; neither of them were aware of Junior watching them with her large, curious eyes.

At only five years old, she didn't completely understand why her father was hugging Jack like this. But she'd seen this with her friends' parents; Alma had always been alone and Junior had felt left out. She'd felt like she didn't fit in and now...things were different. She knew that her father was married to Jack and not her mother, but she still felt like all the other kids who had two parents. Seeing that Jack and her father were happy together, she quietly returned to her room.

Ennis and Jack broke apart and kissed softly, their wounds healing once more. What they had was so worth all the trouble they went to for it, and neither of them could envision a life without each other. They wanted to be together for the rest of their lives, or even longer if they could. They didn't know what would happen tomorrow or next week or even next month, but they knew they would be together through it. As the pair of them embraced once more, both felt like they could withstand anything as long as they loved each other.


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

_July 17th, 2009_

Ennis and Jack were busy making preparations for their anniversary trip, and both of them were looking forward to it. Things had been so uneasy at the moment and they needed a break. Ennis hoped that if they could just get away for a while, they could recharge their batteries and everything could be okay.

Jack's family had arrived that morning, and his mother had called to say that they were at the hotel and were planning to spend the day shopping and lounging on the beach. They were planning to visit his family at the hotel later with Junior, and a big family dinner had been arranged for Monday night. Ennis was looking forward to seeing his in-laws again, and he wanted them to meet Junior.

They were due to meet up for lunch any minute now, and Jack was waiting at their favourite café for Ennis. He'd done a lot of thinking over the past few days about his issues. While he still wasn't sure what was bugging him so much about their situation, he knew that he had to try and handle it differently. It wasn't fair on Ennis that he kept running away every time something happened, and he wondered how else he could vent his frustrations.

At the end of the day, he loved Ennis and wanted this to work. He wanted them to be a family with Junior, and he knew that something had to change. He had started doing some research on anger management techniques to try and find a way of dealing with it.

He looked up in time to see Ennis heading for him, a smile on his face. They were still very much in love and were fully committed to each other; everything could be perfect if Jack would just learn to change his behaviour.

"Hey," he said when Ennis reached him, and they kissed before Ennis sat down opposite him.

"Hey yourself, darlin'," Ennis replied. "You doin' okay?"

"Yeah, I guess. Listen...before we start talking about stuff, there's something I've gotta say." He covered Ennis's hand with his own. "I know things haven't been easy for us lately. And...I think I've been selfish about this. I've just been focusing on me and how hard it's been to adjust to having your kid around. But...I've never really stopped to think about how it is for you."

Ennis sighed, turning his hand to squeeze Jack's fingers. "Bud...it's okay..."

"No, it's not. When you broke up with Alma back at Amherst, you thought that was the end of it. You never expected to see her again, and then she turned up with your daughter. Must've been a shock for you, too. And I'm sorry that I didn't stop to think about that."

He looked into Ennis's eyes, knowing that he had to get through what he wanted to say. "Ennis, I...I love you so much. And I really want this to work out for us. So...it's still gonna be a while before I can sign those papers. But...I know I can't keep running away every time something happens that pisses me off. That's what I've been doing, and I hate it. We don't even really fight; I take it all out on you and then storm off. I just...keep snapping at you and make you just take it. I don't like doing that to someone I love. It...it's abusive, Ennis, and I hate that."

Ennis shook his head; he had been hurt by Jack's nasty words in the past, but he'd never felt like he was being abused in any way. He could understand why Jack had been like that. "Jack...don't think like that. I've never felt like you were doin' that."

"Maybe not, but it's how I feel. And I promise...it won't happen anymore. When something happens about all of this, I get angry and handle it all wrong. I've been researching anger management, and I'm trying to find a way of dealing with it differently. Things are gonna change, Ennis. They have to if we're gonna make it. I have to make this change for all of us, so that's what I'm gonna do." He nodded and kissed Ennis's hand, smiling a little. "That alright?"

Ennis looked at him fondly; if Jack felt like he needed to do this then he would be supportive. Jack was right; they did need to figure out how to handle things if this was going to work. He wanted Jack to feel like he was part of the family, so he was willing to go through whatever it took.

"Jack...if that's what you wanna do, then...there ain't much I can say to that. I...thank you. And I'm gonna do whatever I can to help, okay? There's no pressure on you to sign those papers. It'd be great if you could sign them, but I want you to only do it when you're ready." He smiled and squeezed Jack's fingers. "Right...you want somethin' to eat now?" Jack nodded and they ordered some food when the waitress came over.

As they ate, the talk turned to their coming trip. They'd done some more research on the area where the cabin lay, and despite Jack's earlier joke he was looking forward to some fishing. Looking at the interior pictures on the website, he'd seen one of the bed and could envision himself and Ennis in there, making love and forgetting everything else in their lives.

Neither of them could quite believe that they'd been married for almost a year. Their wedding day had been so romantic and everything they'd wanted, and their wedding night would always be held dear to him. While he loved doing it hard and fast when the mood struck them, he would always prefer it slow and gentle; it just felt more like making love with his husband. Ennis meant the world to him and Jack was willing to adhere to his wedding vows; to do everything he could to make Ennis happy.

* * *

When they finished work, they had dinner back at home and then took Junior to the hotel to see Jack's family. Both of them loved catching up a little and introducing Junior to the others, and they made a few plans for the weekend before their family dinner on Monday night.

Ennis could remember the first time he'd visited the Twist family home in West Virginia; it was a beautiful house that he loved staying in and everybody there had just accepted his relationship with Jack. But there were other reasons why he had loved spending Christmas there.

They got back home and got Junior into bed, and then Jack retrieved a few beers for them before they sat down. Jack sighed and relaxed against Ennis, feeling relaxed and happy now that he'd decided to try and work through things. He knew that he had to change the way he dealt with issues, and he felt a lot calmer.

"It was good to see 'em again," Ennis said quietly, lacing their fingers together on his knee. Jack nodded.

"Yeah. I missed them. And they seemed to like Junior. I reckon my mom feels old, though. She's been looking forward to being a grandma, but she never thought it'd happen yet." They were quiet for a moment, and then Ennis spoke again.

"You know...I was thinkin' about our first Christmas there, back when we was in college. I loved bein' there, Jack. The way they all were to us...just acceptin' that we loved each other." He paused for a moment. "An' not just that. When Alma told my folks about us, an' my dad disowned me...you were right there. You gave me somewhere to go for the holidays, an' we could spend it together. You...you gave me a family, Jack."

They locked eyes, love filling their hearts. "Ennis...I just wanted to make you happy. It hurt me that you were disowned because of us, so...I just did what I could."

"Yeah, an' now I'm tryin' to give you a family, Jack. With Junior..." He trailed off and kissed Jack's temple. "Anyway...I remember us swappin' rings for Christmas." They simultaneously looked down at their wedding rings, thinking of the inscriptions that had been carved into them. "We already knew that they were gonna make it legal for guys like us to get married, an'...when we swapped rings, that was when I knew I wanted to marry you." He looked down into Jack's deep, soul-searching eyes and nodded. "Knew then that I'd do anythin' for you."

"Ennis..." Jack sighed, curling up against him. "You keep saying that you don't know how to tell me what you feel. That you don't have the words to describe your feelings. But...you're wrong on that one. You do say the right thing, every single time. And...I love you for it. You're good to me, Ennis, even with everything that's happened." He fell silent, just enjoying the warmth emanating from the other man and knowing that he was loved.

They sat there for a while longer before deciding to retreat to bed. They made love slowly over the next hour and Jack then lay on Ennis's chest, purring with contentment. "Mmm..."

Ennis stroked Jack's back and enjoyed the warm weight on him. "I love you, darlin'."

"Love you too, baby." Jack soon fell asleep, but Ennis stayed awake a little longer; he kept thinking about their lunch meeting. Jack had acknowledged his unfair behaviour and was working to change it; that was a lot more than Ennis could have hoped for. He could understand why Jack had been acting that way, but he had to admit that it had been getting to him.

He thought back on the last five and a half years of their relationship, including the bad parts. He had certainly not been immune to moments of uncertainty, and had run away from fights himself in the past. He'd hurt Jack badly when he'd freaked out during the last few days of the summer semester five years ago and fled. While Jack had forgiven him for that, it had taken Ennis a long time to forgive himself. He'd hated knowing that he'd hurt Jack.

When Jack had first talked about taking the Masters course, he'd acted irrationally too. Now that he thought about it, he'd acted quite childishly and as if Jack didn't care about him, which he knew wasn't true. He'd eventually accepted that it was a good thing for Jack to continue his studies, and he'd gone and done his own Masters course, too. He could understand Jack's behaviour because he'd once done the same thing.

At some point in the night, Jack moved off him and rolled onto his own side of the bed, stretching out in his sleep. Now that he could move, Ennis slowly slipped out of bed and went to the window, watching the water of the bay glistening in the moonlight. He loved living out here on the coast; it was so different from Wyoming where everything was so flat and harsh. He'd never really enjoyed living on that ranch and had always yearned for more; that was why he'd wanted a degree, thinking that it could help him leave and go to different places in the world. He'd never left America, not even with Jack, and a part of him wanted to see what else there was. Maybe he and Jack could travel the world at some point, perhaps when Junior was in college and living away from home.

He smiled to himself at the thought of his little girl doing so well, following in his footsteps and making something of herself. Nothing would make him prouder, and he knew that Jack would be by his side for all of it. They belonged together and he knew that more than anything else. Glancing behind him, he saw his sleeping angel lying there and felt his heart fill up with love. They would make this work; he was sure of it.

* * *

_July 20th, 2009_

On Monday evening, Ennis and Jack had arranged for a family dinner with their visitors at the seafood restaurant on the front. While both of them were looking forward to it, Jack was a little concerned about how he would feel to see his mother and father gush over Junior. It was still a lot of effort for him and he hoped that it wouldn't piss him off. Technically, Junior was their granddaughter through his marriage to Ennis and that was true even without adoption papers.

He'd been trying to keep to his vow of changing his behaviour, and it seemed to be working. When they had been lying in bed early on Sunday morning, hands wandering underneath the sheets, Junior had knocked on their door to wake them up as kids did. While Jack had initially been annoyed at this, he'd simply taken some deep breaths until he was calm. It helped that Ennis had tended to Junior right away to give him some space to cool off, and Jack appreciated it. He knew he couldn't do this by himself; it required some quick thinking from Ennis, too.

"You alright?" Ennis asked him as they got ready in their bedroom, casting longing looks at Jack's body as he got dressed. Jack nodded.

"Yeah, fine. Just thinking about yesterday morning and how quickly you dealt with it. Sure helped me to calm down and not get pissed off." He smiled at Ennis, who smiled back.

"Good. I wanna help you with this, Jack. I don't like fightin' with you."

"Me neither..." Jack stepped closer to him and wrapped his arms around Ennis's neck. "I prefer doing other things with you, and not just sex. Like...when you just hold me in bed, maybe rubbing my back or stomach...makes me feel...safe, I guess. Like nothing could ever hurt me as long as you're there."

Ennis gulped at the sweet words coming from Jack's lips and decided to return the favour as best he could. "Well...a little while back, I had a thought about you. Somethin' I ain't never told you."

"What?" Jack asked, eyes full of love for him. Ennis took a deep breath.

"Well...you was sleepin', an' I was watchin' you. I...I thought you looked...like...well, an angel," he murmured, immediately going red when the words escaped him. Now that he'd said it, he was convinced that Jack was going to burst out laughing.

"Ennis..." came the soft sigh, and Ennis saw that Jack was far from amused. He looked touched by the words. "That's just...the sweetest thing I've ever heard you say." He leaned in and kissed him deeply, heart soaring at what he'd just heard. Maybe Ennis thought he was no good with words, but Jack knew otherwise. "I love you."

"Love you too, darlin'," he managed, pulling Jack close and embracing him. He wondered if his words were the confidence boost that Jack had needed right now. Either way, he was glad that he'd managed it.

When the three of them were ready, they headed over to the restaurant and found that Jack's family were waiting for them. Greetings were exchanged and a bottle of champagne was ordered for the adults.

"So, your first wedding anniversary's coming up," Karen said, smiling at her two boys. "You said you were renting a cabin somewhere, right?"

"Yep, up in Vermont," Jack answered, glancing at Ennis and remembering the words that Ennis had told him back at home. He'd felt as if he could burst with the love inside him when he'd heard that, and he knew that no matter how hard it could sometimes be with Junior around, it was worth it for moments like that. "Going for the week."

"Sounds romantic," she replied, nodding. "What are you doing with Junior?"

"We've got a couple of female friends who can look after her," Ennis replied. "Jessica works with Jack, an' Amy's her partner."

"This sure is a great place for gay people to live," Jack's sister Becky observed. "I bet it's really safe here."

"It is, and even though there's straight people who live here too, you never feel any kind of divide. Everybody's friendly and willing to help others. I mean, our lawyer Mark for example. He helped us with the legal stuff when we were getting married, and Ennis helped him out with his dog at the animal clinic. We're all good friends."

"You've really landed on your feet, Jack," Richard told him, feeling proud of his son. "We know it wasn't easy for you to come out, and we didn't exactly help."

"Our main concern was about HIV," Karen admitted. "But once you showed us the facts..."

"We're okay, mom. We were both clean when we met, and we've been faithful to each other ever since. We don't do drugs or anything, so I think we'll be fine." Both of them knew that there were subsequently only two ways in which they could contract the virus; either if one of them cheated or was attacked. They hoped that neither one of those happened, ever.

"Good. And Ennis...I know it can't have been easy for you, to decide to be with Jack considering your background and what you were probably always told. But I'm glad that you did, not just for Jack but for us too. We've got a wonderful son-in-law, and now a granddaughter too." She smiled at Junior, who had already taken a shine to her. Ennis glanced at Jack and covered his hand, squeezing slightly. Jack nodded back at him, silently telling him that he was okay.

"Jack..." his mother started, after exchanging a glance with his father. "We were hoping...would it be okay if Junior stayed with us tonight, at the hotel? We'd love to spend some more time with her, since we're leaving tomorrow."

Ennis and Jack looked at each other and then nodded. "Sure, but we'd have to put an overnight bag together for her first. We could do that and then bring her over." With this agreed, the two men were already looking forward to a night alone.

* * *

It didn't take long for Ennis and Jack to get Junior sorted out with her overnight stay; it had already been arranged with the manager of the hotel and everything was good to go.

While Ennis took Junior over, Jack started preparing the bedroom for their night together. He wanted to make it a little special for them given that they didn't have this often, and he knew that Ennis would like it.

He decorated the bedroom with the remainder of the sandalwood candles and made sure that they had some massage oil left, thinking about Ennis's earlier words; that he looked like an angel while sleeping. Those words warmed his heart and put a smile on his face like nothing else ever could.

Ennis returned to the apartment and locked up, immediately detecting a familiar scent; Jack had the candles out. He smiled and walked through to their bedroom, in time to see Jack lying there shirtless. "Hey..."

Jack smiled at him and patted the bed. "Hey yourself. Since we've got a night alone, I figure we should make the most of it."

"Sure." Ennis got onto the bed and crawled up to him, biting his lip in anticipation. He wondered what Jack had in store for them tonight. "What are you plannin'?"

"Well..." Jack reached to his nightstand and showed Ennis the massage oil. "I thought we could...give each other a massage...and then see where that takes us." He grinned at the look in Ennis's eyes. "You wanna?"

"You bet..." Ennis took the oil from Jack and nudged at him to turn over. "Wanna do you first." Jack obliged him and rolled onto his stomach, feeling relaxed already. Ennis straddled him and observed the smooth, hard muscles of Jack's back, trailing a hand down the spine and making Jack shiver. He squirted some of the oil onto his hands and warmed them up before starting to rub, coaxing a sigh from Jack.

"That feels good," he murmured, eyes closed and head to the side. Ennis could see the look on his face and smiled, pleased that he could make Jack feel like this. It made him feel like he was worth something, and he was very grateful to Jack for that.

When he was done, he realised that he didn't want a backrub, after all. Seeing Jack like this made him realise that he wanted something else; to be inside Jack. "Bud?" he whispered softly in Jack's ear, stroking his hair.

"Mmm? You want one?" Jack asked, lifting his head.

"No...I wanna...um...wanna be inside you. If that's alright..." He saw Jack smile at him.

"Sure, fine with me. Just a sec..." He undid his jeans and Ennis pulled them down for him, eyes lingering when his lower body was exposed. When they were both naked, Ennis turned him back over and looked down into his eyes.

"I wanna see you," he whispered, touching Jack's face. "Wanna kiss you when we do it." Jack nodded and lifted his legs, wrapping them around Ennis's waist and inviting him in.

"Come on," he murmured, looking up at Ennis with trusting eyes. Ennis grabbed the lube and smoothed it over himself, yearning to be inside Jack. He felt that when they were together like this, everything just made sense. They were supposed to do this; as if they had been meant to end up together.

He started to push in, watching as Jack's eyes widened slightly and his mouth opened. Ennis just didn't know how to describe how this moment felt, whether it was him or Jack being in control. There was a feeling he got when inside Jack and about to make love to him, and he wondered if Jack felt it too. The only way he could think of to describe it was pure love, simple and true. He simply loved it when they were like this.

Once fully inside, he leaned down and pulled Jack up into his arms, wrapping him up close as he started to slowly thrust. Jack sighed and closed his eyes, just allowing Ennis to take him.

_That's not true, _he thought to himself as Ennis nuzzled his neck. _He's not taking me...I'm giving myself over to him. Because we love each other, and because I trust him. _"Ennis," he sighed as he felt his lover moving inside him, exploring and searching for that spot. "Baby...I love you so much..."

"I...I love you too," Ennis breathed into his ear, holding onto him and knowing that he was doing everything right to make Jack feel good. Jack's back was a little slippery from the oil but they managed to hold onto each other as they moved together, the silence only broken by soft gasps and whispered words.

They climaxed together, kissing each other hard on the mouth as they rode it out together, Ennis thrusting uncontrollably and Jack bucking underneath him. Jack hoped that he wasn't going to leave scratch marks on Ennis's back from grabbing at him, but he knew that Ennis wouldn't care anyway.

Jack collapsed back down to the bed, head spinning and seeing stars. He was dimly aware of Ennis pulling out of him and then rolling off, one arm draped over his stomach. "Jack...you alright?" he breathed, and Jack turned to face him with a dozy smile.

"Fine...did I hurt your back just now?" Ennis shook his head.

"No, I'm okay." He leaned forward and kissed Jack softly on the lips, worn out from their lovemaking. It was a good feeling, though; it reminded him of how much he loved Jack and how good it felt to be with him like this. "Lookin' forward to our trip, bud."

"Yeah, me too." Jack shuffled closer and both pairs of eyes fell shut. They drifted off soon enough, dreaming of their forthcoming trip and what it might be like. Maybe if they liked it enough, they would one day buy a cabin of their own for them to escape to. Dreaming about the future made them happy when they woke up, because they knew that their future was with each other.

* * *

A couple of hours later, Jack stirred and opened his eyes, blinking in the darkness. He'd been dreaming of Ennis and now he was aroused. He looked around and saw the smooth skin of Ennis's back, shining in the moonlight. He smiled to himself and shuffled closer to Ennis, planting a soft kiss there. Jack knew that if he woke Ennis up, his lover would be more than happy to partake in a little fun. He knew Ennis very well by now and was sure of what he was doing.

"Ennis?" he whispered in Ennis's ear, trailing a hand down his stomach, knowing that it wouldn't take long; sometimes it only took a few light touches for him to get Ennis aroused. "Baby...wake up..." He kissed Ennis's ear and heard a soft sigh, sensing that Ennis was waking up and responding to his touch.

"You frisky back there, Jack?" came a murmur, and Jack grinned, nuzzling the back of his neck. He'd once worried that this came across as manipulative and that he was forcing Ennis into sex by way of seduction, but Ennis had assured him that this wasn't the case; he'd told Jack that he liked making love with him in the middle of the night and that he liked being woken up in this way.

"Been dreaming of you...fucking me. You wanna?" he asked in a seductive voice. Ennis smiled and opened his eyes; he'd been dreaming of Jack, too.

He rolled over and planted his lips on Jack's, his own hands starting to roam. "Mmm..." He kissed Jack deeply, lowering his hand down his lover's body and to the swelling between his legs. "C'mere..." He started stroking up and down, drawing a moan out of Jack.

"Ennis," Jack sighed, tilting his head to one side as Ennis kissed his neck. "Oh God..." Ennis rolled on top of him and started moving his hips from side to side, knowing that it drove Jack wild.

Just as Ennis was reaching for the lube and Jack was yearning for him, they heard a familiar ringing sound; Jack's cell phone. "Shit," Jack muttered as Ennis stopped moving. He leaned over to the nightstand and picked it up. "Hello?"

"Jack," came his mother's voice. "I'm sorry to wake you, but...it's Junior."

"What's wrong with her?" he asked in concern, and Ennis could hear the worry in his voice.

"She's okay, but she had a nightmare and she's asking for her dad. Is Ennis awake?"

"Yeah, he's right here." Jack handed the phone to Ennis. "Junior had a nightmare and she's asking for you." Ennis nodded and took the phone from him, seeing that Jack was irritated at the interruption.

"Sorry about this, bud." He kissed Jack's cheek and got up. "Karen? Put her on...hey Junior..." Ennis left the room and Jack sighed, trying not to become too annoyed. He knew that this kind of thing could have happened even if they had a child together, and he was doing his best to keep his temper in check. Junior hadn't done this on purpose and it was Ennis's job to look after her. He really was trying to make an effort with her.

Ennis managed to calm Junior down and then returned to their bedroom to see Jack facing away from him. Hoping that Jack wasn't annoyed with him, he put the phone back on the nightstand and slid back into bed behind him, wrapping an arm around Jack's waist. "Bud?"

"I'm trying not to get pissed off," Jack told him softly. "I really am. I know this could've happened if we had a kid of our own, so...I'm trying to get used to it. This is just how it is for us now, and...I'm learning to live with it, Ennis."

Ennis nodded and rubbed his stomach. "Can we pick up where we left off?" he asked hopefully. Jack bit his lip and then turned over, smiling softly. He couldn't really stay mad for too long when he had this man in his bed.

"Sure..." They kissed again and this time managed to get somewhere, with Ennis moving slowly inside Jack and whispering sweet words to him. Jack needed to hear these words right now and Ennis knew it. He was glad that Jack had handled it so well and was starting to believe that everything would be okay.

Later on, Jack was sleeping on Ennis's chest and Ennis held him close, thinking about the events of the night and what they meant. He was happy that he'd managed to look after Junior even from a distance and still help Jack to keep his temper in check.

He thought back to Jack's declaration that he was going to try and change the way he dealt with things, and that he would try to remain calm even when angry. Ennis was very grateful to Jack for this, and he knew that half of their troubles would be over if this could be achieved. At least Jack had acknowledged how irritating his behaviour had become and that change was needed; Ennis was happiest about that because he didn't want to be the one to read Jack the riot act. He had never liked arguing with Jack, but he knew that it was part of the deal in a marriage. Couples fought all the time but it didn't have to mean a separation, and he and Jack were learning that.

They'd learnt a lot from being together, especially since getting married. Life had taught them so much about themselves, and they had taught each other so much, too. Ennis was certain that Jack was aware of what he needed to do and how he simply had to make an effort with Junior.

He sighed to himself and closed his eyes, knowing that tomorrow would bring a new day and a fresh start for all of them. That was the best part of waking up for him; knowing that everything could start over in the daylight where it all made sense.


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10**

_August 1st, 2009_

On a bright Saturday morning, Jack was out in town trying to find an anniversary present for Ennis. They had agreed to buy something for each other and take the gifts with them to the cabin. Ennis was back at the apartment with Junior and talking to Alma on the phone; Jack would rather stay away from that anyway. He didn't especially like being around when Ennis spoke to Alma, but he really didn't want to be there right now.

After their interruption in the middle of the night the week before, things had been slightly tense between him and Ennis. There had been a couple of times when he was simply unable to go further than kissing, for whatever reason, and this had frustrated both of them. He loved Ennis so much still and he didn't like it when things were like this, but he was trying to work on it and knew that it meant a lot to Ennis.

One thing he knew was that they needed some time away by themselves, with no interruptions. He realised that this kind of thing could have happened if they had a child of their own, so he didn't understand why he was having so much trouble with it. They had come to an agreement that they could kiss and sit on the sofa together in front of Junior, but that was it. This was fair; Ennis made up for it when they were alone and their sex life was as amazing as ever when they weren't tense.

Jack shook his head as he walked down the street looking in shop windows, wondering what to buy for Ennis. He couldn't think about his internal issues just now; their anniversary was in less than two weeks and he was looking forward to it. He couldn't wait for them to be in the large pine bed and he knew that their nights there would be full of love and passion; they could recharge their batteries and rediscover their deep love for one another. Now he understood why his parents had always looked forward to their wedding anniversaries.

He was just looking at the window of a jewellery shop when he heard a familiar voice. "Jack!" It was Jessica, and she was smiling widely at him. He was glad to see a friend right now; someone neutral whom he could talk to who was a friend to both of them.

"Hey, Jess," he greeted her, kissing her cheek. "How're you doing?"

"I'm good. Just doing some clothes shopping while Amy's at work. Retail therapy's very therapeutic." He'd heard that before.

"Lureen says the same thing," Jack mused, smirking. "I'm trying to find an anniversary present for Ennis..."

"Right, that's coming up. You guys got your trip all planned out?" she asked; she and Amy had discussed it a few times and knew that their friends needed this time together.

"Yep, we're all set. We'll be taking a plane out to the nearest airport and then take a rental car to the area." Their plane would depart from Provincetown Municipal and land at the Edward F Knapp airport at Barre, so it was fairly straightforward. He'd always liked flying but he knew that Ennis still wasn't too comfortable with it. Still, they usually managed to distract themselves fairly well and he always took care of Ennis if he started to feel sick.

"How's Ennis about flying?" Jessica asked as she set her bags down for a moment. Jack shrugged; it had never really changed.

"Still not too good, but...we can always renew our membership to the Mile High Club," he answered with a grin. Jessica laughed.

"Good answer. So...what are you looking to buy for him?"

"I don't know...I was thinking maybe a watch or something. I know he said he needed a new one..."

"Okay, that's a good choice. I'm sure you'll make your time there very romantic, Jack. Candles...wine...massage stuff..."

"And plenty of lube," he replied, and she rolled her eyes.

"Right...you've got a one-track mind at the moment." She looked over at the shop window he'd been perusing. "These look really nice."

"Yeah, they are." He eventually went inside and bought one for Ennis, sensing that his husband would love it.

They ended up having lunch together at a nearby café, and Jack took the opportunity to tell her about what had been happening lately.

"So...things haven't really been so good after that. We're kind of...tense...after that interruption. Or at least...I am," he added, picking at his food. Jessica sighed.

"It must be hard, having a kid around that's not yours. But you know...I'm sure that Ennis doesn't judge you for this. He understands that you just need time. And I bet that your time away together will help a lot."

"Yeah. You know...Ennis and I have agreed that maybe one day, we could have a kid together somehow. You never know...maybe we'll end up arranging something with you and Amy." They were his and Ennis's closest friends, after all, and since all four of them were gay there was no chance of any jealousy arising from spending time together.

Jessica smiled and nodded. "We'll keep that in mind. I'm sure Amy would be happy with that if we get to that point. But not yet; we want to have some time for our careers right now. We, uh...we've actually talked about getting married."

"Yeah? Well, we'd be happy to help with that. Just let us know." As much as he loved Ennis, he was glad to have a female friend around to talk to. He missed Lureen and knew that women were good at talking and listening.

As they ate, he thought about the present for Ennis and wondered what his husband would buy for him. Now that they were spending their first anniversary together, he was looking forward to what their time at the cabin would be like. One thing was certain; it would be exactly what they needed.

* * *

After he'd finished in town and bid goodbye to Jessica, Jack headed home to be with his husband and stepdaughter. He knew that technically she was, and it wasn't something he could deny. Even though he was yet to adopt her, he was still married to Ennis and that made him her guardian. And it also made his parents her grandparents, and he knew that they liked that notion.

He entered the apartment to see Ennis in front of the TV, flicking through channels and trying to find something to watch. He didn't seem to hear Jack come in and simply kept staring at the TV. Jack smiled and put his bag down before joining Ennis on the sofa. "Hey, cowboy."

Ennis turned and smiled at him. "Hey, darlin'...didn't hear you come in." He leaned over and they kissed, pleased to be together. "Did you get what you wanted?" He wondered what Jack had bought him but knew he would never tell.

"Yep, I did. Ended up having lunch with Jess; I met her in town. I was gonna text you but I ran out of credit..." He gave an apologetic look to his husband.

"It's okay, bud. I know you like havin' lunch with yer friends now an' then. We don't hafta spend twenty-four hours a day together, Jack. You enjoy yourself?"

"Yeah, it was good. And she said that she and Amy are thinking of getting married, like us."

Ennis smiled; he fondly recalled their wedding on the beach and how it had been the best day of his life. "That'd be good. Maybe we could help 'em out with that." He did like weddings and it felt good for them to be married legally; he wanted that happiness for their friends too.

"Yeah. Where's Junior?" Jack asked, looking around. Ennis sighed and put an arm around him. Jack settled against him, starting to relax.

"She's drawin' in her room. Reckon we've got a few hours to ourselves..." He gave Jack a look. "But...we can't start goin' at it out here, Jack. You know that." He took Jack's hand and looked into his eyes. "Bud...just 'cos we can't do it out here with Junior around...that don't mean I'm turnin' you away. An' you know it don't mean I don't love you. I hope you know that..."

"I know," Jack replied softly, kissing his hand. "I really do, Ennis. And I'm sorry about that day when I got pissed off. I'm learning, Ennis...and I think I'm getting better." He smiled and nodded. "Um...is it okay if I...spend some time with Junior?" he asked, feeling like he wanted to be around her right now.

"Sure, go ahead," Ennis told him, smiling back. Jack got up and headed for Junior's room, knowing that he had to make this effort. Ennis watched him go, feeling happy that Jack was doing this. Whatever Jack needed to do to get through his issues, Ennis was willing to help. They needed to work together on this and he just wanted Jack to be happy.

Jack entered Junior's room, feeling nervous. He knew that she wanted to bond with him, and he hated that he'd been keeping his distance. This little girl needed both of them. "Hey, Junior," he said to her, seeing her look up at him.

"Hi, Jack. I'm drawin' outta my book," she told him, and he sat down beside her, wondering how to act around her. He'd watched Ennis a few times and hoped that he'd picked up on something.

"Right...sure looks good." He watched as she concentrated on each part of the picture in the book before reproducing it on her paper, and he had to admit that she had talent for it. He hadn't really known that until now.

A few hours later, all three of them were in front of the TV and Ennis was wondering what they should have for dinner. He knew it was Jack's turn and had a feeling that Junior would be getting hungry soon. He gently nudged Jack, who was half-dozing next to him. "Hey...bud?"

"Hmm? Oh...time to make dinner?" he asked, looking at the clock. Ennis nodded.

"Want some help with it?" he offered, but Jack shook his head.

"No, I'm good. What d'you want?" Ennis shrugged and then looked at his daughter.

"Junior, what d'you want for dinner?" he asked her, and she blinked at him.

"Um...dunno. Can we have fries?" Jack nodded and ruffled her hair.

"Sure, Junior. I'll make some burgers or something." He kissed Ennis on the cheek and got up, heading for the kitchen. Ennis was pleased to see how his husband was bonding with his daughter, and looked at Jack affectionately.

Despite Jack's statement that he could make dinner by himself, Ennis found himself getting up anyway to be with him. He sat at the kitchen island and simply watched as Jack flipped the burgers. "I'm glad that yer doin' okay, darlin'."

Jack smiled at him, relieved that Ennis could see the effort he was making. "Thanks, cowboy. It won't be easy, and it's gonna take a while...but I am trying."

Ennis got up and stood behind him, wrapping his arms around Jack's waist. "I know, baby," he murmured in Jack's ear. "I know you are..."

He nibbled at Jack's neck a little while Junior was distracted, making Jack grin and squirm. "Ennis...gonna burn dinner if you don't get off me..." Ennis relented and let him go, planting one last kiss to Jack's cheek.

"Alright, bud. Gonna get you later, though." He walked back to the sofa, leaving Jack with a grin on his face.

As he prepared dinner, he thought about their upcoming anniversary trip and what they might get up to while there. They would have to buy fresh supplies of candles and massage oils, not to mention a large bottle of lube. The very thought sent shivers down his spine. He wondered how much sex they were going to have over their week away, and he couldn't wait to find out.

* * *

Two days later, Ennis was making breakfast for the three of them. Jack was still in the shower and Junior was still asleep, so he liked having a few moments to think. Life often became hectic and they had busy days, so a little time to himself was welcomed. Junior wasn't a difficult child to manage, far from it, but she took up a lot of their energy.

There was just a week left until he and Jack departed for their trip, and he couldn't wait. They needed some time alone together to just focus on each other, and this was the perfect opportunity. Junior would be spending the week with Amy and Jessica, so everything was sorted. Both women had talked about having children one day, so they were happy to gain some experience.

He and Jack had planned a date tonight, just the two of them. He knew that it was important for them to spend time together to keep their marriage alive, and he was willing to do whatever it took. And they would have the apartment to themselves when they got back; the connotations of this always put a grin on his face as he thought of what they might get up to and how they would make each other feel.

"What're you smirking about?" asked Jack from the doorway, making him jump. Ennis exhaled as his heart rate went up, turning to Jack. _Damn, he looks good, _he managed to think even in his shock.

"Jesus, Jack...don't do that." Jack smiled and kissed him on the cheek.

"Sorry, bud. So what were you smiling about?"

"Um, our date tonight. Just thinkin' about...when we get back..." He looked into Jack's eyes and he understood what Ennis was trying to say. A smile played around his lips.

"Oh...you thinking about that stuff already? Not even eight yet."

"Well..." Ennis shrugged. "Always thinkin' of you, Jack." He watched Jack pour himself some coffee and looked back down at what he was doing; Jack had a certain skill of distracting him just by being there and looking good enough to eat. Maybe he could do that when they got back.

His cell phone rang on the counter and he picked it up. Seeing that it was his mother, he motioned to Jack to keep an eye on the food while he spoke to her. Jack took over while he answered it. "Mama?"

"Hey, Ennis. Sorry to disturb you at this time..."

"It's okay, we're just makin' breakfast. What's up?"

"Well...I was thinkin'...would it be okay if I came up an' visited you sometime? I haven't met Junior yet, an' I'd like to see you an' Jack."

"Oh...okay. Well, can I just ask Jack? He's right here."

"Sure." Ennis put the phone to his shoulder to ask.

"Jack? My ma wants to know if she can come an' visit us sometime. Wants to see the three of us."

"Sounds great," Jack replied, nodding. They hadn't seen her for quite a few months and he was grateful to her for accepting their relationship and giving Ennis the love of at least one of his parents. Ennis put the phone back to his ear.

"We're lookin' forward to it, mama. But you know...me an' Jack are goin' away next week for our anniversary." Jack smiled at these words, thinking of the cabin and the large pine bed in there.

"I remember you tellin' me. What if I came up a couple of weeks after?" she asked, checking her calendar. "Lureen tells me that things are goin' well for you guys now."

"Yeah, they are. An' that sounds fine. Just...let us know when you've got a flight, okay? One of us will pick you up from the airport."

"Okay, honey. I'll let you get back to your breakfast."

"Okay. See you soon, mama."

"Bye." They clicked off and Ennis looked at his husband, who was smiling at him.

"Looks like we got another visit comin'," he said, and Jack nodded as Ennis carried on with the eggs. Jack stepped away and thought for a moment before speaking.

"Yeah. And I'm glad, Ennis. She always accepted who you are, and that you love me. I know you would've loved it if your dad had accepted it, but..."

"It's okay," Ennis replied, shaking his head. "I've still got her...and I don't think he ever would've come around." Jack sighed and slid his arms around Ennis's waist, squeezing him gently. He knew that it sometimes got to Ennis how he'd never made peace with his father.

"Maybe not...but still. Everybody deserves two parents who love them." He thought of Junior, who actually had three. He did love her, in his own way, but he didn't feel like her father yet. That would come with time.

"Can't believe there's just a week until our trip," Ennis said as he came back from getting Junior up. Jack nodded, dishing the food out onto three plates.

"I know. Seems like only yesterday that you had the idea to go away together." Jack smiled at him. I'm really looking forward to it, bud. Reckon we need it."

"Yeah." Junior soon emerged from her room and they ate together as a family, Ennis enjoying the feeling of having here the two people who meant the most to him. He was starting to find a balance between being a husband and a father, and knew that he was doing something right because they were both happy.

Jack was looking forward to their date tonight; they were going for a meal and then to the movies together, and he remembered that it was how they had spent their very first date so long ago. They hadn't been for a meal back then, had simply grabbed snacks at the cinema, but still. Both of them loved going out for an evening and then coming back to make love through the night. It sounded like a perfect evening to him, and he knew that Ennis felt the same.

* * *

When Ennis finished work, he stopped by Amy and Jessica's apartment to say goodnight to Junior and then headed home to get ready for his date with Jack. He knew it was important for them to do this regularly and he was more than happy to.

Entering the apartment, he could hear Jack moving around in their bedroom and smiled at the thought of what they would be doing tonight. He loved seeing Jack's eyes sparkling with happiness at him and knew that he had it bad for this man.

He opened the bedroom door slowly and as quietly as possible, hoping not to scare Jack too much. Jack remained oblivious as he did up a cleaner pair of jeans, but was startled when he felt a pair of strong arms wrap around his waist. "Hey, bud...didn't hear you come in..."

"Mmm." Ennis kissed his cheek and ran his hands over Jack's smooth chest. There was just something about Jack's masculinity that attracted him immensely, and he'd long since stopped caring about that. He was gay, and that was just all there was to it. "You look good..."

"Ennis...I'm half-naked," Jack pointed out, laughing. Ennis nodded.

"I know..." Jack soon got the message and sighed.

"You sure you wanna go out? Sure you don't wanna just throw me down on the bed right now?"

"I'm sure," Ennis replied, kissing him once more and then letting him go. "Somethin' to look forward to, though."

"You bet, cowboy." Jack pulled out a deep red shirt that Ennis had bought him for one of his birthdays. "Reckon I'll wear this tonight...you bought it for me, remember?"

"I sure do...I've always loved spendin' birthdays with you. An' Christmas," Ennis added. "Remember the first birthday I spent with you, back in college when we was just friends an' you had that crush on me?"

"Yep, the boots. And...you hugged me afterwards. That was the first time I was ever in your arms...and I liked it...I loved it, Ennis," Jack told him, smiling. "I never dared to hope that you'd ever feel the same way."

"Well...we're here now," Ennis replied, placing his hands on Jack's shoulders. "An' that's all that matters." He kissed Jack a few times before going to get changed, leaving Jack smiling widely to himself.

They eventually got to the restaurant and shared a seafood platter; it was their favourite item on the menu and they liked sharing food together. Jack kept running his foot up and down Ennis's leg and smirking at him, clearly thinking about the night ahead.

"You know...I was thinking. If this table had one of those really long tablecloths on it, the kind that touches the floor, you know what I'd do?"

"What?" Ennis asked warily, wondering what on earth Jack was plotting in his head.

"I'd get under it...undo your jeans and suck you off. We could make it a game...see how crazy I can get you without making too much noise." Jack grinned and Ennis shook his head.

"What am I gonna do with you, Twist?" he asked, and Jack shrugged.

"I'm sure you'll think of a suitable punishment," he replied. He had always loved hitting on Ennis like this and knew that his husband loved it just as much, even though he didn't always have the confidence to give it back.

"So...when we get back tonight...what d'you wanna do?" Ennis asked him, and Jack gave him a look. "No, I know that...but how? Dunno about you, but...I'm thinkin' we could do somethin' different tonight."

"Like what?" Jack asked, tilting his head to one side in puzzlement. Ennis took a deep breath.

"Well...I was thinkin'...could we maybe...do it in front of the fire tonight? We ain't done that in a long time." It was a very romantic way of making love as far as he could see, and the look in Jack's eyes told him that this would be very welcome.

"Oh...okay. That sounds great, Ennis. I'd love to." He leaned over the table to kiss Ennis, their lips meeting and moulding together perfectly like two pieces of a puzzle. When they broke away, he nuzzled Ennis's nose and smiled softly at him. "It sounds romantic, bud..."

"Yeah..." Ennis breathed a sigh of relief; he'd never really been the kind of person to talk openly about what he wanted regarding sex, but he was getting better all the time and he figured that it was Jack's influence on him. Either way, he was glad that he could make Jack happy.

Afterwards, they went to the cinema and picked a movie at random, choosing to make out at the back instead. They weren't the only couple with this idea, and they were once again very thankful that they were living in such an accepting town. They saw same-sex couples everywhere they went; some even had children with them. Jack was adjusting to having Junior in their lives, and he kept reminding himself that Ennis loved him very much, even though they'd had to make a few changes. So they couldn't do much more than kissing when Junior was awake and could walk in on them, but he was starting to see that it didn't matter.

"Mmm," he moaned as Ennis opened a few of his shirt buttons and slipped a hand inside, feeling his warm stomach. "That feels good..." He trailed a hand down and squeezed Ennis's crotch, grinning when he felt Ennis groan into his mouth.

"Jack...wish we could go all the way here..." He bit his lip as Jack drew away, his eyes glittering.

"Who says we have to wait until the movie's over?" he whispered, looking so tempting that Ennis was unable to protest. He had to have Jack soon and couldn't wait for much longer; they needed to get home before they did it right here on the floor.

With no more words, he grabbed Jack's hand and practically dragged him outside and to the car, hoping not to break any speed limits on the way home.

* * *

Ennis had no idea how he'd managed to drive home with the swelling in his jeans, not to mention the sound of Jack breathing heavily next to him. It took all of his willpower not to look at Jack as they neared their apartment; he knew that one look would undo him and he didn't want to cause an accident.

Finally parked in the garage down the street, they jumped out of the car and headed to the building, stopping to kiss a few times in shadowy corners.

"I want you," Ennis breathed in Jack's ear, wondering if he could last until they got upstairs. Jack took a few breaths and grabbed his hand.

"Come on." He managed to get them inside and up the stairs, fumbling with his key as Ennis pressed up close behind him. He could feel Ennis's erection against his ass and bit his lip, finally getting the door open.

Ennis put the fire on as Jack retrieved a few blankets from the linen closet, both of them eager to get this started. Jack thankfully remembered to grab the lube from the bedroom before heading back out; that was the key ingredient for tonight. As soon as everything was arranged, the two of them locked eyes and moved in close together, mouths meeting. Ennis held Jack close to him, feeling such need for this man that he thought he would burst. "Darlin'..." They sank down to the blankets and their clothes came flying off, their hard muscled bodies sliding together and their skin on fire where they touched each other.

Ennis laid Jack down on his back, seeing how the light from the fire made his skin glow and how it shone in his blue eyes. Jack just looked perfect to him, and Ennis held Jack's face in his hands.

"I love you," he breathed, leaning down to kiss his lover deeply. Jack kissed him back and wrapped his legs around Ennis's waist.

"I love you too...come on..." Ennis settled himself into position and smoothed the lube over himself, fumbling slightly in his eagerness to connect their bodies. When he was ready, he pushed in and watched Jack's eyes slide shut in pleasure. "God...Ennis...never get tired of this..."

"Me neither..." Ennis sank down onto him and pulled him close once more, rocking Jack in his arms as he started to thrust. Jack held on for dear life and moaned softly in Ennis's ear, spurring him on as his hips moved smoothly forward, pushing deeper with every thrust until he couldn't get any further. "Jack...always feels so fuckin' good with you..."

"Same to you, baby," Jack murmured, eyes closed and mouth open as he held on, appreciating that Ennis was holding him so tightly out of love, like he wanted every part of their bodies to be touching. Their immediate burst of need for each other had simmered down now that they were making love, and in its place was a slow rocking motion that was everything he loved.

It only took a few more thrusts for Jack to slip over the edge, bucking and moaning in Ennis's ear and whispering over and over that he loved him. Ennis soon followed suit and sank down onto Jack and the blankets underneath them, breathing heavily. He pulled out but couldn't otherwise move, and Jack simply wrapped his arms around his back, kissing his forehead.

"Ennis...that was amazing...perfect even..." he breathed, turning his head to look at the dancing flames and sighing. Ennis nodded and slowly ran a hand over Jack's chest; it was covered in sweat and come.

"Hmm..." He lowered his head and licked everywhere he could reach, not minding the taste at all; he loved it in fact. Being with Jack, another man, had always been messy, and he'd never had an issue with that. There was just something about the presence of these fluids on Jack's chest that made him feel proud; like they were a testament to how much they loved each other and how good their sex life was. He and Jack had done this together, and it gave him a warm feeling in his stomach.

Jack started laughing as Ennis licked him, grinning. "Ennis...I'm ticklish, remember?"

"Yep, I do," Ennis replied, a wicked look in his eyes. They weren't their usual shade of brown right now; they looked darker and very seductive. He outstretched his hands and Jack saw what was coming.

"Don't you dare," he warned, but he was unable to move with Ennis's weight on him. With Jack at his mercy, Ennis started tickling him and making him squirm. "Ennis!" he laughed, trying to get away but to no avail. Ennis was pleased to hear Jack laughing, especially after the lovemaking they'd just done.

When he finally took pity on Jack and stopped, he looked down at his lover's face. Jack's cheeks were pink and his eyes were sparkling up at him in the firelight; a sight that always reminded Ennis of just how much he loved this man. He smiled softly down at Jack, stroking his face.

"Love you so much, darlin'," he murmured, and Jack leaned into his touch, looking peaceful and content. Ennis had made him feel so happy tonight, and he was more in love than ever.

"Right back at you, baby," he replied, and with one more lingering kiss Ennis rolled off him to the side. They gathered the blankets together and got comfortable in front of the fire, Jack curled up in Ennis's arms and feeling so safe that he just wanted them to stay like this forever. Ennis rubbed Jack's back until he fell asleep, thinking that he could hear Jack purring like a cat in pure happiness. He smiled and closed his own eyes, feeling that this evening had been everything he hoped it would be and more. It was the best night together they'd had in a while, and he promised himself that they would have more like this in the future.


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11**

_August 7th, 2009_

Things were improving for Ennis and Jack, and Junior had settled in well to her new home. Both men were looking forward to their anniversary trip and felt like they needed the time away. A chance to be alone together didn't come often for parents of young children, so they relished having this time.

Their date the other night had been wonderful, and Jack told Ennis that he couldn't wait for their next one. It would likely be after they returned from Vermont, but Ennis made a mental note that he had to give Jack more than he was at the moment. He never wanted to lose Jack over a lack of attention, even though Jack understood how Junior was a priority too.

On Friday morning, they were lying in bed together and slowly kissing, just revelling in the quiet before they had to get up and face the day. This was probably Ennis's favourite time of day, even more so than at night when they came together to make love. But he did enjoy that time, too. Truth be told, he enjoyed every minute of being with Jack because it was always such an incredible feeling.

He ran his hand down Jack's back as they kissed, Jack pressing himself closer and running his tongue around Ennis's mouth. Ennis could hear him moaning and feel him breathing, and he never wanted to leave this bed ever again. Jack just felt so good here next to him, in his arms and kissing him like there was no tomorrow.

"God, I love you," he breathed when Jack released his lips. Jack lowered his head to Ennis's neck and started kissing there instead. Ennis's eyes slid shut in pleasure as Jack lavished attention on him, and his hand found Jack's. He heard a soft clinking as their wedding rings touched, and the thought put a slight smile on his face. They were legally married and nobody would take away what they had.

"Love you too," Jack whispered, rising up and smiling down at him. He loved seeing Ennis like this; so relaxed without a care in the world. He'd only ever wanted Ennis to be happy, and it seemed to him like they'd reached that point. Their life was far from perfect, but they were very happy together and they could work on their issues as a team.

Jack paused from his kissing, just looking down at Ennis and twirling a curl around his finger. "Baby...I hope you know...how much you mean to me..." he whispered, and Ennis squeezed his fingers, looking into those deep blue eyes that went straight to his heart.

"I do, Jack...I really do..."

"You're the love of my life," Jack went on, needing to say these words to Ennis. "And I can't wait to see what the rest of our life together brings us."

"Me neither..." With that, Ennis pulled Jack's mouth back down to his and kissed him deeply, winding his tongue around Jack's.

Knowing that Junior wouldn't be awake for a while yet, the two of them snuck out of their bedroom and down the hall to the bathroom to take a shower together. Ennis turned the water on and pulled Jack into the stall as it started to steam up. "Gonna have some fun in here, bud."

"Sounds good to me." Jack found himself turned around to face the tiles as Ennis washed his back, taking it slowly and making him sigh. "Ennis..."

When he was loose-limbed and aroused, Jack turned his head to face Ennis. "Bud...can we...?"

"Whatever you want, darlin'," Ennis murmured in his ear, pushing him closer to the tiles and kissing the back of his neck. Just as he was preparing himself with the soap, he saw Jack turning around.

"Wait," he breathed, looking into Ennis's eyes. "Wanna do it another way. Like that first dream I ever had of you..."

"Where I lift you up an' fuck you against the tiles?" Ennis asked, eyebrows raised. They were older now and he wasn't sure he could do that, but he would give it a go if it was what Jack wanted.

"Yeah," Jack replied, nodding. "If you can." He lifted one leg and wrapped it around Ennis's waist, and was somehow lifted up into Ennis's arms, both legs now around his lover. Fortunately, there was a bar installed in the shower for such adventures and he held onto it as Ennis got himself into position, trying to find a way in. "There you go..."

Ennis pushed himself upwards into Jack, grinning breathlessly at his achievement. "Wasn't sure we could do this anymore...guess I was wrong. You ready for a good fuckin'?" he asked, and Jack claimed his mouth in response.

It wasn't easy or smooth, but he managed to thrust upwards and Jack clung to him, head knocking backwards against the tiles. Fearing that Jack would hurt himself, Ennis managed to pull Jack's head forward to his shoulder, taking care of him even in the heat of the moment. "Darlin'..."

Neither of them lasted long, and Jack's legs were soon sliding down; he was unsteady on his feet so Ennis got them both out of the shower and cleaned up, and then carried him back to their room, depositing him on the bed before pulling out clothes.

"Hey," Jack protested at being unceremoniously dumped like this. "What gives?"

"Daylight's burnin', bud...better get breakfast started." Jack sighed and got up, goosing Ennis as he passed.

"Fair enough. But I'm gonna get you good later," he informed his lover, and Ennis smirked.

"Fine by me," he whispered to himself. He watched Jack getting dressed and thought about how lucky he was to be with someone like this. He knew for sure that Jack was his soul mate and other half, and that was just it. He couldn't wait for their trip; in his heart he knew it would be very special and that Jack would love the romantic evenings he was planning in his head.

* * *

The morning passed as normal, with Ennis and Jack going to work while Amy took care of Junior. Everybody had settled into this routine fairly well and Jack was becoming more used to having Junior around. He liked being around her and had learned a lot about her already, and he had to admit he wanted to know more.

Ennis found himself very busy at work, swamped with papers that needed to be organised and couldn't meet up with Jack for lunch, giving him a quick call to apologise.

"I just can't make it, bud," he said to Jack, trying his best not to make any mistakes with the paperwork. As much as his boss liked him, he couldn't afford to screw up. "Can't get away..."

"It's alright, Ennis," Jack reassured him as he slowly walked down the street. It felt strangely lonely without Ennis. "I was thinking...maybe I could go by the girls' place and see Junior. What d'you think?"

Ennis smiled at the thought of them bonding, and he nodded to himself. "That'd be great, Jack. I reckon she'd like to see you." Jack scuffed his feet on the sidewalk, hearing the gratefulness in Ennis's tone. He knew that Ennis had been trying to get them to spend time together.

"Okay. So I'll see you at home, then."

"Yeah, you bet. Bye, darlin'."

"Bye." Jack clicked off and headed over to Amy and Jessica's apartment, feeling somewhat nervous. It wasn't often that he spent time with Junior without Ennis around, and he hoped that he could do this. But Amy was there and he could talk to her if nothing else worked out. She was a friend and would listen to him ramble if he needed to.

When Amy led him inside, he was greeted by an excited squeal. "Jack!" Junior came running up to him and hugged him around the knees, bringing a smile to his face. This little girl loved him like a second father, and he hoped that one day he would feel like that.

"Hey, Junior. You okay?"

"Where's Daddy?" she asked him, and he sank down to one knee to look her in the eye. She reminded him so much of her father, and the thought comforted him. She was a little piece of Ennis, and that was a good thing.

"Sorry, honey...he's gotta work through lunch. But I thought I'd come and see you...that alright?" She smiled at him and nodded, taking his hand.

As she showed him the drawings she'd done, Amy watched them while preparing lunch. She'd heard from Jessica that Jack had been having trouble with adjusting to Junior's presence in their lives, but that he'd promised Ennis to make more of an effort. It was clear to her that Jack had come here on purpose since Ennis couldn't make it to lunch; he wanted to spend time with Junior and get to know her. Junior was a lovely girl and the circumstances of her birth weren't her fault; this was just the way the dice had rolled.

"Jack? Can you come here and help me with this?" she asked him, and he got up. When he was closer, she looked at Junior. "I just want you to know...I can see the effort you're making. I think Ennis would be proud of you."

Jack nodded, looking at his stepdaughter. "Yeah...maybe. It's still not easy, but...I'm learning. And...you can't help but like her. I still find myself wishing that she was ours...mine and his, together. But that's the one thing we can't have together, no matter how much we love each other."

"I know," she replied, shaking his shoulder. "But it's okay...Ennis knew that when he decided he wanted to be with you. He knew that you'd never have kids together and he didn't know that Alma was pregnant. As far as he knew, he was never going to have kids. But he chose you anyway because he loved you." She sighed. "Ennis made his choice, and it was the right one. He's accepted that he can't have kids with you. And he's made his peace with it because...there's no other choice. He can't stay hung up on something that he's got no control over. He loves you despite all that."

She smiled at him and continued to prepare lunch, knowing that she'd given him a dose of reality to think about. Ennis didn't have to come back to the dorm room six years ago, and he didn't have to tell Jack that he wanted to be with him. He could have run away and gone back to Wyoming. When Alma had turned up on campus, Ennis could have taken the easy way out and gone back with her.

But he hadn't. He'd stayed because he was in love, and because he'd wanted to be with Jack. Amy was right; Ennis had made his choice. Ennis had even told him that he'd never have gone back with Alma, not even if she'd told him she was pregnant. Jack had been humbled to hear this considering that Ennis had given up a "normal" life and family to be with him, and that was why he had to make the effort with Junior now. He owed it to Ennis for choosing him.

With this thought, he went back over to Junior and sat down next to her, and Amy could hear them chatting away to each other like a father and daughter. She just had to tell Ennis about this. She slipped down the hallway on the pretext of going to the bathroom and pulled out her cell phone, intending to send a message to Ennis.

_Jack's here. Him and Junior doing really well :)_

Ennis picked up his buzzing phone and saw the message from Amy; a smile spread across his face and he felt immense relief at this news. For the past two months, all he'd wanted was for them to bond, and now it was happening. Everything was coming together for their family.

* * *

_August 10th, 2009_

On Monday morning, Ennis and Jack were finally setting off for Vermont. They'd booked the week off as soon as they'd decided where they wanted to go and their bosses were fine with it. Junior would be spending the week with Jessica and Amy, so everything was sorted for them to take a romantic trip away together.

Over the last few weeks, Jack had been browsing more of the area where their cabin was situated and he had to admit that it looked wonderful. He could imagine lying in that pine bed with Ennis early in the morning, just relaxing and listening to the birds sing outside. A smile crept across his face every time he thought of the surprise he had in store for Ennis.

As they were getting together their carry-ons, Ennis slipped up behind Jack and pulled him close. "Mmm...lookin' forward to this. In just a few hours...we'll be out in the middle of nowhere an' we can be as loud as we want..."

Jack grinned, covering Ennis's arms with his own. "Sounds good to me...you gonna make me howl at the moon?" Ennis kissed the back of his neck.

"Gonna make you do more than that," he replied, mouth close to Jack's ear. It was tempting for them to just go back to bed and start off the week in style, but they didn't want to miss their flight. Both of them were already thinking of the bathroom on the plane, and what they could get up to in there. The flight itself would be less than an hour, so they had to spend their time wisely. Jack hoped that Ennis wouldn't get sick on the way; not for the missed sex but because he hated seeing Ennis so weak and ill.

Ennis eventually let him go and turned to his own bag, and Jack cleared his throat. "You reckon you'll be okay up there?" he asked, and Ennis shrugged.

"Dunno. But it's only an hour...might be alright." He gave Jack a look. "You thinkin' of that Mile High Club, Jack?"

Jack turned to face him. "Ennis...that's just a bit of fun to make the time pass. It doesn't matter if you get too sick for that, not to me. We've got a whole week ahead of us for that stuff. I asked because...I don't like seeing you that way. All sick and weak...it hurts me too." Ennis sighed and pulled him into his arms.

"I know. But I can't say if I'll be okay or not. I might be...but we'd better bring some paper bags, just in case." Jack nodded and kissed him before heading out of the room, intending to retrieve the bags. Ennis watched him go, touched by Jack's caring nature.

About half an hour before they had to leave for the airport, Amy came over to collect Junior and to bid goodbye to Ennis and Jack. She knew that they needed this.

"Have a good time," she said as she hugged them. "Try not to wear each other out too much." Jack smirked at Ennis while she was looking the other way, his video camera safely away in his luggage.

They got to the airport and were faced with the long wait before they could progress further inside; both of them hated having to wait a few hours before being able to go through. Ennis noticed that Jack was a little sleepy, so he pulled Jack down and guided his head onto his lap, stroking Jack's hair. "You look tired there, darlin'..."

"Yeah..." Jack sighed, looking up at him. "Someone kept me up late last night..." He smiled and took Ennis's hand. "But I'm not complaining...sure is good with you. Always was."

Ennis squeezed his fingers. "I really am lookin' forward to this, bud. Just you an' me. I love Junior to bits, but..."

"Sometimes we just need to be alone," Jack finished for him. "I reckon all parents feel like that. We're married...we need this time alone." Ennis nodded and watched as Jack closed his eyes, starting to doze.

Eventually they were allowed to go through and bought themselves some coffee, sitting by the windows and watching as planes came in and flew out. Despite how impressive it was, Ennis had to admit he was nervous. They didn't fly often and Jack didn't like to see him sick, and he was grateful for that. But he'd wanted their anniversary to be special and there was only so far they could go by car.

About an hour later, they got onto the plane and Ennis grasped Jack's hand, unsure of how he was going to react when the plane took off. Jack covered their hands with his free one and kissed Ennis's cheek, trying to calm Ennis down.

"Gonna be okay, baby," he said softly, stroking Ennis's arm. "I know you don't like it, but...I'm here. You'll be fine..." He leaned in close to Ennis and whispered in his ear, "I'll look after you, I promise." Ennis managed to smile at him and squeeze his fingers. Jack tried not to wince at the intensity of his grip.

"I know it'll be worth it, Jack," he said quietly, breathing deeply. "Just...gotta get through this." Jack handed Ennis a paper bag just in case and rested his head against Ennis's arm, just to be there for him.

The plane took off and Ennis's face went green; Jack saw it coming and helped him lean over, rubbing his back. "Shh...it's okay, bud...it's okay..." As soon as the seatbelt lights went off, Jack helped Ennis up and took him to the bathroom. It wasn't what he'd expected from this flight, but that didn't matter. As Ennis's husband he had to be there when Ennis needed him. Ennis was usually the one to take care of him, but Jack was more than capable of returning the favour when he had to. He liked looking after Ennis; it showed how much he loved him and that was always a good thing.

* * *

The flight turned out to be fairly pleasant after the initial discomfort, but Ennis was in no way up for anything more than just sitting down. Jack understood this and reasoned with himself that there was plenty of time for them to have sex on this trip, numerous times in fact.

When it was announced that they were ten minutes away from landing, Jack nudged his sleeping husband, who was resting against him. "Ennis? We're here..." He gently shook Ennis awake until he sat up, blinking around at him. "We're here, cowboy," Jack informed him, and Ennis rubbed the sleep from his eyes; Jack had always found that endearing.

"Oh...right." Jack took his hand.

"You feeling okay?" he asked, and Ennis nodded.

"Better after sleepin'." He turned to face Jack and smiled at him. "Thanks for lookin' after me, bud." Jack shrugged.

"You'd do it for me," he said matter-of-factly, both of them knowing that it was true. They would always take care of each other until the end of their lives.

"Sorry that we couldn't do nothin' in the bathroom," Ennis said quietly, hating that he might have disappointed Jack. But all he got was a kiss on the cheek.

"Doesn't matter, Ennis. I told you before...as long as you're okay, I don't care about that. There's plenty of time for that when we get settled in." Ennis nodded and tried not to throw up again as the plane started to land. Luckily, he made it just fine and they were soon back on steady ground.

After collecting their luggage, they headed out to where a rental car was waiting for them and got in, glad that the biggest part of their journey was over. Now there was only the short drive to the cabin and the scenery around them was bound to be interesting.

As Jack drove along the road, he kept thinking about what would happen after this trip. It was clear to him that things needed to change back home. He was making more of an effort with Junior and things were great with Ennis, so he had a lot to look forward to. But more than once, he'd been into the desk drawer and looked at the papers that Alma had given them. All he would have to do was sign his name and take them to Mark; it seemed so easy and straightforward and he knew it was the right thing to do. A part of him truly wanted to adopt Junior but every time he picked up a pen and put his hand even near the dotted line, he would be unable to do it. Something was holding him back; something that he was still scared of and he didn't know what it was.

He pushed these thoughts away as the forest came into view, and he kept his eyes peeled for the site. The owner, Carl Smith, would be waiting for them at the cabin so that they could pay him and get the keys. He'd seemed like a decent man and not at all concerned that two men would be sharing the bedroom, but they had yet to meet him in person.

They found the cabin, and sure enough the owner was waiting for them on the front steps. As they drove up they both took in the sight of the amazing building. It was a traditional log cabin, one storey right on the edge of the forest. They were aware of the presence of bears in the state, and Jack hoped that they weren't going to see one while out walking. That was the last thing they needed.

"Hi," Jack called to the owner as they approached him, wallet in hand. Carl stood up and shook their hands. "Jack Twist, and my husband Ennis Del Mar."

"Carl Smith," he introduced himself. "Pleased to meet you both, hope you have a good stay. That's $500 for the whole five days; the key's under the front mat." Jack handed over the money while Ennis retrieved the key. "All I ask is that you chop up firewood now and then and keep the wood box full for when you leave. There's a shotgun shed around the back in case you see any bears, but it's rare. There's also some fishing poles inside if you wanna go down to the lake."

"Okay, thanks," Jack replied, smiling and looking forward to this week. Carl nodded and tipped his hat to them.

"Have a good stay, and just leave the key under the mat when you lock up on Friday. Thanks." He left them to it, and as his car drove away Ennis came up to Jack, sliding his arms around his husband's waist.

"Alone at last," he murmured, and Jack sighed in contentment, his own hands sliding up Ennis's chest to lock around his neck.

"Yep. Just you and me...let's get our stuff inside and have a look around, huh?" Ennis nodded and they kissed a few times before unpacking the car, wondering what the interior of the cabin looked like.

Once inside, they discovered that the main area was similar to their apartment; the living room was at the front and an open-plan kitchen was at the back, complete with island. Double glass doors next to the kitchen opened out onto the back porch and a door to the side led to the bedroom; they knew that there was an en-suite bathroom through there too.

"I'm gonna like this," Jack said as they set their luggage down, and Ennis nodded. Both of them had a few plans in mind for this week, both wanting it to be an anniversary to remember. This was a testament to their love for each other and how they had strived to make their relationship work. Gay men and women had died in the past fighting for the rights they now enjoyed, and both of them felt like they had to seize these chances and make the most of their lives.

* * *

After settling in, the pair of them agreed that all they wanted to do right now was sit down for a while. Ennis still wasn't feeling too good from the flight, so Jack sat him down while he unpacked, looking around the various parts of the cabin as he went.

The bedroom was everything he'd hoped it would be; a large pine bed where they could have a lot of fun and celebrate their love. There was also a dresser on one side facing the bed, and he thought of the video camera he'd bought. A grin came to his face as he thought of his surprise; he figured that Ennis would be up for it. He was a lot more confident during sex these days, and was willing to try new things with Jack. It kept their relationship strong and now they were here, celebrating their first year of marriage.

The en-suite bathroom was fairly large and he looked at the bathtub with interest, wondering if they could both fit in there and perhaps take a bath together. It wasn't about getting clean; more about relaxing and just being together.

_I'm looking forward to this so much, _Jack thought to himself as he put their things away for later. Ennis had told him that he had a surprise for him, so Jack left his bags alone for Ennis to unpack by himself. Knowing Ennis, it was bound to be something special. _Whenever he does something, he means it. He's a man of his word and he's always been good to me._

He exited the bedroom and saw that Ennis had turned the TV on, flicking through the channels. Jack smiled and headed back over to him, sitting down and kissing his cheek. "Hey."

"Hey, darlin'," Ennis replied, putting his arm around Jack. Despite how uneasy his stomach still felt, he was happy that they were here and he couldn't wait for them to start celebrating. His things still needed to be unpacked, and he thought of the special items he'd bought back home. Jack would definitely appreciate the gesture, but there was one more surprise left for their anniversary that he was due to have delivered to the cabin. "You all unpacked?"

"Yep, just your stuff left now. You hungry or still feeling bad?"

"Dunno if I could eat anythin', to be honest," Ennis replied, and Jack gently rubbed his stomach.

"We've got some bread...how about I make you some dry toast?" he offered, and Ennis was touched by his thoughtfulness.

"Yeah, that'd be good. Thanks, bud." They kissed a couple of times and then Jack got up, heading for the kitchen. Ennis watched him from the sofa, thinking about how much he loved Jack and how happy they were. This may be their first year of marriage, but they'd been together for almost six years now. If they hadn't been in college and so focused on their studies, they might have married sooner. He could remember them hearing about the proposed changes in the law and how they had briefly discussed it.

Jack came back with the toast, having made some for himself too. Ennis found a movie for them to watch and they settled down together, Jack curled up against Ennis with his legs tucked underneath him. Everything was so quiet here, like they were the only two people in the world, and they both felt very relaxed.

"This is something else, Ennis," Jack sighed, stretching and linking their fingers together. "Could stay here all day..."

"We can do that, if you want," Ennis replied, now feeling somewhat better. "Just you an' me here, nothin' to bother us."

"Mmm...wanna make out?" Jack asked, giving him a sly look. Ennis smirked and leaned in, capturing Jack's lips with his own and drawing a sigh out of him. Jack pressed his hands to Ennis's chest and nudged at him, silently telling him to lie down. Ennis went willingly, lying back with Jack in his arms as they kissed. They took it slowly, feeling no need to rush. They had long since learned that making out didn't always have to lead to sex, and that was okay. It wasn't a waste of time as they might have once thought when they were teenagers.

Jack broke away and rested his head on Ennis's chest, rising and falling as Ennis breathed underneath him. "God, Ennis...could just lie here forever with you. Feel like I'm gonna melt or something..."

"I know," Ennis murmured, running his hands up and down Jack's back. "Darlin'...love you so much..."

"Mmm..." Jack rose up and kissed him again, slow and sweet. His bright blue eyes sparkled at Ennis in the deep red light coming through the window as the sun started to set. Ennis could only stare at this beautiful being in his arms, humbled that somebody like Jack would want him and nobody else. Jack had told him many times that he was attracted to him, yet he had never understood why. But all he could do was believe it and he was grateful for every day they had together. "You're the love of my life," Jack whispered, eyes boring into his. "I tell you every day that I love you...and I hope it's enough to show you just how much..."

"It is," Ennis told him, cupping Jack's face in his hands. "I know what you mean, Jack. To feel so strong that you can't describe it...I feel that every day. All we can do is say those three words an' try to show each other. An'...I know this trip is gonna do us a lot of good. Takin' the time to show each other an' to just...be together, you know?"

"I know," Jack replied, smiling slightly. He lowered his head back down to Ennis's chest, content to just lie there and bask in what they had together. This week would do them both the world of good and they would be able to remember what was truly important.


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12**

The next morning, Ennis and Jack decided to go fishing at the lake near the cabin, both of them wanting to get the most out of this experience. While the notion of staying in bed all day and staining the sheets was very appealing, they both wanted to see the area around them. The landscape reminded Jack of his parents' house in West Virginia, and he could remember when he'd taken Ennis there for Christmas the first time. They'd been back a few times over the last six years, and he knew that Ennis liked being there.

It was a beautiful summer's day, with the sun shining down on them and glistening on the water, and it was very quiet. There were a few tourists on the opposite side, but nobody was giving them funny looks and they felt very peaceful.

"This is great," Jack sighed as he looked up into the deep blue sky; it was completely cloudless and they could hear birds singing. "Shame neither of us are too good at fishing."

"Mmm...don't have much experience, do we? An'...we live near a whole lot of water," Ennis mused, the irony of it not lost on him. "We should go fishin' more often."

"I think I have more luck with your pole," Jack told him, smirking. Ennis rolled his eyes and decided not to respond. Jack's sexual compliments had never made him uncomfortable, but he was often unsure of how to respond. He wanted to tell Jack what he liked about his body, but still struggled with getting the words out. Maybe Jack could help him with that sometime.

As they waited for a response, Jack leaned against Ennis and thought about the following day. It would be their anniversary, a reminiscence of the day they made their commitment to one another. The fact that their union was legal made it even sweeter to him. It wasn't likely that there would be a change in the law that negated their marriage, not for Massachusetts. He knew about Proposition 8 in California, and that had concerned them when planning their wedding. But they had decided to go for it anyway and he was glad that they had.

Ennis was thinking about the following day, too. The flowers would be delivered early as arranged, so that he could truly surprise Jack and start the day off perfectly. Part of him wondered if it was too much, or if Jack wouldn't like it because he was a man, but he'd spoken to Amy about it and she had reassured him that Jack would love it.

"I love you," he said softly to Jack, making him open his eyes. Jack looked up at him with a smile.

"I love you too...where'd that come from?"

"Just thinkin' about tomorrow...got some things planned an' I hope you like it." Jack squeezed his free hand.

"I'm sure I will, Ennis. You know I love it when you get all romantic. I can remember that shy cowboy who nearly kissed me in the locker room and couldn't even admit to it at first. The one who had trouble saying that he loved me. You're not that man anymore, Ennis. You're still you, but so much more. Our time together has done us both good. We were unhappy with our lives when we met. I was out but lonely...and you had problems at home that made you miserable. Maybe this is a cliché, but...I think we were supposed to be together. Like...fate."

Ennis nodded; he'd often felt like that when he examined the early days of their relationship. There was no other way to explain how they had just found each other at that point in their lives, when they'd had nothing else really going for them. Two souls had met and merged into one. "I think we were, darlin'." He leaned in and they kissed, completely blocking out the world around them. Nothing else mattered right now; they were here to celebrate their anniversary and to spend some alone time together. Already, they could feel themselves rediscovering their deep love for one another. Jack felt as if they'd lost sight of it when Junior had arrived. It wasn't her fault, but it had been very difficult for them to cope. But now...they were finding it again.

When they broke apart, Ennis nuzzled their noses together and smiled. Whatever he'd been about to say next died in his throat as he felt something tugging at his line. "Oh, hang on. I think we've got one!"

Jack grinned and crouched behind Ennis, getting ready to help if needed. "Come on, bud...you can do it!" With an almighty tug from both of them, the fish came flying out of the water and onto the land. Jack had pulled Ennis backwards, and they were now a tangle of arms and legs, full of laughter. "That went well."

"Yep." They killed the fish with identical grimaces and put it into the bucket; it was more than sufficient for their evening meal. "That was kinda fun," Ennis added as they started gathering up the gear. This had been their first joint fishing experience and it had added one more precious memory to their lives.

Afterwards, they decided to lie on the grass together and just stare up into the sky; they had always liked doing that together. Jack tucked himself under Ennis's arm and sighed. "I enjoyed that, Ennis. I mean...I love kissing you and having sex with you...but that's not all I like about being with you. Sometimes we just need to do stuff together, even if it's just fishing."

"That's probably 'cos we was friends first," Ennis reminded him. "An' I get what you mean, Jack. A marriage oughta be more than sex. You're my best friend, darlin'..."

Jack rolled himself over and looked down into his husband's eyes. "And you're mine, too." He leaned down and kissed the man he loved, heart fit to burst with happiness and love. This was where they were supposed to be.

* * *

Ennis offered to make dinner that evening, so Jack sat out on the back porch for a while to enjoy the crisp air. Once again, he was filled with a sense of peace and tranquillity.

_This sure is something, _he thought to himself as he stretched in the wicker chair, sniffing with interest at the aroma drifting through the back doors. They'd had a great day today and there was plenty more to come. Their anniversary was tomorrow and he couldn't wait to wake up next to his husband on that day. He knew that Ennis was just as much looking forward to it, too.

"Jack?" Ennis called, poking his head through the doors. "Dinner's nearly ready, bud."

"Okay." Jack got up and followed him back inside, smiling when he saw the table. Ennis had set it with a candle in the middle, which was glowing softly. There was also a bottle of wine and a pair of glasses there, and Jack was touched by how it looked. "Ennis..."

"Wanted it to be romantic," Ennis replied, shrugging and hoping that Jack liked it. "This okay?" Jack smiled at him.

"It's great, I love it." They kissed a couple of times before Ennis turned his attention to the fish they'd caught earlier. He just wanted this entire trip to be perfect and to make Jack happy; the look in Jack's eyes as he sat down was a good indication that he'd done the right thing. Ennis knew that Jack was watching him as he cooked, and he thought about his surprise for Jack tomorrow. Everything was good to go and he hoped that it wouldn't be too much. Jack had told him many times that he liked it when they were romantic with each other.

"What're you thinking about over there?" Jack asked him, sounding curious. He could see from Ennis's face that his cowboy was thinking something over. Ennis turned to look at him.

"Just...about tomorrow. Big day for us...an' I've got some things planned." Jack nodded.

"Me too. It's gonna be a great day, Ennis. And...it's gonna be a great night, too." He smiled widely at Ennis, who turned slightly red and nodded. He still didn't know how Jack managed to do that to him.

He divided the food up onto their plates and then brought the meal over to the table, Jack looking at it with approval. "Sure looks good."

"Thanks, bud. Hope it tastes good."

"I'm sure it will. You're a great cook, Ennis...you know that." Ennis saw in Jack's eyes that he meant it, and all he could do was smile back at him.

When they were seated, the wine was poured and they settled into their meal. They shared glances over the table and thought about the following day. Both of them knew it would be something to remember.

Afterwards, Jack helped Ennis to clean up and then they brought the rest of the wine over to the sofa, listening to the crackle of the fire.

"Ennis?" Jack asked softly, looking up at him. Ennis met his gaze and rubbed his arm.

"What, darlin'?"

"I wanted to thank you...for everything you've done for me." Jack looked as if he'd been preparing this speech for a while.

"What d'you mean?"

"Well...you know I was unhappy when we met. Lureen was the only real friend I had, and I never thought I'd love someone who could love me back. And when we became friends...I never thought anything would happen. Especially when you told me that you'd broken up with a girl."

"Yeah," Ennis sighed, pulling him closer. "I know that hurt you, an' I'm sorry..." Jack shook his head.

"It's alright; you didn't know I had a crush on you. The point is, Ennis...I wanna thank you for making me happy. Never thought I would be...so..." He smiled up at the man holding him and felt so grateful that they were together. "I love you."

"Right back at you, darlin'," Ennis replied, kissing his forehead. "Guess I oughta thank you too...for bein' there for me when I needed a friend. I had all them troubles at home, was all messed up...an' you helped me."

Jack rested his head against Ennis's arm, taking his hand. "It's okay. I thought that even if we were just gonna be friends and nothing more...that would be okay. If we weren't gay, or if it was just me, I'd be happy to be your friend."

Ennis said nothing, but they both knew that Jack wasn't telling the complete truth. It was clear that his crush on Ennis had been so strong that he never would have been satisfied with just friendship. It would have hurt him to see Ennis with someone else and that would have ruined any friendship they might have formed. This was better for both of them.

Afterwards, they lay in bed together and Ennis stared up at Jack, who was moving slowly inside him and whispering sweet words to him. He liked this quiet time when all they were aware of was each other. Jack linked their fingers together on the bed, smiling softly down at Ennis and making him feel incredible.

"Jack," he sighed, tilting his head to one side so that Jack could access his neck. Jack planted a few kisses there and then one on his lips, seeing how much his lover was enjoying this. "Feels good..."

"Sure does...my husband," he whispered in Ennis's ear, drawing a breathless grin out of him.

"Yeah...husband," he echoed quietly, the word floating around his body and into his heart, settling there like a butterfly. The word belonged to them and it felt right; they were married in the eyes of the law, at least for the state they lived in. Maybe it was as far as they could go, because of what other states thought of them and how they lived, but neither cared. All that mattered was the rights they enjoyed at home and how much they loved each other.

* * *

_August 12th, 2009_

When Jack woke up that morning, he found himself alone in bed. Just as he was wondering where Ennis had got to, he spied a red rose petal on the floor by the bed. "What the...?" Sitting up, he could see a trail of them leading out of the bedroom door and towards the kitchen area. He grinned and got out of bed, pulling on his jeans and following the trail.

They led him to the kitchen table, where he found a dozen red roses sitting there. "Ennis..." he sighed to himself, seeing that this had been Ennis's surprise for him. He picked up the card and saw the simple yet heartfelt message.

_Happy anniversary, Jack xxx_

Jack felt a pair of familiar arms encircle his waist and his smile widened. "Ennis...I..." Ennis kissed the back of his neck, hoping that Jack liked his surprise.

"Mornin', bud. You like it?" Jack turned in his arms and met his lover's gaze.

"I love it, thank you." He leaned in and they kissed deeply, arms around each other. Jack just didn't know what to say to this gesture, so this was all he could do. Ennis had never done this for him before.

When they pulled apart, Ennis held Jack's face in his hands, seeing the look of pure happiness in Jack's eyes. "Darlin'..."

"Ennis...I dunno what to say. This is just..." He laughed slightly. "Happy anniversary to you too." He hugged Ennis close to him, already enjoying the day. "So what are we doing today?"

"Well, I thought that after breakfast we could go for a walk," Ennis suggested as they pulled back to look at each other. "Maybe down to the lake and just sit down, or maybe lie down in the grass." He knew that Jack liked doing that with him.

Jack nodded. "That sounds perfect, Ennis. And this evening, we could curl up in front of the fire or the TV and have some more wine. I've got a surprise for tonight." With this agreed, Ennis went to start breakfast while Jack got showered and dressed. Ennis saw him take the roses from the table with him and into the bedroom, and smiled to himself. At first, he'd thought that it was too weird for him to give Jack flowers, given that he was a man. But Jack hadn't seemed to care; he'd understood the gesture anyway. Ennis realised that it didn't matter if they were both guys; romance was applicable to all good marriages.

As he was finishing their breakfast, Jack came out and kissed him on the cheek. "Mmm...kiss the cook, huh?" Ennis grinned., feeling relieved that it had worked.

"Yeah, guess so. I'm glad you liked that with the roses...thought it might be too weird or somethin'..."

"It's really not," Jack told him, squeezing him tightly. "I love it...and I love you." He prised himself away and they settled down to their breakfast, looking forward to a relaxing day together out here in paradise. Neither of them could think of a better way to spend their anniversary.

When they were done and had cleaned up, they left the cabin and set off walking along the trail that led to the lake. Ennis reached out and took Jack's hand, lacing their fingers together and making them both smile. To Jack's mind, Ennis looked a little shy; he found it so endearing and he squeezed Ennis's fingers gently.

"Remember the first time we held hands in public?" Jack asked, and Ennis nodded.

"Yep. It was about March...just before spring break. It was real scary, Jack...but I'm glad we did it." It was probably the bravest he'd ever been, and he was glad that he'd seen it through. And Jack hadn't pushed him for it; he'd let Ennis get there in his own time.

"Me too. And you were the one who suggested it. We'd swapped our rings over to our left hands and I told you that people were figuring it out. And you said that we should just go with it anyway since they already kind of knew."

"Yeah...I can remember them starin' an' whisperin' about it...an' a couple of 'em tryin' to give us a hard time."

"That all stopped by the end of the year," Jack reminded him, and they looked at each other. It had stopped because of Ennis's temporary disappearance and that the other students had realised that they were in love. But neither of them liked to talk about that day; it didn't do them any good and it was all in the past now. "Anyway...doesn't matter now."

"Right." They reached the lake and sat down on the grass together, watching the sunlight sparkle on the water before them. Jack leaned against Ennis, letting out a contented sigh.

"This is good," he murmured, and Ennis took his hand again.

"Yeah. Jack, I...I just want you to know that I'm real happy with you. I try every day to show you what you mean to me, an'...I hope I'm doin' somethin' right. Can't always find the words..." Jack sighed and squeezed his fingers.

"You keep saying that, and I keep saying you're wrong...you do know the words, Ennis. And the ones you've said to me have always been wonderful. But as for showing me...that's always great, too. You care about me, you take care of me...you make me laugh and...you're always there." He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. "I know how much you love me...I can see it in your eyes when we're together like this. It's all in there plain as day."

"Hmm." Ennis kissed Jack's temple and smiled; Jack understood his gestures of love and had some idea of what he was feeling. That was enough for him. Ennis didn't think that there were words for what he felt, but there was nothing he could do about that. All he could do was love Jack and let him know that he would always be there.

* * *

When they returned to the cabin, they spent most of the day on the sofa together. Jack lay on top of Ennis as they kissed deeply, heart fit to burst with the love he felt. Their first year of marriage hadn't been perfect, but they were doing well now. Jack had the feeling that soon he would be ready to sign those papers and get the adoption process going, but he didn't want to say anything to Ennis just yet.

Still, this was far from his mind as he released Ennis's mouth and moved down to his neck, softly biting at the skin and hearing a quiet moan. "Jack..."

"Like that, baby?" Jack murmured in his ear, trailing a hand down between Ennis's legs and squeezing. Ennis let out a gasp as Jack stroked him, biting his lip. "Jesus..."

"Hmm..." Jack let go of him and rose up onto his knees, looking down at Ennis's flushed face. "Reckon I ought to let you breathe," he said, lacing their fingers together. Ennis smiled up at him.

"Darlin'...I never thought we'd be here, celebratin' our anniversary. When we first met, I mean. Never thought I'd end up marryin' another guy."

Jack nodded. "I know. To be honest, I didn't know for sure I would, either. I knew I was gay, but...never dared to hope that I'd be happy. And when I started having feelings for you, I never thought you'd return them. I thought I'd have to get over you and just be friends." He sighed. "Sure am glad that wasn't the case."

"Me too. Now we're together I can't...imagine it bein' any different. Can't picture you an' me just bein' friends," Ennis admitted, gazing up into Jack's eyes. "Can't imagine us...knowin' each other an' not...kissin' or...havin' sex..." He shrugged. "I know that if that had been the case, we wouldn't know any different anyway, but...still..."

"I know what you mean, bud. I can't imagine all that either...so I'm glad that things worked out this way." He leaned down again and they kissed, softer this time. "Love you so much, baby."

"Love you too..." Ennis released Jack's hands and grabbed his shoulders, pulling Jack down back onto him and into his arms. They lay there for a while, just embracing and talking softly until they started getting hungry.

Jack was to cook dinner tonight, and they had agreed to swap their presents afterwards. While Jack was occupied, Ennis went into the bedroom to retrieve his gift; he'd bought Jack a new wallet, since Jack's was falling apart. It wasn't the most romantic gift ever but he knew that Jack would appreciate it nonetheless.

He sat at the table and watched Jack cooking, offering to help but being declined. Jack wanted to do this by himself. Still, Jack did come over and sit on his lap while he was waiting for the food to cook.

"Chair ain't gonna take both of us," Ennis tried to warn, hearing it groan under the strain. Jack just shrugged and kissed him.

Jack had cooked them a roast chicken with potatoes and vegetables, having learned how from his mother. Ennis had always enjoyed Jack's cooking since they'd first moved in together back in Amherst, and he appreciated the effort made.

"This is great, bud," he told him, seeing how pleased Jack looked.

"Thanks. Remember when we first got together, and how we ate all that fried chicken from the diner? How the hell did we not put on a load of weight?" he asked, grinning. Ennis thought it over.

"Well...we was gettin' plenty of exercise," he replied, making Jack laugh.

"True enough." When the meal was over, they pushed their plates to one side and brought up their gifts for each other. "You ready to swap?" Jack asked, hoping that Ennis liked his gift.

"Yep..." With their eyes fixed on each other, they slid their presents over to one another and were silent as they unwrapped them. "Jack..." Ennis held up the watch, admiring the intricate detail and smiling over at Jack, who had just revealed his brand new wallet. Both items were well-made, but it was always the thought that mattered most to them.

"Thank you, Ennis," Jack said to him, getting up and walking around the table. Ennis stood up to meet him, pulling him close for a deep kiss. Jack's eyes were shining at him and it was the sight that Ennis had always loved. He'd done it right.

"You're welcome, bud. An' thank you for this," he replied, setting the watch down. He'd thought of putting it on, but realised that he would be stripping off soon anyway. He had a feeling that they were going to have sex more than once tonight, and he couldn't wait.

They cleaned up together and headed back to the sofa for a while, knowing what was to come later tonight but not feeling rushed to get there. Jack thought of his video camera, in his suitcase and ready to go. They had already made a few tapes during their time together, safely locked away in a cabinet in their bedroom, and they liked picking one out and watching now and then, just for fun. Seeing themselves having sex tended to turn on them quite effectively, and those were always good nights. The one they made tonight would be proudly labelled as their first wedding anniversary; something to remember.

"I love you," Jack sighed, leaning against Ennis and staring at the fire. Even though they said the words to each other at least once a day, they never got tired of hearing or saying them.

"Back at you, darlin'," Ennis murmured, kissing his hair. "You, um...you ready to...?" He tilted his head towards the bedroom, and Jack grinned.

"Sure...but just give me five minutes in there alone. Got one last surprise for you." Ennis nodded and watched him go, already feeling aroused with the thought of making love with Jack. That was another thing he would never tire of, not as long as he lived.

* * *

Ennis hovered outside the bedroom door, waiting for Jack to call him inside. He had no idea what Jack was planning but he had a feeling he would like it.

"You done in there yet?" he called, wondering what was taking so long.

"Just a sec," Jack replied, looking around at his handiwork. The candles were arranged around the room and lit, casting a romantic glow around the room as the only light source. The camera was set up on the dresser and facing the bed from the side, and all he had to do was press the record button. He even had the massage oil out, just in case. "Okay..." He opened the door and grinned at Ennis, seeing the puzzled look on his face. "We're ready..." He took Ennis's hand and led him inside, shutting the door behind them as Ennis looked around.

"Jack...this is..." Ennis's eyes fell on the video camera and he understood. "Is that the...?"

"Yep...thought we could get our anniversary on video," Jack replied, kissing his neck. "That alright?" Ennis smiled at him; it was perfect.

"That's more than alright, Jack...good idea." He leaned in and captured Jack's lips, gently pushing his tongue inside Jack's mouth and drawing a soft moan out of him.

"Mmm...Ennis..." Jack mumbled against his lips. They broke apart and his fingers lightly touched Ennis's belt buckle. "You wanna get on the bed?" he whispered, and Ennis nodded.

"Sure...but first thing's first." He led Jack around the bed and switched on the record button as they passed. "Better make sure to get all of this," he said as they crawled onto the bed together.

"Good point." Jack lay himself down on top of Ennis, kissing as they started to undress. They got distracted when their shirts were removed, unable to resist the glowing skin in the candlelight. Ennis rolled them both over until he had Jack underneath him, both of them trying to kick off their jeans. "Mmm...you're going for it tonight," Jack observed, his jeans now halfway down his legs even with Ennis straddling him. "Reckon it was that wine..."

"Maybe..." Ennis moved down the bed and yanked Jack's jeans off in one motion, throwing them to the floor and making Jack grin. "Wanna be inside you, darlin'," he murmured, and Jack nodded.

"You got it." When they were both naked, they decided to forgo the massage oil and just skip to the main event; they were too far gone for anything else now. Jack could feel Ennis's legs sliding against his, prising them apart to reach his goal. Ennis was kissing his chest and tangling his hands in the dark locks, and arousal was swirling around his body. "Ennis...won't last long if you keep doing that..."

Ennis rose up onto his knees and gazed down at him lovingly. "You want it?" he breathed, trailing a finger down Jack's chest and stopping just before his sensitive lower stomach. Jack wanted Ennis inside him and to touch him at the same time.

"Yeah," he replied, and Ennis needed no further encouragement. Turned on by the fact that it was all being filmed, he grabbed the lube and smoothed it over himself, watching Jack's face. The truth was right there in his eyes; Jack wanted him. He always had since they were young students trying to find themselves, and now they were a married couple. This wasn't the way he'd expected his life to turn out, but here it was and he loved it.

Jack lifted his legs and wrapped them around Ennis's waist, locking his ankles together when Ennis leaned down and started to push in. He bit his lip and tried to help, lifting his hips and guiding Ennis inside him.

When they were tightly connected and looking into each other's eyes, Ennis stroked Jack's face. "Happy anniversary, darlin'," he whispered, and Jack smiled up at him.

"Back to you, cowboy." He closed his eyes as Ennis started moving, warmth flowing through him as Ennis kissed him. He wrapped his arms around Ennis's neck and sighed. "God...I love doing this with you...you always know..."

"Mmm..." Ennis released his lips and buried his face in Jack's neck instead, rocking steadily into him and taking hold of Jack's swelling erection. He knew that Jack liked to be touched when they were in this position, and he always wanted to give Jack as much pleasure as he could. Ennis loved knowing that he could make Jack this happy. "Come for me, Jack," he breathed in his lover's ear, and Jack moaned.

"Oh God..." He bucked a few times and shot between them, unable to withstand Ennis's stroking anymore. Ennis felt the warm, sticky fluid hit his stomach and felt branded, but not unpleasantly so at all. He thrust a few more times until he was coming inside Jack, gritting his teeth until it was over.

They sank down to the bed together, breathing heavily and caressing each other. "Baby," Jack whispered, running his hands through Ennis's damp hair. "I love you so much..." He kissed Ennis's cheek and looked over at the camera. "And that's how it's done," he said with a breathless grin. Ennis laughed, shaking against Jack and rising up.

"You're crazy...an' I love you for it." He pulled out and managed to stand up, switching off the camera before making it back to bed. They stretched out on their respective sides, and Jack curled up against him.

"Mmm...that was good. Ennis...I can't wait for the rest of our anniversaries. Especially the milestone ones. Which one's first?"

"I think it's silver...twenty-five years," Ennis replied. "We'd be just over fifty..."

"Can you imagine that? Me and you...old men..." Jack asked, wondering what it would be like. "Would we even be able to...?"

"Yeah, don't see why not," Ennis replied, stroking his cheek. "Can you imagine bein' married to me in another twenty-four years?"

Jack smiled widely; he didn't even have to consider his answer. "Yeah, I do." He found Ennis's hand and squeezed it, looking forward to what the future held for them.


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter 13**

_August 13th, 2009_

On Thursday morning, Ennis awoke early and found a pair of bright blue eyes looking at him. "Huh?" he asked groggily, blinking. Jack smiled and shuffled closer.

"Morning, bud. Woke up and saw you all peaceful...thought I'd just have a good look at you..." Ennis pulled Jack close to him for a kiss before rolling onto his stomach, head resting on his folded arms. Jack copied his movement so that they could talk. "You sleep okay?"

"Always do, next to you," Ennis replied. "An' after last night..."

Jack smirked. "It was pretty fun, wasn't it? Gonna label that tape as our first anniversary...something special."

Ennis nodded and sighed. "Jack...been wantin' to ask you somethin'. When we get back...are things gonna be different? It's been hard for us these last couple of months, since Junior came to live with us. Are they gonna get better?" Jack moved closer to him and kissed his cheek.

"Yeah, they are. Promise. I think...I might be able to sign those papers at some point..."

Ennis raised his head, looking taken aback but happy. "Really? Darlin'..." He kissed Jack again, but Jack looked hesitant.

"I don't know for sure yet, but I've been thinking about it. Could be that I'm not ready yet after all. I don't really know."

Ennis nodded, trying not to feel too disappointed. It was Jack's choice, after all. He couldn't force the issue if Jack wasn't ready. "Okay, bud. You know there ain't no rush for it."

"Right. And I wanna thank you for that, Ennis. I know it hasn't been easy for you, either. And...I just wanna say thank you for making it so easy for me despite that. Things were hard enough for me to get used to, but you made it a little easier." He kissed Ennis's shoulder and smiled at him. "So I think we're on the right track for me to be thinking about signing."

He leaned in close to Ennis, feeling the warmth radiating from his husband's body. He had always loved lying in bed with Ennis, ever since they had first gotten together in college. Remembering how small their beds were back then, he was glad that they had a double to stretch out in now. It had been fun to squash together when they were younger, but now they needed the space and comfort of a real bed that they could share.

"Jack?" Ennis murmured after a while, and Jack raised his head.

"Hmm?"

"You know how I told you that we might be able to have our own kid one day, somehow?"

"Yeah...and you said we oughta wait until Junior's older. I'm okay with that."

"Good," Ennis said softly, nuzzling him. "I was thinkin'...if we go through that artificial insemination...who would be the mother? Would the surrogate be the egg donor too? Or would they be two different women? I don't know about that stuff."

"I don't either, really. But...let's say it could be the same one. It would have to be a woman who we're close with, who lives nearby. Lureen couldn't do it, though that was my first thought," he admitted. "She's trying to make it as a dancer...she can't go getting pregnant now. And she lives in a different state. So..."

"Amy and Jessica," Ennis finished for him. "They're really the only ones who could do it."

"Ennis, I...when I bought your present, I ran into Jessica and we had lunch, remember? I mentioned the idea to her and she said that she and Amy would be open to it if we wanted to."

"Okay. I think they'd be our best option." Jack ran his hand up and down Ennis's back, thinking.

"Ennis...if we were to do that...who would be the father? Would we just flip a coin?"

"Guess so." Ennis yawned and Jack could tell he was falling asleep again.

"You wanna get some more sleep, cowboy?" he asked softly, and Ennis nodded. "Alright...I need to stretch my legs; I'm wide awake. I'll leave you to it, okay?" He kissed Ennis's cheek again and slowly slid out of bed, seeing that the sunlight was flowing through the curtains. He closed them so that Ennis could sleep and gathered his clothes, heading for the shower.

As he stood under the spray, he thought about their future together. He did still want to have a family with Ennis, maybe even a big one. Jessica and Amy were bound to be fair if they decided to do it together, and all four of them could be a family with whatever children they had. But for now, he was content with Junior and in bringing her up. He didn't even know if they were really ready for a child of their own yet; they still had so much to learn about being parents. He figured that bringing Junior up would teach them all of that.

_I'd do anything for him, _Jack realised as he thought of the man lying just beyond the door. _Absolutely anything. He's done so much for me and probably doesn't realise it. I've got to do whatever I can for him._

He finished up in the shower and got dressed before emerging; Ennis was still asleep so he crept out of the room and headed for the kitchen area, needing coffee. As an afterthought, he slipped back into the bedroom to retrieve the video camera before leaving Ennis alone.

Jack sipped his coffee as he watched the video, smirking to himself and trying to keep his arousal down. They both looked good on film, he had to admit. And the sound was enough to turn him on; hearing Ennis moan like that brought back lots of good memories for him and he knew that what they had was something very special. They simply had to make this a tradition; one day their bodies wouldn't be able to cope with sex so they would have to have reminders of how good it was in their youth. He would remember everything about his life with Ennis.

* * *

Ennis awoke a little later, so Jack made him some breakfast and then they went for another walk. This was their last full day at the cabin and they had enjoyed it very much.

As they walked, they agreed that all of their future anniversaries would be spent by doing something special.

"Maybe not always to a cabin," Jack said as they walked along the trail that led to the lake, holding onto Ennis's hand. "But just go somewhere different. There's lots of places in the States that we can go...maybe even one day we'll see some other countries. We've got so many options."

"You're right," Ennis agreed, seeing how excited Jack was about this. He was nervous about flying but he didn't want to keep Jack in one place just because of that; it wasn't fair. Clearly, he needed to look into ways of keeping his food in his stomach when they were flying. "Maybe I could take somethin' for when we fly to places, so I won't get sick."

"Yeah, I guess. I hate to see you suffering," Jack told him, rubbing his arm. "Just think of where we could go for the special anniversaries...maybe one day we could go on a cruise..." They stopped when they reached the lake and Jack turned to Ennis. "I'd love to see the world with you..."

Ennis kissed him and then tugged at his hand. "Come on." He pulled Jack over to where they usually sat, and they huddled up together, Jack playing with Ennis's fingers and smiling to himself. They had been right; this trip had done them a lot of good and they both felt a lot better than before. It was as if the dark days of the past few months had been washed away and they could start over afresh. Everything was just so peaceful out here that he couldn't help but relax and forget about his own issues.

Eventually, they lay back onto the grass together and stared up at the sky, observing how it was free of clouds. "Hey, I had a thought," Jack said suddenly, sitting up. "What if we went camping sometime, maybe next year? We could sleep under the stars together..."

Ennis smiled, stroking Jack's arm. "Sounds...pretty good, Jack. Romantic, even..."

"Yeah. I mean, we'd have to be wary of bears and everything, but...we'd check out the area first online. Just to be on the safe side."

"Yeah." Ennis pulled Jack back down to him, Jack landing on his chest.

"Hey...we're too old for that," he said in mock protest, and Ennis shook his head.

"I ain't old, an' neither are you." He kissed the side of Jack's face and welcomed the warm weight on him. "Mmm..."

"Ennis...when I was in the shower this morning, I was thinking about our future. I'd love to have a big family with you, and the girls too. I think we'd be a great family."

"We would, Jack," Ennis agreed, rubbing his back. "Sometimes I wish...we could have a kid together. Just you an' me. I keep picturin' what it might be like if we could..."

"So who would carry it?" Jack asked, grinning down at him. Ennis shrugged.

"Well...I keep thinkin' it might be you. If you could carry my baby...I'd rub your feet an' bring you ice cream at three in the mornin'. I'd give you back rubs an' chest rubs...anythin' you want."

"Hmm...nice idea," Jack replied, kissing the tip of his nose. "Shame it can't work out like that."

"I know. I'd be good to you, darlin', if it could work that way."

Jack stroked Ennis's face with the back of his hand, a deep and unreadable look in his eyes. "Ennis...you already are good to me. You're...my husband, and despite what you might think, you're doing everything right to make me happy. If I make you half as happy as you-"

"You make me real happy, darlin'," Ennis cut in, gently covering his mouth. The intense moment passed and he sighed. "So...let's talk about when we get back. My mama wants to come an' see us sometime. I reckon Junior will like that."

"Yeah, first time meeting her. I know my parents loved her. Technically, they're her grandparents. Just like your mom and Alma's parents. Junior's lucky; she's got three parents who love her, and three sets of grandparents. I reckon that your dad would've loved her despite everything."

"Probably. But he was never gonna accept you an' me bein' together," Ennis reminded him, thinking of when he'd been disowned for being with Jack. "But...I had to make the right choice for me, like you always told me. I decided I wanted to be with you, an' he just couldn't deal with it. It wasn't your fault, Jack. Just the way things worked out."

"I know, bud. Still...I reckon that things worked out for the best. We ended up together, now we're married and planning our future. I'd say that things are as good as they could be even if he was still alive. I know it hurt you when he died...even though he never accepted us."

"Because he never accepted us," Ennis corrected him. "All I wanted was some approval from him. But even before we got together, he was pissed at me for leavin' the ranch to him an' goin' off to college. He was never gonna get over that. Just wanted me to stay there for the rest of my life, marry Alma an' have some kids. I would've died of boredom, Jack. Bein' with you...it's the best thing that ever happened to me."

He ran his hand through Jack's hair as he spoke, every word coming out of his mouth the truth. He was so much happier with Jack than he ever could have been back in Wyoming, so he was grateful that he'd left and decided to go to Amherst to finish his education. Of all the colleges he could have gone to, he'd managed to pick the one that led him to his true love.

* * *

That night, Jack lay sleeping with his head on Ennis's chest after another good night together. They would be leaving tomorrow and were mostly packed except for anything they might need the following morning. The trip had been a success and they'd enjoyed it a lot, but were both looking forward to getting back home. Ennis wanted to see Junior again and he had a feeling that Jack did, too. Despite how Jack seemed to still struggle with having her around, Ennis could tell that he was trying anyway, and he appreciated it.

He looked down at his sleeping husband, who looked very peaceful and comfortable. They did like to sleep in this position now and then, and Ennis liked having Jack's warm body next to his. He was someone to hold in the middle of the night if Ennis got too cold or perhaps had a nightmare. It still happened now and then, but less so since his father's death. Ennis could remember feeling terrified that his father would hurt Jack for them being together, and he recalled Jack comforting him and making everything okay again.

_He's always been there for me, _Ennis thought to himself, stroking Jack's dark hair. _Even when we were just friends..._

A little later, Jack rolled away and ended up on his side, stretching out even in his sleep. Ennis gave him an affectionate look and decided to get up for a few minutes now that he could move. He wasn't sure why he couldn't sleep; maybe he was just nervous about the flight home; he'd been like that since he was a child, and the tendency for travel sickness had never really gone away as he'd grown up. Luckily, he had someone like Jack who would take care of him.

He slowly slid out of bed and pulled his jeans on, hoping not to disturb Jack as he silently left the room. He walked through the quiet and dark cabin towards the double glass doors next to the kitchen, and went out onto the back porch. The air was crisp and cool at this time of night and it was very tranquil, making him feel at peace.

Ennis sighed and settled into one of the wicker chairs, thinking. Maybe one day, they could buy a house and have a back porch of their own, and a garden for Junior to play in. But they didn't have the funds right now; Jack was doing well in his project but there was a lot of time left, and the only money available to them was Jack's inheritance, with a little of what they had earned before leaving Amherst.

Still, he knew that his future would be with Jack; that much was certain. He couldn't imagine living his life any other way now that they were together.

Jack padded barefoot through the cabin, wearing just his jeans and wondering why Ennis had gone outside. He'd woken up to find himself alone in bed and the door open, a slight chill creeping through the cabin. He knew that Ennis didn't sleepwalk, so he had no idea why his cowboy was awake. He had a blanket with him just in case it was cold outside.

He found Ennis in the wicker chair and cleared his throat. "Hey," he said softly, and Ennis turned to look at him. He'd hoped not to disturb Jack but it looked as if that was inevitable. Jack didn't look as if he minded, though. Ennis knew from experience that Jack could sleep just about anywhere, and could get by on less than six hours if he had to.

"Oh, hey. Come here..." Ennis motioned him over and Jack managed to squeeze into the chair with him, mostly sat on Ennis's lap. Neither of them cared; at least they would be warm and cosy.

"How come you're awake?" he asked, draping the blanket over them both. Ennis slid his arms around Jack's waist and squeezed him, glad now that Jack was here and they could talk.

"Dunno. Just couldn't seem to drop off. Thought I might be nervous about the flight tomorrow."

Jack sighed and rested his head on Ennis's shoulder. "I know, bud. Hate seeing you like that...but you'll be okay. I'll be there and I'll try to look after you." Ennis kissed the top of his head, grateful to him.

"Thanks, darlin'. You lookin' forward to seein' Junior again?"

"Yeah, sure I am. I'd like to spend more time with her, Ennis. Maybe then I could be ready to sign those papers."

"Great." Ennis hugged Jack close to him, warming up now that Jack was here. "I was just thinkin' of what it'd be like when we've got some money comin' in. Maybe...one day we could buy a house somewhere."

"A house? Really?" Jack asked, looking up at him. The moon was reflected in his eyes and Ennis had to admit it was a beautiful sight. "Like...with a garden and everything?"

"Yep. Junior would like that, an' we could do barbeques in the summer. An' we'd have a back porch, like this one. An'...I dunno, maybe we could get a dog or somethin'."

"A real family," Jack said softly, stroking his arm. "I'd like that."

"Hmm. I always wanted a family, just never thought it'd be like this. But...it's what I still want. I wanna be with you, Jack. Want a family an' a home with you." He leaned in and kissed Jack gently, knowing that Jack liked it when he was tender. They knew each other so well by now and it showed when they were together.

"Mmm," Jack sighed when they pulled apart. "Are we staying out here all night, or going back to bed?"

"Probably should go back inside...it's freezin' out here." Jack nodded and got up, and they went back into the cabin together. After they were settled in bed and Jack was curled up against Ennis, they simply looked at each other and played with each other's fingers until they fell asleep.

* * *

The following morning, they bid goodbye to the owner of the cabin and headed back to the airport, looking forward to getting home. This week had been exactly what they had needed, and had given them the chance to just enjoy some time together. They didn't often get that with the life they had back in Provincetown, especially now that Junior was with them. Ennis had a feeling that now they were going to be bringing her up, there would be more demands on their time. But he wasn't about to complain; they were fathers now and had to take on responsibility.

Jack noticed that Ennis still looked very nervous as they approached the airport. "You gonna be okay?" he asked, nudging him gently. Ennis nodded, but didn't look as though he believed it. It was simply too much for him to hope that nothing would happen, even though he knew that these thoughts would only make it worse.

"Think so...but don't know. We got a paper bag somewhere?" he asked, feeling like he would panic even more if they didn't have one.

"Yeah, there's a couple in my bag. We'll have them with us." He smiled at Ennis and continued driving, hoping for Ennis's sake that he wouldn't be sick. If they were going to make this an annual thing, they had to find out if there were ways of helping Ennis with the travel sickness. Jack made a mental note to call their doctor when they got back; perhaps there really was something that Ennis could take for his nerves so that he wouldn't get sick.

When they got to the airport, there was the usual waiting for a couple of hours before they could proceed. They sat down on a sofa together and read the newspaper, wondering if anything had happened since they had been in the woods away from everything. Neither of them had any missed calls or messages, so they figured that nothing drastic had happened.

Nevertheless, Jack called his parents and Ennis called the girls to make sure that Junior was okay. Amy reported that she was doing fine but clearly missing them. Ennis felt a slight pang in his heart and couldn't wait to be reunited with his daughter.

"Anythin'?" he asked when Jack finally hung up. Jack shook his head; his mother had been pleased to hear from him but had no family news.

"Nope, everything's fine. How's Junior?"

"Amy says she's missin' us, but alright. I miss her, bud..." Jack took his hand, squeezing gently.

"I know...and I miss her too. We'll be home soon enough, cowboy." He kissed Ennis's cheek and they resumed their reading of the paper. One or two things had happened in the week they'd been away, but nothing major. There was a new TV show coming on soon that they were intrigued by, but that was pretty much it.

At last, they were allowed through the gate and onto the plane. Jack was keeping a firm grip on Ennis's hand, letting him know without words that he was there. Ennis kept taking deep breaths as he tried not to panic, remembering everything that Jack had taught him about keeping calm. They got seated on the plane and Ennis took the aisle seat, not wanting to look out of the window.

"So...what are we doing when we get back?" Jack asked him, rubbing his arm. "Getting Junior and then just going home?"

"Yeah, sounds good," Ennis replied, nodding. He knew that Jack was trying to distract him from feeling sick, and he appreciated the effort being made. He honestly didn't know what he would do without Jack in his life, and he was glad that he would never have to find out.

When the plane took off, Ennis grabbed one of the bags out of instinct and Jack rubbed his back, bracing himself for what he considered the inevitable.

But to their delight, Ennis made it through take-off without even retching. He didn't even look pale. "Guess it ain't every time," he mused, looking at Jack.

"I'm glad, bud," Jack told him, nuzzling their cheeks together. "You know...since you're gonna be okay...I was wondering..." He met Ennis's eyes and made sure his intentions were clear. Ennis smirked.

"You wanna? In the bathroom?" he asked, and Jack nodded.

"Yep. As soon as they turn off those seatbelt lights...you and me are gonna have some fun." He leaned against Ennis as they waited, hoping that they could get up soon. Now that their arrangement was made, he was getting aroused and couldn't wait for them to be alone. Ennis felt himself stirring down below and bit his lip, praying that the lights would go off before he did.

When they could finally move, Ennis kissed Jack on the cheek and headed for the bathroom, not caring in the slightest if someone figured it out.

Within just a few minutes, he found himself in very close proximity to Jack, who had a gleam in his eye. "Hey, cowboy," he murmured, pushing Ennis to the wall and grinning. "Looks like I've got you trapped now."

"Mmm..." Ennis felt Jack's lips on his and that was it; he pushed Jack to the other wall and undid his jeans, feeling Jack do the same to him. They moaned in each other's mouths to keep quiet as they stroked each other to orgasm, breathing heavily and hoping that nobody would hear them. "God, I love you," Ennis breathed, his lips attacking Jack's neck.

"Me too," Jack replied, biting his lip and trying not to yell out. When it was over, he rested his head tiredly on Ennis's shoulder and sighed. "Well...maybe we cured your travel sickness by ourselves." Ennis laughed as they pulled their jeans back up.

"Maybe not...wish it was that simple." They kissed a few times before Ennis left the bathroom, trying not to look too flushed by the encounter. When Jack re-joined him in their seats, both of them looked very happy and pleased with themselves.

* * *

On the journey back to Provincetown from the airport, Jack noticed that Ennis was now falling asleep next to him. It was clear that the journey had tired him out, and they were yet to pick up Junior from their friends.

"Bud?" Jack asked softly as the town came into view. "We're nearly there. You gonna be able to stay awake?"

"Hmm? Oh...right." Ennis looked around groggily, yawning. "Gotta pick up Junior yet...can't go fallin' asleep."

"Well..." Jack started, thinking. "What if we get you home and into bed, and then I go pick her up? I don't mind." All through this trip, he'd known that he needed to make more of an effort with Junior. He'd promised Ennis that things would be different from now on, so he had to at least try. Besides, he did genuinely want to get to know her; she was a very sweet girl who clearly wanted to know him.

Ennis looked at him, taken aback by this offer. "You sure? I mean..."

Jack nodded. "Sure. I can bring her back home, it's no problem. Ennis...I wanna start doing more for her, and for you. We're...her parents and that's what we're supposed to do when we've got a kid. We're supposed to put her first...I know that."

"Hmm, you're right. But...it don't mean that we don't love each other," Ennis told him, squeezing his fingers. "Just 'cos we can't neck on the sofa when she's around don't mean nothin'."

"I know, cowboy." They kissed a few times and then the taxi was driving through town towards their apartment. Jack sent a text to Amy to tell her that he would be picking Junior up within the next hour and the taxi finally reached their street. They both got out, stretching and yawning but glad to be back out in the fresh air. Being in the woods had been great, but they enjoyed the sea air of the coast more than anything else; it was almost like a permanent vacation in some ways.

The pair of them carried their bags up to the apartment, both of them glad to be home. "Sure did enjoy our time away," Jack mused as he rifled through the mail that had piled up while they were gone. "But I'm looking forward to getting back to work."

"I know, bud. How's your project goin'?" Ennis asked as he checked the landline for messages and missed calls.

"Good. I'm right on track to finish in October, like they wanted. Emily's real pleased with my work." He grinned at Ennis, who nodded his approval. He was very proud of Jack for doing so well. "Anyway...you still wanna take a nap while I get Junior?"

"Yeah, for a while." Ennis put the phone back and moved over to Jack, kissing him and stroking his cheek before pulling away. "Love you, darlin'."

"I love you too, baby." Jack watched Ennis walk towards the bedroom and smiled to himself; everything was working out for them at last. He grabbed his keys and headed back out to collect Junior, finally feeling like a parent.

He whistled as he walked the few blocks over to where the girls lived, enjoying the bright sunshine and the familiar sound of seagulls flying overhead. This was their home now, where they belonged, and now Junior was a part of it. They were becoming a family and that meant a lot to him. All he'd ever wanted was for him and Ennis to be happy together, and now they were.

When he knocked, the door was opened and a pair of arms was wrapped around his knees. "Jack!" He nearly fell over with the weight, but didn't care.

"Hey, Junior," he greeted the little girl, sharing a wide grin with Amy. "Good to see you, honey." She let him go and he headed inside, hugging the girls in turn.

"Where's Daddy?" Junior asked, and he ruffled her hair.

"He's at home; he was tired and wanted to sleep, so I'm here to pick you up. You wanna get your things?" She nodded and scampered off, leaving Jack with his friends.

"How'd it go?" Jessica asked as they waited.

"Good. It was great...nice place, good weather...it was amazing."

"Did you celebrate your anniversary in style?" Amy asked with a smirk on her face.

"I don't kiss and tell," Jack replied. "But...we had a good day. And night," he added with a wink.

"I'm glad you guys had so much fun," Amy told him. "You deserve it after these last few months. Think you'll be okay, with Junior and all?"

"Yeah, I reckon so. That's part of why I offered to pick Junior up. I could've left it to him when he wakes up, but...I wanted to do it. Wanted to see her, you know?"

"That's great, Jack. I'm sure he appreciates it." Junior came back with her bag and Jack picked up her suitcase, which was waiting by the door.

"Okay, Junior. Let's get you home. Has she eaten recently?"

"We gave her some breakfast; figured that you'd take care of lunch."

Jack nodded. "Alright. Come on, honey." They left the apartment and Jack took her home, part of him feeling complete now that she was around him again. He was starting to feel the paternal instincts that Ennis had always seemed to have, and the thought comforted him.

Ennis was still asleep when they got back, so Jack made some lunch for himself and Junior and they sat in front of the TV to watch an afternoon movie. It felt good to spend time with Junior by himself, as if he was receiving some kind of confirmation that he could do this by himself. If he could prove to himself that he could be a father without Ennis having to act as mediator, that would make him very happy.

Ennis woke up to the sound of two people laughing, and when he realised who it was his heart filled with happiness. His family were beyond the door, bonding at last.


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter 14**

_August 16th, 2009_

By Sunday, Ennis and Jack had settled back into their normal routine after their week away. As fun as it had been to celebrate their anniversary together and spend a lot of time in bed, there was a serious side to it. They had spoken about the future and how things would be different from now on, and it showed. Jack was spending more time with Junior by himself and he was enjoying it.

Also, he and Ennis were closer than ever. They had agreed to have a date night once a week on a Friday or Saturday, just the two of them. And they had decided that each of their anniversaries would be spent by doing something special. They were building a future together and they loved planning what would happen.

The next major occurrence was Ennis's mother coming to visit. She wanted to see them and Junior, and on Sunday Ennis was talking to her on the phone to find out if she had a flight yet.

"I've got one, Ennis. It's next Friday at noon. It'll only take about an hour."

"Sounds great, ma. We're lookin' forward to seein' you again. An' I know Junior wants to meet you."

"I'd love to meet her, too. So...how was your trip? Did you enjoy your anniversary?"

"Yeah, it was great," he replied, not wanting to go into detail. The tape they had made was labelled as their first anniversary and safely locked away in their bedroom with the others they had made over the years. It was always fun to watch them when they were in the mood; it got them aroused and ready to go at each other. Those were the good nights.

Jack was smiling to himself as he made lunch, listening to Ennis talking to his mother. He knew that Ennis was remembering their nights in the cabin but didn't want his mother to know the details. That was understandable; one day Junior would learn about sex and become curious about their private life. It was a conversation that parents were never ready for; he had some embarrassing memories of "the talk" himself.

But there was a long way to go yet before they would have to do that; Junior was still very young and there was time for them to work out how to approach the questions she might have for them.

"So, I guess I'll pick you up from the airport," Ennis suggested with a glance at Jack, who nodded. He could look after Junior well enough by now; he liked spending time with her.

"Okay, Ennis. How are you an' Jack doin' now?"

"We're fine, ma. I know it hasn't been easy these last few months, but that trip was exactly what we needed. Jack's been spendin' more time with Junior than before, an'...if it's possible, I love him even more than I did." Jack looked back at Ennis as he said this, a smile playing around his lips.

_Can't believe he said that, _Jack thought to himself, going slightly red as he turned his attention back to the food. _He's always saying that he doesn't have the words to tell me how he feels...why can't he see that he really does? _Jack knew he would never understand that one; Ennis simply didn't see it in himself and he might never do so.

Still, he was very happy with the way things were. Ennis made him happy and they had a family together. That was all he needed.

"Okay, so we'll see you soon," Ennis was saying to his mother. "I think Jack's nearly done with lunch."

"Alright, honey. My best to him an' Junior."

"Yep, bye." Ennis hung up and sidled over to Jack, kissing his cheek. "My ma sends her best to you."

"I heard what you said to her...about loving me even more than you did," Jack replied, nuzzling him. "You mean that?"

"Sure did. I'm real glad that things worked out, Jack. For a while I...I was worried that they wouldn't. That it'd be too hard for us to get through it."

"It didn't happen," Jack said softly, turning towards him and putting his hands on Ennis's shoulders. "Things are gonna be okay." He leaned in and kissed his husband, slowly so that they could savour the moment. Ennis parted his lips willingly so that Jack could push his tongue inside, exploring the warm mouth that awaited him. They kissed for several long moments before finally pulling apart to breathe, and were a little stunned afterwards. "Damn," Jack murmured, grinning slightly.

"Yeah...um..." Ennis nodded and turned to look at the food. "Um...this done now?"

"Uh, yeah, pretty much," Jack replied. Both of them were a little flustered after such an intense kiss, but they had enjoyed it. They turned away from each other and Ennis went to set the table, trying to hide his grin. He had always loved kissing Jack, and following their trip together it felt like they were in a second honeymoon. He knew in his heart that he would never tire of being with Jack.

Junior woke up soon after, which gave them a good distraction from their lust for one another. They knew what would happen; their feelings would simmer underneath the surface for the rest of the day, ready to explode when they were in bed later.

The day was largely uneventful, with the three of them watching TV for most of it and the two men giving each other a look of longing. Junior was oblivious to this as she sat between them and watched the cartoons that were on. They felt like a real family now, and Jack kept thinking about the papers that Alma had given to them; all it would take was one little signature and he could begin the process of becoming a real father to Junior. As he looked down at the little girl by his side, he knew that he was well on the way to that.

* * *

After about half an hour of slow and emotional lovemaking, Ennis was lying on his back with Jack on top of him. He'd been on the receiving end tonight, and Jack had been so gentle with him that he'd thought he could melt right there. As much as he loved being inside Jack, there was definitely something special about letting Jack top him; the feeling was unlike anything else. After all, their very first time together had been like that, back in college. It was a precious memory that had been etched into his mind.

"You enjoy that?" Jack murmured, running a hand over Ennis's chest. He could feel the strong muscles of his man under his fingers; the ones that turned him on every time he saw them. Despite having not worked on a ranch for a number of years, Ennis was still in good shape and Jack figured it was something to do with all the exercise they did together.

"Sure did," Ennis replied, stroking through Jack's dark hair and loving its velvety texture. He loved every part of Jack; he just seemed so perfect. They were still deeply in love with each other despite the shakiness of the past few months. The trip to Vermont had worked wonders for them, allowing them to just be together with no demands on their time and nothing to distract them.

Jack raised his head and looked down at him. "You know...I'm looking forward to seeing your mom again. She was always nice to us back when we were in college. Remember?"

"Yeah, I do. An' she didn't care what my dad thought...she just accepted us anyway an' came to see us. Bet it wasn't easy for her..."

"She did it 'cos she loves you," Jack told him quietly, stroking his cheek. "People will do anything for someone they love. I know I'd do anything for you, bud."

Ennis smiled back at him. "Darlin'...same to you." Jack bit his lip, wondering if he should voice these thoughts. But they had promised to always be honest with each other no matter what.

"Ennis...you know I'd never ask you to choose between me and Junior, right? Or that I'd ask you to get rid of her. You know that?" he asked, as if suddenly afraid that Ennis might think he would. "I'd never do that to you."

"I know, baby," Ennis said softly, running his hand through Jack's hair. "But thanks for sayin' it anyway. I could never choose between you two...I love you both."

"Right. And I'm starting to love Junior too, so...I'll never ask you to give her up for me. We're finally starting to become a family..."

"We sure are." Ennis pulled Jack's lips down to his for a few sweet kisses, and could hear Jack making a soft moaning sound. "Love kissin' you," he murmured.

"Mmm...yep." Jack nuzzled their noses together and sighed, resting his head on Ennis's chest. "I've gotta say, Ennis...I always knew we'd be happy together. Didn't think I'd be as happy as this. Didn't even know I _could_ be this happy. You know what I mean?"

"Yeah, think I do. Especially with how hard it was for you to come out, an' then havin' a crush on someone who you thought was straight. I know it wasn't easy for you..."

"Wasn't so easy for you, as I recall," Jack replied, lazily trailing his fingers along Ennis's skin. "When you nearly kissed me in the locker room...I'll always remember that. You walk fast, you know."

"Yeah. For me, it was just too much to hope that you'd be interested in me. Even though by then I knew you're gay, I just...I thought it was too good to be true. That's part of why I talked about movin' out of the room an' then I just ran off. Didn't know how to deal with it."

"I know you didn't, cowboy. First time you had feelings for a guy...it's bound to freak anyone out. But you came back...and look what happened."

"Yeah..." Ennis smiled at his husband, love blazing in his heart for this man. Every day, he was grateful that he had decided to go back to the room; it had led him to a lifetime of love and happiness. Nothing could tear them apart now.

"You know what I was thinking?" Jack asked after a few minutes of silence. "Maybe next summer, we could take Junior somewhere. Like Disneyland in Florida or something. Think she'd like that?"

"Yeah, reckon she would. I'm glad that you're bondin' with her, Jack. It's all I've wanted since she came to live with us...just to see you sittin' with her makes me happy."

"I'm really trying, Ennis. Think I'm getting better at it all the time. And you know...she's a great kid. I've tried to hate Alma for springing this on us, but I can't. She did what she had to do to keep that guy she wants to marry. He must mean a lot to her for that...she gave her kid to her gay ex-boyfriend and his husband. I mean, I've heard what it's like out there, Ennis. Lureen told me...they don't like it when someone's different, like us. And they don't like women to have kids out of wedlock. Bet it wasn't easy for her to bring Junior up on her own."

"Probably wasn't. But...she can start over now with that other guy an' maybe he'll make her happy. I want that for her, even though it won't be with me. I'm happy, so she deserves it too."

Jack smiled up at him, nodding. "You're a good man, Ennis. Don't let anybody tell you any different, you hear me?" He rolled off Ennis and yawned. "Think I'm gonna try and sleep now...could you get the lamp?"

"Sure." Ennis switched the bedside lamp off and shuffled down, facing Jack and taking his hand. "Love you, bud."

"Love you too," Jack replied with his eyes still closed. Everything was working out for them now.

* * *

_August 18th, 2009_

On Tuesday, Ennis and Jack met up for lunch while Amy was looking after Junior. They had come to realise that they needed these moments to themselves if their relationship was going to work, which was what they wanted more than anything. It was very important for them to spend time together.

They sat in a small café on the front, looking out of the window at the boats on the water and the people swimming. Both of them loved living here and they hoped that Junior would too as she grew older.

"Always good weather here," Ennis observed, and Jack nodded in agreement.

"Yep. Hardly ever rains here...really different from West Virginia. And I bet Wyoming has some really bad weather."

"Sure does, especially in winter. Horrible stuff...sure am glad I don't live there anymore."

"Me too, 'cos otherwise it'd be damn hard for us to be together in peace. They'd probably run us out of town, or tie us to a fence and bash our brains in like that poor kid, you remember?"

"Yeah...kinda feel ashamed of comin' from there now after that. This is the best place for us, Jack. I know that much if nothin' else."

"Yep. Listen, I was thinking...isn't Junior supposed to be starting kindergarten next month? We talked about it a while ago..."

"Oh...yeah, you're right. We oughta go get her registered at the school. When could we do it? This weekend?"

"Yeah, that'll be fine." Jack smiled a little. "Listen to us, talking about this stuff. We sound like real parents..."

"We are," Ennis told him firmly, covering Jack's hand where it lay on the table. "We're Junior's parents an' that's just how it is. I like this feelin', Jack...always wanted this with you."

"Me too," Jack replied. "Hope she makes some friends. I know she's been playing with the other kids when we take her to the park, but I dunno if they're her age or they'll be in the same class. I don't even know how many kids are around here, to be honest."

"Bet there's more than you think. I reckon a lot are from the other parts of the bay, more around the curve, you know? Ain't a long drive, an' there's probably a bus or somethin'."

"Yeah. Well, I bet she'll be fine. She probably makes friends real easily. They do at that age, don't they?"

"Reckon they do. An' you can't help but love her. She'll be fine." They continued to eat their way through lunch, enjoying the bright sunlight flowing through the window and the sound of children laughing on the beach. Life was just so peaceful here and everybody was so accepting; it made it hard for them to believe that somewhere in this world, there were people who said their relationship was wrong and something to be ashamed of. They were glad that Junior didn't have to hear things like that.

After they'd eaten, the two of them decided to take a walk along the front together. They held hands and were greeted by other gay couples that they knew; everybody seemed to know everybody else and they had many friends here.

"Ennis?" Jack asked as they sat down on a bench together. "Before, when you said we should go on cruises and see the world...where do you want to go? Is there anywhere in particular you wanna see?"

"Um, yeah," he replied, nodding. "Like...I always wanted to see Australia. An' New Zealand...places like that. What about you?"

"Dunno. Maybe...Italy, Spain, Greece...lots of sun there. That'd be good, I reckon."

"Yeah. That'd probably have to wait 'til Junior's in college, though. Could take a few months."

"Hmm...so that's at least another thirteen years away," Jack lamented, resting his head against Ennis's shoulder. "Oh well..."

"Good things come to those who wait, darlin'," Ennis told him, kissing his forehead. Jack nodded.

"Yep, that's true. I waited for you back at the dorm room that night, and you turned up."

Ennis smiled, squeezing his fingers. "An' I'm real glad I did, Jack. Don't like to think what mighta happened if I hadn't. I mean...would you..." His throat felt tight but he knew he had to ask this. "Would you be...with someone else by now?"

Jack rubbed his arm. "Probably," he said softly. "But I wouldn't have had any other choice. You would've been gone, probably back with Alma. And I wouldn't have wanted to be alone, so..." He shook his head. "Don't think about it, Ennis. Won't do us any good. We're together, and everything worked out like it was supposed to." He smiled up at his husband, kissing his cheek. "Can't wait to spend the rest of my life with you."

"Hmm." Ennis leaned in and kissed him, reassurance flowing between them. Jack felt good in his arms, and it made him feel like he was exactly where he was supposed to be. There was a ring on Jack's finger that he'd put there himself, and a ring on his own that Jack had placed, only last summer.

Unfortunately, their time was coming to an end and they had to return to work, so Ennis walked Jack to the point where they normally said goodbye and turned to him. "Wish we didn't have to do this," he sighed, both of his hands holding Jack's.

"I know, bud. But just think...a couple more hours and we'll be seeing each other again. We'll pick up Junior, go home, have dinner and watch TV. And then...well..." He shrugged and grinned, leaving his sentence open. Ennis liked the prospect laid out before him.

"Sounds good to me." He pulled Jack close and kissed him a few more times before finally breaking away. "See you later, bud."

"Bye," Jack replied, watching Ennis walk away from him. He then smiled to himself and headed back to the clinic; it was okay for them to be apart during the day. They would have the entire night together and that was all that he cared about.

* * *

Ennis closed the door behind him and turned to Jack, who was smiling at him. "Alone at last..." he murmured, and Jack moved closer to him. This was his favourite time of day, when they came together to make love and enjoy each other's bodies.

"Yep...been looking forward to this all day..." He pressed himself close to Ennis and kissed him, working his tongue between Ennis's lips and drawing a sigh out of him.

"Mmm...come on..." They moved around to their respective sides of the bed and watched closely as they undressed. Ennis could feel Jack's eyes on him and blushed, knowing what Jack was thinking. He'd always felt comfortable to be naked in Jack's presence; Jack was always paying him compliments.

They got under the sheets and Jack rested on his elbow, looking down at his husband. "So...you wanna?"

"Yeah, but...I wanna talk to you 'bout somethin' first," Ennis said, hesitating slightly. "Um...you know how you're always sayin' what you like about me? I mean...why you're attracted to me?" He wanted to do this, and he hoped that Jack could help him through it. He still wasn't too confident at these conversations.

"Yeah," Jack replied, playing with his fingers. "You've got a great body, bud. Why d'you ask?"

"Well...I've been thinkin'...I've never really been able to talk to you about...that. What I like about you..."

Jack nodded; he knew that Ennis sometimes struggled with voicing these things and sensed that Ennis wanted to give it a go. "Okay...we can work on that." He ran a finger along Ennis's chest. "Just tell me what you like about me."

"Um, well..." Ennis turned onto his side and looked over Jack's body. "You, um...you're in great shape, Jack. Real...muscly, you know?"

"I guess. You like those muscles, cowboy?" Jack asked, smiling at him.

"Yeah. An'...it's real smooth. I like...runnin' my hands on it." Jack could sense how shy he was, so he decided to help.

"I noticed you like running your hands through my hair, too. Guess you like that."

"Yeah, it...it's nice. An'...yer neck. I like...kissin' you there." Gaining confidence, Ennis slid his hand over Jack's waist and to his ass. "Like this too...love bein' inside you." He squeezed a little and felt his crotch stirring. Just touching Jack like this got him aroused.

"I noticed that," Jack replied with a grin. He then took Ennis's hand and lowered it to his crotch, which was swelling by now. "What about that?" he whispered, looking into Ennis's eyes. He nodded.

"Uh huh. Not bad at all, bud." Ennis exhaled, relieved that he'd at least made a good attempt at this. Jack kissed his fingers.

"See? Wasn't too hard, huh? Now then...I'm thinking we can stop talking and start fucking, what d'you say?"

Ennis smirked, liking the notion. "Sure. How?"

"Wanna ride you," Jack murmured, kissing Ennis's jaw. "Wanna ride a bull..." Ennis's eyes were half-closed as Jack kissed his skin, enjoying the sensations running through his body. He nodded and rolled onto his back, Jack following and straddling him.

They looked at each other in the semi-darkness, Jack switching on the bedside lamp so that they could see each other. "I love you," he whispered, feeling Ennis's strong muscles under his hands. "And if you ever need help with anything like that again, I'm right here."

Ennis nodded, hands resting on Jack's hips. He could see for himself how aroused Jack was, and the thought sent volts of electricity through him. Jack grabbed the lube and started smoothing it over Ennis, watching his face as he touched him. Ennis bit his lip and prayed that he wouldn't shoot before they got going; he wanted to be inside Jack when it happened.

At last, Jack was lowering onto him and being filled up, both of them breathing heavily as their bodies connected. It was as if they were a perfect fit for each other; like they were meant to be doing this. When Jack was seated and comfortable, he took hold of Ennis's hands and laced their fingers together.

They began a slow rocking motion, Ennis pushing up as much as he could and Jack taking it all, enjoying the look on Ennis's face. His eyes were closed but his mouth was open, and he looked as if he was in a completely different place. Jack smiled at seeing him like this, knowing that it was them and their love that did this.

Jack let go of his hands and leaned down, into Ennis's arms. Ennis held him close as he thrust inside him, kissing Jack all over his face and occasionally catching his lips. Love was blazing in his heart as he felt Jack squeeze him, muscles contracting. Jack had his lips on Ennis's neck, right on the pulse and feeling his heartbeat. "Ennis...feels so good, baby..."

"Uh huh...you feel good," Ennis managed to reply, head tilting back. His hand dipped between them to take hold of Jack, jerking him off in a quick and efficient motion. Jack groaned and shuddered against him, unable to stop moving.

With a few more thrusts, Ennis was shooting deep into Jack but still moving. Jack bucked and moaned in his ear before finally rising up and shooting right at the headboard, just above Ennis's head. He fell into Ennis's arms, breathing heavily and gasping.

"Damn," he breathed, feeling Ennis slip out of him. "That was a good ride."

"Sure was...you like that, darlin'?" Ennis replied, kissing his forehead. Jack nodded.

"Yep. You know that saying, Ennis? Save a horse, ride a cowboy." He grinned when he felt Ennis laughing underneath him and joined in.

"You're crazy," Ennis told him, rubbing his back. "An' I love you for it." Jack smiled and sank further down onto him, unable to move.

"Think I'm gonna go to sleep right here...not too heavy, am I?" he asked, and Ennis shook his head.

"No, you're fine. I like havin' you there...kinda like a warm blanket."

"You sweet talker," Jack said, settling down. "Night, baby."

"Night, darlin'."

* * *

The next day, Jack finished work a little later than Ennis and hurried through the streets so that he could be with his family. He had sent a text to Ennis and knew that his husband would start dinner as a result, so at least everything would be taken care of. When they had taken their jobs they knew that this could occur, and it was okay for them as long as Junior was looked after.

However, when he entered the apartment he couldn't smell any cooking. He spotted Ennis on the phone and looking very distracted; Junior was in front of the TV.

"You just took me by surprise is all, Alma. Didn't expect to hear from you." _Alma? _Jack thought to himself. _What does she want?_

He walked over to Ennis with a questioning look on his face, and Ennis took his hand, squeezing it in greeting. "No, it ain't a problem. But you oughta know we don't have the room for you to stay with us. You'd have to book a room at a hotel. Okay...when d'you wanna come?"

Jack decided to leave him to it, and walked over to sit with Junior. "Hey, honey," he said to her, and she smiled at him.

"Jack, my mama called Daddy! She wants to come an' see me!" Jack nodded, digesting this information. He and Ennis had only just gotten back on track after the shock of finding themselves with a child; he wasn't sure if they were ready to have Alma around so soon. But it wasn't fair to deprive Junior of her mother either, not after having to be separated.

"Alma...you know that if you come here, you'll have to see me with Jack. I don't wanna hurt yer feelin's, but if I wanna give him a kiss or hold his hand I'll do it. Especially in our own home. An' there's a lot of gay couples here, male an' female. We're good friends with two women who live near us, an' we leave Junior with 'em when we're at work. They're gonna do whatever they want even if you don't like it. So if you can't deal with seein' that..." He trailed off, and Jack was pleased to hear Ennis defending them and their friends. It was true; the residents of the town weren't going to censor themselves just because Alma might not like what they did. He didn't see why they should; she had no right to judge them.

Eventually, Alma seemed to have agreed because Ennis sounded a lot calmer. "Okay, then. That's...great. So you'll be here on the Sunday? Right. You want me to pick you up or...? Oh, okay. See you then. Bye." He finally hung up and came over to the others, flopping onto the sofa wearily. "She wears me out, that one. Never did like havin' to talk to her."

"So she's comin' here?" Jack asked him, and he nodded.

"Yep, wants to see Junior. She's comin' on the thirtieth for a few days, an' she'll take a taxi from the airport."

"Heard you warning her about having to see us together, not to mention all the other gay couples around here. You were right; we shouldn't have to hold back just because she doesn't like it."

"She's really religious," Ennis reminded him. "They think it's a sin over there. Still, it's different here. We're legally married, for God's sake."

"And you can bet that if she says anything in front of Jess or Amy, they'll give her a real talking to," Jack said, grinning. "If only Lureen could be here too; she wouldn't know what hit her."

Ennis laughed a little. "Yeah. She just married that other guy, an' he's stayin' with his folks while she comes to see Junior. She might not get chance once she starts havin' his kids. An' I bet his folks don't like her comin' here at all."

"Not our problem, Ennis. So...I wondered why there wasn't anything cooking. I guess she phoned before you could start, huh?"

"Oh, yeah. I'll get started..." Ennis made to get up, but Jack pulled him back down and got his phone out.

"Don't worry about it; I'll call for a couple of pizzas." He got up and went to place the order, leaving Ennis with his daughter.

"You lookin' forward to seein' yer mama again?" he asked her, and she nodded.

"Yeah. Is she gonna remember me?" Junior asked, seeming genuinely concerned. Ennis figured that to a five-year-old, two months was more like two years. He put his arm around her and kissed the top of her head.

"She will, honey. She's lookin' forward to it, too. An' you can show her that you like livin' here, right?" Part of him wanted to show Alma that he could give Junior a better home life than her; at least nobody would be narrow-minded about his relationship with Jack here.

When the pizza was delivered, the three of them ate their way through it all in front of the TV, watching a game show and then a movie until it was Junior's bedtime. Both Ennis and Jack were pleased for her that she could see her mother again, but they also knew it could be very stressful for them.

"We've just gotta stick together," Ennis was saying as they sat on the sofa, stroking Jack's hair as he held him close. "Stand our ground an' not let her get to us."

"I know. I reckon we'll be okay, Ennis. She can't do anything to hurt us now; we're way past that after our trip to Vermont. And...I know it won't be easy to have her around, but we'll manage." Even as he said this, Jack started to feel a niggling doubt in his mind. There was something there, something about Alma's trip that made him feel uneasy. But with no way of knowing what it was, he tried to ignore it and just focus on Ennis and Junior; they would need him to keep it together.


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter 15**

_August 21st, 2009_

On Friday, Ennis's mother came to Provincetown to see them. Ennis had always been grateful to her for accepting his relationship with Jack despite what his father thought, and Jack knew that keeping in touch with her was very important to his husband.

True to his word, Ennis was there at the airport to pick her up while Jack took care of Junior; both he and Jack had a rare day off. He had always been comfortable about leaving Junior alone with Jack, but now he could be certain that Jack was okay with it. They were closer than they used to be and Ennis was very glad for it.

Ennis smiled when he saw his mother coming through the gate, looking around for him. "Hey, ma."

"Ennis, sweetheart...come here..." They embraced warmly and Ellen smiled at her son. "It's good to see you, an' yer lookin' real well."

"Thanks...so are you," he replied, observing how relaxed she looked. Ellen nodded.

"I like livin' in New York; it's so different from Wyomin'. Glad I got out of there, to be honest."

"Me too," Ennis told her as they headed for baggage claim. "I love livin' out here on the coast, especially since they're so acceptin' of guys like me an' Jack."

"Yeah. When you told me you wanted to move here one day, I admit that I was worried for you both. But seein' it for myself...I'm glad you're somewhere safe. An' I bet Junior likes it here."

"Reckon she does," Ennis told her, nodding. "Things are goin' real well for all of us now...me an' Jack are real happy."

"I'm glad to hear it," she replied as Ennis retrieved her suitcase. "I know it wasn't easy for him when she first came to live with you, but you said things are better now."

"They are. He's doin' great with her, ma. He's even started talkin' about signin' the papers soon."

"That's great. So...um...Alma got in touch with me yesterday. She said that she's comin' to see you..."

"Yeah, called us a couple of days ago to arrange it. Took me by surprise, I'll admit. Never expected her to come by again so soon, especially since she just got married. I know Junior wants to see her, though."

"An' Jack?" Ellen asked as they got into the car. Ennis shrugged.

"He's dealin' with it. I know he's nervous, since he ain't never actually met her. But...we'll be okay. I had to warn Alma that she's gonna see me an' Jack together, an' that we ain't gonna censor ourselves just 'cos she thinks it's a sin. An' you remember our friends, Amy an' Jessica? They ain't gonna stand two feet apart all the time just 'cos she don't like it. We shouldn't have to do that for nobody."

Ellen looked at her son in wonder as he drove; he was so different from the shy, awkward young man that had grown up on their ranch and then left for something new. Now he was confident and sure of himself, ready to defend his relationship with Jack and any other gay couples they knew. She had to admit that she was very proud of him for standing up to Alma like that.

"Ennis...I'm glad you told her. Don't get me wrong; I know you don't hate her an' you can understand her point of view. But you're right...you an' your friends shouldn't have to pretend to be roommates or somethin' just to keep the peace. She knows that you love Jack, so she'll just have to deal with it like an adult. Things are a lot different around here than in Wyomin', so she'll have to keep her opinion to herself."

"Yep. I nearly lost Jack when she turned up at college, an' I coulda lost him when she gave Junior to us, 'cos it really hit him hard. I can't let it happen a third time, ma. He means too much to me to let her get her own way."

"I know, honey. I told her myself when she called me yesterday. I told her that she can't expect you to treat Jack as a mere friend in front of her. He's your husband, an' it's legal in this state so she can't say nothin'. Back in Wyomin', when I told my friends I wanted to move to New York they all started spoutin' about how depraved they are in the city. How sinners run riot in the streets an' cause all the world's problems. They sounded so...convinced that they were right. An' when it got out that my son is gay an' married to another man, well...they didn't like that. Told me to make you get cured of it, like it was some kinda disease. That you an' Jack...well...you don't need to hear it."

"Thanks, ma," Ennis said, glad that she hadn't elaborated. He knew very well what the people back in Wyoming would think of his love for Jack; another reason why he was so glad to be away from there.

As they drove towards the town, Ellen looked out of the windshield at the surrounding area. "I forget how beautiful this place is durin' the summer. Last time I was here, it was October an' freezin' cold."

"Yep. An' the last time you were here for the summer...it was our weddin'," Ennis reminded her, and they shared a smile.

"Proudest day of my life," Ellen told him, squeezing his arm. "Jack's a wonderful young man an' I'm proud to call him my son-in-law. This is so much better for you than anythin' Wyomin' could've offered. Junior, too. She'll have a better life out here, more chance to be whoever she wants to. Are you gonna get her into kindergarten soon?"

"Yep, we've got an appointment tomorrow," he told her. "We don't need to take her with us, so...maybe you could stay with her while we're doin' that."

"I'd love to, Ennis." She turned to look out at the area again, already feeling very relaxed now that she was here.

* * *

While Ennis was out collecting his mother from the airport, Jack decided to take Junior to the park for an hour. The weather was sunny and warm as usual, and he was glad that he could do something for Junior by himself for once.

She held onto his hand as he led her to the park, completely trusting him and making him feel like something of a parent at last. This little girl was in his sole care until Ennis got back, and the responsibility of that made him feel strange, but not in a bad way. She was depending on him to take care of her and feed her, like a child of their own would, and Jack could feel the trust radiating from her as they reached their destination.

When they got there, he let her go and she headed for the slide, leaving him to sit on a nearby bench. He knew from experience that she was very capable of playing on her own here without him needing to keep a close eye on her. He would of course push her on the swings if she wanted him to, but otherwise he felt comfortable about leaving her to it.

As he watched her, he heard a familiar voice. "Hey, Jack." He looked up to see Amy standing there. "What're you doing here?"

"Hey, Amy," he replied as she sat down next to him. "Both me and Ennis have got a day off for once, so we're taking advantage of it."

"I know that; Jess told me. But I thought that Ennis's mom was coming to visit you?"

"She is; he's gone to pick her up. So I figured I'd let Junior get some fresh air. You okay?"

"Yep, I'm great. I bet she's looking forward to meeting her grandma," Amy observed as they watched Junior playing.

"Yeah, she is. By the way, did you hear about who else is coming to visit us? Alma," he told her, seeing comprehension dawn on her face.

"Ennis's ex?" she asked. "Junior's mom?"

"Yep. She married that guy in Wyoming and now she wants to come and see Junior before settling down with him properly. Ennis agreed to it, so she's coming on the thirtieth. That gives us time to brace ourselves."

"Wow. So, um...how d'you think she's gonna react to seeing you guys together? She's never seen Ennis with you before."

"I know. But Ennis warned her that she's gonna see us together, and that if he wants to kiss me or hold my hand in front of her, he'll do it. He said he won't censor himself just because she doesn't like it. Same with you and Jess if she sees you guys; I know you won't spare her feelings, and I don't want you to."

"Good. She's gonna see a lot of gay couples here when she visits; she can't expect them to pretend to be straight for her sake. She...she couldn't decide to take Junior back with her, could she?"

"No; she gave us custody and signed her parental rights over to me. Besides, her husband's family don't approve of her having a child out of wedlock. That's why she gave Junior to us; so that they would let the wedding happen. They're only willing to let it slide as long as Junior's not around her."

"That's horrible," Amy said as Junior started to play with some other kids. "It's not Junior's fault that Ennis chose to stay with you. He didn't even know that Alma was pregnant. She had the chance to tell him and she didn't."

"Yeah. Ennis said that if she'd told him then, he still wouldn't have gone back with her. He would've tried to be involved somehow, but he wanted to stay with me. I kind of feel guilty about that, to be honest..." He'd never told Ennis that; he'd thought it might cause problems for them.

"You didn't know," Amy told him gently. "It was all down to Alma. If you ask me, she's got nobody to blame but herself. She had five years to tell him that he was a father, once the shock of him being gay had died down. But she didn't 'cos she...I don't know...wanted to keep her pride or something. She only ended up telling him because her husband's family didn't want Junior around. If it hadn't been for that, Ennis might never have known about Junior. She could have told him, despite that he was with you, but she chose not to for her own pride. She probably couldn't face the fact that she lost him to a man."

"I know, but...I still wish that things could've been different. If he'd known back then about having a kid, it might have been easier."

"You don't know that. Think about it...you'd only been together a couple of months and everything was still so new. He hadn't yet told you that he loved you, right? That was after he'd broken up with her. I hate to say it...but you might not have survived it if she'd told him. If he'd wanted to be involved, it would have meant going back to Wyoming whether he wanted to be with her or not. He's a good man, Jack...he wouldn't have left Alma to raise Junior alone if he'd known."

Deep down, Jack knew she was right. If Alma had told Ennis she was expecting his child, he would have left to help her out, even if they hadn't gotten back together. And Jack also knew that he would have stepped aside to allow it, no matter how much it would have hurt. In hindsight, it was probably a good thing that Alma had kept it quiet; it had allowed himself and Ennis to stay together and fall for each other even more than they already had. He just couldn't allow Alma to take away what he had with Ennis, so he had to fight to make sure that they got through her visit.

* * *

The following day, Ennis and Jack went to enrol Junior in the local kindergarten while Ellen took care of Junior at the apartment. They would be sending her to Veterans Memorial Elementary school near the southern tip of the bay until she turned eleven, so they would have plenty of time until she would have to go further afield for middle school; the nearest one was along the bay near Orleans. At least she could still be close by while still so young.

The pair of them walked along Mayflower Avenue, the street leading to the school; as it was a Saturday there were no children about, but they had informed that the school would be open to enrol new children. It was a low but sprawling building, with plenty of open spaces that they knew Junior would love if she came here.

"Looks real nice," Ennis said, looking around as they walked up to the front doors. There were a few other parents around to enrol their children, including a number of same-sex couples. Both of them were very glad that there was no discrimination in this area; everybody was very accepting of them.

Upon their arrival, they were directed to the main hall to wait for someone to collect them. While they waited, they looked around and liked what they saw.

"I think Junior's gonna like it here," Jack said, and Ennis nodded his agreement.

"Yeah, reckon she will." He then turned to Jack, taking his hand and squeezing it. "I like bein' a parent with you, bud." Jack smiled back at him and then they heard someone calling to them.

"Mr Del Mar and Mr Twist?" asked a woman about ten years older than them. "Enrolling Alma Del Mar Junior?"

"Yep, that's right," Ennis replied, and she nodded, indicating for them to follow her. She led them out of the hall and down the corridor to an office.

"Please, take a seat," she told them, and they sat opposite her. "Okay, then. I'm Kate Booth, by the way. This shouldn't take too long, given your daughter's young age. It's a very simple process." She rifled through her files until she found an empty one, ready to fill in. "Alright...basically you just need to fill in your basic details for Alma, such as address and contact numbers." She hesitated for a moment. "Now, I need to ask...are you two legally married in this state?"

"Yep, we are," Jack replied, nodding. "She's Ennis's daughter, so I'm her stepfather." Ennis smiled to himself as he filled out the form; he liked the sound of that. Kate nodded.

"Okay, I just wanted to check. There's a lot of same-sex couples here today and some of them aren't married, so we have to go through more forms for that. May I ask about Alma's mother?"

"My ex," Ennis told her. "She gave us custody back in June; Junior's been livin' with us since."

"Alright, good. Is she in regular contact?"

"She calls now and then," Jack replied while Ennis continued with the form. "And she's coming to visit at the end of the month." Kate nodded and Ennis signed his part of the form, handing it to Jack for his signature. When they handed it back, Kate looked over it and nodded.

"Right, everything seems to be in order. All we need now is a photograph of Alma for our records. When can you bring her in for that?"

"Would next Saturday be okay?" Ennis asked, and she nodded.

"Yes, that's fine. I think that's all for now. I will be Alma's teacher for this year, as I teach kindergarten. Here's a map of the school; it's highly recommended that you go over it with your daughter before she starts."

"Okay," Ennis replied, taking the map from her. "We'll bring Junior by next week."

"Good. I'll see you then." She stood up and they shook her hand, leaving the office together. When they emerged into the corridor, Jack linked his arm through Ennis's.

"That was easy enough," he commented. "Who knew?"

"Yeah, she was real nice," Ennis agreed, and they walked back through the hall and to the entrance. "Wonder how they're doin' at home..."

"I bet they're just fine," Jack told him as they walked out into the bright sunlight. "You wanna get some lunch? I'm sure your mom can feed Junior."

"Sure; I'll just call her an' let her know." Ennis dialled his mother's cell phone to inform her that he and Jack were getting something to eat, asking for her to give Junior lunch. He had a suspicion that she was enjoying spending time with her granddaughter, especially since it was their first meeting. Besides, he wanted to have some alone time with Jack before Alma's visit; he wasn't yet sure how that would go.

They ended up in the small café on the front, eating from a large sandwich platter and watching the world go by. The day had been productive and they were very happy with the result; Junior was bound to make more friends at kindergarten. Since she would be there all day until they finished work, both men had realised that they could spend the entire lunch break together, or maybe even go back to the apartment for a little fun while it was empty.

"I've gotta say, Ennis," Jack began as they were eating. "I'm nervous about Alma visiting. But with days like today, I reckon we'll be fine."

"We will, Jack," Ennis assured him, nodding and covering Jack's hand with his own. "She can't say or do nothin' to hurt us no more. She'll probably just see Junior a few times, maybe walk around the area a little an' then leave. She might not even bother us at all, okay? She knows how it is around here an' she knows to keep her mouth shut, even though she don't like us or what we do."

Jack nodded, trying to ignore the doubt in his mind.

* * *

That night, Ennis and Jack were lying in bed together, kissing and letting their hands roam under the sheets. This was without a doubt the best way for them to relax, and they needed to unwind after a long summer's day. Ellen was back at her hotel and Junior was sleeping, so they felt as if they were the only two people in the world.

Ennis cupped Jack's face in his hands the way he knew Jack liked it, kissing him deeply and silently. There was no need for them to rush things along; they loved taking it slowly and all night if they felt like it.

"Ennis," Jack sighed as their lips pulled apart. "Love it when you kiss me..."

"Me too," Ennis replied, going for his neck. He planted soft kisses on the warm skin, and Jack tilted his head back to give him further access. "Love everythin' about bein' with you, Jack...especially this..."

"Mmm..." Jack smiled and wrapped his arms around Ennis's neck, happy to give himself over to this wonderful man. He had always been very trusting of Ennis, even when they first met. There was just something about him that told Jack he was somebody to lean on. And Jack did so whenever he needed to; Ennis had always been his rock. He was a solid, dependable man whom Jack could trust no matter what, and Jack knew that.

Ennis straddled Jack and nestled one of his legs between Jack's, indicating that he wanted to take things further. Jack knew the sign and rolled onto his back, pulling Ennis over him as their bodies moulded together. They were warm and cosy between the sheets, yearning for each other. Jack kissed Ennis's neck as he reached for the lube, opening it with trembling fingers.

"Here..." Jack said softly. "Let me." He took the tube from Ennis and opened it up, smoothing its contents along Ennis's erection and smiling when he saw Ennis biting his lip at his touch. "Okay...come on..." He widened his legs and Ennis got into position, starting to push in as gently as he could. Jack gave a soft gasp and raised his hips, needing to feel Ennis fully inside him now that the first contact had been made. As soon as Ennis penetrated him, he just needed to feel all of it.

Ennis worked his way inside, finding his home within Jack's body and sighing. "Darlin'...always feels good...bein' inside you..."

"Yeah," Jack breathed, shuffling until he was comfortable. He wrapped his legs around Ennis's waist and locked his ankles together. "Ready to go?"

"You bet, darlin'." Ennis rested his hands on either side of Jack's head, taking Jack's hands and lacing their fingers together. He started thrusting slowly, eager to make this last and to enjoy every moment. He loved watching Jack's face as they did this, seeing that he was making him feel like this. He loved knowing that he could give Jack such a gift. "I love you, Jack..."

Jack opened his eyes and smiled at him, feeling Ennis moving and pushing up into him, trying to make them one. "I love you too, Ennis...always..." He raised his hips in time to his husband's movements, hoping that they would cross the finish line together. It felt so precious to share that moment; to come at the same time and see into each other's hearts. He knew that Ennis was his soul mate, the one he was supposed to be with for the rest of his life. Nobody else could make him feel like this, ever.

Ennis buried his face in Jack's neck once more, kissing as he moved and gently biting at the sensitive skin. "You trying to brand me?" Jack asked in amusement.

"Yep..." Ennis replied, and Jack grinned.

"Go right ahead...I'm yours, Ennis..." He copied the motion, biting at Ennis's neck and drawing a low groan out of him. Ennis kept thrusting into him, sensing that it wouldn't be long.

With just a few more thrusts, Ennis could feel himself coming and grabbed hold of Jack, jerking him off quickly. To his delight, he felt Jack bucking underneath him and shooting onto his stomach as they came together; just like he had wanted.

He sank down onto Jack's chest, sweat on his forehead and darkening his blonde hair. "Oh, darlin'..." he sighed, running his hand over Jack's skin. "I love you..."

"Ennis..." Jack replied in a low, soothing voice. "Same to you, bud. Always great with you...ever since we were in college..."

"Mmm..." Ennis lifted his head to look into Jack's warm, caring eyes. "You okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine." Jack was touched by how much Ennis cared about his wellbeing, even after sex. He knew that Ennis cared about him a lot and just wanted him to be happy, and every day he tried to show Ennis how happy he was with him. He got the feeling that Ennis needed to know it. "You?"

"Just fine, darlin'." Ennis pulled out of him and rolled onto his side of the bed, stretching and yawning. Jack moved closer to him and Ennis put his arm around him, always eager to hold Jack after sex. It was always so intimate between them, so their relationship had always been more than sex. Sometimes they just wanted to hold each other close and appreciate the love between them.

"Jack...I really liked today. Enrollin' Junior with you. Like...we're real parents. I mean...I never really felt like that before. Not 'cos of you or anythin', but...up to now we've just been lookin' after her. Now we're actin' like parents, with school an' everythin'. It's different."

"I know what you mean," Jack replied, nodding and kissing Ennis's chest. "I feel it too." He rearranged the quilt over them so that their upper bodies were covered and he sighed contentedly. "We've got a damn good life, Ennis."

"Yep, we sure have." Ennis kissed Jack's forehead and they settled down, closing their eyes and wondering what the next day would bring.

* * *

On Sunday, Ennis's mother was due to leave and go back to New York. She had enjoyed her stay and meeting Junior, and she expressed a desire for them to visit her in the city sometime.

"Maybe at Christmas, ma," Ennis told her as they waited with her at the airport. Junior had loved meeting her grandmother and was sad to see her go. Ennis was also saddened by her departure; they had grown close over the last few years, ever since she had come to see him and Jack at college. It almost made up for the absence of his father and the fact that Ennis could never reconcile with him.

"Grandma, when you comin' back?" she asked, large brown eyes gazing up at her. Ellen knelt down so that she was at eye level with the little girl.

"Honey, you'll see me soon. Promise. Yer daddy says you might come to New York at Christmas. How's that?"

Junior grinned and nodded. "Okay." Jack smirked at Ennis.

"Looks like we're definitely going now," he commented, and Ennis shook his head.

"Yep, guess so. It'll be fun, anyway. Maybe we could go ice skatin' at that Rockefeller Centre or somethin'."

Jack nodded. "That sounds good. Maybe you and me could go for a romantic dinner one night," he added, sliding his hand into Ennis's and squeezing. Ennis smiled back at him as Ellen hugged Junior goodbye.

"Okay, you be good for yer daddies, won't you?" they heard her ask, and Jack noticed the terminology she used. Everybody considered him to be one of Junior's parents, and he was finally starting to feel like that.

Ellen then hugged her son, proud of everything that he had done with his life so far. "I love you, sweetheart. You've got a good man an' a wonderful little girl. Be sure to look after them."

"I will, ma," he murmured back, squeezing her a little. It didn't matter how old he got; he would always be grateful to have his mother in his life. As much as he loved Jack, nothing could quite replace a mother's love. She was a unique woman and he knew it. "Gonna miss you..."

"Me too, honey. Take care of yourself as well." She kissed his cheek and let him go, turning to Jack. "Honey, come here..." Jack hugged her warmly, glad to be considered as her son-in-law. He knew how much she meant to Ennis after everything they'd been through.

"Have a good flight," he said to her. "Tell Lureen hi from all of us. And my brother." Ellen had found Lureen not long after moving to New York, and the pair of them met up with Jack's brother James and his wife Emily from time to time. Both Ennis and Jack liked how their families and friends came together as one, because of their relationship. Now they had an even bigger family together, which Ennis had always wanted.

"I sure will," Ellen promised him, hugging him tightly. "An' please...take care of my boy an' Junior. They both need you, Jack." As she was pulling away, she whispered in his ear, "Thank you for makin' him happy."

Jack smiled at her and nodded. "He makes me happy, too." Ellen nodded and turned to Ennis.

"Well...guess I'd better get a move on," she said, looking around at the little family. She sometimes wished that they didn't live so far away from her; if only the entire family could live closer together. But she had heard that absence made the heart grow fonder, and it was true. She knew that she could trust Jack to take care of her son and granddaughter. "Bye, then."

They bid goodbye to her and then watched as she ascended through the airport. Once she'd disappeared from sight, Jack turned to the others.

"You wanna get something to eat?" he asked, and Ennis nodded.

"Yeah, reckon we should. Where d'you wanna go?" They started walking back to the entrance, Ennis holding onto Junior's hand and linking his arm through Jack's.

"Dunno, first place we find." They left the airport and headed down the street to a small café. It was a cosy place and they figured they could get something for lunch here before heading back to Provincetown.

They slid into the booth and Jack grabbed a menu, looking over it. While he was trying to decide what to have, Ennis was thinking of his mother. He was so grateful to her for accepting him and his love for Jack; it had been a welcome change from his father disowning him and telling him not to return to the ranch. And he could remember dancing with her at his wedding while Jack danced with Karen; they'd had so much fun back then and it had truly been the happiest day of his life.

As they ate their lunch, Jack reached over with one of his feet and wound it around Ennis's ankle, silently showing him some support. He knew that Ennis was missing his mother.

"I'm sure we'll see her again soon," he said softly, and Ennis nodded, trying to eat.

"Yeah. Glad I've got you two to distract me," he replied, smiling a little. Jack winked at him and carried on eating, both of them keeping an eye on Junior to make sure that she was okay.

"So...got our appointment to have Junior's photo taken next Saturday, remember?" Jack asked, feeling a need to break the silence.

Ennis nodded. "Yep. Shouldn't take too long, I reckon." He looked fondly at his daughter, who was making a little mess but looked very happy anyway. "She's growin' up fast."

"They do," Jack told him. "I remember seeing my little sisters growing up...turn away for a moment and you could miss a whole lot."

"I wanna see everythin'," Ennis told him. "I want both of us to watch her grow up, Jack. We're gonna be raisin' her now..."

"Yeah," Jack replied softly. "We're really parents, aren't we?" Ennis nodded and squeezed his hand.


	16. Chapter 16

**Chapter 16**

_August 29th, 2009_

The following Saturday, Ennis and Jack took Junior to the school to show her the kindergarten and to have her photo taken. They could tell that she was very excited about going and they knew it would be good for her to go; she would make friends and start off with every opportunity they wanted her to have. Ennis would be very proud if she one day decided to go to college like them, but he knew that they would love her anyway if she decided not to.

The three of them walked through the streets towards the school, spotting other families and exchanging greetings. Several included same-sex parents, and Jack loved how normal it seemed. Here was a place where nobody batted an eyelid at two men or two women together. It was as if it didn't matter, and he knew the same couldn't be said of other states. Even where it was accepted, he had to admit that gay people were still a minority and that they might never be seen as equals by society. Here, the majority of residents were like himself and Ennis; just people trying to live their lives quietly and raise their children in a safe environment.

When they arrived at the school, Kate was there to meet them again. "Hello again," she greeted them, and then looked down at Junior. "Alma?"

"Junior, this is Miss Booth," Ennis said to her, seeing that she was shy in front of this stranger. "She's gonna be your teacher." Junior blinked up at her.

"Hi," she replied in a small voice, and Kate smiled.

"It's nice to meet you, Alma. Well, then...are we ready to get started?" Ennis nodded and they followed her to the main hall; they weren't the only ones here for photos. She directed them to wait in the chairs to one side until it was their turn, so Junior sat in between her fathers.

"Am I gonna make a lot of friends?" she asked them, and Jack nodded.

"You sure are, Junior. There's gonna be lots of kids in your class and I'm sure that you might already know some of them from the park. Right?" he asked, looking up at Ennis.

"Yeah, sure," Ennis replied, seeing that Jack was trying to reassure her. "Don't worry, darlin', it'll be okay. An' Miss Booth is a real nice lady; she'll make sure you're okay."

Junior nodded and looked around; there were lots of kids her own age here, who were clearly also to have their photos taken. She was looking forward to going to kindergarten, but she was going to miss her fathers even more. At the moment, they still came to see her at lunch while on a break from work. Now that she was going to be here all day, they couldn't do that.

Ennis was going to miss her a lot during the day now, and all he could do was try to distract himself with Jack during their lunch break. He knew that it would probably be fun and that Jack would try to help take his mind off things, but still. He loved his little girl and they were both trying to be good parents to her. As he sat here with them, he was content to believe that they were doing the best job they could under the circumstances; Junior certainly seemed happy with them and Jack was doing so much better now. He had even been talking about signing the papers so that he could adopt Junior.

At last, Junior's name was called and they led her over to the photographer. Ennis got her onto the seat and an assistant tidied her hair a little while they stood back. The photos didn't take long to do, so soon enough they were meeting up with Kate again, who had offered to show them around.

While the school was fairly big, the kindergarten was only a small part so Junior didn't feel too overwhelmed. Kate told them that they understood how intimidating it could be, so they kept the young children away from the older ones most of the time; at least then they wouldn't get frightened by the sheer noise and the taller people there.

They were shown to the classroom, which was large and airy. There were large pane glass windows on one side overlooking a small garden, and one corner was clearly for story time; Ennis and Jack knew right away that Junior was going to love it here.

"So, do you have any questions?" Kate asked them as they left and headed back towards the entrance. Both men shook their heads.

"No, I reckon we've got it covered," Ennis replied, reaching out to shake her hand. Jack did the same, smiling.

"Term starts on the fifth of next month; all teachers will be in the front playground to collect their classes at nine o'clock."

"Okay." They said goodbye to her and left the school, walking back through town and to their usual area. "Say...you two wanna go to the beach for a while?" Ennis asked, looking between them. Jack nodded and Junior grinned.

"Can we, Daddy?" she asked, and Ennis smiled down at her.

"Sure we can, darlin'." They walked towards the beach and watched as Junior ran ahead of them, joining a few friends from the park who were building a sandcastle. While she was busy, Ennis and Jack sat down side by side and watched the goings-on.

"Another good day," Jack sighed, resting his head on Ennis's shoulder. Ennis kissed the top of his head.

"Yep. Everythin's comin' together for us now, I reckon. An' look at Junior...she's real happy."

"Sure looks like it, bud. And she's not the only one," Jack replied, smiling at him. Ennis put his arm around Jack and rested his head against Jack's.

"Yeah...we are, too. I've got you an' Junior...that's all I need now, darlin'."

"Right back at you, Ennis," Jack replied, watching as their daughter played.

* * *

That afternoon, Alma arrived in town. She had insisted on taking a taxi from the airport despite Ennis's offer to pick her up, so he used the time to take Jack into their bedroom and hold him close. He knew that Jack was dreading this visit, and all he could do was try to reassure him that it was going to be okay.

"She can't do nothin' to us," he murmured as he ran his hands up and down Jack's back, swaying slightly. Jack nodded, breathing deeply.

"I know. But I can't help feeling like something's going to happen. That feeling I used to get...about something not being right but not knowing what it was...it's been coming back. Ever since she arranged to come here, I've kept having that feeling again."

"Shh..." Ennis shushed him, knowing that the thoughts scared him. "It's okay. Whatever this feelin' is...if it means anythin'...it's gonna be alright, Jack. I'm right here." He kissed the top of Jack's head and simply held him until he felt better.

The three of them were sat on the sofa when there was a soft knock at the door, and Jack looked at Ennis. "Well...too late to go down the fire escape now." Ennis squeezed his hand and went to answer the door, wondering if they were ready for something like this.

She looked the same as ever; reddish brown hair that Junior had inherited, hazel eyes and a face that could look meek to others but not to Ennis. He remembered how clingy she used to be. "Hey, Alma," he said nervously.

"Hey, Ennis," she replied, trying to keep her composure. She had already seen two guys kissing on the street on her way here, and had shuddered at the sight. She didn't like the place they were living and bringing Junior up in, but it wasn't for her to say anymore. She had given them custody and her new in-laws would never allow Junior to be a part of the family now. "Um..."

"You wanna come in?" he offered, stepping back. She walked inside and spied Junior, who had stood up and was grinning at her.

"Mama!" she ran to her mother, who scooped her up into her arms.

"Oh, honey...I've missed you..."

"Me too. Daddy an' Jack told me you were comin'." Ennis saw Alma's expression change at the mention of Jack's name; he knew that they had never even met. Jack stood up slowly and cautiously, eyes fixed on the woman before him and trying not to make any sudden movements. Alma was looking at him now; at the man who had stolen Ennis away from her.

Ennis was starting to get nervous now that the two of them were in the same space and eyeing each other. He hoped that there wouldn't be any fireworks. "So, um...Alma, you want a drink?" he offered, and she nodded, putting Junior back down.

"Thanks, Ennis," she replied, and he left them to it, not knowing what else to do. Jack made to turn away and escape to the kitchen with him, but Alma stepped forward. "Jack..."

Bracing himself, he turned back to her and felt like he was a ten-year-old all over again, sat in the Principal's office all over again for something he'd done. "Um, hey Alma..."

She stepped closer to him, looking at him carefully. Junior was with Ennis, who was watching things from a safe distance. "I, um...I just want to say some things to you."

"Okay," he replied, knowing that he was in for it now.

"Well...I don't like that Ennis left me for you. I can see now that maybe it was a good thing I didn't tell him then about bein' pregnant. The way he defended you when I called...I could see that you mean a lot to him. An'...he tells me you're great with Junior."

"I try to be," he replied, shrugging. "Wasn't easy at first, having to bring up the child he had with you. Felt like I was the odd one out."

"I know, an' I'm sorry about that. I hated you at first, Jack. For stealin' him away. But then I thought about how it was before he left Wyomin'. His dad pressurin' him to stay, him wantin' to get out. Maybe it just wasn't meant to be with us. I can see now how I was...clingy, an' it must've annoyed him before he left. I don't hate you now," she said, looking at him.

Jack was very surprised by her speech, and he glanced at Ennis; he looked equally taken aback. "Well, um...I dunno what to say. I was expectin' you to have a real go at me." He could honestly say that he wouldn't be at all surprised if she had, given what had happened.

She nodded. "I can understand that. But...I ain't gonna. It was all so long ago an' I'm married to someone who does love me. An'...so is Ennis. He's married to someone who can make him happy, an'...I guess I wanna thank you for that." After a moment, she added, "An' thank you for makin' Junior happy."

She held out her hand for him to shake; an olive branch between people who could easily hate each other. Jack looked at it for a moment and then took it, nodding.

"Thanks for not hating me," he replied with a tentative smile. "And...I'll take care of them both. Promise." Alma nodded and Ennis came over with the drinks, sensing that there wasn't going to be any wars around here. They all sat down and Ennis began to tell her about getting Junior enrolled in kindergarten, showing her photos of the school. Jack and Alma would never be very close under the circumstances, and might never really become friends, but at least they could be civil to each other and be in the same room. That was really all that Ennis could hope for, and he was very glad that things were working out so well.

* * *

_September 2nd, 2009_

Alma's visit started off very well. Once the air had been cleared between her and Jack, they got along okay enough. As Ennis had predicted, she spent most of her time just being with Junior and doing some shopping. They wondered what it was like for her to be in a place full of gay couples, but decided not to ask; that would only create tension and it was the last thing they wanted.

Alma had told Ennis that she was happy for him, having come to the realisation that they could never have been happy together in Wyoming. She told him about her new husband and Ennis could see in her eyes that she loved him; he was genuinely pleased to see her happy.

When Ennis and Jack were both at work, Alma ended up meeting Amy as they took care of Junior together. Seeing a lesbian was somewhat stranger to Alma than seeing a gay man, but she tried not to let it show. She had heard so much about what gay people were like in the cities and how they acted; the people around here were so different. They acted just like anybody else, apart from how they showed affection to someone of the same sex.

Still, she was slowly getting used to being here. She was glad to be staying in a hotel and not at the apartment; it would just be too much for her.

Ennis and Jack were happy enough at the moment. They celebrated the lack of tension with a bubble bath late at night, with plenty of candles and wine, before getting into bed and making love for a few hours.

"Sure am glad nothin' bad happened," Ennis murmured as they were cooling down, his hand running along Jack's side. Jack nodded and yawned.

"Me too, Ennis. She's been nice enough, considering the circumstances. Not sure I could be that civil if I was her."

"You won't never have to try," Ennis promised him. "'Cos I ain't goin' nowhere. Yer stuck with me for life, Jack."

Jack smiled and snuggled closer to him. "Good."

Monday passed much as it ever did, with Ennis and Jack working and meeting up for lunch. Alma spent her time with Junior, not entirely sure when she could next come for a visit. She got to know Amy and then Jessica, and had to admit that they were very nice.

On Tuesday, Ennis and Jack arranged to have lunch with Alma, Amy, Jessica and Junior at the girls' place. They liked getting together with their friends anyway and they thought it would be a good idea.

Jessica left earlier than Jack and was to tell the group that he was on his way. He finally finished for lunch and headed through the streets towards the girls' apartment. He could hear Junior chattering away as he reached it, a smile spreading across his face. He knocked and Amy opened the door.

"Hey, Jack. Come on in. Me and Jess are making lunch, so you can just take a seat with the others if you want." He nodded and let himself inside, looking around. He saw Amy return to the kitchen with Jessica and then looked towards the living area.

He froze when he registered what he was seeing. Ennis and Alma were on either side of Junior, helping her with the colouring book she had brought. Ennis was helping her to pick the right coloured crayons and Alma was praising her efforts. Both parents were smiling and Junior looked very happy. They looked like a family; one that didn't include him.

It was as if he'd had an epiphany; he suddenly realised what had been bothering him for so long about Junior being around. She was Ennis's daughter with Alma; a permanent reminder that he'd once had a normal life. He'd given that up for Jack. Even though he would never have loved Alma the way her new husband could, she had still given him a biological child, something that Jack would never be able to do no matter how much he loved Ennis. And even if he did sign those papers, he wasn't sure that it would make a difference. Junior would always be Ennis's child with Alma, not him.

They hadn't noticed him yet, but the girls had. "Jess," Amy said in a quiet voice, nudging her partner. They both looked at Jack, who hadn't moved since spotting the trio in the living area. They could both see that he was panicking and looked at where he was staring, wondering what was going through his mind.

Ennis looked up and saw Jack, immediately sensing that something was wrong. "Jack?" he asked, sitting up and looking at him. "What's wrong?"

Jack looked between him and Alma. _What the hell have I done? He could have had a normal life, and I took the chance away from him. He's never going to have that now. And...at some point he'll want more children. I can never give him one, not like Alma could have. I've ruined his life...what if he realises that? What if he...?_

He stepped away when Ennis got up, eyes widening. He couldn't stay here, not when the life Ennis could have had was staring him in the face. _Should have had, _he thought to himself. He'd kept Ennis with him when Alma had come to see him in college, and now he'd kept Ennis away from his family for five years. He just had to get out of this building.

"I...I..." he stammered, backing away. Ennis looked concerned and wondered what was wrong with him.

"Jack, what is it?" he asked, but Jack shook his head. Before Ennis could say anything else, Jack was gone. He took several deep breaths and turned to the others.

"Keep Junior occupied," he said to Alma. "I'm gonna go find him." He left the apartment and followed the sound of hurried footsteps, hoping that he could catch up to Jack.

* * *

Ennis ran out of the building and looked around for any sign of Jack; he spotted his husband turning a corner at the end of the street and hurried on. He had no idea what had happened back there; Jack looked like he'd seen a ghost and Ennis couldn't understand why.

Jack wasn't sure where he was going, but he found himself heading for the beach. He knew that he needed fresh air so that he could think and maybe calm down. Seeing Ennis with Alma like that had reminded him of back in college, when Lureen had informed them of Alma's presence on campus and that Ennis hadn't technically broken up with her. Back then, he'd been terrified that he was about to lose Ennis for good, and now those feelings were rushing back to him. They looked like a family with Junior, and Jack just felt like an outsider because he wasn't part of that. Despite being the one that Ennis was married to, he still felt like he didn't belong in that group.

As he reached the sand and slowed down, breathing heavily, he realised what he was so afraid of. What if Ennis realised that he might always have the need for a biological child of his own, one that Jack couldn't give him? Jack had always been terrified of Ennis leaving him, but he'd become comfortable over the last couple of years and until now had been certain that it wouldn't happen.

He sank to his knees, watching the waves and thinking. What if Ennis started thinking about having more children like Junior? They could never procreate together no matter how much they loved each other. Worse still, what if Ennis decided he wanted to be with a woman, one who could give him children?

"Ennis..." he sighed to himself, his heart feeling heavy in his chest. Ennis stopped when he saw Jack, on his knees in the sand. He didn't know what was wrong, but he could tell that Jack was deeply troubled by something.

He sighed and made his way over, dropping to his knees next to the other man. "Jack?" he asked softly, placing his hand on Jack's shoulder. Jack turned his head slightly but couldn't look at him. "What's wrong?"

Jack shook his head. "Just...seeing you and Alma like that. You...looked like a family. A real one, properly related and everything..."

"Well, yeah. We're her parents. But so are you," Ennis told him, squeezing his shoulder. "You're my husband, Jack, remember?"

"Yeah, but...it just hit me funny to walk in and see you guys like that. Felt like I was an outsider or something. Like...I didn't belong with you."

Ennis touched Jack's cheek and made him meet his eyes. "You belong with me," he said firmly. "An' with Junior. Look...Alma's made her peace with everythin', an' she can see that you're good with Junior. There's no problems now."

Jack looked into his eyes, biting his lip. I know, but...it's just a feeling I got back there." He couldn't bring himself to tell Ennis his deeper thoughts and worries; he was afraid that if he did, he would make Ennis think along those lines himself, like a self-fulfilling prophecy. What if Ennis did leave him for a normal life? Jack didn't think he would have the strength to fight for him.

Ennis knew in his heart that Jack wasn't telling him the whole truth, but he decided to let it go. Clearly, it was worrying Jack deeply and he wasn't yet ready to talk about it. That was okay, he figured. There was time for Jack to calm down until he was ready.

"Alright," he said, looking out at the water and the people walking around. "I know somethin's botherin' you, Jack. But I ain't gonna force you to tell me yet if you can't. It's okay. But I gotta know...are you gonna be okay?"

"I guess," Jack replied, shrugging. "Just...I got all freaked out back there."

"Darlin'...you know that you're the only one I wanna be with, right?" Ennis asked, as if he'd read Jack's mind. Jack nodded, smiling weakly. In his heart he knew this, but he was badly shaken by what he'd seen; the image of a normal family that he'd taken away from Ennis. He felt horrible, like some kind of vile seducer or predator that had snatched Ennis away from the two people that could have been his family. This feeling wouldn't go away for a long time.

Ennis looked at his watch; there was still enough time for them to grab some lunch together before returning to work. "Give me a sec, bud, an' then we'll get somethin' to eat." Knowing that he couldn't take Jack back to that apartment, he called Amy and explained to her that Jack wasn't feeling up to having lunch at their place. Then he got her to put Alma on the phone. It was agreed that Junior would stay at the girls' apartment that night; Ennis sensed that he and Jack needed some alone time tonight to just be together.

When he was done, he pulled Jack up onto his feet and held his face in his hands. "Darlin'...don't worry, okay? Nothin's gonna happen to you an' me. We're rock solid, bud. Always have been." He kissed Jack warmly and saw a flicker of his beloved Jack behind the blue eyes. Jack nodded and took his hand.

"Yeah. Come on." Ennis led him back to town, squeezing his hand and trying to let him know that everything was alright. Jack remained deep in thought; his initial fright had died down by now, replaced by worry. This was somehow worse, as he was starting to doubt everything about himself. He couldn't help but feel like a bad person for stealing Ennis away from Alma; he'd never felt like that before until today. All he could do was hold on and hope that the feeling would go away; he would never settle back down to normal otherwise.

* * *

That evening, Ennis and Jack were curled in bed together. Jack hadn't expressed any interest in sex that night, so Ennis simply held him for a while. He was spooning up behind Jack and rubbing his stomach, trying to soothe him.

Jack could hear Ennis humming in his ear, a gentle lullaby that he'd once told Jack his mother used to sing to him to help him sleep. The bedside lamp was still on and casting a dim red glow across the room. It would have been the perfect setting for making love, but it was clear to Ennis that Jack didn't want that right now. He just wanted to see Jack smiling again.

Ennis finished humming and peered over at him, wondering if Jack was still awake. "Darlin', you awake?"

"Yeah," Jack whispered, feeling cold even though Ennis was warm and holding him close. "Can't settle down." Ennis sighed and kissed the back of his neck.

"Hate seein' you like this, Jack. You know it hurts me when you're upset...there anythin' else I can do for you? Just tell me..." Jack bit his lip; he did need comfort right now but wasn't sure if he deserved it.

"Well...there's one thing...maybe..." he started, and Ennis could sense what he was asking.

"You want me to...?" he asked, and he saw Jack nod.

"Yeah...if you don't mind." Ennis nuzzled the back of his neck.

"I don't mind, Jack. You know I don't. How d'you want it?"

"Like this," Jack whispered; he didn't think he could look into Ennis's face right now while having sex with him. He hated feeling so low about himself but couldn't seem to stop. Ennis nodded and grabbed the lube, preparing himself while kissing Jack's ear and hoping that he could make Jack feel better.

When he was ready, he rose up onto his elbow and pushed Jack down further as gently as he could, coaxing him to relax. He then rested on leg in between Jack's, half-straddling him and getting into position. He pushed in very slowly, knowing that Jack needed more care and comfort than passion and lust. It wouldn't be their greatest time ever, but that didn't matter. He knew that Jack just needed him right now.

Jack bit his lip as Ennis entered him, trying to relax and breathing deeply. He could feel Ennis's warm weight against his back and sighed, pleasure drifting over him. When Ennis was fully inside him, he tried to shut off his thoughts and just let go, concentrating on how Ennis was making him feel.

"I love you," Ennis whispered in Jack's ear as he thrust into him slowly, caressing every part of Jack that he could reach. He didn't know what else to say that might help; those three words usually did the trick. "Love you so much, Jack..."

"Love you too," Jack replied, pushing back and letting his eyes fall shut. "I...I don't wanna lose you..."

"You won't," Ennis promised him as he moved, his hand dipping down in between Jack's legs to take hold of him. He moved his hand along Jack's length as he made love to him, keeping his touch firm yet gentle; Jack didn't need teasing right now. "I swear, Jack...I'm always gonna be here..."

Jack turned his head and finally met Ennis's eyes, his own full of need. "Ennis..." He leaned in and Ennis kissed him, hand stroking and legs sliding against Jack's. Their tongues wound together and Jack finally started to feel better than he had since lunch.

Ennis gave a few more strokes and Jack felt himself coming, leaking onto the sheets and whimpering slightly, feeling very vulnerable despite how good Ennis was being to him. Ennis came inside him, groaning into the back of Jack's neck and then sinking down, sighing contentedly. He blinked and then pulled out, wondering if Jack was okay. "Bud?" he whispered, placing a hand on Jack's shoulder and rising back up onto his elbow. He peered into Jack's face and saw that Jack was trembling. "Hey...what's wrong?" he asked softly; it wasn't often that Jack got truly upset like this, and it was always something really serious that caused it.

Jack shook his head, trying not to let the tears in his eyes fall. He felt wretched, like he didn't deserve to have this man with him. But he knew that he couldn't just let Ennis go; he needed him and knew that Ennis wouldn't leave without fighting for him anyway. He wished that he could stop feeling so bad about himself, but he didn't know how. Now that the seeds of doubt had been planted in his mind, it was as if they had grabbed hold of him and would never let go. They were taking root and growing, making him feel even worse about himself.

Ennis saw a tear fall onto the pillow and grew alarmed, wondering what was wrong. "Jack, talk to me...why are you cryin', bud?" Jack shook his head.

"I just...can't help it," he breathed, still shaking. "Feel like shit...not 'cos of this, but..." He took a deep breath. "Ennis...I know you're trying to make me feel better, and that just now was great. It's just...I don't know if it's really working."

"Shh..." Ennis shushed him, knowing that Jack needed to sleep now. "Don't worry about it, Jack. I'm sure you'll tell me when yer ready what's goin' on. Until then, I won't put no pressure on you. An'...when I wanna spend time with Junior an' Alma, we'll include you. You're part of the family too, an' Alma knows that. I'm sorry if we scared you before..." He rubbed Jack's stomach and settled down behind him. "Come on now...get some sleep. You're tired after today."

"Yeah..." Jack tried to sleep, but it was a long time before his brain could settle down and allow him to drop off. With Ennis asleep behind him, Jack was left alone with his dark thoughts and doubts and nobody to stop them from worming into his heart.


	17. Chapter 17

**Chapter 17**

_September 4th, 2009_

By Friday, things hadn't improved. Jack was still full of doubt about everything he'd done so far regarding Ennis. He kept thinking about the scene at the girls' apartment and how Ennis and Alma had looked like real parents to Junior, which he knew deep down he would never be. When he thought about that, his thoughts shifted to when Alma had arrived on campus looking for Ennis and how he had decided to stay.

At his desk, he was trying to do some of his portfolio; it was due in next month and he'd been making good progress until this week. Now it seemed as if every waking moment was devoted to worrying.

He remembered how Ennis had told him that even if Alma had told him back then that she was pregnant, he still would have chosen to stay in Amherst. This, more than anything else, made Jack worry about the choice that Ennis had made. He wondered if Ennis had made the right one after all, or if he should have gone back.

_If she had told him, he might have gone back, _Jack thought to himself, recalling his conversation with Amy on the subject. _He's a good man and he wouldn't have left her to do it on her own, even if it didn't mean them getting back together._ Jack sighed and took a sip of his water, feeling very distracted.

No matter how hard he tried, he couldn't shake off the feeling that he had somehow forced Ennis into staying with him back then. He kept feeling that he'd seduced Ennis into a relationship with him, back in the locker room all those years ago. If he hadn't coerced Ennis into taking a swim with him, then their near-kiss would never have happened and Ennis wouldn't have fallen for him. They had had a crush on each other back then, but still. He kept thinking that if nothing had come of it, then Ennis would have gone back with Alma and that would have been the end of it.

_What did I do to him? _Jack thought to himself, unable to concentrate on his work. _He could have had a nice, normal life that wouldn't have made him feel different from everybody else. Instead, he has to put up with people saying that he's an abomination, saying that what we do is a sin, all of that...he doesn't deserve it._

Jack knew that he could never try to get Ennis to leave him for any reason, not even for what Jack thought was his own good. Ennis would simply not do it because he loved him, but this made Jack feel even worse. He couldn't let Ennis go if he tried; the man was just too stubborn for that.

His cell phone buzzed in his pocket and he pulled it out to see a text from Ennis; he did this yesterday to try and cheer Jack up somewhat.

_Love you, bud xxx_

Jack felt a lump grow in his throat and managed to shakily text a response, to keep Ennis from worrying if nothing else. He knew that Ennis was worried about him after their talk the other night, when he'd broken down in Ennis's arms, but he didn't know what to do. He wanted to tell Ennis what was wrong, but didn't think he would ever have the guts to tell Ennis that it would be best for him to leave. Jack didn't understand his thoughts; Ennis's decision to be with him had never really bothered him before. On the contrary, he'd been humbled by this choice and vowed to make Ennis happy.

But now, all that he could think about was what Ennis had given up for him; the chance of a normal life.

There was a knock at the door and Jessica came in, looking apprehensive. Ennis had given her and Amy an account of what had happened on the beach, telling them everything he knew for sure but admitting that there was something Jack wasn't saying. Neither of them could figure out what it might be, so they were just trying to be there for their friends.

"Jack?" she asked cautiously. "Um...just wanted to see if you're okay. You've hardly left the office all day."

Jack looked up at her, managing a brief smile. "Hey, Jess. Come on in." She entered the office and sat down on the other side of the desk, watching him closely.

"Well? How're you feeling? Ennis said that...something was wrong. Ever since that scene at our place."

Jack nodded; he knew that his friends were worried about him but just couldn't bring himself to say anything about his deep thoughts. He knew he was bound to crack under the strain soon and just couldn't help feeling like he was heading down a slippery slope. "I, uh...I'm sorry about just tearing out of there like that. I know you girls were planning lunch for all of us, and..."

Jessica shook her head. "It's okay. Junior ate most of it anyway. We're worried about you, Jack...this isn't like you. Ennis is at a loss as to what to do for you right now...he just wants to help you but you won't tell him what's really going on." She leaned forward. "Look...if you can't tell him yourself, for whatever reason, you can always tell me and I'll tell him for you. Would that make it easier?"

Jack seriously considered it, but then recoiled from the idea. If he was ever going to tell Ennis what he was thinking, it had to come from him and nobody else. "Thanks, Jess, but...I'm gonna try and tell him myself at some point. Just...need to pluck up the courage first."

"Okay. But just remember, Jack...whatever it is, you're not alone. You've got Ennis, you've got us...we just wanna help. So...I'll leave you alone now but you know where I am, okay?" She got up and left him alone with his thoughts, wondering what to do for the best.

* * *

Ennis was also trying to work, but all he could think about was Jack and if he was okay. Yesterday, he'd sent a text to Jack every so often telling him that he loved him, and while Jack always replied Ennis couldn't help but feel that something was amiss. He recalled the happy look on Jack's face throughout their trip to the cabin just last month, and how they had made love through the nights. They'd been so happy just a couple of weeks ago, and now everything was messed up.

He received the text from Jack and tried to smile, but he couldn't stop worrying. Jack had looked so lost and alone on the beach the other day, talking about the feeling of not belonging to the family and that he was scared of losing Ennis. And that night had started off reasonably well; they'd even managed to have sex. But Ennis recalled Jack crying and shaking in his arms and knew that something was wrong; something so bad that Jack was too scared to tell him about it.

His phone buzzed on the desk, and he saw that it was Amy. "Hey."

"Hey, Ennis. I just wanted to see how you're doing. You okay?"

"Yeah, I...I'm alright. Just worryin' about Jack an' wonderin' what to do."

"I know. I've been talking to Jess about it, but we can't figure out what it might be. We just know that he looked really freaked out when he saw the three of you."

"Yeah...he kept talkin' about feelin' like an outsider, like he don't belong in the family. I told him that he does...that he belongs with me. He looked terrible when I found him...like somethin' changed inside him that I can't change back."

"Ennis...you think this has anythin' to do with your decision to stay with him, rather than to go back with Alma when you were in college?"

"Maybe," he replied, thinking back to his conversations with Jack on the matter. "But I didn't know then that she was pregnant. An' even if she had...I would've wanted to stay with him."

"I know, but...would you have done it? I know you, Ennis...and so does Jack. You're the kind of man who would never leave a woman you'd knocked up to deal with it by herself. You would have gone back to help her out, even if it didn't mean getting back together."

Ennis knew that she was right, and he was even more grateful that Alma hadn't told him back then. He loved Jack and simply couldn't imagine a life without him. "You think Jack knows?" he asked quietly, worrying even more.

"Probably. I was talking to him about it when you were collecting your mom from the airport and he seemed to know. That could be why he's being like this. He's scared of what could have happened..."

"That don't make sense," Ennis replied, shaking his head. "He knows what happened an' that's just how it is. I chose to stay with him, an' I'm glad I did. So even if I had gone back with her, I wouldn't have been happy without him. I wouldn't have got back together with her, not even for Junior's sake 'cos I never really loved her. Not like I love him."

"I think he needs to know that, Ennis," Amy told him, and he knew that she was right. "He needs to know what he means to you."

"I tell him all the time...I'm sure he does..."

"Even so...I think he needs to hear it now. He's probably feeling very vulnerable right now, and he needs that reassurance from you."

Ennis nodded to himself, seeing that she was right. It wasn't enough to tell Jack that he loved him; he needed to do more right now. Even though he had never had much confidence with vocalising how he felt, he knew that he had to step up now and give Jack what he needed. He had to tell Jack his deepest feelings for him; the ones that he held close to his heart. Jack needed to know them right now.

"You're right. There's a lot of stuff I feel for him that I ain't never had the guts to tell him. Reckon he needs it right now."

"Yeah. Tell him how you feel, Ennis. Make him see how much he means to you in spite of what you gave up to be with him. Let him know that you made the right choice."

"I will, Amy. Gonna talk to him as soon as I can an'...try to fix this before it gets worse. I don't wanna lose him...but I already feel like I am. He's...driftin' away from me, an' that can't happen." Ennis knew that he simply couldn't bear to have Jack leave his life, after everything that they had been through together. He had to tell Jack that he meant the world to him, and was the first thought that he had when he woke, and the last thought he had when going to sleep. Jack was the one he mainly thought of when they were apart. He did think of Junior and hope that she was okay, but Jack still held the majority of his heart because Ennis felt so strong about him.

He said goodbye to Amy and tried to carry on working, thinking about what he had to say to Jack to try and hold things together. If Jack was truly having doubts about himself, then all Ennis had to do was remind him that he was loved and cherished; that he wanted to shout from the rooftops how much he loved Jack. He would happily do that if he knew it would work and put a smile back on Jack's face. All he had ever wanted was for Jack to be happy, hopefully with him, so he had to fight to keep them together. He would do that without a second thought; Jack meant too much to him to just let go without a fight.

* * *

Alma left on Saturday, much to Ennis's relief. While he knew that it was important to Junior to see her mother, he was also aware that the problems with Jack had only started upon her arrival. Now that she was leaving, maybe things would go back to normal.

He took Alma back to the airport, and she apologised to him for any upset she might have caused. Ennis told her that it wasn't her fault and that he would manage to sort it; he just hoped that he would be able to.

When he got back, he could see Junior in her room with the door ajar, and Jack on the sofa. Knowing that he had to talk to his husband and try to make him feel better, Ennis went over to him. "Jack?" he asked softly, hoping that Jack would be in the right frame of mind to truly appreciate what he was about to say. "You feelin' okay?"

"Yeah, I guess," Jack replied, half-smiling as Ennis sat down. Drawing from his studies at college and what he'd learned in Psychology, he was trying to push down the thoughts he'd been having lately. He knew that it was merely a defence mechanism that would never deal with the actual problem, but it was all he could do. Ennis put an arm around him as they got comfortable.

"Look," he started, making sure that he had Jack's attention. "I know it ain't been easy for you, with Alma around. An' I know why. You saw us with Junior, an' I can see now that we probably did look like a family. You gotta know, Jack...I'm real sorry about that. You an' Junior are my family, but Alma's still her mama an'...we've gotta try an' get along for her sake. But I promise...next time she comes here, we won't do nothin' family-like without you. Okay?"

Jack nodded; that did help a little bit and he appreciated the effort that Ennis was making, but it was still a struggle to push away his thoughts now that they had taken root. "Yeah, bud. Ennis, I...I don't regret that we got together and I can't regret that you chose me over Alma. I'm real happy here with you. But I...sometimes I wonder if...you're happy. I mean...with a guy." It was close to what he wanted to say, but he didn't think he could elaborate any further than that.

Ennis sighed and kissed the side of Jack's head. "Darlin'...you know I am. Listen, there's some things I wanna tell you. Stuff I've always felt but never really had the guts to tell you. I was talkin' to Amy about it yesterday an' decided it was time, with what's goin' on right now. Just thought...it might make you feel better."

He looked into Jack's eyes, hoping that he could get through this. "Jack, I...you got no idea how happy you've made me since we got together. I know it wasn't always easy for us, but...I reckon the hard times make us appreciate the good ones more. I...think of you, all the time when we're apart. Like when I'm sittin' at my desk, my mind wanders now an' then. Sometimes I think of Junior, but she's always with Amy an' I know she's doin' well. I think more of you, 'cos...I don't always know for sure that yer okay. Especially this week. I worry about you, Jack...hopin' that you're okay."

Jack could feel a lump growing in his throat; these were very sweet words coming from the man he loved. He knew he should feel happy, but the thoughts of not deserving this were coming back to haunt him. "Ennis, I...I'm normally okay. Just this week...wasn't easy..."

"I know, darlin'," Ennis replied, squeezing him. "But it's over now...just the three of us. You wanna know somethin'? Every night, before I go to sleep, I think of you. An' every mornin' when I wake up, I think of you again, even if you're still asleep. Seein' your face when I wake up...makes me remember how damn lucky I am to have you." He smiled at Jack, whose eyes were lighting up a little bit, the way they used to. "Sometimes I wanna shout from the rooftops how I feel about you, Jack."

"Ennis..." Jack sighed, resting his head on Ennis's shoulder. "Don't deserve you..." Ennis shook his head.

"Yeah, you do. You deserve all the good things in life, Jack. Love, family, success...an' you're gonna have 'em all. How's that portfolio comin'?"

"Pretty good...should be finished soon," Jack replied, glad for the change in subject. "Hoping to get more done now that this week's nearly over."

"Good. An' yer always gonna have me, promise you that. I...I can't live without you, Jack. An' I don't wanna, 'cos I'd be damn miserable if we weren't together." He nuzzled his nose into Jack's hair, drawing a smile out of him.

"You mean that?" Jack asked in a small voice, as if he really did need some reassurance right now. Ennis nodded.

"I do, Jack...I want us to be together as long as we live. That's all I've wanted since we got together." He held Jack close to him, hoping that he'd done enough to prove to Jack that he loved him with every fibre of his being. He just didn't know what else he could do; they were already married and had everything they were going to. "I love you, Jack...more than any words could ever say..."

Jack closed his eyes, letting the words wash over him and wishing that he could allow himself to just switch off the deep, self-depreciating thoughts. He knew that they didn't make any sense; Ennis was happy with him and content with the choice he had made all those years ago. This man wasn't going anywhere; they were bound for life and Jack knew he had to remind himself of that every day; it was the only way to keep himself from falling victim to his fears.

* * *

The day was fairly quiet. They spent their time at home, not feeling up to going anywhere, and Junior was happy enough to stay in one place. She played in her room while Ennis and Jack watched TV, curled up on the sofa together and trying to keep things normal.

Jack had loved the words Ennis spoke to him, but there was still a part of him that felt like he didn't deserve to hear them. It was a part that told him he was a horrible person for what he'd done to Ennis; that he'd ruined his life by taking him away from Alma. Logic told him that this wasn't how it happened; Ennis had made the decision by himself because he was in love, but this only made Jack feel worse. He briefly wondered if he was developing schizophrenia, but reasoned with himself that he wasn't hearing voices; it was just a feeling he had deep inside him. He didn't know where this had come from, but it had all started upon seeing Ennis and Alma with Junior the way he had.

He tried not to think about it when they went to bed, and instead just tried to concentrate on Ennis. It was clear that he wanted some action tonight, and Jack was hoping that he could see it through.

They kissed deeply once they were alone, standing at the end of their bed. Ennis started off by holding Jack's face in his hands, before moving them down to Jack's hips. Jack sighed into his mouth; it still felt good despite his inner turmoil. "Mmm..."

Ennis broke away, nuzzling his nose. "Jack...love you."

"Love you too," Jack replied, finally feeling the fire starting up inside him. He kissed Ennis again and moved his hands down, squeezing Ennis's ass and hearing a surprised sound escape.

"You're in a better mood," Ennis observed as Jack attacked his neck, and Jack mumbled his agreement. It was usually easy to switch off when sex was imminent, and he wanted to take full advantage of this reprieve.

Their clothes were shed and Jack pushed Ennis down to the bed, crawling up to the head with him and sliding their legs together. Ennis was warm and familiar and everything he loved; all he wanted right now was to be a part of that.

"Ennis..." he whispered, kissing his husband's earlobe. "Can I...fuck you?" Ennis was surprised by the request, given how Jack had been feeling lately. But he could sense that Jack needed to feel in control of things for once; he could understand that. He nodded up at Jack.

"Sure, darlin'," he murmured back, giving Jack a kiss before turning over. He felt Jack widen his legs apart for easier access and bit his lip, wondering if Jack really was up to it.

Jack kissed his way down Ennis's back, trying to block out the thoughts racing in his head. He needed to do this and was grateful to Ennis for letting him. When he was ready, he grabbed the lube and smoothed it over himself, knowing that Ennis needed a little more since he didn't bottom often. He got into position, forehead pressed against Ennis's back and breathing deeply as he tried to penetrate.

Ennis knew immediately that something just wasn't right. When Jack topped him, he was usually unstoppable and full of lust. But tonight, something was off.

As soon as he touched Ennis, Jack had a flashback of Ennis with Alma and Junior; the family he'd nearly had. It was the life that Jack felt he had stolen from Ennis, and yet here he was about to do this. Now he felt even worse about himself than he already did. He went cold all over and knew he couldn't do it.

Ennis heard a sound of frustration escape from Jack, who hadn't moved. "Jack?" he asked softly, trying to look behind him. "What's wrong?"

"Can't do it," Jack managed to say. "I'm sorry, Ennis...I just can't fuck you right now. Not when I'm feeling like this..." Ennis turned over and pulled Jack into his arms.

"Hey...it's okay. You don't hafta if you can't." He lifted Jack's chin and saw tears in Jack's eyes; the very sight caused his heart to start aching. Seeing Jack like this affected him, and he didn't know what to do. "Baby...don't get upset. Can't you tell me what's wrong?"

"I want to," Jack whispered, wiping his eyes on the bed sheet. "But I...I don't know if I can. There's something I'm afraid of, Ennis...and I keep thinking that if I tell you...it'll come true. Like one of those self-fulfilling prophecies. It's scaring the hell out of me."

"Jack..." Ennis sighed, rubbing his back. "Shh...it's okay. I had a feelin' you might not be up to it tonight, but I wanted you to decide that for yourself. I know you haven't really felt...in control this past week. I wanted you to feel that again."

Jack sniffed, resting his head on Ennis's chest. "Me too, Ennis. But when I was about to do it just now...I got an image in my head of you with Alma and Junior. And it just...messed me up."

Ennis sighed; he had no idea why this was bothering Jack so much, despite his numerous attempts to tell Jack that everything was okay for them now. He wondered if he should just give up and let Jack figure it out for himself, but when he looked at the man in his arms he knew he couldn't do that. Jack was so lost and felt alone right now, and Ennis just wanted to convince him that everything was going to be okay.

"I love you, darlin'...if that helps," he murmured, stroking Jack's dark hair. Jack squeezed him.

"Not really...but I'm grateful all the same, Ennis. And I love you too." Ennis nodded and let him be, feeling relieved when he felt Jack falling asleep. Maybe now he could get some much-needed rest and start to heal from whatever was bothering him.

* * *

_September 6th, 2009_

On Sunday, they were preparing Junior for her first day at kindergarten. They could tell that she was looking forward to it, despite her nerves. Ennis could say that he was very proud to see her starting out so well; maybe one day she really would go to college. Not just for academic success; he'd found the love of his life at college, and maybe she would too one day.

He tried not to worry too much about Jack as they walked around the supermarket, gathering up the food they were giving her for lunches. In an effort to help Jack feel more involved, Ennis kept him close and asked his opinion on what to buy for her, and it seemed to be working. Jack certainly looked less worried with something to distract him, and Ennis was glad to see him smiling.

"What d'you think of this?" Ennis asked, holding out a multipack bag of chips with different flavours. "I think she likes all them flavours, right?"

"As far as I know," Jack replied, realising what Ennis was doing and appreciating the effort. "If not, we could eat the ones she doesn't like."

"Yeah, you're right," Ennis replied, tossing them into the cart. He'd always liked shopping with Jack, for some reason. Maybe because it was something perfectly normal that couples did when they lived together. Usually, they had a good time exploring and finding bargains together for their home. He knew that today was partially about getting Jack out into the fresh air and just doing something that would distract him. Junior was with Amy and Jessica, so it was just the two of them.

He kept thinking about the night before, when Jack had tried to fuck him but couldn't go through with it. It stung a little that the night had fallen through like that, but he knew deep down that something just wasn't right with Jack and that was a more pressing matter to him. He wondered if he should talk to their doctor about it and maybe have Jack taken in for examination, but he didn't want Jack to feel worse than he already did. He missed seeing Jack's megawatt grin; the one that was usually directed at him when Jack was happy. All he'd ever wanted was to keep Jack happy, and now he felt like he was failing at that.

As they walked, he could see that when he wasn't talking Jack kept his head down, clearly thinking about what was bothering him. Ennis wished that Jack would open up to him; they were usually so good at communicating with each other and working through problems together.

"You okay?" he tried, nudging Jack slightly. He saw Jack shrug.

"I guess. Just...thinking about last night. Wasn't all that good, huh?"

"Somethin's botherin' you, Jack," Ennis told him. "I understand if you ain't up to it right now. But I...I wish you'd talk to me about it. We usually talk about everythin'..."

Jack sighed. "Ennis...I know it hurts you that I can't talk about it, and I'm sorry about that, but..." Ennis touched his shoulder.

"It's okay, bud. I can see that it's real bad, whatever it is. So...I can wait until yer ready to talk about it. Just...don't go sufferin' alone, okay? Promise me you'll come to me if it gets too bad, right?"

"Okay, I promise," Jack agreed, wondering how bad it would get before he needed Ennis to hold him. He wasn't sure where these thoughts in his head would go or how much they would start to affect him. He managed to smile at Ennis as they walked through the store, picking up the items on their list and heading for the cash registers.

Once outside, they decided to head down the street to a nearby café and get some lunch together. Ennis wanted to keep Jack busy so that he didn't have to think about what was bothering him; he would do anything to keep Jack from becoming upset. The night before hadn't been easy for either of them.

"You know, I was thinkin'," Ennis said as they were waiting for their food to arrive. "We ain't been out together since we got back from Vermont."

"You mean...like a date?" Jack asked, suddenly feeling uneasy. He'd once loved going out with Ennis like they used to, but with his new doubts and fears he wondered if he could ever do that again.

"Yeah. We agreed to go out once a week together. I know we got distracted, with my ma an' then Alma comin' here. But it's just us now...what d'you think?"

"Um...don't know," Jack replied, wishing that he didn't have to answer right now. But he could see hope in Ennis's eyes and knew that it was probably a good idea to just go along with it. Besides, he could do with the distraction and maybe it would help. "Yeah, sounds like a good idea."

Ennis smiled and laid his hand over Jack's across the table. "Great. I like goin' out with you, Jack. Reminds me of when we first got together an' were goin' on dates. I reckon we still need to do that even now..."

"You're right," Jack agreed, nodding. He could see the logic behind it and knew deep down that he had to do something to try and stop his muddled thoughts. He was willing to do whatever it took to get back to normal if he could, and he knew that he could count on Ennis to help him. "So...when d'you wanna do it?"

"What about Friday, after work?" Ennis asked, and Jack nodded. That was usually a good day for both of them.

"Sounds great," he replied, smiling at Ennis across the table. There was part of him still that didn't really believe the thoughts he was having about himself, and he was trying to hold onto that. He knew that he wasn't a bad person and that Ennis being with him had been his choice, but still...it was hard to ignore the voice that told him all of this was wrong.


	18. Chapter 18

**Chapter 18**

_September 8th, 2009_

A couple of days later, Jack had to work through lunch so Ennis decided to go and see Amy. He wanted to know her opinion on what was going on and maybe get some advice on what to do; Jessica would be there too. Jack was still distant and was even hesitant when they were in bed together. They managed to have sex the night before, but Ennis had seen in Jack's eyes that his heart wasn't really in it. Still, Jack had told him that he'd wanted to do it. He would never force Jack into anything, but he had to wonder why Jack had agreed even though it was clear he wasn't in the right frame of mind.

"I just don't know what to do," Ennis told Amy as they ate lunch together. The girls were both very worried about Jack and what might be bothering him so much. "He's just...distant. He talks to me if I say somethin' to him, an' he sometimes starts conversations about things. But...it's like he's only half there. Like the other half's far away or somethin'." It wasn't the Jack he knew and loved; he wasn't sure where that Jack was right now.

"He's been like that at work," Jessica informed him sadly. Jack had been her best friend at work and now she felt like she was losing a brother. "He won't talk to anyone when he comes in, and barely says hello to me when I see him. It's just not like him."

"Is his work sufferin'?" Ennis asked, fearing that Jack would lose his internship due to this. That was bound to make his self-esteem suffer even more, and things would just get worse. "What about the portfolio? He told me it's nearly done."

"I don't know. But if I know Emily at all, I know that she'll have noticed something. I can't see her not asking him what's wrong; she's a counsellor and knows all the signs."

"Yeah. Maybe I should call her," Ennis mused, knowing that Jack wouldn't say anything if Dr Green had tried to help. "An' maybe I should take a look at that portfolio, to make sure he really is nearly done. I don't want him to miss out on that promotion 'cos of whatever's botherin' him."

"How did it start?" Amy asked, looking puzzled. "Was it just because of him seeing you with Alma and Junior? He knows the score on that front; you two are her primary parents now and even Alma's accepted that."

"Yeah, but...he thought we looked like a family an'...maybe now he's thinkin' that we ain't never gonna be," Ennis replied, hoping this wasn't true. He felt like more of a family with Jack and Junior than he ever could have felt with Alma. "I keep tellin' him that we are, but..."

"Ennis..." Jessica started, biting her lip. "He's been asking you if you're happy, right? Maybe...he's thinking about your decision to stay with him back in college, and then seeing you with Alma and Junior..." She thought for a moment. "Maybe he's wondering if you made the right choice. Maybe he thinks he took away your chance of having a normal family."

"That's bullshit, then," Ennis replied, shaking his head. "He didn't take nothin' from me. I always knew that I was never gonna be happy on that ranch, or with Alma. Even before I met him, I knew I wanted somethin' different. If anythin', he gave me so much more than I coulda had if I'd stayed. He gave me a new life an' a new way of livin'. I owe him for that 'cos he's done so much for me."

"You need to tell him," Amy said firmly. "If Jess is right, and that's really what's getting him so down, you have to head him off before he decides to try and let you go."

Ennis looked down, an image of a life without Jack flashing before his eyes. He could recall how miserable he was before they'd met, and the prospect of divorcing Jack was a bleak one. It would be like returning to the cold prairie of Wyoming after the warm sands of Provincetown, even if he never returned to his old home state. He just couldn't live without Jack and didn't want to.

"You're right. If he starts thinkin' that I'm better off without him..." He shook his head. "I need to talk to him, tonight. Could you do me a favour an' pick up Junior from school, an' just keep her until tonight? I wanna get him alone."

"Of course," Amy responded, as Jessica nodded her agreement. "We'll take care of her; you just focus on keeping your husband on the right track. What are you gonna say if he tells you he wants a divorce, even though you know he's trying to do the right thing for you?"

"I'll just tell him there's no way," Ennis replied. "If he forces me to leave him, he's gonna regret it right away. I could never be better off without him, ever. He might think it's the best thing for me...but he's wrong. He's the best thing for me."

The girls nodded, glad that Ennis wasn't going to just give in to Jack's irrational thoughts. Jack wasn't in the right frame of mind and Ennis had to make sure that nothing bad happened to them as a result.

With this decided, the talk turned to more pleasant things. Amy and Jessica had agreed to get married in the spring, and asked Ennis if he and Jack would be their witnesses, providing that Jack was able by then. Ennis assured them that everything would be okay; Jack just needed some help.

He knew that he had to try and hold onto Jack no matter what; the man meant too much to him to just give up when things became difficult. He loved Jack and wanted to be with him, so that was all there was to it.

* * *

Ennis finished work early for the day and surprised Jack by waiting for him outside the clinic. "Hey, bud." Jack looked happy to see him, a rare smile forming on his face as they kissed in greeting.

"Hey," he replied, wondering what was going on. "How come you're here? Where's Junior?"

"Got the girls to take her for tonight. I wanted to talk to you alone, an' maybe go for a walk before we head home." Jack nodded and they set off, Ennis reaching out to take his hand. Jack swallowed and tried to act normal, even though he knew Ennis wasn't fooled.

They ended up on a bench a little way into the park, hands still entwined. Jack had a feeling that Ennis was going to ask him what was wrong, and he braced himself.

"Jack...I know somethin's wrong with you at the moment, an' that you think you can't tell me without somethin' bad happenin'. But I need to know what it is, 'cos it's eatin' you up an' I can't stand it."

Jack sighed and nodded; he had seen this coming. "Alright. I know I gotta tell you, Ennis. Just...it's not easy for me to talk about it."

"Okay. I was talkin' to Amy an' Jess about it an' we think we might know what's wrong. So I'm just gonna tell you, an' you can tell me if we're right. That might make it easier." He looked into Jack's eyes. "When you saw me an' Alma with Junior that day, lookin' like a family, you felt left out, right?" Jack nodded, trying to keep Ennis's gaze and not look away in shame. "Right...we reckon that you...started thinkin' about when Alma came to visit me in Amherst that December, right before Christmas. An' you were thinkin' about my decision to stay with you, an' now you've been wonderin' if I made the right choice."

Jack was taken aback that Ennis could read him so well, and saw no point in denying it. "Yeah, I was. I mean...you could've had a normal life, Ennis. A wife, kids...and nobody would've said anything bad to you about it. You'd be normal...but instead you chose a life where people tell you it's a sin, and that we're going to hell. I keep thinking...that I took that away from you. Somehow, I made you fall in love with me so much that you declined to go back with Alma that year."

"You didn't make me do anything, Jack," Ennis told him. "I got feelin's for you before that day in the locker room, when we nearly kissed. An' all you did at that time was be my friend...I wouldn't have been attracted to you if it wasn't meant to be. I was supposed to be with you, an' I made the decision to stay with you because I wanted to."

"But...if Alma had told you then that she was pregnant...I know you, Ennis. You say you wouldn't have gone back with her, but you wouldn't have just left her to deal with it by herself. You're too good for that."

"Maybe," Ennis reluctantly agreed. "But I wouldn't have been happy, Jack. Woulda been damn miserable without you."

Jack didn't reply right away, but then sighed. "Ennis...you're right. I do keep wondering if you did the right thing, and made the right decision. I keep thinking about how we got together, and wondering if...I somehow forced you into it. I asked you to go swimming with me that day; if I hadn't..."

"You don't know that we wouldn't have got together, Jack," Ennis reasoned with him. "It coulda happened anyway, some other time. You didn't force me into anythin'."

"Keep thinking I'm a bad person," Jack said quietly, looking away from Ennis. "That I ruined your life...or the life you could have had."

Ennis stared at Jack, unable to believe that Jack could be so self-depreciating. Jack was a wonderful person as far as he was concerned, and he didn't like to see the man he loved like this. "Jack...don't do this. You ain't a bad person."

"You say that now..." Jack started, heading into his deepest fears. "But what if...you want more kids? Biological kids? I can't give you that, so...what if you...decide to leave and find a woman who can? One day, you could realise that you're better off without me."

Ennis made Jack look at him, hands on his face. "Cut it out, Jack. I ain't better off without you, not by a long shot. Shit, you know how miserable I was when we met. I don't never wanna go back to that, an' I will if we break up. I had a feelin' that you were thinkin' this...don't you dare try an' let me go, you hear?"

"But," Jack started, breathing shakily. "You could decide you wanna be normal again...have a quiet life that nobody'll judge you for."

"I don't want that," Ennis told him sincerely, meaning every word. "I want this life with you. I know it ain't perfect, but I don't care. I've got you, darlin'...an' I've got the kid I want. If I wanna have more...that could be where the girls come in. We did say that maybe one day we'll arrange somethin' with them."

"I know," Jack replied, head falling to Ennis's chest. "I know that these thoughts don't make any sense, and deep down I know we're better off together. But I can't shut these thoughts off, no matter what I do." He looked up into Ennis's warm, caring eyes. "I know that something's wrong with me, and I know I'm not a bad person or any of that stuff I've been thinking. But I just get this constant stream of thoughts that I am, and that you're better off without me."

Ennis leaned in and kissed him, seeing the problem at last. Jack understood that these thoughts were completely irrational and senseless, but they were there all the same, niggling at him. He felt sorry for Jack, having to deal with this inner turmoil.

"Baby...it's okay," he soothed when they broke apart, wiping Jack's tears from his eyes. "We'll sort this out, together. I ain't goin' nowhere, an' neither are you. When we got married I promised that I would do anythin' to make you happy. Gonna stand by that now." He pulled Jack close to him again, holding him tightly until Jack stopped shaking.

* * *

The next day, Junior fell ill. It started off as what appeared to be a simple cold, but she was so feverish that Ennis decided it would be better for her to stay off school that day. Amy was willing to take care of her while he and Jack worked, so it was one less thing to worry about. He knew that Amy would look after Junior in their absence, and he was just a phone call away if she needed him.

After his talk with Jack in the park the day before, Ennis told him that it might be a good idea for him to talk to Emily; she had experience in this field and might be able to help him. Ennis just wanted Jack to stop having those irrational thoughts and fears; Jack was aware that there was nothing to them in reality, but he couldn't get rid of them either. That was the strangest thing to Ennis; that Jack knew the truth deep down but his fears were sort of blocking it and preventing him from thinking properly about everything.

He sat at his desk, thinking of Junior and hoping that she would be alright. He felt a little stretched right now, having to make sure that she was okay and also trying to help Jack. But this was what he'd signed on for and he wanted to help them both when they needed him to. He was fiercely loyal to his family and would do anything to protect them. More than anything, he didn't want to see Jack hurt. Ennis could almost feel a heaviness in his own heart when Jack was miserable, as if their hearts were truly entwined together.

Jack was probably the most pressing matter; Ennis still couldn't believe how the man could be so degrading about himself. He was normally so upbeat and full of confidence. That was part of why Ennis had been attracted to him in the first place, because he was so different from anybody that Ennis had ever met at that point. But he still did love Jack as much as he ever did, and hoped that he could do something for him.

His phone rang on the desk and he saw that it was Jack. Hoping that nothing was wrong, he picked it up. "Jack?" he asked, ears peeled for any sign of sadness.

"Yeah..." came a weary voice. "I just...wanted to hear your voice. Sitting here, trying to work...sorry if you're busy..." Jack sounded hesitant, as if he was wondering whether or not this was a good idea.

"It's okay," Ennis replied, getting comfortable. "Ain't no trouble, Jack. You wanna talk?"

"Yeah, for a while. How's Junior doing?"

"Amy called about half an hour ago; she's still got a fever but she's eatin'." Something normal for them to talk about; Jack needed that right now to shut off his thoughts.

"That's something," Jack said, glad to hear Ennis's voice. He couldn't explain it; he'd just felt a desire to hear that soft voice caressing his ear the way he loved. He was relieved that he'd managed to tell Ennis what was wrong, and that Ennis wasn't going to hear anything about them breaking up. He was glad for Ennis's stubborn streak right now; he really didn't want to lose him and hated those thoughts that he should let Ennis go. "Um...are we still on for this Friday? Dinner and a movie?"

"Yeah, you bet, darlin'. Gonna try an' help you enjoy yourself, Jack," Ennis told him, affection in his voice. "We'll have a good time an' you ain't gonna worry about nothin', you hear?"

Jack smiled in spite of himself, grateful that Ennis had no intention of letting him worry too much. The doubts and fears may well simmer down to nothing as long as Ennis kept up a steady show of affection and support to him. He knew from his studies that love could be a powerful antidote to all kinds of problems, and he had the love of a good man.

"Thanks, Ennis. I was so scared to tell you what's wrong..." He was still scared that his fears would come true, even though Ennis had told him that nothing of the sort was going to happen. Sometimes he got the feeling that all of this was too good to be true.

"I know, bud. I get that now...but you don't hafta be scared of nothin'. I'm right here with you an' I ain't goin' nowhere." He wondered what he could say that would make everything alright again. "You're stuck with me, Jack."

Jack sighed and felt relief flooding through him. Ennis didn't think he was too much trouble to be with, or that it was too much for him. He was standing by Jack and that mattered. He felt his heart lift slightly; Ennis just knew how to cheer him up.

"Love you," he said quietly, a sigh in his voice. "Sure am glad I don't have to deal with this alone."

"You really don't, darlin'...I love you too." Ennis looked at his clock; it was almost time for his lunch break. He wanted to see both Jack and Junior now; his family. "Listen...gonna be lunch soon. You wanna go an' check on Junior?"

"Yeah, sure. Um...see you there, then."

"Yep, you bet. Bye, bud." Ennis hung up, feeling slightly drained by the conversation but more determined than ever to help his husband. He figured that as long as he kept assuring Jack that he was staying put, then maybe Jack's thoughts would fade away. All he could do was try.

Junior didn't appear to be any better when they visited her during lunch, but she was happy to see them. Even Jack could feel his paternal instincts rising as he became concerned for her wellbeing. Amy noticed that Ennis was trying to get him more involved in everything and she knew that Jack appreciated it. Maybe now, things would start to get better.

* * *

That night, Ennis and Jack were lying in bed together. They were just talking quietly about the day so far, wondering if Junior would be okay. She hadn't eaten much when they'd picked her up from the girls but it hadn't dampened her spirits too badly; she had been happy to see them. And she was tucked up in bed now, hopefully to sleep through the night. They both knew from experience that sleep was a good remedy for a cold, if that was truly all it was. Considering her young age, they knew that they needed to keep an eye on her.

"Reckon she'll be okay," Ennis said softly, playing with Jack's fingers. "But...scares me when stuff like this happens to someone I care about." He looked up at Jack as he said this, and Jack managed a small smile. He was having some success at keeping his dark thoughts at bay, reminding himself that Ennis loved him and wasn't going to leave.

"Yeah, I know," he replied, nodding. "Look...if she doesn't start getting better soon, we'll just take her the doctor, okay?"

"Right," Ennis agreed, smiling at him. He leaned forward and kissed Jack as gently as he could, knowing that Jack felt fragile at the moment. He'd told Jack that there was absolutely no pressure for them to have sex right now, and he was standing by that. He was a grown man; he reckoned he should be able to go without it for a little while.

When they pulled apart, he could see pure love in Jack's eyes. "You feel okay now, bud?" he asked softly.

Jack nodded. "Yeah. Better than I was...glad I've got you, Ennis." He smiled when Ennis wrapped an arm around him, giving him a gentle squeeze.

"Me too, darlin'." He lifted his hand to stroke the back of Jack's head, running his fingers through the dark locks and just admiring the face before him. Even when Jack was feeling as conflicted as this, he still looked perfect to Ennis. "You've got beautiful eyes, Jack..." he said softly, the words slipping effortlessly from his lips.

Jack gulped and nodded, emotion rising inside him. "Um...you have too, you know. They're...warm and...deep. I can see in them...that you do care about me."

"You know I do," Ennis murmured, continuing to caress him. "I really do..." He kissed Jack once more, feeling the other man starting to relax again. Over the years they'd had together, he'd soon learned what could make Jack relax and feel better about whatever was on his mind, so decided to use this knowledge now.

He brought his hand around and instead started to rub Jack's stomach, knowing that he liked that. "How's that feel, darlin'?" he whispered, and Jack closed his eyes in pleasure.

"Mmm...just fine, cowboy..." Ennis continued to rub his stomach until he fell asleep, his head falling to the pillow. With Jack asleep, Ennis decided it would be okay for him to slip out of bed and check on Junior.

When he reached her room, he found her coughing and half-awake. "Hey, Junior. How you feelin'?"

"Daddy..." she managed to say before coughing again. He gave her some of the water that he'd put by her bed until she was able to breathe normally again. "Don't feel well..."

"I know, darlin', but you've just gotta get some sleep. You might feel better tomorrow."

"Yeah..." She lay back down again and looked up at him. "Daddy...can you read to me?"

Ennis smiled and nodded, paternal instincts rising up once more. "Sure, darlin'." He grabbed one of her books and sat near her on the bed, seeing the large brown eyes just like his own look up at him.

He read to her from the book until she too was asleep and then got up, happy that the people he loved were content and relaxed. Maybe now he would be able to sleep because he wouldn't be worrying about them.

Before he returned to their bedroom, he stopped by the bathroom and looked into the mirror, thinking. He had watched Jack closely today for any signs of depression; Jack had seemed a little quiet but otherwise okay. At least he would talk when prompted and sometimes he even initiated conversations. That was more than Ennis could have hoped for right now, and he prayed that Jack's fears were simmering down now. While he was under a lot of pressure right now, Ennis thought that he would be able to handle it as long as nothing too bad happened. He was just barely keeping it together right now.

He wondered what was wrong with Jack, for him to be thinking such things. The best he could come up with was some kind of paranoia after seeing him with Alma and Junior. Perhaps Jack had been having these thoughts ever since Junior came to live with them, but they had only surfaced upon seeing the family-type situation in front of him.

Ennis sighed; Jack had nothing to worry about as far as he was concerned. He would never leave Jack for any reason; he just couldn't live without his other half. Even if he did want another biological child at some point, they had somewhat agreed to a kind of partnership with Amy and Jessica to achieve this. He could think of worse things than raising a child with the girls; they were good people and good friends of theirs. Jack needn't worry about him wanting to be with a woman just to have kids.

He hoped that Jack knew in his heart just how much he was loved and appreciated. Ennis had always thought that Jack did know it, but his rational thoughts had been squashed down by his fears. There and then, Ennis vowed to try and help Jack get back to his normal self. They would probably need professional help in the long run, but he silently promised to do whatever he could and stand by Jack to help him heal.

* * *

Jack awoke not long after Ennis left, and he blinked at the darkness around him. He turned and tried to find Ennis, but the bed next to him was empty.

Panic rose in him like a dormant snake, and he sat up. The bedroom door was ajar and he couldn't hear anything. _This is it; he's gone...he's not coming back..._

"Ennis!" he called out desperately, praying to whoever might be listening that he was wrong; that Ennis had simply gone to the bathroom. "Ennis!"

Down the hall, Ennis heard the anguished yells and hurried back to the bedroom to see what was wrong. He locked eyes with Jack, who looked terrified. "Ennis..."

"Jack, what's wrong?" he asked, closing the door and coming back to bed. He put an arm around the other man, feeling him shaking. "You have a nightmare? You're shakin' like a leaf over here..."

Realising that he'd been wrong, Jack now felt slightly embarrassed about panicking like that. "No, I...I woke up and you weren't there...I thought..."

_He thought I'd left, _Ennis realised, and he sighed. "Darlin'...I'm right here. Sorry if I scared you..." He lifted Jack's chin and kissed him gently. "See? Right here..."

Jack let his head fall to Ennis's shoulder, relief flooding through him. "Fuck...I ought to know better than this, Ennis. You said you're not gonna leave me and I just..."

"You saw that you were alone, and you panicked," Ennis said simply, now rubbing his back to soothe him. "It's okay...I thought you were gonna sleep through the night, so I went to check on Junior. She was coughin' so I gave her some water an' then read to her until she fell asleep."

Jack nodded against Ennis's shoulder. "Right..." Ennis felt water on his shoulder and looked down, seeing that Jack was visibly shaking.

"Hey..." he whispered, pulling Jack up so that he could see him. He used his thumbs to wipe the tears from Jack's eyes, seeing just how tired he looked. "What's wrong?"

"I just...felt so relieved to see you walk in the door. Couldn't help it," Jack replied, wiping his cheeks and sniffing. He took a few deep breaths. "Kinda embarrassed now, to tell the truth."

"Don't be," Ennis told him, taking his hands. He could feel Jack's wedding ring against his skin and felt comforted by the notion. If they weren't already married, Ennis felt like he would have proposed to Jack if it would make him happy again. "I understand, Jack. You fearin' that I'm gonna leave you, an' then you wake up to find me gone. Anybody in your position woulda panicked."

Jack looked down at their joined hands, a lump in his throat. "Yeah, but...Ennis, you've gotta admit I'm wearing you out at the moment. I'm a real basket case with all of this...so if you ever wonder whether or not you can do this anymore..."

"Don't say it," Ennis interrupted, placing his hand over Jack's mouth. "I ain't goin' nowhere. Remember our weddin' vows, Jack? I promised that I was gonna stand by you no matter what. For better or worse, right?" He moved his hand to Jack's cheek, cupping it and stroking with his thumb.

Jack nodded, his panic subsiding. "I know...you're right; you did say you were gonna stand by me. I just...it gets to me sometimes that I might be asking too much of you." Ennis shook his head.

"You really ain't, darlin'. Look...for as long as Junior's sick, if you ever wake up alone again just assume that I'm with her, okay? An' I'll leave you a note if I have to go somewhere or I'll wake you up. Like if I have to take her to hospital, okay?"

"Okay," Jack agreed, grateful that Ennis was being so considerate even though he thought he didn't deserve it. "Ennis...I really love you a lot. And...I don't ever wanna be without you."

"You won't be," Ennis assured him, now cupping Jack's face with both hands. "I love you too much to leave you. Wouldn't make me happy; far from it. Even if it would be safer or somethin', I don't care. I wouldn't be happy without you, Jack."

He brought their foreheads together, seeing Jack taking deep breaths. "That's it, darlin'...just calm down...you had a real big shock just now an' you need to get some sleep. In fact...you know what? Might buy you some of that lavender stuff. Amy swears by it when she wants to get to sleep but can't on her own."

"I've heard it's good for sleep," Jack replied in a tired voice. "Worth a shot, I guess." Ennis nodded.

"Yeah. You know I'd do anythin' for you, Jack. Come on, try an' get some sleep. I reckon Junior's down for the night." Jack nodded and lay back down, allowing Ennis to spoon up behind him. Ennis resumed his rubbing of Jack's stomach, hoping that it would calm him. He felt bad about causing Jack to panic like that, but he didn't know what to do for the best. Jack needed some kind of help, but he didn't know much about that sort of thing.

His first thought was of Emily, the counsellor overseeing Jack's project. She would be able to help him, certainly, but Ennis feared that it might make her reconsider Jack's potential for promotion. Jack was normally perfect for counselling and up until recently looked as if he was doing great; what if they thought he wasn't up to it after all? Worse still, what if they decided to let him go for his own good? That would be the lowest blow that Jack could receive right now; his work was the only thing keeping him sane right now because it required so much of his attention.

Ennis looked at the back of Jack's head, wishing that he knew what Jack was thinking right now. He often wondered what was going on in there at the best of times; now he was really intrigued, and very worried.


	19. Chapter 19

**Chapter 19**

_September 11th, 2009_

On Friday, Ennis and Jack had a date planned. Junior would be spending the night with Amy and Jessica, which gave the two men some much-needed quality time together. Ennis hoped that he would see a genuine smile on Jack's face tonight; maybe they would even be able to have sex later.

Ennis knew that Jack was nervous, given the thoughts that were running through his head right now, and he hoped that Jack was somehow learning to ignore them. As far as he could see, all he could do was try to support Jack in this effort.

_I don't wanna lose him, _Ennis thought to himself as he finished getting ready. He was scared that he was losing Jack one day at a time, and dreaded a moment in which Jack would tell him to leave, convinced that it was for his own good. He had to be strong and let Jack know that there was no way he was leaving.

When he was done, he went down the hall and into the bathroom to retrieve Jack. "Bud?" he asked, poking his head around the door frame. Jack looked up in the mirror and smiled at him.

"Hey, cowboy. Just finished." Ennis nodded his approval and came up behind him, wrapping his arms around Jack's waist. They smiled at each other in the mirror; both of them had always liked how they looked together. Even now, Jack had to admit that the image looked right, like it was meant to be.

"See?" Ennis murmured, as if he had read Jack's mind. "We look good together, darlin'." Jack nodded, knowing that Ennis was right.

"Yeah...well, you ready to go?"

"You bet." They reluctantly moved apart and headed to the living area, gathering up their keys and wallets. Jack wasn't sure what might happen when they got back, but he hoped that he would be able to have sex; it had been a few days since the last time and it felt like weeks to him.

They left the building and strolled down the street, heading for the front where their favourite seafood restaurant was located. They had always loved going there for their dates; it was very romantic at this time of day.

When they were seated, they had a little time before their food was ready; Ennis tentatively nudged Jack's foot with his own, hoping that Jack would respond. Jack smiled and started playing footsie with him, cheeks reddening slightly.

"You're in a good mood," he observed, and Ennis nodded.

"Yep. You're okay, Junior's gettin' better..." It was true; her fever had broken that morning and she appeared to be recovering. "Got a lot to be happy about."

"Yeah..." Jack took a deep breath and placed his hand over Ennis's, stroking with his thumb. "I know...that things haven't been easy lately. With me going all paranoid about everything. I just...I wanna say thank you for standing by me, Ennis. Wouldn't have gotten through it without you."

Ennis took Jack's hand in his. "S'alright, Jack. I swore that I would help you, an' that's what I'm tryin' to do." He kissed Jack's hand just as their dinner was being served, and they spent the remainder of the meal just looking at each other as they ate.

One thing about the restaurant was that sometimes they played music in a corner and allowed couples to dance together. Just as they had finished, a familiar song started playing through the restaurant and a few other couples got up. Ennis smiled at Jack. "You wanna dance with me, Jack?" he asked softly, feeling as if it would make Jack happy.

Jack looked at the other couples and then back at Ennis. He had his reservations but in his heart he wanted to do this. He nodded and allowed Ennis to lead him to the dance floor.

_It's a little bit funny this feeling inside_

_I'm not one of those who can easily hide_

_Don't have much money but boy if I did_

_I'd buy a big house where we both could live_

Ennis held him in his arms, pulling him close as gently as he could. They started moving slowly, looking into each other's eyes.

_If I was a sculptor, but then again, no_

_Or a man who makes potions in a travelling show_

_I know it's not much but it's the best I can do_

_My gift is my song and this one's for you_

Jack lowered his head to Ennis's shoulder, letting the words wash over him. He knew that Ennis was trying to tell him through this song that he was there, not going anywhere.

_And you can tell everybody this is your song_

_It may be quite simple but now that it's done_

_I hope you don't mind_

_I hope you don't mind that I put down in words_

_How wonderful life is while you're in the world_

While the instrumental played, Ennis kissed the side of Jack's face and whispered in his ear that he loved him. Life was wonderful to him because he had Jack; he was happy.

_I sat on the roof and kicked off the moss_

_Well a few of the verses well they've got me quite cross_

_But the sun's been quite kind while I wrote this song_

_It's for people like you that keep it turned on_

Jack smiled up at Ennis, feeling better than he had before. "Thank you," he whispered, and Ennis nodded.

_So excuse me forgetting but these things I do_

_You see I've forgotten if they're green or they're blue_

_Anyway the thing is what I really mean_

_Yours are the sweetest eyes I've ever seen _

They leaned in close as the song finished, finally kissing as it ended and ready to move on to the next part of the night; a make-out session in the cinema before returning home.

_And you can tell everybody this is your song_

_It may be quite simple but now that it's done_

_I hope you don't mind_

_I hope you don't mind that I put down in words_

_How wonderful life is while you're in the world_

_I hope you don't mind_

_I hope you don't mind that I put down in words_

_How wonderful life is while you're in the world_

* * *

They returned to the apartment a few hours later, having skipped most of the movie because they just weren't interested in it. Both of them would rather be at home in bed; it was just like happier times when they used to go on dates together.

Outside the apartment, Ennis cupped Jack's face with both hands, smiling down at him. "You have a good night, darlin'?" he asked softly, and Jack nodded.

"Yeah, I really did. It was great, Ennis. Thank you so much..." He planted a kiss on Ennis's lips and Ennis proceeded to open the door, eager to make the most of the night they had left.

Once inside, he locked up again and led Jack through the dark apartment to their bedroom, trying not to bump into anything on the way. Jack did want to do this, but he had to admit that he was very nervous. He kept reminding himself that Ennis thought of him as a wonderful person; not the monster that he had perceived himself to be a few days ago.

Ennis led the way into their bedroom and finally slowed down, turning towards him. "You sure you wanna do this?" he murmured, stroking Jack's arms. "You don't hafta if you can't...no pressure, bud."

Jack looked into his warm, caring eyes and nodded. "I'm sure. I want this...but I'm nervous..." Ennis squeezed his hands.

"Don't be...gonna make it good for you, darlin'." He drew Jack close to him and kissed him again, taking it slowly. Jack kissed back, appreciating the effort Ennis was making to help him. Slowly, Ennis pulled Jack towards the bed and sat them both down. He knew that they had to go at a pace that Jack was comfortable with, otherwise he could just tense up and nothing would happen.

They broke apart and Ennis placed his hand on Jack's shirt, a silent question in his eyes. Jack nodded and allowed it to be removed, Ennis's warm hands caressing his chest. "So beautiful," he murmured, kissing and stroking. Jack gulped and reached out to remove Ennis's shirt, feeling a little bolder.

They stripped each other in this slow fashion until there was nothing in the way anymore, their eyes travelling over each other's bodies in admiration. Jack could feel arousal fluttering in his stomach as Ennis touched him, looking forward to doing this. They crawled up the bed together and got under the sheets, Ennis covering Jack with his warm weight. "Let me take care of you tonight, Jack," he said softly, stroking Jack's cheek. "Reckon you need that."

Jack nodded, gazing up at him. Part of him was unsure about this, but the larger part knew that it was right. They loved each other and this was the best way to show it. "Ennis...make love to me. Slowly..." He swallowed, knowing that Ennis would help him. "Need you...inside me. Make me feel better..."

"I'd take all the pain away if I could, darlin'," Ennis told him. He grabbed the lube and smeared some on his fingers. "I'd even take it on myself so you wouldn't have to deal with it." He allowed Jack to widen his legs before manoeuvring his hand underneath, searching for the entrance. His finger slid inside easily, drawing a sigh from Jack.

"Ennis...oh God...forgot how good that feels."

"You're gonna remember everythin', darlin'," Ennis promised him as he inserted another finger. He moved them around a little until Jack was breathing heavily.

"Ennis...please...come on..." Sensing that Jack was ready, Ennis lifted his legs and Jack wrapped them around his waist, ready to have Ennis complete him at last.

As gently as he could, Ennis pushed into Jack and watched his face. He saw the initial discomfort and pain while Jack got used to the sensation, and then the relaxation as everything slid into place. Ennis leaned down and nuzzled him as he started to move, hoping that he could make Jack feel better.

"I love you," he breathed into Jack's ear, kissing his neck and using all the tricks he knew that might work. "Love you so much, darlin'..."

"Ennis," Jack gasped out, arms around his back and pulling him closer. "I missed this...like I've been missing water or air..." They rocked together steadily, Ennis pushing his hips forwards and Jack bucking to meet the thrusts. It was everything that Jack remembered and more, as if nothing bad had ever happened to them.

"Darlin'," Ennis whispered, taking hold of Jack in between them. "Right here...ain't goin' nowhere..."

Jack bit his lip as Ennis kissed his neck, trying to believe the words that were being said to him. "Ennis...please...don't leave me. I know I might tell you to one day if things get hard, but I swear I don't mean it..."

"I know you don't," Ennis replied, stroking Jack with every thrust and feeling him start to shake with his impending orgasm. "Ain't ever leavin' you..." Jack gritted his teeth and groaned as he came, muscles clamping and triggering Ennis's own release. He held onto Jack tightly as he came inside him, feeling as if he had somehow branded Jack.

_Damn if I'm gonna let him go without a fight, _Ennis thought to himself as he saw stars. _Can't live without him...can't be a father to Junior without him. _

He rose up and pulled out, looking down at Jack. The other man looked happy with what they had just done but there was something about his eyes; they looked even more distant than ever. "Jack...you okay?" Ennis asked, and Jack looked up at him.

"Don't know...feel weird now after that. I mean...it was good, but..." He looked away. "I don't know if it really worked in the long run. Can't say if I feel any better..." Ennis rolled off him and rested a hand on his chest; he tried not to feel too disappointed that Jack didn't appear to feel much better.

"Do you regret it?" he asked quietly, and Jack turned to him.

"Hell no, Ennis. It was great, but..." He shrugged, unable to say what he was thinking. Ennis simply nodded and drew him close, knowing that none of it was either his or Jack's fault.

* * *

_September 14th, 2009_

On Monday, Junior became ill again. This time, she woke up with a headache and a sore throat. Jack woke up that morning to find Ennis in her room, holding her as she cried into his chest.

"What's wrong?" Jack asked, looking at her. Ennis shook his head.

"Headache an' sore throat. Could you get her some water?" Jack nodded and went to get it, hoping that Junior wasn't seriously ill.

As he filled the cup, he thought about the past few days. Jack wasn't sure if there had been much improvement for them as far as he was concerned. After having sex on Friday night, he felt a little distant again. He had enjoyed it, but his old doubts were coming back to him. The latest one was the fear that Ennis had only fucked him because he was there, and if there had been a woman present...Jack didn't like to hold that thought in his mind.

He knew that his thoughts were completely ridiculous; Ennis had sex with him because he loved him and wanted to show him. Jack knew that in his heart, and it was a constant battle to keep his thoughts pushed down.

He came back with the water and Ennis smiled at him. "Thanks, bud." Jack sat down while Ennis helped her to drink it down, feeling the need to help.

"You want me to start breakfast?" he offered, and Ennis nodded.

"Sure, thanks Jack." He kissed Jack on the cheek as he got up, drawing a slight smile out of the other man. Jack got up and went headed to the kitchen; he'd already showered and dressed before seeking the other two.

He prepared breakfast for the three of them, thinking about everything. Ennis's birthday would be near the end of the month, with his shortly after. They would be twenty-six this year, and their thirties were drawing close. In one way, he couldn't wait for the year they turned thirty; it would be his and Ennis's ten-year anniversary of getting together. He hoped with all his heart that they would still be together by then, and that he wouldn't have driven Ennis away. That was his deepest fear now; that Ennis would tire of his paranoia and depression and leave him anyway.

Back in the bedroom, Ennis helped Junior get dressed and then to the bathroom, knowing that she couldn't go into kindergarten like this. He felt a little guilty; they had only just enrolled her and she had already missed some of it. But she couldn't help being ill, so he just had to deal with it.

When they emerged, Jack had almost finished with breakfast and smiled at them. "How're you feeling, Junior?" he asked her as she sat down. She shook her head.

"Don't feel good...feel sick." Jack brought over a plate with a few slices of dry toast, remembering how it had helped Ennis after their flight to Vermont.

"Thought so. This is dry toast, no butter. It'll help." Ennis felt a rush of gratitude towards him for being so thoughtful in the circumstances, despite his own issues.

"Thanks, Jack," he said to his husband, squeezing his hand. Jack nodded and went to retrieve the breakfast he'd prepared for them. He sat down and observed Junior eating the toast, seeing that it wasn't upsetting her stomach. Thinking that it would help her throat, Jack poured her a large glass of milk and nodded at her.

"It's okay. My mom used to give me this when I had a sore throat. It works." Junior took it and started gulping it down, leaving her fathers to smile at each other. Ennis couldn't believe how Jack had just taken charge like that; he'd been feeling lost as to what to do for her.

After breakfast, Ennis sidled up to Jack in the kitchen and kissed him on the cheek. "Thank you for doin' that, Jack. I reckon it did her good."

"Well...when I saw her like that this morning...just wanted to help. She okay?" They looked over at Junior, who was sat on the sofa. Ennis nodded.

"I think so...but you know what? I think I'm gonna take her to the doctor. Just to be on the safe side; you can't be too careful with kids. I'll just call the clinic an' let 'em know that I can't come in today." Jack nodded in agreement while Ennis pulled out his cell phone and started placing the call. "Hey, it's Ennis. Listen, I can't come in today; my daughter's sick an' I'm gonna take her to the doctor's..."

Jack couldn't help but feel slighted; he was capable of taking care of Junior today and just because he had certain issues didn't mean he was irresponsible.

Ennis finished the call and looked at him. "Got the day off." Jack looked back at him.

"How come you didn't ask me to look after her?" he asked, eyes slightly narrowed. Ennis shook his head.

"It's more important for you to go in right now; you've got that portfolio to finish up." To his relief, a quick look through had told him that Jack really was up to date with it, and that it would be ready for October.

Jack didn't look away. "I could've missed a day. You not trust me with her now 'cos I'm going crazy?"

Ennis blinked and stepped forward. "Jack...you ain't goin' crazy. An' of course I trust you with her. But...I think it's better if I take her."

"Right, her biological father," Jack replied in a low voice. He then looked at his watch. "I need to get moving." He sighed and looked up at Ennis, seeing that he was a little hurt. "I'm sorry, okay?" he said softly, moving closer and kissing him on the cheek. "I didn't mean that. Hope it goes okay at the doctor's." Ennis nodded, knowing that Jack truly was sorry about it. He watched Jack leave, hoping that things weren't about to get even worse.

* * *

Jack was trying to work, but all he could think about was the events of the morning. Things had started off well for him, helping to take care of Junior. But they had taken a nosedive very quickly, and now he felt terrible. If he had felt bad before, it was even worse now.

He hated how he'd left things with Ennis; he could see the logic in Ennis taking Junior to the doctor; it was just the more practical option. Dr Richards was very accepting of their relationship and would have recognised that he was Ennis's husband and Junior's guardian, but still. Jack just wished he could take back what he'd said to Ennis; it was terrible even for him.

Jack knew that Ennis trusted him with Junior, so he wasn't sure why he'd felt the opposite earlier. Maybe it was because he'd been the one to help her at breakfast and then Ennis had taken over; it had reminded him that Ennis would always be her biological father, her real father. Jack tried to block out these thoughts but they kept assaulting his mind. Ever since that day at the girls' apartment, things had just gotten worse and worse.

He wanted to text Ennis with an apology, but he didn't know if Ennis would respond. For one thing, he could still be busy at the doctor's, but for another he could be ignoring Jack completely. Jack knew that this wasn't the case; he had to at least try. He knew he would regret it if nothing was said between them; they had always known that they needed to talk through their problems so as to head them off before they grew.

He picked up his phone and debated what to say; he wasn't sure what he could say that would make up for his words. Eventually, he decided on something that encompassed everything he wanted to say to Ennis.

_I love you, and I'm sorry xxx_

That would have to do, he figured. It was all he _could_ say. He put his phone back down, hoping for a result and praying that Ennis would forgive him.

At the doctor's, Junior was currently having a blood sample taken to try and determine what might be wrong. Alma had informed Ennis that she had had the major jabs done when she was younger, so that was something. But it didn't stop Junior from whimpering at the pain of the needle; he figured that she got that from him.

"S'alright," Ennis soothed her, stroking her hair. "Be over in a sec." The doctor placed a piece of cotton wool over the puncture and taped it in place. "There you go."

"You were very brave, Junior," Darren Richards told her, nodding. "Well, Ennis...should have the results in a few days; we're not busy at the moment. I'll call and let you know when we have something."

"Thanks, Darren," Ennis replied, shaking his hand. "Just hope it's nothin' serious. The last thing we need right now."

"I know, but try not to worry too much. Just make sure she eats properly, and gets some sleep. That's all I can really say right now. How's Jack doing? You said a little while ago that he's having problems...after your ex's visit." They left the room and went back out into the waiting area. Junior headed off to wait for Ennis in the kids' area.

"Yeah," Ennis sighed. "I told him to talk to Dr Green, the counsellor he's workin' with. But I dunno if he will. I'm worried about him...we had a little thing this mornin' about me not trustin' him to look after Junior. Asked me if it was 'cos he's goin' crazy." He didn't have many people that he could talk to about this, but he figured that a doctor was a safe bet.

"Right...you don't think he's crazy, do you?" Richard asked, but from what Ennis had told him he felt as if Jack really wasn't. Ennis shook his head.

"No...he's just havin' a rough time of it. Yeah, sometimes he has these thoughts. He keeps thinkin' bad things about himself 'cos of the whole thing with Alma, but he knows that they ain't true. That's the weird thing...he knows it ain't right an' that I don't think that about him. He just can't help it..."

Richard looked thoughtful. "He really should talk to Dr Green. I know her; she really knows her stuff and I bet she could help if someone talks to her about it. Do you think Jack will?"

"I don't know," Ennis sighed, watching as Junior had settled herself in the kids' corner. "Just...all I know is that it could get a whole lot worse if he really starts believin' all that stuff he's thinkin'. I hope he don't try to make me leave him; I'd hate to have to yell at him that I ain't budgin'."

"You could always knock him out if he tries it," Richard replied, trying to raise a smile. But Ennis shook his head.

"No...I ain't never hit him, an' I ain't startin' now." Richard nodded.

"I know. Just...trying to help you, Ennis. I like you guys and you're going through a lot of shit right now. Hope you can get it sorted."

"Thanks, Richard." Ennis's phone then buzzed in his pocket. "Oh, hang on..." He pulled it out and saw a message from Jack.

_I love you, and I'm sorry xxx _

Ennis smiled a little at the sight; Jack wasn't mad at him and he wasn't mad at Jack. They would be okay.

"See?" Richard encouraged when he saw the smile. "It'll work out." He clapped Ennis on the shoulder and walked off for his next patient; Ennis decided to text back and reassure Jack that everything was alright.

_It's okay, bud. Not mad at you, love you too xxx_

Satisfied with this, he collected Junior from the corner and they headed home, Ennis feeling a little more confident than before that things would work out.

* * *

The rest of the day was fairly normal, and the two men embraced in the kitchen when Jack got home. He apologised again for the morning's events and Ennis told him everything was okay between them. He just hoped that Jack hadn't been too affected by it.

They managed to have a normal evening with Junior, who was still feverish and had a sore throat. Ennis made them soup for dinner, thinking that she would be able to keep it down and that it was good comfort food for Jack.

Afterwards, they sat on the sofa together until it was Junior's bedtime. She didn't appear to be much better but Ennis knew that she needed to get some sleep. Jack locked up while Ennis got her into bed and then they returned to the sofa together.

"Been a long day," Ennis commented, placing his arm around Jack.

"Yeah...bet I didn't help much," he replied, still feeling terrible about what he'd said. Ennis gave him a gentle shake.

"Hey...don't think on it, Jack. Water under the bridge now; it don't matter anymore."

Jack bit his lip. "But...the things I said to you...I know they're not true but I said them anyway. What kind of person does that make me?"

Ennis wouldn't hear Jack put himself down like this, so decided to distract him. He leaned in and kissed Jack on the cheek, silently telling him to stop talking. Jack got the message and looked at him, seeing that Ennis didn't care about it anymore. "Ennis?"

"Just shush, Jack. Ain't no big deal, okay?" Their eyes bore into each other, as if they were trying to read each other's minds. Jack then nodded.

"Okay..." Ennis leaned in again and this time caught his lips, pressing his own to them firmly yet gently. Jack kissed back and tried to forget his fears. He knew that Ennis loved him so he just couldn't understand why he was so bothered by everything lately. He was blowing things out of proportion but couldn't seem to stop himself.

They rose off the sofa together, still kissing. Ennis felt a familiar desire rear up inside him and broke away. "Jack...you wanna?"

Jack looked down and saw that they were both aroused by now, and then met Ennis's eyes again. "Yeah," he replied, hoping that it would make him feel better. Ennis took his hands.

"Gonna make it okay if I can, darlin'," he said softly, starting to lead Jack to the bedroom. On their way, he kept kissing Jack and fondling him a little, trying to let Jack know that this wasn't just because there weren't any women in the vicinity. He was doing this because he loved Jack and wanted to show him.

They made it to their bedroom and Ennis held Jack's face in his hands; Jack had always loved that. He just wanted the old Jack back; the one who could be so sweet to him and be his best friend, but who could also make his toes curl and make him feel as if he was on fire. That Jack was still in there somewhere; Ennis could sense him and perhaps even see him when he looked into those blue eyes. He was trying to draw that person out again and somehow fix everything. The usual light in Jack's eyes had long since died.

Ennis sat Jack down on the edge of the bed and started to strip him, taking it slowly and looking into Jack's face. "Gonna be okay, bud," he murmured, pulling Jack's shirt off and throwing it to the corner. Jack nodded and gave a small smile.

"Yeah." He lifted his hips so that Ennis could pull his jeans off and then watched as Ennis removed his own clothes. Jack reached out to him and tugged at his wrists. "Come on..."

They crawled up the bed and Ennis leaned over Jack, watching him. Jack felt like glass right now; something that had to be handled carefully because it could easily break. He didn't want that to happen. "Reckon I know what'll work, darlin'," he said softly, and Jack raised his eyebrows. Ennis moved down his body and disappeared under the sheets, heading for his target. Jack gulped because he knew how good it was when Ennis went down on him, but also because he wondered if Ennis truly enjoyed it. Ennis had always told him so, but now he had to wonder.

Under the dark sheets, Ennis found what he was looking for and went to work. He began to slowly suck at Jack, caressing his lover's lower stomach as he did so and feeling Jack buck at his touch. Jack was grasping the bars of the headboard as Ennis lavished attention on him, feeling as if his head was about to split open. "Oh...God, Ennis..." he choked out, breathing heavily.

Ennis was jerking himself off as he tried to bring Jack to orgasm, feeling the familiar warmth in his stomach as pre-come leaked out of Jack. He lapped it up like a cat drinking milk and this made Jack even more aroused.

Just as Jack was mere seconds away from climaxing, they heard Junior calling for Ennis. He froze, knowing that Ennis had heard it and would respond. "Shit," he muttered, feeling disappointed. Ennis's head reappeared and he looked at Jack sorrowfully.

"I'm sorry," he murmured as he got up, pulling his jeans back on and trying to will his erection back down. "Sorry, darlin'..." He kissed Jack on the cheek and left the room to tend to his daughter.

Jack was painfully aroused by now and yearning for release. He staggered off the bed and went into the bathroom, jerking himself off weakly for the physical need if nothing else.

When Ennis came back from Junior's room, he found Jack curled up in bed and facing away from the door. Thinking that Jack was asleep, he got back in and decided to leave Jack to it. He didn't know that Jack was only pretending to sleep as tears hit his pillow.


	20. Chapter 20

**Chapter 20**

_September 18th, 2009_

On Friday morning, Darren called to say that they had the results of Junior's blood test, and that they needed to bring her in as soon as they could. Ennis was unable to take a second day off in the same week, so Jack offered to do it. Remembering their argument on this topic, Ennis agreed and assured Jack that he trusted him. He didn't want to cause another fight with Jack; it just wasn't worth it.

The week had been as slow as ever after the events of Monday night. The morning after, Ennis had apologised to Jack again, but Jack simply told him that it was no big deal. Ennis knew he was lying but decided not to press the issue. They did manage to give each other oral on Tuesday night to make up for it, and had even had full sex just last night, but Jack remained slightly distant. Ennis couldn't tell if Jack was truly enjoying sex anymore or if he was just going along with it because he felt like they had to.

Truth be told, he was starting to feel stressed. He couldn't switch off the thoughts running around his head, Junior was ill and now his sex life with Ennis was suffering. Everything was going downhill and he felt powerless to stop it.

But he tried not to worry as he sat with Junior in the waiting room, wondering what the results of the test showed. He hoped that it wasn't something too serious and was treatable. When they were called in, Darren looked surprised to see him. "Hey, Jack. Where's Ennis?"

"He couldn't get another day off in the same week, so...I offered to do it," Jack replied. He knew that Ennis trusted him to do it, but he wanted to prove it to himself.

"Well...Ennis told me what happened that morning. Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'll be fine," Jack told him, nodding. "So...what's the score?"

Darren sighed. "Well, I had hoped to speak to both of you, but I'm sure you can pass this on to Ennis. I'm afraid Junior has tonsillitis." Jack's eyes widened and he looked at the young girl sat next to him. The word meant nothing to her, he knew, but Ennis would panic. This was exactly what they didn't need.

"God...that explains the sore throat and the throwing up."

"Yeah. Very common in children, and it's treatable. Just one of those things that happens to children."

Jack nodded, trying to shoulder some responsibility. "Okay. So what do we need to do?"

"I've written out a prescription for antibiotics; you can get them from the pharmacy. If we find that they don't work, I can put her on stronger ones. They tend to work in most cases of tonsillitis."

"What if they don't?" Jack asked, dreading the answer.

"Then...she would need to have her tonsils removed. If it gets too bad and the antibiotics don't work, she could end up with breathing problems and we don't want that. So surgery is the final option. But it might not come to that; she should respond to the drugs."

Jack nodded. "Okay. I can sign for the prescription, right?"

"Yeah. Through your marriage to Ennis and that you guys have custody, you're legally her guardian. But...you may want to consider signing the papers that Junior's mother gave you, just to be on the safe side."

_Adoption, _Jack thought to himself. There was no way he could do that yet, not with the way he was feeling. He was so conflicted right now and wasn't in the right frame of mind to be signing anything. "Well...I dunno about that right now. If needs be, Ennis can get them after today."

"Fair enough," Darren replied, knowing that he couldn't put pressure on Jack. Ennis had told him that he was giving Jack the space and time to come to that decision by himself. "Anyway, here's the prescription. Come back in a couple of weeks and we'll see if there's any improvement."

Jack nodded and took the paper, looking at it. He did feel good about taking this on and doing something for Junior by himself, but he did wish that it could be under better circumstances. She didn't deserve to be ill; she hadn't done anything wrong.

He felt Junior grasp his hand again as they headed for the pharmacy. She was completely dependent on him right now and the thought terrified him.

Just as they reached the building, Jack heard a familiar voice and turned to see Amy. "Hey, how come you're not at work?" she asked him as she reached them.

"Junior had a blood test on Monday 'cos she's ill and we got the results today. Ennis couldn't get a second day off."

"Oh...is everything okay?"

"No...she's got tonsillitis," Jack informed her, and Amy looked down at Junior.

"Oh, honey..." She crouched down and stroked Junior's reddish-brown hair. "You feeling okay?" Junior shook her head and Jack watched them as they talked. How was it that everybody but him could bond so easily with the young girl?

"She's gotta take antibiotics," he informed Amy as she stood up.

"Right. Does Ennis know?"

"He'll be coming home at lunch; I'll tell him then." Amy nodded and grasped his shoulder.

"I know that things haven't been easy for you lately, Jack. Just...try to keep on going, you know? I'm sure that everything will work out in the end." Jack half-smiled at her and then watched her walk away, hoping that she was right.

He got the antibiotics and then took Junior home, sensing that she was tired and needed to rest. While she slept in her room, Jack decided to sit on the sofa with his laptop and talk to Lureen for a while; he knew that today was her day off and she was likely to be at home. She had always been there when he needed to talk to someone and he hoped that she could help him now.

* * *

Ennis came home for lunch as agreed, and Jack was dreading having to inform him what was wrong with Junior. This was the last thing they needed right now and he hoped that the antibiotics would work.

She was still asleep in her room when Ennis came in, and Jack had just finished talking to Lureen online. She was doing well in New York and was ready to listen to Jack as he talked about what was going on. She knew that things weren't easy for them right now and she told him that he had to try and work things out with Ennis.

Just as he was thinking about this while preparing lunch, he heard footsteps outside the door and Ennis walked in. Jack couldn't help but smile at the sight of him despite what was going on. "Hey."

"Hey, bud," Ennis replied, moving over to the kitchen and giving Jack a kiss on the lips. "So...?"

"You better sit down," Jack told him, and Ennis took a seat at the island, wanting to know what was wrong with their daughter. Jack sighed. "She's got tonsillitis, Ennis."

Ennis rubbed his forehead, taking it in. "Shit. What did Darren say?"

"He's prescribed antibiotics, and I gave her the first dose when we got back. She's sleeping right now."

Ennis nodded. "Okay. Will they work?"

"Darren reckons they will, but there's some stronger ones available if they don't. And...if they don't work they'll have to remove her tonsils altogether. You know, surgery."

Ennis lowered his eyes, worrying about his little girl and hoping that she wouldn't have to go through that. "Shit," he repeated, and Jack nodded.

"I know. I dreaded telling you, Ennis...I knew it'd hurt you and...I don't like hurting you." Ennis looked up at him, seeing an image of the old Jack there. He looked genuinely concerned for her wellbeing.

"Bud...ain't your fault. Ain't like you made her sick."

"I know, but..." Jack shrugged, unsure of himself. "I just...we're going through a lot of stuff right now and...now we've got this to deal with too." He took a deep breath and looked into Ennis's eyes. "I know it's been hard on you, having to deal with me and what's going on in my head. I haven't been fair to you, Ennis. Been so caught up in how I'm feeling that I just haven't stopped to think about you. I'm really sorry about that..."

Ennis stood up and walked around the island to Jack, placing his hands on Jack's shoulders. "Darlin'...it's okay. You don't mean to be that way, an' I know that. When I decided that I wanted to marry you, I knew it wouldn't be easy. I knew we could have some tough times ahead. But I proposed to you anyway, didn't I? Then I married you knowin' it wouldn't be easy. I knew what I was signin' on for, Jack."

Jack rested his hands on Ennis's arms. "Yeah, but...when we got the results earlier, I got to thinking about all of this. It would be a lot easier for you if you had less to deal with, so-"

"Wait," Ennis replied, starting to panic. "Are you talkin' about leavin' me?"

Jack's eyes widened. "What? No, Ennis...no way. I didn't mean that." Ennis felt his heart rate return to normal. "What I meant was...you can't deal with all of this on your own. So...I'm gonna try and...just be there for you. I'm gonna talk to Emily about what's bothering me and try to get some help. I haven't been feeling like myself lately, and...it's time I did something about it instead of piling it all on you. You've got nobody looking after you right now. That should be my job, 'cos we're married."

Ennis was taken aback; Jack had actually suggested talking to Emily himself, without any prompting. And he was willing to take control of his life again and be there for his family, which was more than Ennis had expected.

"Jack...I dunno what to say," he admitted, cupping Jack's face. "Didn't expect this."

"I know. Been thinking on it all morning. Junior needs both of us right now. Her...parents." The word still felt strange to say, but he would work on that. He knew that he needed to. He smiled a little. "Talked to Amy earlier, spoke to Lureen online...they're both certain that we can work through this. Our friends have got faith in us, and they can see we're supposed to be together. Can't go disappointing them, right?"

Ennis nodded, seeing that Jack meant every word he was saying. Jack clearly knew that he needed help, and Ennis was relieved that he seemed to understand that now.

"Darlin'...thank you," he replied finally, pulling Jack close and embracing him. He just wanted the love of his life back, and now it looked as if he would get that. "I love you, Jack," he murmured, the words like music to Jack's ears.

"I love you too," he said softly, enjoying the feeling of Ennis's arms around him. He felt like how he used to; as if nothing could hurt him when Ennis was here. For the first time in three months, he felt more like himself and less like some outsider that didn't belong in a happy family.

There was a sound by the door and they broke apart to see Junior standing there, rubbing sleep out of her eyes. "Daddy?" she asked tiredly, and Ennis let go of Jack with a kiss to his cheek. He picked Junior up and let her hold onto him while Jack returned to making lunch, a smile on his face.

Ennis sat with Junior while they were waiting for lunch, telling her that everything was going to be okay. He told her that he and Jack would take care of her and he felt better about the future now, after Jack's speech. Things had been going well until Alma's visit, and now maybe they could pick up where they'd left off.

* * *

Two days later, Jack was starting to feel the pressure. Junior was still sick and although he'd promised Ennis to try and help, it was harder than he'd thought it would be. He tried to distract himself from his thoughts by helping Ennis with her, but it wasn't working as well as he'd hoped.

By some miracle, he and Ennis had managed to have good sex the night before. He'd actually enjoyed it very much and he knew that Ennis could see that. Ennis had made him feel wonderful as they'd made love, showering him with kisses as he moved inside him. Jack recalled looking up into Ennis's face and seeing a look of pure adoration in his eyes.

The memory warmed his heart, but it was the only part of the last two days that had been good. Ennis spent most of his time taking care of Junior, and Jack was trying not to feel resentful of this. Every time he did, he ended up feeling worse about himself. His self-esteem was taking a nosedive and he knew that Ennis could see it. He hated how Ennis had to deal with so much on his own and that was why he'd been trying to help, but it was hard.

As a result, he had asked to talk to Emily and was now sitting in her office, waiting for her to arrive. If anybody could help him, it would be her. He just hoped that it wouldn't have an adverse effect on his employment.

Emily entered the room and smiled at him. "Hey, Jack. I'm glad you came to see me."

"You are? Why?" he asked as she sat on the other side of the desk. She sighed.

"I know you, Jack. I can tell that something's been bothering you lately and...I hoped you would come to me about it. You want to tell me what's going on?"

Jack nodded. "Well...it started when Ennis's ex Alma came to visit Junior."

He told her everything; about how he had seen Ennis and Alma with Junior and looking like a family. He described his feelings of paranoia where their marriage was concerned, terrified that Ennis was going to leave him purely to have more biological children. He told her that Ennis had assured him he wasn't going anywhere and that he was now scared he was becoming too much of a burden for Ennis.

"Anyway, now Junior's been diagnosed with tonsillitis and it's a lot for him to deal with. I don't wanna leave him, but...I've gotta do something. I promised him that I was gonna help him with her, and I've been trying. But..." He trailed off, unsure of how to carry on. "It's hard. I know I need to get help, so that's why I came to you. I'm hoping that you can help me, Emily. Before things get worse than they already are. I mean, what if we start fighting? I don't..." He shook his head. "I don't wanna lose him."

"Alright," Emily replied, trying to make sense of everything he'd told her. "Jack...the first thing you need to get in your head is that Ennis loves you. He chose you, and maybe things would have been different if Alma had told him back then that she was having his baby. But the point is...that didn't happen. She didn't tell him, so he was able to stay with you. If we all were to dwell on what might have been in our lives we'd never move forward. All you can focus on is what did happen. If you carry on wondering...you will get even more paranoid. Just remind yourself that Ennis decided to be with you. That can't have been an easy decision for him, considering where he's from. But he did it anyway for you."

"I know," Jack agreed. "But I just...the thing is, I know these thoughts I'm having about myself aren't true. I know I'm not some kind of monster who ruined his life and all that stuff. But I just...I can't seem to stop these thoughts and doubts. I don't know what to do anymore and it's driving me crazy."

"Maybe you just need to calm down and stop thinking about things too much," Emily advised him. "Just step back and breathe. Maybe you two should have another trip away together or something to clear your heads. Your trip to Vermont worked until Alma showed up, right?"

"Yeah, it did," he said with a nod. "But I don't think we could do that now, with Junior being ill. I just wish that things could get back to how they used to be...but that's not gonna happen now."

"You need to try and move past this, Jack," Emily told him, seeing in his eyes how lost and alone he felt. "You love Ennis, right?"

"Of course I do," he replied, looking at her. "Love him more than anything."

"Then you need to focus on how much you love each other. Remember the good times you've had, and you'll probably make it through this rough patch. But if you do need to talk, I'm always here as your friend. And don't worry about your internship; I won't hold this against you when you're considered for paid employment. Your work isn't suffering right now, but you do need to be in the right frame of mind for this field. So I would advise you to just...try and keep calm about things. If you start to worry about anything, talk to Ennis. Or talk to me. You're not alone, Jack."

Jack nodded at her. He knew deep down that she was right, but he couldn't quite shake off the feeling that he and Ennis were growing apart. They didn't have sex as much as they used to, and when they did it wasn't always the way it used to be.

But apart from that, he felt like he was slipping away beyond their help. He was trying to remain strong, but it became more and more difficult with each day that passed.

* * *

Later, Jack was trying to get some work done. His portfolio was almost finished and the war veteran they were trying to help seemed to be getting better. He was certainly a lot calmer from when they had first met him, and Jack was genuinely happy for him. He just wished his own life could be improving.

His talk with Emily had shown him that he did need help and that she was willing to try, but Jack knew that he couldn't do it alone. He would need to somehow approach Ennis and directly ask him for his support; while he knew that Ennis was trying to help him anyway, he felt the need to ask by himself.

He was absolutely dreading what could happen if they didn't sort this out soon; he didn't want to be without Ennis because that wouldn't fix anything. He knew for sure that they were better off together and that he had to make the effort to keep them that way. He hated to think that he was becoming a burden to Ennis and vowed to try and avoid that.

Not knowing what else to do, he found himself calling his mother. She would be there with a kind word and sound advice, which he needed right now. He wished he could go to Ennis, but he couldn't bring himself to do that when that was where his problems lay.

"Karen Twist," she answered, making Jack's heart ache for her.

"Hey, mom," he replied wearily.

"Jack!" she said, sounding surprised to hear from him. "Honey, good to hear from you."

"Yeah...I know it's been a while..."

"Jack? You don't sound too good...everything okay?"

"Not really. Still feeling messed up about everything, to tell you the truth. Ennis is trying to help me, but...it's hard for me to talk to him right now."

"Are you still having those thoughts about yourself?" she asked, and he sighed.

"Yep. I know they don't make any sense at all, but I just can't...I don't know how to shut them off. And every time Ennis comes near me...I like having him near but then I start feeling horrible about everything again. It's hurting him and I don't...I don't know what to do."

"Jack..." his mother sighed. "Look, you have to do something about this. It's not right for you to be thinking those things about yourself when you know they're not true. Ennis thinks the world of you and I'm not surprised that your behaviour hurts him. Think about how you would feel if your situations were reversed."

Jack knew he wouldn't be able to cope with Ennis acting like this, and he wondered how Ennis put up with it. "I know. It'd tear me up to see him doing something like this to himself. I, um...I talked to Emily about it. You know, the counsellor I'm working with. She told me I have to try and open up to Ennis about it. That we should talk until he can convince me that everything's okay."

"Are you going to?"

"I don't know if I can...I don't wanna lose him, but I'm feeling...that I am anyway. I keep thinking that sooner or later he's gonna wonder why he puts up with it, and he'll leave."

"You don't know that," she told him firmly. "I'm sure Ennis wants to help you no matter what. He's probably more concerned about you and what you're doing to your self-esteem. He's probably terrified of losing you to this...paranoia. You studied Psychology for six years, Jack. You ought to be aware of what this can do to a person."

"I'm not gonna do anything stupid," he told her. The thought had never crossed his mind, for he knew that he would be leaving Ennis with a broken heart and he would never be able to rest in peace for it. "I just...I've gotta find a way to deal with what's going on. And, um...there's something else you should know. Junior...she's got tonsillitis."

"Oh, the poor thing," his mother sympathised. Jack knew that she had really taken to her granddaughter, as had his father. His brother hadn't reported any pattering of tiny feet yet, so Junior was the only grandchild she had right now. "Is she gonna be okay?"

"Hope so; the doctor prescribed antibiotics. And there's always the surgery if they don't work. But it's a lot of stress and I told Ennis I'm gonna try and work out my issues so he has less to deal with. I'm trying, but...it's not easy."

"I know, honey. But...you three have to stick together now. You all need each other because you're a family. Even you and Junior, Jack. You're her parent whether you want to accept it or not."

"I know, mom," he replied quietly. "I really am trying and I want to do this. I'm sick of feeling so bad about myself and doubting everything. I know I need help, but I'll have to talk to Ennis before I can do it. I need him the most if this is gonna work."

"Maybe...you could try some kind of therapy," she suggested. "Like...couples' therapy or something. It's worth a try."

"Yeah, maybe," he replied, storing the thought away for later; he was willing to try anything to save their marriage. "Anyway, I...I better get back to work. Been good talking to you, mom. Give my best to everyone, okay?"

"Of course. And love to everybody over there, okay?"

"Yep, bye." He hung up and looked at his phone; the wallpaper was a picture of himself and Ennis on the beach. Not just any picture; it had been taken during their wedding. There they stood, with their arms around each other and their future before them. Neither of them could have known what would happen, but Jack knew he couldn't let this destroy them. He would never give Ennis up without a fight, and he would never give up on the best thing that had ever happened to him.

* * *

_September 22nd, 2009_

Two days later, things seemed calmer. Jack was yet to ask Ennis for his help regarding some kind of therapy, but he was doing his best to work up the courage. It was inevitable that he had to do this; nothing else was going to work. The only alternative was to either leave or tell Ennis to go; he knew that he could do neither no matter how hard he tried to. He simply didn't want to live without Ennis.

Because Junior was missing out on kindergarten, they asked for the teacher to come by the apartment every day to spend time with Junior so she didn't feel left out. At the moment, Kate was sitting with Junior while they prepared dinner together. Ennis nudged Jack gently and smiled at him encouragingly.

"You feelin' okay?" he asked, seeing that Jack appeared to be lost in thought. Jack nodded.

"Yeah, I guess. Just...a lot on my mind right now. Um...listen, I know it's your birthday in a few days. I already bought you something, but...I was wondering if you wanted to do anything."

Ennis was touched by Jack's offer in spite of what he was going through, and he knew he couldn't ask too much of him right now. "Well...we don't have to do a whole lot. I'd be happy for us to just go for dinner together. Don't need nothin' special when I've got you."

Jack's cheeks reddened and he looked away. The words still warmed his heart and he knew that he had to hold on to moments like this; they were the ones that could bat away the negative thoughts. "Okay. Um...dinner, then. And...when we get back..." He trailed off, suddenly unsure of how to broach this subject. It was always there, at the back of his mind.

"We don't have to if you can't," Ennis told him gently, resting a hand on Jack's arm. "You know I don't wanna put pressure on you." He would never force Jack into sex; he would rather get hit by a Mack truck.

Jack smiled at him. "I know. But...I'm thinking...I might be able to. Been a few days since we last...and God knows it'd be good." This wasn't entirely true; he still enjoyed making love with Ennis but something was missing. Deep down, Jack knew it was a problem with him. His heart wasn't entirely in it and he was full of doubts. He kept hoping that if they did it enough times and tried to be how they used to, then maybe it would work out. He needed Ennis to remind him of how good it could be between them. "I, um...you know I like doing it with you."

"Yeah, I got that," Ennis replied, smirking. He could see shades of the old Jack shining through now and then, and this gave him hope. He kissed Jack on the cheek, stroking his arm. When he pulled away, he then stroked his thumb over the mole above Jack's lip. "Always liked this," he mused, and Jack shrugged. Ennis had always liked the mole and he'd never understood why.

"Nothing special," he protested, but Ennis shook his head.

"Everythin' about you...is special, Jack," he replied, and Jack felt a lump growing in his throat. Caught off-guard by the tender words, he moved forward into Ennis's arms and held on tightly. Ennis held him close; he knew that his words had thrown Jack and even though he hadn't meant to make him emotional, Ennis knew that Jack needed to hear things like this again. Jack needed to know what he was feeling in his heart.

When Jack stopped trembling, he pulled away with a watery smile. "Ennis...can't believe you just..." Ennis cupped his cheeks, smiling and letting his eyes roam over Jack's face.

"Reckon you need to hear this stuff, Jack. I'm thinkin'...it might help. You keep thinkin' horrible things about yourself...maybe I can help you to stop by tellin' you good things about yourself. You see?" He stroked Jack's skin, every part of him wanting to help this wonderful man who had given him everything he'd ever wanted. There had been times in their past when Jack had taken care of him; when Jack had been the strong one. Now it was his turn because Jack simply couldn't do it now. He would protect Jack and help him as much as he could.

"Ennis...I...I love you," Jack whispered, taking deep breaths to try and calm himself.

"I love you too, Jack," Ennis replied, making sure that he was clear.

"You were right just now...I really need your help if I'm gonna get through this..."

Ennis nodded. "Gonna do it, Jack. I'll help you however I can. If you need therapy, I'll be there. If you fall, I'll be there to catch you. An'...if I can't, I'll help you get better. I'll be there every day until you're healthy again."

Jack sniffed and nodded, feeling Ennis wipe away the tears in his eyes. "Ennis...you're a good man. And...I know I'm never gonna get rid of you. I don't want to...and I'm glad that you're digging your heels in and not going anywhere."

"That's right; I'm not. Stayin' right by your side, bud." He kissed Jack as firmly as he could while staying gentle, and he finally felt Jack start to relax. "Now then...let's get back to talkin' about my birthday. What've you bought me?"

Jack finally laughed; it was only short and his eyes were still red as he did it, but Ennis loved to hear it anyway. "You're gonna have to wait," he replied, smiling.

"Too old for surprises," Ennis replied, seeing that this was doing Jack some good. Jack shook his head.

"No you're not. I know you'll be doing the same thing for my birthday, so it's only fair." He nodded at Ennis. "Thanks, cowboy." He hugged Ennis again, this time out of happiness and gratitude. Ennis rubbed his back, surer than ever that Jack was finding his way back to him.


	21. Chapter 21

**Chapter 21**

_September 26th, 2009_

Ennis's birthday fell on a Saturday this year, and he woke up to find himself alone in bed. Wondering where Jack had got to, he got out of bed and pulled his jeans on; a glance at the alarm clock told him that it was still early.

He looked in on Junior as he passed her room; she was still fast asleep. Following the sounds coming from the kitchen, Ennis walked through to find Jack making breakfast. "Jack?"

Jack jumped and turned to look at him. "Shit, I wanted to surprise you. Wanted to bring you breakfast in bed..." Ennis gave him a loving look and moved close to him.

"Darlin'...you didn't have to do that." Jack shook his head.

"I wanted to...especially after everything. I wanted us to have a normal morning..."

Seeing that it meant a lot to Jack, more than he was letting on, Ennis nodded. "Okay, then. I'll go back to bed an' wait for you. An' you can join me." Jack smiled and nodded back, kissing him quickly before turning back to the food.

He joined Ennis about ten minutes later with a laden tray, feeling slightly nervous. He'd wanted to do this for Ennis in the light of what was going on, and he was happy that Ennis was letting him do it despite now being awake. He got back into bed and they sat up together with the tray between them, looking forward to a quiet morning before they had to get up.

"This looks great," Ennis told him, squeezing his hand. "I appreciate it, Jack." They started eating, just enjoying the comfortable silence between them and thinking about the day before them.

"You still wanna go for dinner later?" Jack asked, looking at him. "You okay with leaving Junior with the girls?"

"Yeah, reckon so," Ennis replied. "She should start respondin' to them drugs soon, right?"

"That's what Darren said. But there's always the chance..." He trailed off, not wanting to remind Ennis of what could happen. Ennis nudged him gently.

"We'll deal with it," he told Jack. "Together." Jack nodded and they continued eating.

After they'd finished, Ennis put the tray on the floor and kissed Jack warmly, cupping his cheeks. "Thank you," he said softly, making Jack's cheeks redden.

"You're welcome," he replied, grinning hesitantly. "Are things gonna be okay, Ennis? I mean...so much has happened and now there's this with Junior...I know it's not easy..."

"It's not," Ennis agreed, now taking his hands. "But it's okay. We're gonna be fine, Jack." He kissed him again, drawing a sigh out of Jack as their tongues found each other. Kissing Jack had always felt like a privilege to him; that he was allowed to make contact with that mouth. He practically worshipped the ground that Jack walked on, and yet Jack still had doubts about his qualities as a person. All he could do was show Jack how he felt about him.

A little later, they left the bedroom and woke Junior up. She was tired and clearly still not feeling well, so they gave her some breakfast and told her she could stay in bed until that evening. They knew that the girls would take care of her and they were only a phone call away if needed, so Ennis felt okay about leaving her with them.

When Junior had gone back to bed, the two men sat on the sofa together to watch the movies that were scheduled. Jack brought a small package out of his pocket and looked shyly at Ennis. "I, um...happy birthday, bud," he managed to say, and Ennis took the package. Smiling at Jack, he opened it up to find a small snow globe. Inside were the figurines of two cowboys; one with blonde hair and a tan hat, the other with black hair and a black hat. To Ennis's mind, they looked just like him and Jack. There was a small tent next to the figures, who were clearly having a snowball fight.

"Where'd you get this?" he murmured, looking at it and marvelling at the detail. Jack smiled.

"At a little gift shop in town. I know we don't really have snow here, but..." Ennis kissed him on the cheek.

"I love it, Jack. Thank you...they look just like us."

"That's what I thought when I bought it. I know I've never been a cowboy like you, but still. If I was, I think I'd like a black hat just like that one. And we've had snowball fights before, so..."

"Yeah." Ennis shook it and then set it on the coffee table, watching the snow fall around the figures and smiling at it. "They look happy...just like us."

Jack rested his head on Ennis's shoulder, sighing. "Yeah. I mean, I know things are kinda messed up right now, and we've got a lot to deal with. But...there's still nowhere else in the world I'd rather be right now. I am happy with you, Ennis, even with everything..."

Ennis put an arm around Jack, squeezing him. "I know, darlin'. I'm happy too...swear to God I am." He kissed Jack's temple just as the first movie was starting, and they settled down to get comfortable.

As they sat together, they thought about what was going on in their lives right now. Jack had more than once contemplated talking to Ennis about couples' therapy; he knew that Ennis would agree to it if he asked, but that was just it. He didn't know if he _could_ ask. He had told Ennis that he needed his help for recovery, but he wasn't sure how to go about actually getting help.

Still, he sat there with Ennis holding him protectively and thought about just how lucky he was to have this man in his life. He wouldn't trade this kind of life for anything and he knew that if he could just move past his thoughts and doubts, everything would be as good as it was before.

* * *

When they got back from dinner later that evening, Jack felt more aroused than he had for a while. He couldn't keep his lips away from Ennis's neck as they tried to get the door open, and Ennis kept fumbling with the key.

"Steady on, Jack. Can't get the door open." Jack let him go long enough to get them inside, but was soon on him again. He grinned when Ennis looked at him.

"Can't help it. Just feeling horny tonight." Ennis smirked and grabbed his ass in two handfuls.

"That so?" Turning serious for a moment, he brought his hands up to Jack's waist. "Bud, I wanna do it, but...I want you to be sure that you're up to it. You sure about this?"

Jack nodded, taking a deep breath. "Yeah, I am. Been a while, and...I wanna do it. Um...if it's okay, can I...?" He felt an inexplicable need to be inside Ennis; to make love to him and enjoy this good mood he was in while it lasted.

"Sure, if you can," Ennis replied, nodding. They kissed deeply and started walking towards the bedroom, both of them hard by now and ready to do this.

In their bedroom, Jack was busy removing Ennis's shirt, his fingers undoing the buttons as Ennis kissed his neck. "I want you," he murmured. "Wanna..."

Ennis shrugged his shirt off and did the same to Jack, throwing it to the floor. "Come on, Jack..." He took his husband's hand and led him to the bed. Even though Jack would be on top tonight, Ennis got the sense that he still needed some help with this. They managed to kick off their jeans and footwear, bare skin touching and sending a jolt through both of them. Ennis's legs slid against Jack's as sweat started to form. It had been a long time since Jack had been able to top him, certainly before Alma's visit.

He rolled over onto his back and pulled Jack over him, kissing him deeply and feeling the arousal flow through him. He didn't know how to say this, but sometimes he felt as if he needed to be taken care of in the way he took care of Jack. Sometimes he just needed to feel his lover inside him, and he'd missed the feeling.

Jack grabbed the lube and smoothed it over himself, dizzy with lust as he set about what he wanted to do. He pushed Ennis's legs apart and guided them around his waist, biting his lip and hoping that he could do this. He could tell that Ennis needed this, and he did too. He needed to feel some kind of control right now, and he was grateful to Ennis for allowing it.

He pushed in slowly, trying to bat away the negative thoughts that attacked his mind as he made contact. He knew that they were wrong; that he was a good person and not a monster. When he looked down into Ennis's eyes, warm and full of trust, he took a deep breath. "I..." He had told Ennis about these thoughts in his head, as if they were whispering to him. He was starting to wonder if he had schizophrenia after all. But he didn't think so; they were in his own voice, not others.

"It's okay, Jack," Ennis soothed him, grasping his arms. "Don't listen to them; look at me. Listen to me, Jack. You're a good man...an' I love you. Come on." Jack nodded and batted the thoughts away, instead continuing to push inside Ennis until he was fully sheathed. "It's okay..."

Jack smiled down at him and started to move, taking it slowly so that he could enjoy this. Being inside Ennis again felt wonderful, and he sank down to let Ennis hold him close as they moved together, sighing. "I missed this...missed you..."

"Me too," Ennis replied, kissing Jack's face as they rocked together. "I love you, baby..." Jack picked up the pace and kept reminding himself of Ennis's love for him; it was enough to keep the thoughts at bay for now. Whatever happened after didn't matter right now; all he wanted to think about was this moment and this man.

"Ennis...I love you...you're...everything I need...those voices don't know a damn thing," he whispered, almost defiantly. Ennis squeezed him, his erection rubbing against Jack's stomach and knowing that it wouldn't take long.

"They don't," he agreed, knowing how scary those voices could be for Jack. "They're just thoughts, Jack...they can't hurt you...I'm right here an'...I'd never let anythin' hurt you..." Jack trembled as he moved, both from emotion and arousal as he neared the edge.

He gave a few more hard thrusts and was there, shooting into Ennis deeply and groaning in his ear. He felt a lot better than he had in weeks and was dimly aware of fluid hitting his stomach; Ennis had climaxed too. Jack sank down onto Ennis's chest, breathing heavily.

"I...I..." he stammered, once more trying to keep a hold on himself. Ennis stroked his back.

"Shh...it's okay. That was damn good, Jack. You okay?" Jack rose up and managed to smile, the thoughts fading from his mind as he made eye contact with the man he loved.

"Yeah, I'm okay. Thanks, Ennis...you helped me a lot just now. Those thoughts...they scare me."

"I know. You sure you're not developing schizophrenia?" he asked, eyes roaming over Jack's face. Jack shook his head and pulled out.

"Don't think so. I even asked Emily. She says that if the thoughts and voices are like...in my voice, and sound like me, then it's not. It's only that if the voices sound like other people, which they don't. She didn't say what it could be, though. Maybe some kind of paranoia. People do get diagnosed with that these days."

Ennis nodded. "Makes sense. But you've got nothin' to worry about, Jack. I ain't thinkin' of leavin' you, ever. Wouldn't be happy without you, bud." He brought Jack's face close to his and kissed him with all the love he could muster.

* * *

Two days later, Ennis and Jack both noticed that Junior's condition didn't seem to be improving. Full of concern, Ennis had decided to call Darren and book another appointment to take her in, thinking that she would need the stronger antibiotics after all.

He hoped that things would get better soon; Jack's cheery demeanour of the past had all but vanished lately. Ennis barely recognised him anymore but knew he had to try and help. He could sometimes see the old Jack there, and prayed that something would help Jack to snap out of what was going on in his head.

While Jack had been sleeping that morning, Ennis had gone onto the laptop and tried to look up Jack's symptoms, just to get an idea of what it could be. Emily had said that it wasn't schizophrenia, which was the disorder most people tended to associate with internal voices. Assuming that Jack had told him the truth about what she'd said, he tried to figure out alternatives. There was a lot he didn't understand given that this wasn't his field, but there was still a chance that he could help.

As he'd looked through the pages of results, he'd realised that he was no nearer to a conclusion than before. There were simply too many things it could be and he was no psychiatrist; Jack needed a professional who knew these things.

He tried not to worry too much as he sat in Darren's office with Junior, thinking of Jack who had decided to stay at home. He'd worried that Jack would hurt himself if left alone, so he had hidden away anything sharp or dangerous. He just couldn't risk it, even though Jack had never expressed such thoughts.

Darren entered the office and sat down on the other side of the desk, distracting him. "So, you think the drugs aren't working?"

"Doesn't look like it," Ennis replied, shaking his head. "She's still real sick an' she was complainin' about a headache this mornin'."

"Alright. Well, I'm certain that these ones will work for her, Ennis. The only thing is...these could take longer to have an effect. That might not make much sense, given their strength, but...you see, Junior's system will have to get used to them before they can start to do their job. Considering her age, this could take a little while. What we don't want is for her system to reject them altogether. I'm thinking it could take close to a month before we see any results."

Ennis nodded, feeling sorry for his little girl but knowing that he was doing everything he could to help her. "Okay, then. We'll take the stronger ones."

"Right." Darren took out a prescription slip and wrote down the details. "Here you go; you can get them from the pharmacy like the others. Call me about once a week and let me know how it goes, okay? I wanted to ask...how's Jack doing?"

Ennis sighed. "Not too good. I put all the knives away before comin' out 'cos I thought...you know." Darren nodded. "He's...havin' those thoughts still. But now they're more like voices, he says. He said he talked to Emily an' she says it ain't schizophrenia, but I dunno if he's tellin' me the truth or not. Tried lookin' up his symptoms but...there's so much out there that it could be. I ain't no expert."

"He needs someone to diagnose him," Darren said, as gently as he could because he knew how sensitive a subject this was. "A psychiatrist, perhaps. Maybe Emily could refer him to one, but that can only happen if he allows it. If he refuses, it can only happen if he becomes a danger to himself or others. He'd have to be sectioned, Ennis. If this is a mental illness like you suspect...that's the only way he'll get help if he won't do it voluntarily."

The idea of Jack being put in a psychiatric ward scared Ennis; those places had always been portrayed as cold and unfeeling. To the doctors, Jack would just be a number, a file in their records. They wouldn't know how to make him feel better emotionally. To Ennis's mind, Jack needed help in a more friendly environment; namely amongst the people who knew and loved him. He prayed that Jack would seek help on his own, while still in the right mind to.

He thanked Darren for the advice and headed with Junior for the pharmacy, thinking about Jack. He wondered what he could say to try and convince Jack that he hadn't already tried.

"Daddy?" asked Junior as they walked down the street. "Is Jack sick, too?"

"He is, honey," Ennis sighed. "Somethin'...somethin' ain't right in his brain an' we're tryin' to help him. You see?" He wanted her to understand as much as she could, but also didn't want her to worry about things being bad.

Junior looked thoughtful. "His brain? Is he gonna be okay?"

"Hope so," Ennis told her, squeezing her hand. "Me an' the doctors are gonna try."

"Can't he take pills like me?" she asked, indicating the prescription slip.

Ennis thought about it; maybe there were drugs that Jack could take to help. There were antidepressants and anti-anxiety tablets around, for sure. Maybe they would work for him. But it all came back to Jack wanting help; nothing would happen if he didn't.

"I don't know, Junior. Maybe," he replied. "See...Jack's scared by what's happenin' to him, an' he's scared to ask for help. So we're tryin' to get him to talk to someone who can help him."

Junior nodded, satisfied with this answer. She liked Jack and didn't want to see him ill as well. She knew that she was happy here and that her dad was happy; Jack being ill would take that away and she didn't want that. She had to let Jack know that he needed to do what they were telling him to.

* * *

Jack sat alone on the sofa, feeling weary and lonely. Ennis had taken Junior to the doctor about an hour ago, and he'd tried to make something for lunch a little while ago. All of the knives from the kitchen had disappeared, indicating that Ennis had hidden them from him. He couldn't believe that Ennis thought he would hurt himself if left alone; the thought had never crossed his mind even for a brief moment. For one thing, he wanted to get rid of these feelings and move on from them. He wanted to have a long and happy life with Ennis.

He knew that this could only happen if he actively sought help, and he could only do that under his own steam. Emily had indeed ruled out schizophrenia when he'd gone to see her, but was still looking into what it might be. She had told him that she might refer him to a psychiatrist if she couldn't help, which didn't improve his mood.

_Everybody seems to know what's good for me and what I should do, _he thought bitterly. _Like I can't make these decisions for myself. I know what's good for me; to spend time with Ennis. He's the only one who can make me feel better, but he's out taking care of his kid. _Jack felt awful for thinking this, as if Junior was being an inconvenience to him, but the voices were nagging at him today. He knew from his studies that plenty of mental disorders featured auditory hallucinations, not just the obvious one. That was why Emily was having trouble figuring it out, he reckoned.

He'd been even more annoyed to go onto their shared laptop and find that Ennis had been researching mental disorders on the sly, and now Jack was thinking that Ennis was wondering what he'd let himself in for. He kept thinking that Ennis was going to realise it wasn't worth all the hassle after all.

_He's going to leave you, _whispered a voice. Jack kept his jaw tightened.

_Shut up, _he shot back. _He said he won't, and I believe him. He loves me._

_What if it gets worse? What if you become a danger to everybody around you, or to yourself? You'll be put away in the hospital and Ennis won't come to see you. He won't bring Junior to look at her crazy step-father. Not that you'll be married for much longer anyway._

"Shut up!" he ground out, forgetting that he was alone. He shook his head and took several deep breaths. He couldn't let them win.

The voices died down after a while and Jack was able to function normally. He ate something that didn't require a knife and watched TV until he heard footsteps outside. Having a bone to pick with Ennis and pissed off by the voices taunting him, Jack stood up with his eyes on the door.

"You hid the knives?" he shot at Ennis as soon as the other man came into view. Ennis murmured to Junior to go into her room and she scampered off.

"Look, Jack...I was worried about you. I didn't want you to get hurt..." he tried, moving forwards.

"You were looking up mental disorders on the internet," Jack reminded him, pointing to the laptop. Ennis nodded.

"Yeah. But I've got no idea what it could be. Don't get mad at me, Jack...I'm just worried about you..."

Jack didn't have the strength to fight; his shoulders slumped and he flopped back down to the sofa, sighing. "I'm sorry, Ennis..."

Ennis headed for him, sitting down and putting his arm around him. Jack had gone from angry to defeated in a matter of seconds. "Darlin'...what's wrong? Are you that pissed at me 'cos I hid the knives?"

"I was at first, but...not now. Don't have the strength to get mad at you. Um...a little while ago, I heard the voices again. They told me you were gonna leave me, and that you'll wonder why you're staying now. Then I got to thinking...about it getting worse for me. What if I become a danger to everybody, including myself? The voices said...you'll have me put away, and won't come to see me. That you...won't wanna be married to me anymore..."

Jack broke down at this, seeing images of his worst fear flashing before his eyes. The thought of Ennis leaving him was like a deep wound in his heart that would never heal. Ennis pulled him close, stroking his hair. He was taken aback by this, seeing for himself just how frightening those voices could be.

"Shh...shh..." he soothed Jack, rocking him slightly. He wondered what was wrong with Jack. He had his moments where he could be angry and defiant, then he had moments where he was stricken with worry about various things...and then there was this; the moments where he just broke down in Ennis's arms. He'd never heard of any kind of disorder being so varied before.

"I'm scared, Ennis," Jack whispered, clinging to him. Ennis brought Jack's face up to meet his eyes.

"I know. But, Jack...it'll only get worse if you let it. If you get help, and soon, it won't come to hospital stays. And even if it does..." He cupped Jack's face in his hands. "I will come an' see you as much as I can. Junior too, if she's allowed. An' I certainly will still want to be married to you. Remember the vows, Jack? In sickness an' in health. I'm standing by that, darlin'. But you need to get help. You need to talk to a psychiatrist, Jack...someone who knows this stuff an' can help you. Okay?"

Jack nodded, breathing deeply. He was terrified of what could happen if things got worse; he didn't want to be put in hospital even if Ennis would come and see him. He knew that Ennis was right; he needed professional help and only he could arrange this; he needed to try and get his life back.

* * *

_October 1st, 2009_

By Thursday, things weren't much better. Ennis could tell that Jack's moods were changing faster than they had been, and it was starting to become unpredictable. Most of the time, Jack simply looked depressed and Ennis tried whatever he could to cheer him up. On the other hand, Jack could be known to snap at him without warning and this caused arguments. Ennis knew he shouldn't argue back because it wasn't as if Jack was doing it on purpose.

They hadn't had sex since the night of Ennis's birthday, and Jack had to admit that he felt lonely. To him, Ennis was spending more time worrying about Junior than helping him like he'd promised. He couldn't help feeling this way, even though he knew it was wrong of him. He missed Ennis and just wanted things to be the way they were.

When Ennis got home that evening, Jack was already back and sitting on the sofa. Junior was in her room drawing, clearly sensing that another fight was on the horizon. She didn't like it when they fought; she was scared that they would break up.

Ennis entered the apartment and looked around. "Hey, bud," he tried, looking over at Jack. The other man didn't respond, feeling angry and lonely. "Um...what're we havin' for dinner?" he asked, noticing that nothing was going on in the kitchen. Jack stood up and turned to face him.

"I was gonna cook something, but then I remembered that you don't trust me with the knives," he replied, arms folded. Ennis sighed; he hated it when Jack was like this even though he knew that Jack wasn't in his right mind.

"Jack...come on. I was just worried, an' I put 'em back. I know you wouldn't do nothin' like that."

"Do you?" Jack repeated, eyes narrowed. "The thing is, Ennis...I wouldn't. But I don't think you believe me."

Ennis sighed. "Look...we can order a pizza tonight, okay? An' we've gotta straighten this out."

"You'd love that, wouldn't you?" Jack snapped at him. "Being straight again so you don't have to put up with me."

"Jack...I've never been straight. You've made me see that I was always like this, just never knew it. Thought I was straight...turns out I wasn't." He shrugged. "I'm gay an' that's just it."

Jack sighed, hand over his eyes. "Ennis...I don't like fighting with you. I hate it because it makes me feel terrible. But...I just get really angry lately. Can't help it."

Ennis nodded. "I know, bud. It's down to...whatever it is you've got. I told you; you need to talk to someone."

"Yeah, I know," Jack replied, sitting back down. It was a few moments before he spoke again. "Now you've dealt with me, you wanna go see your kid?"

The last two words were slightly emphasised, making Ennis groan inwardly. _Not this again. _"Jack...what's wrong?" he asked, moving around the sofa so that he could look at Jack.

"Ennis...I'm lonely. Seems to me that you spend more time taking care of Junior than anything else. You promised you'd help me."

"She's ill, Jack," Ennis reminded him, hands on his hips. Jack glared at him.

"I'm aware of that," he retorted. "But she's not the only one who needs you. For all we know, there could be something seriously wrong with me, and you just..." He trailed off. "You promised to help me, but...you're not. You just keep telling me to talk to someone, and then that's it. You don't...spend time with me, just the two of us. We've hardly been out together, except your birthday. That was the last time we had sex, too."

"I thought you might not be up to it," Ennis told him, sitting on the chair facing Jack. "When we do it, I need to be sure you're okay with it. I don't want us to do it just because we're married or...because we're there together. It ought to be because we love each other, but...it doesn't feel like that lately. I do still love you, Jack...but things ain't easy right now."

Jack said nothing for a moment, and then sighed. "You're getting tired of me already. I knew this would happen. I think I should be the judge of when I'm ready for sex, or anything else from you. Ennis, you...you don't even touch me anymore when we're out of the bedroom. Used to be that we'd sneak little touches when Junior's out of sight and stuff like that. But...not anymore. Ennis, I'm tired. I just want things to get back to normal, but...I don't know how they can."

"You need to get help," Ennis told him firmly, now sitting on the sofa next to him. He tried to put a hand over Jack's, but it was shoved off. Jack stood up.

"I know," he replied, glaring at him. "But it's not just the professionals who I need support from, Ennis. Before I can talk to someone I need help from the person who means more to me than anything else. Only...he's not there for me like he said he would be."

"Junior's ill!" Ennis half-shouted, standing up to face him. "I've gotta take care of her."

"Right, 'cos you're her father," Jack shot back, his voice breaking with emotion. "Something that I'll never be. Who'd let a basket case adopt their daughter?"

Ennis grabbed Jack and pulled him close, rubbing his back. He knew that Jack didn't mean the angry words he was saying, but he silently vowed to try and be there for Jack more. Maybe he was neglecting him slightly, but he had to try and divide his time between the two of them. "You're not a basket case," he murmured, trying to comfort his husband.

Jack allowed Ennis to hold him for a few seconds, but then pulled away, looking pained. "I'm...I'm gonna go to the bathroom."

"I'll order the pizza," Ennis told him quietly, and Jack nodded without looking at him before fleeing from the room.


	22. Chapter 22

**Chapter 22**

_October 3rd, 2009_

On Saturday, the three of them would normally go out to the park together. But since Junior was ill and Jack wasn't feeling up to it, Ennis decided that they could all do with a day at home. He was hoping that he and Jack didn't start arguing again; he'd never liked doing that.

To his relief, Emily had referred Jack to a psychiatrist at the hospital in Hyannis, on the other side of the Cape. It wasn't a very long drive, and Ennis was willing to do whatever it took to get Jack the help he needed. But it was up to Jack to make an appointment; so far, he was resistant.

Try as he might, Ennis could no longer ignore the fact that there was tension between him and Jack. He just wanted to help, but Jack was keeping his distance. Even when Ennis had walked in on him in the bathroom the night before and Jack had clearly been crying, his attempts to comfort Jack were rebuffed. He didn't like standing to the side, unable to help the man he loved.

He entered the living area in search of Jack, knowing that Junior would sleep for a while. Maybe they would be able to talk without fighting. "Jack?" he asked carefully, eyes on the dark hair as Jack curled up in the chair. That alone made Ennis worry; Jack usually sat on the sofa in an invitation to join him. Jack turned to look at him.

"Hey," he said quietly, not moving when Ennis sat down near him. He felt tense, unable to relax. He couldn't even let Ennis comfort him the night before even though he'd been upset and Ennis had tried to help. "Um...look, last night..."

"Don't think about it," Ennis replied, shaking his head. "Did hurt, though...I was just tryin' to help."

"I know," Jack said softly, glancing at him. "Um...I appreciate you trying, Ennis. But...I can't..." He sighed. "Just...I can't let you do that at the moment."

"Why?" Ennis asked, looking sorrowfully at him. "I wanna...hold you, Jack. Might make you feel better..."

Jack shook his head. "Don't know that it would..." Seeing red, he added, "Besides, I...I reckon you ought to make sure Junior's okay. She needs you more right now."

"Jack, stop it," Ennis replied, fixing him with a look. "I care about both of you, an' you know that. I've gotta help both of you. I mean, yeah...I'm worried about Junior an' she needs me. But you do too, an' it's my job to help you 'cos we're married."

They looked at each other, Jack listening to the voices as they told him to continue picking a fight with Ennis. "Well, yeah. Guess you're right," he eventually said, trying not to take heed of those voices. Ennis nodded, but he didn't think that Jack believed him.

_He doesn't care about you, _a voice told Jack, whispering to him. _He's only here because of a piece of paper and a ring on his finger. If it wasn't for that, he'd be long gone; perhaps he's even thinking of divorcing you right now._

"Knock it off!" he exclaimed, hand pressed against his head. Ennis jumped, staring at him. Sensing what was going on, he got up and knelt by the chair.

"Jack, look at me. Don't listen to them...it's okay..." Jack looked at him, and then at the hand Ennis had rested on his knee. "It's alright, darlin'...don't listen to them..."

Jack took several deep breaths and lowered his hand, staring at Ennis. "I...they told me you're thinking of leaving me. That you don't really care about me..." As much as he tried to ignore those voices, it was becoming increasingly difficult to not believe what they were telling him.

Ennis grasped his hands. "Jack...that ain't true. You know I care about you, just as much as I care about Junior. You both mean the world to me, an' I sure as hell ain't thinkin' of a divorce. I'd never do that to you."

He squeezed Jack's hands, hoping that his soothing voice would drown out the ones in Jacks' head. He was starting to get scared that he was losing Jack to this illness, whatever it was. He could normally fight for Jack, but he felt powerless against something like this. He didn't understand it and didn't know how to keep hold of Jack so that he didn't slip into it.

Jack blinked a few times and removed his hands from Ennis's, breathing deeply. "Ennis, I...I think I need to sleep on the sofa tonight. Just until I can...focus again. I need to spend a night alone."

Ennis felt hurt, but part of him understood. It hurt Jack to be near him right now with the way he was feeling, and he was scared. "Okay. You...gotta do what you need to. But, can I ask you somethin'?" he asked, looking up at Jack.

"Sure," Jack replied. Ennis sighed.

"Am I...losin' you to this, whatever it is? I mean...it feels like you're gettin' further away from me all the time, even though you're right here. I can't lose you, Jack...but I don't know how to keep hold of you so that you don't...fall victim to it. You know?"

"Yeah," Jack said quietly, nodding. "I'll be honest, Ennis...I don't know what's gonna happen. I...I'm scared," he admitted, his deep blue eyes fearful. "It's fucking scary..."

Ennis wanted to pull Jack close and comfort him, but he knew now that Jack wasn't ready for it. "I know, bud. Wish I could hold you..."

Jack sighed. "Me too. But it hurts too much, Ennis. Makes me even more scared because...I can't stand the thought of losing you. I keep thinking that if I enjoy being with you too much, something's gonna happen to take that away. Can't explain it, and I know it's not true. But that's what I keep thinking. Those damn voices don't help..."

"We'll deal with it," Ennis promised him, nodding. "We'll get you the help you need and get rid of those voices. One day...we'll be able to enjoy each other again." He smiled, trying to show Jack that he was staying put no matter what.

* * *

Jack did sleep on the sofa that night, watching the dying flames in the hearth as he tried to drop off. There was just one problem; this was the time of day when the voices were at their worst. They whispered to him in the darkness, preying on his insecurities and making him worry.

He knew that it had hurt Ennis for him to sleep out here tonight, but it was the only thing he could think of. He dreaded the possibility of them telling him to hurt Ennis or Junior; he knew it was very likely and he didn't know what would happen if it did. What if he started sleepwalking and did it anyway, without being able to stop himself? If he hurt Junior, Ennis would never forgive him. If he were to hurt Ennis...he would likely go outside and step in front of a car willingly.

Jack tossed and turned, scared of falling sleep for what might happen when he did. Ennis was just feet away in their bedroom, most likely also awake. He wanted to be back in there where he belonged, but the fear was too great. He couldn't stand the thought of hurting Ennis, even accidentally.

_Why are you still here? _whispered a voice in his mind. _Sooner or later, he's going to leave you. He won't put up with this forever, and you know that. Wouldn't it be better to leave now, while he's asleep? If he's awake when you try to leave, he'll try to stop you. _

_Because he loves me, _Jack thought, secure in that knowledge if nothing else. _He cares about me and wants me to get better. _

_Only so he won't have to do this anymore, _the voice replied. Jack had tried to figure out if he recognised the voice; he'd heard that these voices tended to take the form of someone in his life who had caused him trauma. But he couldn't place any of them; they were just there.

_That's not true, _he thought determinedly. _It's because he loves me and doesn't like to see me hurting. Just go away already; he told me I shouldn't listen to you._

_That's because he doesn't want you to go anywhere. If you stop listening, you won't see the truth in front of you. _

_No, _Jack thought. _The truth is that he loves me. And I love him with all my heart. So just...knock it off. I'm not listening tonight._

He pulled out his phone and looked at the photo of himself and Ennis; the one that had been taken on their wedding day. Knowing the truth in his heart, he nodded to himself and closed his eyes, pushing the voices away and focusing on his thoughts of Ennis as they drifted through his mind.

Ennis gave up with tossing and turning, deciding that he needed to stretch his legs. He just couldn't sleep without Jack by his side; he felt as if he was missing a limb.

He crept down the short hallway and paused at the door frame, looking at the figure lying on the sofa. He couldn't tell if Jack was awake or not, and didn't want to startle him. He slowly walked towards the sofa, praying that he wouldn't scare the other man if he was awake. When he got closer, he saw that Jack's eyes were closed but that he was trembling slightly. Ennis sighed to himself; he yearned to take Jack into his arms and give him comfort, but he was respectful of Jack's feelings. He would only hold Jack when he was ready.

Instead, he grabbed the afghan from the back of the sofa and draped it over Jack's body, hoping to at least keep him warm. To his relief, Jack stopped trembling. He figured that if he couldn't hold Jack, at least he could make him comfortable.

"Sleep well, darlin'," he whispered, pressing a feather-light kiss to Jack's forehead before returning to bed.

Jack awoke about an hour later to find himself covered with the afghan, and he blinked. _Did I put that there? _he thought in puzzlement, and then realised that he hadn't. Ennis had done it, slipping into the room to cover him and then back out again quiet as a mouse. He appreciated that Ennis had tried not to wake him, but he wished that he could get to their bed to be with his husband. He couldn't remember the last time they had sex or even made out; it felt like so long ago. It had only been a week, but this felt like a lifetime to someone who was used to making love with his other half near enough every night. He hoped that one day they could get back to that; a time when they could just go at each other all night. It had been fun and passionate, and when Junior wasn't at home they could be as loud as they wanted. And they were; Ennis knew how to make him moan.

He smiled to himself at the memories, wishing that they could be reality once more. It wasn't just about the physical pleasure for them; making love had always been about their connection and how they felt about each other. He wished that he could exactly recall how Ennis made him feel in those moments, but he just couldn't remember. Even though it had only been a week since they'd last had sex, it had been a lot longer since the "good old days", as he thought of them. The last time he'd been truly happy was before Junior had come to live with them; he just couldn't adjust to this change in their lives.

_I know I need help, _he thought to himself, picking at the material covering him. _And I know he's trying to make that happen. I just...I wish I could do my part a little better. I wish I could take my life back, but I don't know how. _Jack sighed and closed his eyes again, trying to sleep and get this night over with.

* * *

_October 5th, 2009_

Jack spent a second night on the sofa, still scared about what would happen if he tried to share a bed with Ennis. Both of them were sorely missing each other and when Jack woke up on Monday morning he felt better. Nothing had happened even in his sleep and he kept pushing those voices away, so he felt as if he might be ready to come back to his rightful place.

He managed to get some work done that morning, despite his problems. Emily kept looking at him whenever he went near her, and he knew that she wanted to ask him if he was seeking help from the psychiatrist. Jack was yet to make an appointment; he wanted to get his relationship with Ennis back on track before seeking help for himself.

Ennis sent him a text to ask if he wanted to meet up in a café for lunch, since Junior was with Amy. He agreed and started to look forward to seeing Ennis again. He missed having Ennis's arms around him and felt as if he could handle it now. He wanted to burrow himself in those strong arms that would protect him from everything that would try to hurt him.

When he entered the café, he found Ennis waiting for him and smiled. "Hey."

"Hey, darlin'," Ennis replied, smiling back at him. Jack did look a little better after sleeping on the sofa for a couple of nights, even if it had hurt him. "You okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine," Jack replied, sitting down and grabbing a menu. Ennis lightly placed a hand on his arm.

"Don't worry; I already ordered somethin'. One of those paninis you like; big enough to share." Jack smiled and nodded, putting the menu back.

"Look, Ennis...I wanted to talk to you. Um...I know we've had problems lately because of what's going on. And...I know you want me to see a psychiatrist. The thing is...I don't think I can do that yet until we're sorted. So I was thinking...ages ago, my mom suggested couples' therapy. I was wondering if you..."

"Okay," Ennis replied before he could finish, nodding. "You're right; we ain't been like ourselves for a while. Those voices tellin' you that I'm gonna leave...we can get rid of those with the proper help, but...I'm thinkin' that you're startin' to believe 'em an' that's gotta change."

"Right. So...we'll do that?" Jack asked, feeling hopeful.

"Yeah," Ennis agreed, and Jack took his hand. Ennis smiled at the familiar feeling; Jack's hand was warm and comforting, fitting perfectly against his. "Whatever it takes to fix this, Jack...I'll do it."

Jack smiled at him gratefully as the food arrived. They didn't say anything for a few more minutes, but then Ennis decided to ask the question that was on his mind. Maybe it was too soon for Jack, but he had to try.

"Jack? Um...I've got somethin' to ask you. Um...you look better now that you've had some time alone at night, an' I don't wanna pressure you, but...would you consider comin' back? I miss you, bud." He looked imploringly into Jack's eyes. "We don't have to do nothin' that you ain't ready for, but...I just miss you bein' there."

His husband regarded him for a few moments, and then slowly nodded. "I miss you too, Ennis. I...I was scared that I'd hurt you if I slept next to you. That the voices would tell me to..." He trailed off, unwilling to carry on. He shook his head. "I'm scared of hurting you, or Junior..."

"That won't happen," Ennis assured him, taking his hand again. "I'll hold you, if you'll let me. I'll...hold you through the night an' I won't ever let you go."

Jack gulped, feeling a lump growing in his throat. "Ennis...I miss you holding me. I remember it feeling so good, and I...I wanna feel it again. When we're in bed together," he added. "I don't think I can do more right now, but...I'd like you to hold me. I can come back to bed if you can promise me you'll be there for me."

Ennis nodded, smiling slightly. "I can do that, Jack. I'll take care of you." His eyes dropped to Jack's lips for a brief moment, but then he looked away. Jack saw the glance and thought for a moment.

"Ennis? You can...kiss me if you want. Now, I mean," he said softly, seeing Ennis look at him. "That's okay."

"Are you sure?" Ennis asked. With a nod from Jack, Ennis slowly leaned over the table, hoping that Jack wouldn't pull away. When their lips were almost touching, he paused for a moment to look up into the deep blue eyes before him. There was a certain kind of warmth in them that he hadn't seen for a while.

At last, he leaned in further and their lips connected. Jack felt love blazing in his heart once more, just as he had when they had first kissed all those years ago. He knew then that the voices were wrong; Ennis did love him, and that was why he hadn't given up on him.

Out of habit, Ennis's hand came up to cup Jack's cheek as they broke apart, lips momentarily still connected by a strand of saliva. This kiss had reminded him of their first, in a darkened dormitory room where it had been just the two of them. They had explored their feelings in full that night, and now Ennis was helping Jack to heal; they'd come a long way over the past few years and he knew he would do absolutely anything to help Jack get back to how he used to be.

"I love you," he whispered, stroking Jack's cheek with his thumb. Jack leaned into the touch, his smile reaching his eyes.

"I love you too," he replied, kissing the palm of Ennis's hand. They returned to their food with lighter hearts than before, finally feeling some kind of hope that everything would work out for them.

* * *

Ennis was feeling nervous as he brushed his teeth that night. He was very happy that Jack had agreed to come back to bed, and that they had kissed, but he was still uneasy. He wasn't entirely sure what Jack was ready for and what he wasn't; Jack didn't seem to know himself.

Still, he heard Jack walk past the bathroom towards their room and couldn't help but smile. Whether they had sex tonight or not, this was where Jack should be.

When he couldn't prolong it any more, he left the bathroom and cautiously made his way to the bedroom, wondering how Jack was. He needn't have worried; Jack was sitting up in bed and seemed fairly relaxed considering the situation.

"Hey," he said softly as he closed the door. Jack turned to look at him, smiling nervously.

"Hey, bud," he replied as Ennis got in. Ennis was wearing pyjama bottoms, not wanting to make Jack feel uneasy or pressured. A glance down as he got under the covers told him that Jack was wearing his own. When he was comfortable, he turned to Jack.

"You okay?" he asked, eyes roaming over Jack's face. Jack nodded, breathing deeply and evenly.

"Yeah, I'm fine," he said, nodding. "Um..." He wasn't sure what to do here.

"Jack...we don't have to do nothin' you ain't ready for," Ennis told him as he did earlier in the café. "I'm just glad to have you here beside me."

Jack smiled at him. "Well...you can hold me now, if you want." He felt ready for that; he wanted Ennis's strong arms around him like he remembered.

Ennis nodded and shuffled closer, wrapping one arm around Jack's shoulders and gently pulling him in. Jack slowly leaned over until he was half-lying against Ennis, his head tucked into Ennis's shoulder. Ennis wrapped his other arm around Jack's waist and held him, giving a gentle squeeze. "Darlin'..."

"Mmm..." Jack slid his own arm around Ennis and returned the embrace, remembering how it used to make him feel to be taken care of like this. "Missed this...missed you..."

"Me too, darlin'," Ennis told him, kissing Jack's hair. "Feels good to have you here, where you belong." He felt Jack nod and they were silent for a few minutes.

After a while, Jack lifted his head and looked into Ennis's eyes, his expression calm and soft. "Ennis..." He bumped his nose against Ennis's, silently asking because he was unable to make the move on his own. Ennis understood and kissed him softly, cupping his cheek. He was careful to follow Jack's lead and take things at the pace Jack was comfortable with. The last thing he wanted was to upset Jack by going too far too soon.

They broke apart and Jack took a deep breath. "I, um...I..."

"What?" Ennis asked, stroking his face. "Tell me what you want, darlin'. Anythin'." He would do anything to make Jack feel better right now, even if it was something that he would normally loathe doing.

"You know that...thing we do when we...rub our hips together?" Jack asked tentatively. He wasn't ready for penetration just yet but he felt as if he could do this. Ennis looked at him, not knowing what to think.

"You sure?" he asked, wondering if Jack was. "I mean...really sure?"

Jack nodded. "Yeah. I miss being with you, Ennis. And...I'm not ready for the whole thing yet. But I can do this, if you'll help me. Just...lie on top of me and...you know." He bit his lip, hoping that Ennis wouldn't refuse him.

To his relief, Ennis smiled. "Sure, bud. Lie down..." They let go of each other and shuffled down the bed, both feeling nervous now. Jack wanted this to happen and he knew he needed it.

When they were settled, Ennis turned and slowly slid on top of Jack, staring down into his eyes. "Jack? Do you wanna do it naked, or...?" Jack took a deep breath; he wanted to feel Ennis's skin against his and lose himself in the experience.

"Yeah, I do...hang on..." They managed to pull down their pyjama bottoms and Ennis threw them onto the quilt on his side. Jack's flesh was warm and familiar, and he couldn't help but run his hands over Jack's chest.

"Tell me if I go too far, bud," he said softly, seeing that Jack was enjoying this. "Let me know if you're okay..."

"I am," Jack replied, nodding. Ennis then pressed his full weight down, so that every inch of their bodies was touching. He could feel Jack's erection throbbing against his own but wasn't sure if he should touch Jack there right now. Instead, he started rubbing his hips against Jack's like he'd been asked to and heard Jack sigh. "That's good..."

Ennis kissed Jack's jaw, nuzzling at his skin as they moved together. Jack was holding onto him and Ennis could hear small sounds of pleasure escape from his mouth. Ennis smiled and kissed Jack's neck as he moved faster, now pushing against Jack and knowing that Jack was about to lose control.

It didn't take long; Jack soon exploded between them with a groan and pushed Ennis into his own orgasm, his yell muffled in Jack's shoulder. Ennis sank down onto him, feeling unable to move. "You okay?" he asked tiredly, but there was no response. Growing alarmed, he raised his head and was met with a beautiful sight; Jack was smiling widely at him, with his eyes shining at him. He looked happier than Ennis had seen him in a while.

"I love you," Jack told him, kissing the tip of Ennis's nose and hugging him tightly. Ennis didn't respond; he simply returned the embrace and thanked whoever might be listening that Jack was okay. He hoped that Jack wouldn't regret this in the morning, but he couldn't worry about that now. The man in his arms was happy and loved, and that made Ennis certain that he would get his husband back soon enough.

* * *

_October 7th, 2009_

Two days later, things seemed fairly okay for the family. Jack had been more or less as happy as he could be after the events of Monday night, and he had spent the night before in bed with Ennis. He'd received a much-appreciated massage from his other half, complete with oils and candles, and he'd then dozed off in Ennis's protective arms. He'd had a dreamless sleep and had woken up still being held; he'd loved waking up like that.

Ennis had loved giving Jack some attention, knowing that Jack needed it with the depressive episodes he had been experiencing. It seemed to him that the more time he spent being loving towards Jack, the less often Jack heard the voices. He'd learned quickly how to be able to tell when Jack was hearing them; his jaw would tighten and he would withdraw into himself as if trying to keep them out. Ennis knew the signs and was always there to either get Junior out of the way or help Jack deal with them.

Junior was still ill, and hadn't improved much yet. Ennis knew that Darren had said the stronger antibiotics would take longer to work because of Junior's young and still-developing immune system. She needed time to get used to them. But he wished that it could happen sooner; he hated to see her so scared and in pain. He wished that both of them could get better so that they could start to be a real family.

She slept most of the time, which meant that there was very little he could do for her. As a result, he had tried to pay more attention to Jack and to keep him happy. It was clear to him that Jack felt very fragile right now and he was determined to help. Jack had told him that he didn't feel as if he could get help until their relationship was back on track. Ennis didn't really understand the logic, but he didn't want to fight about it. He trusted Jack to know how he wanted things to be handled.

He was preparing a large pot of soup for dinner with plenty of bread. Junior could only really swallow soft or liquid food, and Jack needed something comforting and warm. This was the best solution for everybody and it was just easy to make something simple that they all liked.

"Jack? Could you give me a hand?" he called over to where Jack was watching TV. Jack got up and walked over, looking expectant. He felt calm today, only hearing the voices twice through the whole day. That was less than he'd expected, and both time had happened when Ennis wasn't there; maybe there was a connection.

"What's up?"

"Could you keep stirrin' this while I wake Junior up? It's nearly ready," Ennis asked. He knew he had to show Jack that he trusted him to handle this unsupervised. Jack nodded, seeing that Ennis meant it.

"Sure." Ennis kissed his cheek in thanks and headed off to rouse his daughter. Jack stirred the contents, thinking about the past few days. He had enjoyed being back in his own bed with Ennis, and the other night had been truly wonderful. Ennis had made him feel as if he could beat this thing, whatever it was. He knew that as long as Ennis was there to help him, he could get back on track.

Ennis returned a few minutes later, carrying his tired little girl over to the table. She perked up when she smelt the soup, sniffing in interest.

"That chicken soup?" she asked, deep brown eyes full of happiness. Jack nodded at her; he was trying his best to help Ennis with her; it wasn't her fault that she'd fallen ill at the same time as he had, albeit in different ways.

"Sure is, Junior. Hope you're hungry." She nodded and then looked at him.

"Jack? Daddy told me...you're sick. There's somethin' gone wrong in...your brain..." Jack dropped the spoon he'd been stirring with and looked at Ennis.

"I talked to Darren when he put her on the stronger antibiotics; she was right there an' asked me if you were sick. I had to give her somethin', Jack," he said, hoping that Jack wasn't about to fly off the handle.

To his surprise and relief, Jack simply nodded. "Well...guess I can understand. Probably for the best, anyway. Let me talk to her." Ennis took over the stirring duties while Jack sat down near Junior. "Look, Junior...your daddy was right. There is something wrong up here, in my head. Not sure what it is, but I'm...trying to get help."

"Daddy said he was tryin' to get you to ask for help...that you didn't wanna do it," Junior replied in a confused voice. Jack sighed.

"Well...yeah. Kind of...I do wanna get help, but it's not easy for me right now. I've got some problems that I don't want you to worry about. Things that scare me, and I sure don't wanna scare you too." He thought for a moment. "But...just remember, Junior. I'm still gonna try and help your daddy take care of you. I know that you need to get better too. Okay?"

"Will we get better together?" Junior asked brightly, smiling up at him. Jack only wished it were that simple.

"I don't know...it might take longer for me because it's something in my brain. It's not so easy for the doctors to put right. But...I'll try and get better anyway."

"Promise?" she asked, and Ennis had to look at Jack for his response. He knew that if Jack made a promise to Junior, he wouldn't dare to go back on it. Jack knew that Ennis was watching him, and it took him a moment to consider.

"Okay, promise," he replied, taking her tiny hand and shaking it, making her giggle. He smiled and ruffled her hair, happy that he'd managed to make her feel a little better. Truth be told, she had done the same for him.


	23. Chapter 23

**Chapter 23**

_October 10th, 2009_

On Saturday, Ennis was thinking about Jack's birthday. It was just two days away and he had already bought Jack a present; he just wasn't sure what they would be doing. With things so fragile at the moment he didn't know what Jack was up for.

They were continuing to sleep in their bed together, to his relief. He had feared that their intimacy had been too much for Jack, but he seemed quite content to share a bed again. They had even been able to reach out to each other; Ennis had performed oral on Jack just the night before, and he had loved the sounds coming from Jack's mouth as he did so. When he asked Jack afterwards if he was okay, Jack had given a positive response.

Ennis was glad that he and Jack were still able to have some kind of intimacy despite their issues; at least Jack didn't seem to regret it afterwards. He thought about this while he made lunch for the three of them; Junior was asleep in her room and Jack was on the laptop, talking to Lureen via webcam.

"Yeah. Ennis is making lunch," Jack was saying to her, nodding over at him. Ennis moved into view and could see Lureen waving at him.

"Hey, Lureen," he said to her, and he saw her smile.

"Good to see you, Ennis. How's Junior doing?"

"We're still waiting for the antibiotics to kick in," he replied, and Jack nodded.

"Right. Well, I just wanted to wish Jack a happy birthday for Monday. I'll be really busy over the next few days and I might not get the chance to talk to you guys."

"Thanks, Lu," Jack said to her while Ennis returned to the kitchen. "Speak soon, okay?"

"Yep, bye." They disconnected and Jack stretched. Ennis couldn't help but watch as Jack's bare forearms moved, showing his muscles. He shook his head and tried to concentrate, but it was hard when such a beautiful creature was so near to him.

Jack came over to him and sat at the island, sniffing in interest. "What are you making?" he asked.

"Stew," Ennis replied. "Throwin' everythin' in an' there's plenty of bread." Jack nodded and fell silent, content to just sit and watch. Ennis looked at him. "Um...speakin' of yer birthday, Jack...is there anythin' you wanna do?"

"You mean...dinner?" Jack asked, and he nodded. "Sure, that'd be great." The question hung in the air between them, which was so thick it could almost be cut with a knife. "Um..."

"We don't have to," Ennis said softly, remembering his promise not to put pressure on Jack to do something he wasn't ready for. "It's fine if you don't wanna."

"I do, though," Jack replied, placing his hand on Ennis's arm. "We haven't...properly...for a while now. You...haven't been...inside me for what feels like a lifetime. I miss it, Ennis...and I know I can do it. I really want to...I'm just nervous."

Ennis nodded, seeing the truth in Jack's eyes. "Okay, if you're sure. I miss it too, Jack...but not so much that I wanna put pressure on you. That's the last thing I wanna do."

Jack smiled at him, grateful for his support. "Thanks, bud. Having you there next to me...it makes things a little easier. The voices...they're not as clear when I'm with you. I can ignore them when I've got you with me."

Ennis tried to smile back, but he wasn't sure how to talk to Jack about his problem. He wasn't the one who had studied Psychology and he didn't know much about the workings of the brain, not as much as Jack probably did. He wished he could know more, so that maybe he could talk to Jack about it.

"What's wrong?" Jack asked when he saw how hesitant Ennis looked. Ennis shrugged.

"Dunno. Just...sometimes I wish I understood this more, then maybe I might know how to talk to you about it. It...it hurts me that I don't always know what I can do to help you." He looked down and bit his lip, making Jack sigh. He got up and walked around to Ennis, placing a hand on his shoulder.

"Ennis...it's okay. It doesn't matter if you don't really understand. I'm not sure I do, to be honest. Look...if I learnt anything from my studies, it's that the most important part of recovery is a strong support system. I've got you and Junior...you guys are here for me and I know you want to help me get better. It's gonna take a while, but...we'll be alright. I know I can do it if I've got you." Ennis looked at him, into the deep blue eyes he could drown in.

"Darlin'..." he sighed, turning to coax Jack into his arms. They held each other tightly for a few minutes, Ennis stroking the back of Jack's head and nuzzling him. "I swear, Jack...I'm gonna do everythin' I can to help you. I'd do anythin' for you...I'd even move to another country if it was what we needed to get help for you."

Jack smiled. "I don't think it'll come to that...but I hear what you're saying. And...thank you, Ennis. It means a whole lot to me that you're on my side and not...sending me off to some kind of institution. I'd die in a place like that, Ennis...maybe not physically, but...definitely mentally. Maybe they would cure me, but...you wouldn't recognise me afterwards. I'm so much better off here, with you. This is where I belong, you know?"

"Yeah, it is. And...I'll try to keep you here with me, Jack." He squeezed the man in his arms and rubbed his back, feeling how warm Jack was and how good it was. Jack didn't speak, but he pressed soft kisses to Ennis's neck in thanks, feeling more certain than before that he could do something with Ennis on the night of his birthday. He was looking forward to it now, and knew that Ennis would take care of him.

* * *

The day was largely uneventful, but Ennis did enjoy some time with Jack on the sofa watching TV. They checked on Junior regularly, but she seemed to be okay. At least she wasn't getting any worse; that would make Ennis worry.

When they went to bed that night, Jack told Ennis that he wasn't feeling up to doing anything. Ennis simply held him close from behind and rubbed his stomach, knowing that Jack needed sleep more than anything else right now.

About halfway through the night, Jack's dreams turned into a nightmare.

_He was sitting at home, rifling through the mail he'd picked up when he came to a large brown envelope at the bottom of the pile; it had his name on it. Opening it up, his heart skipped a beat. Inside was a pile of divorce papers with his and Ennis's names on them. Ennis was leaving him._

_No, he thought to himself. He can't...he said he wouldn't. _The dream was so real that Jack started trembling in his sleep, unable to wake up.

_He continued to stare at the papers and looked up when Ennis walked in, their eyes meeting. "What's this?" he asked in a quiet voice, and Ennis looked down._

"_I know I said I could do this," he replied, not looking at Jack. "I tried, Jack. I really did. But I can't...it's too hard to cope with. I'm not happy anymore...an' you need the kind of help that I can't give you." He bit his lip. "I can't do it anymore, Jack...I filed for divorce."_

"_Ennis, don't do this," he pleaded, standing up with tears in his eyes. "Please...I love you..."_

"_I love you too...that's why I'm doin' it. I can't give you what you need." He turned away, not seeing the look of heartbreak on Jack's face._

Jack's shaking had woken Ennis up by now, and he was trying to rouse the other man before it got too bad. "Jack...wake up, bud..."

"No...Ennis..." Jack murmured in his sleep. "Please...don't leave me..."

"Jack," Ennis repeated, shaking his shoulder. Jack jerked awake, breathing heavily. Ennis looked down at him. "Jack?"

Jack turned to face him, his blue eyes full of terror. All Ennis wanted to do was to hold him close and make the pain go away. "Ennis...I..."

"What was it?" Ennis asked softly, stroking his cheek. "You were askin' me to...not leave you..."

"Nightmare," Jack choked out, turning onto his back so that he could look at Ennis properly. "I...I was going through the mail and found divorce papers. You came in and...said you were leaving me. That it...was for my own good because you...couldn't do it anymore..." He bit his lip, real tears gathering in his eyes. "Is that what's gonna happen, Ennis? Are you gonna do that when you get too tired of this?"

"Darlin'..." Ennis tried to soothe him, rubbing his stomach. "No...I'd never do that to you. I told you before...I'm stickin' with you no matter what."

"I remember you saying that, but...this nightmare..." He looked into Ennis's eyes. "It scared the hell out of me..."

"I know, bud," Ennis replied, wanting so much to comfort Jack and convince him that nothing was going to happen. "It wasn't real, Jack...an' it's never gonna be. You hear? I ain't goin' nowhere. You just dreamt that 'cos you're scared, an'...you don't need to be, okay?"

Jack nodded and burrowed close to Ennis, needing to be held. Ennis took his cue and wrapped his arms around Jack, kissing his forehead. "I love you, Ennis...couldn't stand the thought of being without you..."

"I'm not goin' anywhere," Ennis promised him, rocking him gently. "Stayin' right here. I know it ain't easy for us right now, but...I still don't wanna be alone. I could never leave you, Jack...I don't want you to deal with this on your own, an'...I don't wanna live without you, either. I swore I was gonna be there for you, so...that's that. I'm here." He felt Jack's shaking start to lessen and was relieved; the nightmare had clearly scared Jack and Ennis wished he could take it away. "Wish you could get better, Jack. Maybe we should make a start on that couples' therapy...then you might be able to get to that psychiatrist."

Jack nodded, knowing that Ennis was right. "Yeah. I do wanna get help...it's just not easy. Keep thinking that it's not gonna work..." That was his worst fear; that treatment wouldn't be enough to help him. He wasn't even sure what kind of treatment would be administered.

"You never know unless you try," Ennis said softly, rubbing his back. "It's worth it, right?" All he wanted was for Jack to get better by any means possible; it hurt him to see Jack like this.

"Yeah..." Jack closed his eyes and tried to drop off again. "Keep holding me, Ennis...don't want another nightmare..." It wasn't the most comfortable sleeping position, but he didn't care. He was more concerned about keeping his nightmares away.

"Ain't goin' nowhere, Jack," Ennis whispered to him. "Get some sleep, darlin'..." Jack settled into Ennis's protective embrace, feeling warm and loved. He just knew that he would be okay as long as Ennis was there.

Ennis stayed awake for longer than Jack; he was thinking about the nightmare. Jack seemed so terrified of him leaving that it was starting to give him nightmares, and Ennis didn't know what to do for him. It broke his heart to see how Jack was suffering, and all he could do was just try to be there when Jack needed him until he was stronger. Jack was right; he did need to feel the stability of their relationship before seeking help for himself. He needed the support system to be firmly in place in his own mind first. Ennis could understand it now; Jack just needed him to be there, so there he would be until Jack got better and then they could move on together. That was all he could hope for now.

* * *

_October 12th, 2009_

It was the day of Jack's birthday, and Ennis was hoping that they would have a good day. The pair of them would be going out for dinner later, and then he wasn't sure. Jack certainly seemed a lot calmer now after his nightmare the other night. True to his word, Ennis had continued to hold him as they'd slept, waking Jack up the next morning with gentle kisses to his face. Jack had woken up smiling at him and told Ennis how grateful he was.

The nightmare had scared Ennis too, but he couldn't tell Jack. He was starting to worry that Jack would believe his dreams, and unconsciously create a situation where they came true. He'd heard about self-fulfilling prophecies and how Jack was worried about them forming, so he hoped that it wouldn't happen.

They had to work through the day, but then Ennis took Junior over to Amy and Jessica for the evening. They were both doing well and making their wedding plans, but they were becoming increasingly worried about Jack. Ennis assured them that he was working on getting Jack the help he needed, so all they could do was hope.

When he returned to their apartment, he headed for the bedroom and spied Jack putting on a deep red shirt, looking into the mirror as he did so. Ennis smiled and moved closer. "You look good there, darlin'."

Jack turned to him, grinning nervously. "Thanks. Sure hope tonight goes well..."

Ennis nodded, stepping up close to him. "It will, bud. Gonna have a good meal...you're gonna get your present, an' then we'll come home an'..." He trailed off, the remainder of his sentence hanging in the air between them. Jack looked into his eyes.

"Yeah. Maybe we can..." He then looked away, feeling unsure of himself. "Um...you gonna get ready?"

"Yep." Ennis stepped away, sensing that Jack needed to gather himself. His ability to have sex seemed to differ every day, depending on the kind of mood he was in. Ennis felt sorry for him; he knew how much Jack used to enjoy sex with him and could tell that their semi-dry spell was getting to him.

When Ennis was ready, they headed out for their favourite restaurant on the front once more and sat together in a booth. Ennis put his arm around Jack and squeezed him. "You feelin' okay?" he asked softly, and Jack nodded.

"Yeah, I'm okay. So...we're both twenty-six now. Getting on, aren't we?" he asked, smiling slightly. Ennis nodded.

"Yep. Be thirty in a few years. An'...it'll be ten years since we got together."

"Special anniversary," Jack replied, leaning against him. "Hope we're still together by then..."

"Jack, don't," Ennis said to him, making Jack look into his eyes. "Don't think like that, okay? I ain't goin' nowhere an' neither are you. We're stickin' together through this, okay?" At Jack's nod, he kissed his forehead. "You want yer present now?"

"Sure." Jack sat up while Ennis retrieved it from his pocket. He ripped through the wrapping paper until he revealed a brand new watch. "Ennis..."

"You got me one for our anniversary, remember?" Ennis told him, and Jack nodded. "I know yours is actin' up an' the new batteries ain't workin', so..." He was cut off by Jack's mouth on his, being kissed in thanks for the gift.

"Thank you," Jack replied when they broke apart. "I love it..." Ennis put it on him, squeezing Jack's hand when he was done and exchanging a smile.

Their food came shortly after and the talk turned to their friends, who were busy with wedding plans. "About time those two tied the knot," Ennis was saying. "We've all got the right; we should take advantage of it. There are still plenty of states that don't even allow civil unions."

"Do any of them still have that sodomy law?" Jack asked, feeling sickened by the very thought. He would never understand whose business it was what people got up to in private. Ennis shrugged.

"I don't know...maybe not. But there are still people who think we're sick in the head..." he lamented, thinking of his late father.

"It was removed from the official list of mental disorders years ago," Jack replied, as he remembered reading about that. "I know the churches don't like us, but still..."

The pair of them could spend hours doing this, and they had been known to. But they both could appreciate how lucky they were at how well they were treated in their home state. They had everything here; they had rights and nobody hurled abuse at them. Jack was allowed to adopt Junior if he so wished and Ennis hoped that he would.

When they were done with their meal, they left the restaurant and slowly walked down the front, hands linked between them. It was a crisp evening, chilly due to the time of year. Ennis recalled the summer months when the sun would beat down on them and there was hardly any breeze. Those had been good days; when he and Jack were completely happy and there was nothing bothering them. He hoped that one day they could get back to that, maybe even next summer if they were lucky.

They reached a bench and sat down together, deciding to watch the moon shine down on the water. Everything was still and peaceful, and it felt so romantic that Ennis put his arm around Jack once more, glad that his husband seemed to be doing okay.

"I love you, Jack," he murmured, nuzzling his nose in Jack's dark hair. He felt more than heard Jack purr softly.

"Love you too," he replied, sliding his arms around Ennis's waist. "Can we go back home? I...I wanna be alone with you..." Ennis felt arousal stirring up within him and nodded.

"Sure. Come on, bud." They got up and linked hands again, heading for their apartment and looking forward to what the rest of the night would bring.

* * *

They returned home and entered the apartment, kissing in the semi-darkness and holding onto each other. Ennis was becoming very aroused now and he wanted Jack; he hoped that they would be able to do this. There was no guarantee these days that Jack was feeling up to it.

"Ennis," Jack breathed, tilting his head as Ennis kissed his neck. "Come on..." They removed their jackets and kissed once more, heading for the bedroom. Once inside, Ennis held Jack's face in his hands and kissed him gently; Jack had always loved it when he did that. It was a simple and tender gesture that reminded him how much he was loved.

"Jack...wanna be inside you, if it's okay..." he whispered. Jack gulped and nodded. There were no more words as they stripped each other and sat down on the bed, kissing heavily and letting their hands roam over each other's bodies. Jack had missed this and hoped he could do it. Even now, he was trying to ignore a little voice in his head that was niggling at him.

Ennis laid Jack down against the pillows, gazing into his eyes. "Darlin'...let me take care of you tonight..." Jack nodded mutely, batting away the voices. They taunted him and tried to convince him that Ennis wasn't doing this out of love; only need. Ennis could tell what was going on just from the look in Jack's eyes. "Don't listen to them, Jack. Just concentrate on us...what we're gonna do. I love you."

With a shaky nod from Jack, Ennis reached over and grabbed the lube, hoping that he could distract Jack from those horrible voices in his head. He coated himself liberally, not wanting to cause Jack any other kind of pain. He was going through enough right now and Ennis was supposed to be helping him.

He slowly entered Jack, lifting his legs up and guiding them around himself. He could see how vulnerable Jack felt right now and hoped he could drive the fear from Jack's eyes. Jack gripped Ennis's forearms and bit his lip. "Ennis...I'm nervous..."

"I know," Ennis soothed, stroking his cheeks. "Don't worry...just...relax, darlin'..." Ennis leaned down and kissed Jack as he started to move, taking it slowly at first. All he wanted was to see Jack happy again, and knew it was his job to help.

Ennis did his best to make Jack feel good, using every trick he could to distract Jack well enough. He kissed everywhere he could reach and ran his hands over Jack's smooth skin, eventually taking him in hand to help him orgasm. Jack came with what could only be described as a whimper, and Ennis didn't notice until he himself had finished. When he registered what sound Jack had made, he raised his head and looked into Jack's face. To his dismay, he saw tears gathering in Jack's eyes. "Jack?" he asked, and Jack shook his head.

"I...I don't..." Ennis pulled out of him and cupped his face. "I don't know why..." he breathed, feeling confused and upset. He didn't know why he felt like this.

"Shh..." Ennis soothed, allowing Jack to roll onto his side. Ennis sank down next to him, looking into his eyes. "What's wrong? Do you regret it now?" he asked, his heart sinking. That was the last thing he'd wanted; Jack had told him that he'd wanted to do it.

"Not really," Jack replied, trembling even under Ennis's touch. "Just...those voices. They told me you weren't doing it out of love...only so you could get off." Deep down, Jack knew it wasn't true; they had only ever had sex because of their love for each other, even the first time. He knew that Ennis loved him, and that this was usually the best way for them to show each other.

"Jack," Ennis breathed, unable to believe just how vicious these voices could be. He wished he could reach inside Jack's head and silence them himself. If they were real people taunting Jack, Ennis would have knocked them out at least once by now for daring to hurt this man. His protective instinct was rising up now; he had promised Jack to take care of him no matter what. "What can I do for you, darlin'? I don't know what to do..."

"Nothing you can do," Jack whispered, tears sliding down his cheek and landing on the pillow. "They won't leave me alone..." He trembled again, wishing that they would stop and starting to fear that they never would.

"You need help," Ennis told him. "We'll get that couples therapy arranged an' then maybe you can talk to the psychiatrist. Okay?"

"Will it help?" Jack asked him, and Ennis wished he could say for sure. He just wanted Jack to be happy again.

"I sure hope so," he replied, rubbing Jack's back. He wiped the tears from Jack's eyes, kissing his cheeks as he did so. "Don't get upset, darlin'...I'm here..."

Jack sniffed and tried to calm down, but it was hard when the voices were still whispering to him. "Ennis...I just want them to shut up, but...they won't leave me alone," he repeated, and fresh tears gathered in his eyes.

Ennis felt his heart grow heavy as he saw how distraught Jack was. "Wish I could make them go away, Jack...swear to God I do..." He didn't know what else to say. Jack burrowed closer to him and closed his eyes. Ennis sensed that Jack wanted to sleep, so wrapped him up in his arms. "Go to sleep, Jack...everythin' will be better tomorrow." Jack didn't respond, but Ennis knew he had been heard.

_You mean the world to me, Jack. I love Junior, but...it's you I can't live without. Scares the hell out of me to think I'm losin' you...all I want is to make it go away..._

He tried to get some sleep himself, but he kept thinking about Jack's fears. He didn't know how to make the pain go away and wasn't entirely sure how to help.

* * *

_October 15th, 2009_

Jack had finished his portfolio for work, much to Ennis's relief. He was glad that Jack had still been able to finish it despite what was going on. Jack's state the other night had worried him, but he didn't know what to do. Jack had been fine the night before; it seemed to come and go without warning.

They had spoken at length about organising couples' therapy for them, in an attempt to make Jack feel secure in the knowledge that Ennis was staying put to help him. Ennis could see the logic in doing this before Jack tried help for himself; he needed the stability first.

Ennis was waiting for him in a café down the street from the clinic, drinking coffee just to have something to do with his hands. He hoped that Jack would be open to the help that was being offered to him, and that he wouldn't shy away from it. He had to try and get better.

The door opened and Ennis smiled as Jack came into view, looking around for him. Even though it had only been a couple of hours since they had last seen each other, it felt like a lot longer. "Hey, darlin'."

"Hey," Jack replied, kissing him before sitting opposite. "I gave it to her...just gotta wait and see what she says now. Hopefully, she'll think it's good."

"I'm sure it is," Ennis assured him, taking Jack's hand across the table. "I know I haven't seen you workin', but I reckon you're good at what you do. They wouldn't have done this otherwise."

Jack smiled at the compliment, cheeks reddening slightly. "Thanks...and there was something else I wanted to tell you." He took a steadying breath. "I, um...I talked to her about couples' therapy. It turns out that she can do it, if that's alright with you."

Ennis nodded, pleased by Jack's initiative and how he had made that crucial first step. "Okay. When d'you wanna go?"

"Well, she's really busy at the moment. The only slot we could get is on Sunday, when the clinic's quiet."

"That's fine," Ennis replied. "The girls can take Junior. There's nothin' I can do for her right now...so I'm gonna focus on you." Jack smiled again and nodded. He was certainly a lot calmer than the other night now. At first, he'd fretted because he'd thought he'd ruined his birthday and that Ennis was sick of him. Ennis had done everything he could to reassure Jack that nothing was wrong, and it seemed to have worked.

The food arrived and Ennis looked at Jack. "So...this therapy. What would we be doin'?"

"Well, um...Emily says we'd talk about everything that's happened. With Alma and Junior. I'd share my feelings about it all, and then you'd do the same. Then I'd have to talk about...my fears and what it's doing to me. We'd have to try and find a way of sorting it out together."

Ennis thought this over. "Sounds easy enough...it'll probably work."

"I hope so...you were right, Ennis. I'm starting to believe those voices," Jack replied, keeping his voice low. "I know in my heart that you love me and want to help, but these voices are growing stronger all the time. It's getting harder to ignore them." He looked down at his food, trying to will himself to eat. "And the other night...that was horrible."

"I know," Ennis told him, squeezing his hand. "It hurt me to see you like that, Jack. You were so upset..."

Jack nodded. "I still don't know why, not really. Just...got really emotional. I'm sick of it...crying all the time. You must be, too." He was now fearing that Ennis thought him too emotional to bother with anymore, as if he was beyond all help.

"You've probably got some kind of depression," Ennis reasoned with him. "It's normal for you to feel like this when you consider that. Don't put yourself down, Jack...it's makin' you feel worse than you already do."

He gazed into Jack's eyes, hoping to make him see sense. He didn't think any less of Jack for getting upset about what was happening to him. Ennis actually thought he was being very strong; he didn't think that he could deal with something like this half as well as Jack was. He didn't care how hard it might become to help Jack; he was standing by the man he loved because he had to. He wanted to, and he hoped that Jack knew that. He tried to show him every day.

Finally, Jack nodded. "You're right, Ennis...it is making it worse. I just don't know how to stop it. Wish I did."

"Me too. An' we'll find a way together. I promise." He lifted Jack's hand and kissed it, making Jack smile slightly with the attention. Jack had always loved tender touches and Ennis had always been happy to provide them. "Not goin' anywhere, darlin'."

They resumed their lunch, each of them thinking about this situation and wondering what Sunday's session would bring. Jack would have to talk about his fears and he dreaded the heartbroken look on Ennis's face that he knew was going to form. Ennis said that the sight of him hurting made him feel pain within himself, and Jack hated causing Ennis any kind of pain. But they would have to do this if he was going to recover; he couldn't try to get help for himself until things were secure between them; he would need Ennis's support and would need convincing that Ennis was sticking to him.

Ennis, for his part, was already praying that the therapy would do them some good. He hoped that it wouldn't cause them to argue; he could hold Jack when he was upset but he stood no chance against Jack's anger; the man could be vicious when he wanted and they could exchange words too painful to take back. If they started fighting during the session, Ennis wasn't sure if their relationship could survive.


	24. Chapter 24

**Chapter 24**

_October 18th, 2009_

On Sunday, Ennis and Jack attended their first couples' therapy session. Neither of them was too sure what to expect from it, but Ennis knew he was willing to try anything to help Jack. All he wanted was to see a genuine, heartfelt smile on that beloved face once more.

Amy and Jessica were taking care of Junior at their request, and Ennis thoroughly appreciated everything the girls had done for them over the past few months. He made a mental note to himself to repay them in whichever way he could once all of this was over.

He and Jack sat in Emily's office as they waited for her, their hands linked loosely between them. "Gonna be okay," Ennis told him. "Emily knows you, an' she's spoken to me. She won't judge you for nothin', you know."

"I know," Jack sighed, picking at his jeans. "Still not sure what to do here, though." Ennis squeezed his fingers just as Emily walked in.

"Hello, you two," she greeted them, walking around to sit at the desk. "Glad to see you're finally taking these steps, Jack. I think it's about time."

Jack nodded. "I know. Hasn't been easy, but...I wanna get better. And this is the only way..."

"Well...I assume you know how it goes. Each of you will get the chance to share your feelings and thoughts about your problems without the other interrupting, and then we'll go from there." They nodded at her, willing to try this. "So...Jack, do you want to go first?"

Jack took a deep breath and started talking. He described how it had been a huge shock for him to find them with the custody of Ennis's daughter without warning, and how he'd struggled to get used to the idea. He talked about his feelings of jealousy in that he could never give Ennis a biological child, which in turn changed into his fears of Ennis leaving him for a woman. Then he talked about how this had become a fear that Ennis would leave him anyway out of annoyance.

"Anyway, things were going great after our trip together. We were happy again...and then I saw him with Alma and Junior, looking like a family."

Ennis held his tongue, knowing he had to wait his turn. He'd told Jack many times that he was his family, but it seemed to have fallen on deaf ears.

"And...then I started hearing the voices, telling me things that I know aren't true. They're...playing on my fears and making me believe them. I get paranoid, angry...sometimes depressed. It's driving me crazy and I have to wonder if he's getting sick of it." Having run out of words to say, he shook his head. "I'm just going in circles."

"Alright," Emily replied, having taken notes as he'd spoken. "Ennis?"

"Jack...I keep tellin' you that you've got nothin' to be scared about. I ain't goin' nowhere, an' I've told you that a million times. I have to look after Junior 'cos she's sick, but that don't mean that I don't love you. I keep tellin' you what you mean to me, but...it's like you don't listen."

"I do listen," Jack replied, ignoring the look he got from Emily. "I know you love me, but...sometimes it's hard to hold onto the belief that you'll stand by me no matter what. I don't know if you realise what that entails."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Ennis replied, hating that they were arguing already. Jack looked at him.

"What if I do have to be put in hospital? Will you stand by me then? When people ask you if you're married, will you tell them that your crazy husband's been put away for his own safety?"

"It won't come to that," Ennis told him firmly. "But even if it did...I wouldn't tell nobody nothin' 'cos it ain't their business."

"So you're ashamed of me," Jack concluded, and Ennis groaned.

"No. I never said that." They looked at each other and then away, not wanting this to escalate into a fight. Emily saw her cue.

"Okay, you two. It seems to me that you're both convinced that you're right. And I can see that even though you've tried to sort this by yourselves, your efforts aren't really going anywhere. Jack, look at me." He did as he was told, eyes glaring. "Ennis has tried to tell you that he loves you and wants to stand by you. I get the feeling that those voices are telling you otherwise. And perhaps you're starting to believe them. So what I can say to you is...try to remain focused on Ennis's voice. Every time you hear those others, just think about Ennis telling you how much he loves you. Try to block them; a psychiatrist would tell you the same thing."

Jack nodded despite himself, trying to calm down. He didn't like fighting with Ennis and he'd gone and done it.

"You two have to try and find a way of dealing with Jack's illness together. Ennis, keep reminding Jack every day of how you feel, and always be there when he need you. Stick close to him as much as you can and don't let him listen to those voices for too long."

"I've started learnin' how to recognise when he's hearin' 'em," Ennis told her, and she nodded, glad to hear this.

"Good. And Jack...try to let him in. He's a good man who wants to help you, and you need him. His love and support is crucial to your recovery; you should know by now that you can't do it without him."

"I do," Jack said quietly, still feeling slightly wary of the man sat next to him. "I just...it's harder than I thought it would be."

"I know," she told him, watching as Ennis reached out and gently touched his shoulder. Jack leaned his head into the touch, allowing Ennis to stroke his cheek. It was a small gesture, but Emily could see it meant a lot to both of them. Maybe they would be able to work this out after all.

* * *

By the time they got home, Ennis could tell that Jack was full of tension from their talk. He hadn't meant for them to snap at each other, but maybe it couldn't be helped under the circumstances. He just hoped that it wouldn't last long.

"You want a drink?" he asked as they entered the apartment. Jack didn't look at him.

"I'll get it," he replied, walking over to the fridge and pulling out two beers. He wordlessly handed one to Ennis and they kept their distance, knowing that they would have to talk about what happened and both dreading it.

"Look, Jack..." Ennis started, hoping that he could fix this. Jack shook his head.

"There's nothing to say. You're ashamed of me and you can't even admit it." The voices egged him on and he could no longer help but to listen to them. Ennis groaned inwardly.

"Jack...I told you. I ain't ashamed. All I wanna do is help you."

"Sure," Jack said under his breath, but Ennis heard it. "Ennis...did we even achieve anything today?"

"We know that we have to work together on this," Ennis told him, hoping that they could. "We need each other, Jack."

Jack laughed bitterly. "You need me? What do you need a crazy husband for? Maybe you needed me once, but now...you've got the confidence to start over for yourself. It wouldn't surprise me if you'd planned all of this."

"What the fuck?" Ennis asked, staring at him. "What are you talkin' about?" Jack slammed his beer onto the counter, making him flinch.

"Maybe you got Alma to give us custody, knowing that it would make it difficult for me to adjust. Then as soon as you have what you want, you literally drive me insane so that they'll lock me away and you don't have to deal with me anymore."

Ennis couldn't believe what he was hearing; Jack thought he'd planned all of this? Nothing could be further from the truth. "Jack, knock it off. You know that ain't true."

"Do I?" Jack asked in a low voice that scared Ennis. It was a voice of quiet anger, and Ennis would have preferred to be yelled at. "I don't know anything anymore, thanks to you."

"Jack, I love you. I want you to get better so that we can be happy again. I miss you, Jack...I miss the man I married."

"It's your fault that he's gone," Jack shot back, sitting at the island and fuming. "You...you did this. Even if you didn't plan it...you're still to blame. Playing happy families with your ex...maybe that's what you really miss."

Ennis was trying to keep a lid on his temper, but Jack was getting on his nerves now. They were both very stubborn and could easily hurt each other with just words if they chose to. "Jack...I don't miss that. Not in the slightest. You're the one I love."

Jack couldn't look at him right now; somewhere in his heart he knew that none of this was true, but the voices were strong and he couldn't fight off what they were telling him.

"What happened to us?" he finally said, in a soft and defeated voice. "We were so happy, Ennis...everything was going so well."

"It was Alma comin' here to spend time with Junior that did it," Ennis acknowledged. "We were doin' okay before that, thanks to our trip to Vermont."

"Yeah...so she's come between us again. Just like that year..." Jack rubbed his forehead. "I'm tired of fighting, and of going around in circles."

"Are you suggestin' we...divorce?" Ennis asked, trying to remain calm. Jack looked up at him. He thought about the option, but felt sick at the very idea. No; they couldn't do that. He was still so much in love with Ennis that it just wouldn't help. They would both feel worse if they had to go through something like that.

"No," he said decisively. "I'm not even suggesting a break. I just...I want things to be the way they were before. I hate fighting with you."

"Me too," Ennis replied, feeling safe to sit near Jack now that his temper had simmered down. At least Jack didn't want them to break up. "Damn near breaks my heart every time we do it...'cos what if we end up sayin' things we can't never take back?"

"Yeah." Jack looked around and sighed. "I...I need to get out of here, Ennis. I...I'm gonna go for a walk. Maybe see if any of our friends are in town."

Ennis nodded, feeling hurt that Jack hadn't invited him. "Alright...you need some space. I...I get that. I'm sorry about all of this, Jack." He looked into the blue eyes that usually showed him so much love, but which now looked deadened and unemotional. "Take your phone, just in case."

"Yeah." Jack stood up and Ennis also rose, wanting to hug him goodbye but not knowing if it would be welcome. Jack sensed his unease and walked around the island to him. "Ennis..."

He didn't embrace Ennis, but he kissed his cheek lightly and moved away without looking at him. Ennis stood still as he heard Jack leave the apartment and shut the door behind him. He walked over to the sofa with his beer, feeling numb and very lonely. Jack was out and would probably have fun with their friends if he found any, and here he was. Alone because he had scared Jack and lost his trust.

Jack had once told him that he knew he would never hurt him, and Ennis had been humbled by those words. He'd promised to never hurt Jack, but that was exactly what he'd gone and done without meaning to. A small part of him wondered if a breakup was the best option after all, but he beat it down. He didn't want that and knew that Jack didn't either. Still, he wasn't sure what they were supposed to do now; he felt as if he was truly losing Jack after all.

* * *

Ennis sat there for a while, staring into space and wishing that Jack would return. They weren't going to fix this if one them ran away and he wanted Jack close to him. He knew that Jack would be safe out there; nobody here would hurt them and they had plenty of friends.

As evening drew near, he knew he had to sort out Junior. They had only planned for her to stay with the girls for a couple of hours, and since Jack was gone he figured he might as well go and pick her up.

It was with a heavy heart that he knocked on their door, knowing that they would be full of questions. Amy answered, smiling when she saw him. She hoped that the session had gone well for them; they needed the help.

"Hey, Ennis. Come on in...where's Jack?"

"He went out," Ennis replied evasively, looking around. "Where's Junior?" Amy looked at him with narrowed eyes, knowing that he was keeping something from her.

"She's asleep. What d'you mean, he went out?"

"The session didn't go so well," Ennis sighed, turning to her. By now, Jessica had joined them, looking puzzled by the tension radiating from the other two.

"Why not?"

"We...started snipin' at each other. I don't think he even trusts me anymore...he's convinced that I'm gonna leave him over this. I've told him a million times that I'm goin' nowhere, but...he don't seem to listen."

Amy sighed, hearing the pain in his voice. "I'm sorry about all of this...you guys don't deserve what's going on. Is there anything we can do? Maybe slap him upside the head?"

Ennis tried to smile, but it didn't work. "Don't think it'd do any good, to be honest." He sat down, sighing. "We got back, an'...now he's thinkin' it's all my fault. He actually accused me of settin' the whole thing up with Alma; makin' her give us custody just to give him a hard time. An' he thinks that I don't need him anymore, which...he knows ain't true," he finished, rubbing his forehead. "He said he doesn't want a divorce, an' that he doesn't even want a break. An' I believe him, but...what if he decides that he does after all? All the times I've tried to help him, it hasn't worked. I don't know how to fight for him if he decides we should break up."

The girls looked at each other, completely unsure of what to say that might help. "Ennis...you know that Jack isn't in his right mind at the moment. I bet that some part of him knows that you didn't plan any of it, and that you love him. I'm sure he didn't mean what he said. What if it was the voices that egged him on to say those things? He'd never say them in his right mind and you know that. He loves you too much to hurt you."

Ennis looked at them, knowing that they were right. "Yeah, I know that. But...what am I supposed to do? I'm losin' him already...he's slippin' away from me."

They sat down near him, Jessica squeezing his shoulder. "Ennis, look at us." He did so, seeing the concern in their eyes. They had always been here for him and Jack ever since they'd met. Despite being gay, Ennis knew that they still needed women in their lives to be their friends. He figured that women were just better with talking and emotions, and he'd learned a lot from them. He would pay them back someday; he had to sort out his own issues first.

"You know...I'm real grateful to you guys," he told them, and they smiled. "Jack's always had Lureen, ever since I met him. I've never known women that I can just talk to as friends apart from her. Lureen's great, but...she's more Jack's friend. I just wanna say thank you for puttin' up with us."

Jessica laughed. "You kidding? You guys keep us busy...we'd be bored otherwise."

"And we love Junior as if she were a niece or something," Amy added, nodding. "Don't ever feel like you're taking advantage of us by leaving her with us. We love having her here, and it helps you guys to take some time alone." They both knew that Ennis and Jack had a lot to discuss over their situation and they hoped that it could be done without fighting.

Ennis nodded, wondering what he was going to do now. He wanted to find Jack and bring him home, but he wasn't sure if Jack would come with him. He might want Ennis to keep away from him right now. "What am I gonna do?"

"You're gonna go home, get something to eat and then put together an overnight bag for Junior," Amy began decisively.

"Then you're gonna find Jack and tell him that you love him and will do anything to win back his trust," Jessica added. "Because, really...we all know it's true."

"And then you'll take him home...and that's as far as we're gonna go," Amy said with a grin. Ennis had to laugh at how they could cheer him up like this.

"Maybe you're right," he said quietly, pulling out his cell phone and looking at the wallpaper; the photo of his wedding day with his man. It had been the happiest day of his life, and he couldn't believe it was only last year. "I can't afford to lose him. If he leaves me over this, then that illness of his wins. Those voices...they're tryin' to drive us apart and make his life a living hell. I can't just...stand by. I've gotta find him."

He stood up and they rose with him, hands on his arm. "Remember; food first. You look like you need it. Then get the bag and bring it here, then go find Jack." Ennis nodded and they both kissed him on the cheek before he left, hoping that he could find Jack before a decision was made to tear them apart.

* * *

Jack was still fuming as he entered the bar, looking around for anybody he knew. As much as he hated arguing with Ennis, he didn't feel like he could be near the man right now. He knew that he'd been completely wrong about the things he'd said, and he wished he could take them all back.

_Maybe it really is too late for us, _he thought sadly as he sat at the bar. The voices encouraged his thoughts, telling him that his marriage was over. He sighed and ordered a drink, wanting to just forget their fight for a while.

As he sat there, he thought about the past year. Things had started off so well and now they were going downhill so quickly that he felt as if his life with Ennis was slipping through his fingers. He felt powerless to stop it and didn't know what to do.

"Jack?" asked a voice that he vaguely remembered. He turned and almost choked on his drink. Standing there was Kevin Jones; his old roommate before Ennis and the very first guy he'd ever had a crush on.

"Kevin," he replied, still in shock. "What...?"

"Long time no see," Kevin said to him, sitting beside him and ordering a drink. "Never thought I'd ever see you again."

"What are you doing here? You realise that the majority of people here are gay, right?" Jack asked him, remembering how vicious the other man had been when he came out.

Kevin sighed. "Jack...I'm sorry about that. I was just a dumb kid back then...my dad was always homophobic so I just picked it up from him. And you were my friend; I never should've treated you like that."

Jack nodded. "You're damn right you shouldn't." As he lifted his glass, Kevin noticed the band on his finger.

"You married?" he asked, mindful that same-sex marriage was legal here. Jack nodded slowly.

"Yeah. His name's Ennis. Um...he was my roommate after you left. Things happened quickly...we got together in the fall of that year, been together ever since. Got married last year."

Kevin looked at him. "You sure don't seem happy, though," he observed. Jack bit his lip, wondering how much to share with the man who had hurt him so much.

"We're...having problems," he started, choosing his words carefully. "His ex-girlfriend turned up in the summer, handed over his daughter that he didn't know about and gave us custody. I've been struggling with it and our relationship...it's starting to break."

He shook his head, not wanting to elaborate any further. He certainly didn't want to divulge the nature of the illness he was suffering from, whatever it may be. "We were...but things aren't easy. We've tried couples' therapy...had our first session today but we just ended up arguing."

Kevin was silent; he had considered Jack his friend before he'd come out and was truly sorry for what had happened. He wanted to help Jack now however he could.

"Look...I really am sorry about the way I treated you," he told Jack, clapping him on the shoulder. "And I'm sorry about your problems now. I never hated you, Jack. Just couldn't deal with you being my roommate and having a crush on me. I reacted badly and I don't expect you to forgive me for that."

Jack shook his head. "Don't worry about it. I forgot all of that a long time ago. I had to let go of the past, Kevin. And...it allowed me to be happy with Ennis, at least then. Not sure about right now," he added quietly.

The pair of them retreated to the corner, happy to see each other again despite their past issues. "So what're you doing here?" Jack asked. "Not exactly your kind of place, unless there's something you're not telling me."

"I was visiting a friend who lives here," Kevin told him. "My ex, actually. She's a lesbian and we've stayed friends. I told her about you and she advised me to seek you out; seems that she's heard of you."

"Oh," Jack replied, nodding. "Well...thank you for apologising. I appreciate it. What are you up to these days?"

"Working in Boston; I'm in real estate. Just started seeing another woman back there. Where's Lureen these days?"

"She's making it big as a dancer in New York," Jack told him, feeling proud of his friend. "She's doing really well."

"Good. Remember when she threatened to tear my balls off if I ever said anything nasty to you?"

Jack laughed. "She was very protective. I remember how Ennis-" He paused, the name of his husband making him feel strange. "Well...I don't know what we're gonna do there."

"You love him, Jack?" Kevin asked, and he nodded. "And he loves you?" Jack paused but then nodded again; he knew in his heart that Ennis loved him with all of his. "And...under normal circumstances, he's good to you and makes you happy?"

"Yeah," Jack replied, sighing. He saw what Kevin was trying to tell him; that no matter what problems they were having, at the end of the day he and Ennis were meant to be together.

"Jack...I'm sorry for you that I couldn't be what you wanted, back then. I just want you to be happy now, okay?" Jack swallowed past a lump in his throat and tears sprang to his eyes.

"I just...I keep feeling depressed and I'm convinced that he's gonna leave me," he managed to say, breathing shakily. "I can't lose him...I just can't."

"Jack, come here." Kevin hugged him, purely in a friendly manner. He did want Jack to be happy, partly out of guilt for the way he'd treated him and also because he'd seen for himself that there really were all kinds of love. He now felt like he didn't have the right to judge anybody.

While he was trying to calm Jack down, he was unaware of the blonde man who had just entered the bar, his deep brown eyes narrowed at the pair of them.

* * *

Ennis hurried down the street to the next bar, hoping to find Jack somewhere around here. None of their friends that he'd found had seen him, so he hoped that Jack was okay. He was ready to apologise and do as the girls had suggested; confirm his unwavering love to Jack and maybe try to fix this. At the end of the day, he wanted to be with Jack and wanted to help him. That was all that mattered now.

He entered the bar, looking around. When his eyes fell on the two figures in the corner, he felt as if he'd been stabbed in the heart. Jack was hugging an unfamiliar man, and they looked cosy.

_Can't say I blame him, with the way I treat him, _Ennis lamented, and then grew angry. That stranger was still holding his Jack and his eyes narrowed. He strode over to them and slammed his hands on the table, making them both jump and break apart. "What the fuck is goin' on?" he hissed, and Jack sighed. He'd had a feeling that Ennis was going to follow him tonight, and he should have seen this coming.

"Kevin...meet my husband Ennis," he said in a dry voice completely devoid of emotion. There was no love in the words he spoke, much to Ennis's dismay. "Ennis, this is Kevin. My old roommate." His eyes were fixed on Ennis, knowing that the other man would be working it out.

"You mean...the guy you...?" he asked, unable to say the words. Jack had his jaw set as he glared at Ennis. He was starting to see how Ennis had misinterpreted such an innocent situation, and realised what it meant.

"Yeah, the guy I used to have a crush on. What of it?"

"Did you invite him here?" Ennis asked, and Kevin was ready to crumble under that steely gaze. Jack looked incredulous.

"Ennis, he lives in Boston. I've only been out for about an hour or so. There's no way he could've made it here by now. Are you insane?"

"What's he doin' here?" Ennis asked, still glaring. Jack sighed.

"He's visiting his ex, who's a lesbian. He told her about me and she knows me, so she encouraged him to find me. He apologised for how he reacted back then. And I accepted his apology. He was being my friend, Ennis."

"Huggin' you?" Ennis hissed. "Knowin' how you felt about him an' considerin' where you are right now? I ain't stupid, Jack. What's goin' on?"

Jack stood up, facing him down. "He was hugging me because I got talking about you, idiot! I got upset because I'm convinced that we're heading for a divorce. So there; now you know how I'm feeling."

Ennis stared at him, shocked by the words. Jack was certain that a breakup was on the horizon. "You really think that?" he asked in a quieter voice, and Jack nodded, folding his arms.

"Do I have any reason not to?" he said softly, and Kevin looked between them. He'd seen married couples arguing before, but nothing like this. How could they love each other when they were being so vicious?

"You know you do," Ennis told him, grasping his left hand so that their rings clinked together. "We're married, Jack. I love you an' I know you love me despite everythin'. We're supposed to be together; everybody we know feels the same." Jack pulled his hand away, looking pained.

"I do love you, Ennis. But I have to wonder if this is worth it."

"It is," Ennis pleaded, hoping that he wasn't going to lose Jack. "Please, can we just talk?"

"Like we were supposed to earlier?" Jack shot back. "Yeah, that went really well. If I learned anything, it's that you're ashamed of me."

"For God's sake, Jack!" Ennis yelled, and a few people were staring at them by now. Most of those present knew them, so they were very surprised to be witnessing this. "How many times? I ain't ashamed of you."

"Liar," Jack hissed venomously. "You don't like having to keep an eye on someone who's going crazy. You heard that right," he directed at Kevin, who was wondering what he'd gotten himself into. He'd only wanted a drink. "I'm ill, okay? There's something gone wrong in my brain and now Ennis, my _dear_ husband, doesn't want to deal with it anymore. He's probably packed my bags by now, wanting to cart me off to the loony bin."

Ennis couldn't believe what Jack was saying. All of this was untrue but Jack clearly believed it. He saw something in Jack's eyes; something that told him Jack was hearing the voices. They were egging him on, pushing him into saying these things. He knew Jack well enough by now to know that he would never say these things if he was of sound mind.

"Jack," he said quietly so that nobody else could hear. "Stop. I know this ain't you talkin'...it's them. Don't listen to them, look at me."

Jack backed away, glaring. He knew that the voices were goading him, but he could see plain as day that Ennis didn't trust him; he could see that even without their input. He'd flipped out when he'd seen him hugging Kevin, automatically thinking the worst. Even if it turned out that Kevin was gay and interested in him, Jack still would never have cheated on Ennis. Their relationship meant too much to him for that but he was still very angry.

"I think we'd better settle this at home," he finally said, clapping Kevin on the shoulder. "See you some other time, yeah?"

"Sure, Jack," Kevin replied, not knowing what to make of the scene. Clearly, it was a lot worse than Jack had initially described. Jack walked past Ennis without looking at him, and Ennis followed with one last glance at Kevin. Now he was certain that their relationship might not last much longer. Everything was falling apart and he didn't know what to do anymore.


	25. Chapter 25

**Chapter 25**

Ennis and Jack walked through the streets to their apartment, Jack seething with anger and Ennis trying to keep up with him. They were silent as they reached their building, knowing that what they had to say had to be said in private. Neither of them wanted any further audiences for this; their argument in the bar had already been too public for their liking.

As they climbed the stairs, Ennis found himself wondering what was going to happen. He couldn't guarantee that they would be able to work this one out, and the thought scared him. What if Jack was of the opinion that they had no choice but to split up? He knew that if Jack called time on their relationship, he might not have the strength to put his foot down. He had only ever wanted Jack to be happy, whatever that meant for him.

They reached their apartment and Jack opened it up, not speaking. Once inside, he headed straight for the fridge and pulled out a beer. Ennis gave him a look. "You know that ain't the answer, right?"

"I don't care right now," Jack replied, glaring at him. "You interrupted my drink with a friend."

"Jack, I saw you huggin' another guy. Someone I didn't know. What was I supposed to think?"

"You were supposed to trust me," Jack shot at him. "You know damn well that I would never mess around behind your back. It used to be that you did know that...not sure anymore."

"I know, Jack," Ennis tried to assure him. Deep down, he knew he'd acted irrationally. He still felt as if he'd had reason to think the worst. "But the thing is...you told me a little while ago that you feel lonely. With me takin' care of Junior so much, we've hardly had any time...in bed," he finished, looking at the man on the other side of the room; it seemed as if they were miles apart. "An' when we do...it ain't all that it used to be."

Jack drummed his fingers on the worktop. "I know. And, yeah...I've been feeling lonely. But that doesn't mean I'll go for someone else just because you won't do it."

"I've wanted to; I thought you didn't want it," Ennis replied, shaking his head. "I'd never force you, Jack."

"This isn't about force...it's about you making all of the decisions with us and deciding how it's gonna be. You just assumed that I didn't want to do it lately; you never asked me."

"I would if you were in the right mind," Ennis tried to soothe him, but Jack grew even angrier at these words. It always came back to that and he was sick of it by now. "But you're ill...it didn't seem right."

"Yeah...who'd wanna fuck a nutjob, right?" Jack retorted, his voice wavering slightly. Ennis sighed; he was tired of this same argument.

"Would you stop with that? You ain't crazy..."

"Sure as hell not sane," Jack answered, drinking from the bottle. "Hearing voices, always panicking, crying, flying off the handle...what exactly do you find attractive about all that?" he asked, tilting his head. "I sure as hell don't know how you could still want me."

"I love you...I promised to be there for you no matter what," Ennis said, trying to remain calm. Jack put the bottle down and folded his arms.

"Ennis...I don't know anymore. I...I love you, but...the way you strode over to us and immediately insinuated that I was cheating was horrible. That made me realise something that not even the voices could convince me of. I didn't even hear them at the time but I could still see what was going on." He looked directly into Ennis's eyes. "I saw it in your eyes...that flash of anger and mistrust. You can deny it if you want, but...you didn't trust me then. And it doesn't matter what you say now...I know what I saw."

Ennis bit his lip; he had briefly thought that Jack was cheating on him in that bar, and he had felt very mistrustful of Jack in that moment. He hung his head and Jack took it as confirmation. "I knew it."

"Jack, I...I'm sorry about what happened tonight. I do trust you..." He looked up and his heart ached to see that look on Jack's face; the one that he'd put there. "But you gotta see it from my point of view. I didn't know the guy, an' then you told me who he was an' that made it worse, knowin' how you used to feel about him."

"Exactly; used to," Jack said. "I thought I loved him, but when I developed feelings for you, I knew I'd been wrong about that. I didn't love him; it was simply a crush. It was always so much more with you..."

Ennis nodded, feeling miserable. He didn't think that he deserved Jack's love anymore. "I'm sorry, Jack...can we please sort this out?"

"I don't know," Jack replied faintly, making Ennis's blood run cold. Jack was questioning the future of their relationship. "I need to think...about all of this."

"What are you gonna do?" Ennis asked, fearful of the answer. Jack looked to the living area.

"I'm gonna sleep on the sofa tonight. Can't be near you right now. Tomorrow, I'll decide what I wanna do. Ennis, I...I'm not trying to hurt you. But I need to think about what's best for me, considering my health right now."

Ennis nodded; he would give Jack anything he wanted, even if it broke his own heart. "Okay. You want somethin' to eat?"

Jack shook his head. "No...think I'm gonna get some sleep." Seeing his cue, Ennis walked through to their bedroom and started getting ready for bed, not turning when Jack grabbed the thick blanket from the chair in the corner, along with his pillow. When he was alone, Ennis sank onto the bed and curled up around himself, no longer able to fight back the tears.

* * *

Jack tried to get comfortable on the sofa, but he kept turning and felt restless. His fight with Ennis had been awful, but a large part of him knew that he was right. Ennis hadn't trusted him in those few seconds, and it made Jack wonder if Ennis trusted him at all.

He stared up at the ceiling, wondering about tomorrow. He'd told Ennis that he would have come to a decision by then, but he didn't know what it would be. Should they break up or stay together? He didn't know, but felt as if he was standing at a crossroads; the road he chose would affect the rest of his life.

On the one hand, he still loved Ennis deeply and wanted to be with him. He knew that if they could get themselves sorted, maybe he would have a chance of getting better. But on the other hand...he still remembered the anger in Ennis's voice upon finding him with Kevin. Maybe their time together really had run its course after all; a bleak thought. Jack thought through both options, trying to make a decision. Either way, he could still get the help he needed; it would just be harder without Ennis. If he chose to stay, would that only make things worse for them? Would they just keep arguing and hurting each other every time something happened? Or, by some miracle, would things work out? He had so many questions and no answers; he had to make this decision himself.

"Ennis..." he sighed to himself, trying not to think of the blonde man in their bed, where he should be. Jack wondered if he should join Ennis in there, but he knew it would be a bad idea; he couldn't succumb to weakness right now when he had to choose a path. He turned onto his side and placed his hand under his head, chewing his lip. He couldn't even remember a time when they had both been truly happy; it was so long ago and so much had happened.

To his annoyance, the voices floated through his mind. _He doesn't trust you. You're better off without him. He can't help you now...it won't do you any good to stay here. _

"Knock it off," he whispered to them. "This is my decision to make." He was surprised to hear the voices stop, and wondered if he was on to something there. But nothing could lift his spirits right now; he missed Ennis so much.

Needing to see Ennis, he slowly rose from the sofa and quietly padded through the apartment to their bedroom. The door was slightly ajar, and he managed to open it without any creaking. Ennis was lying there, curled up and facing away from the door. Jack paused, unsure of himself. Ennis was either asleep or faking it, and he didn't want to know either way.

Slowly, he walked around the bed and saw that Ennis's eyes were closed. He crouched down at the side and gently wound a curl around his finger, remembering when he used to do this simply out of love. He sighed and pulled away, not wanting to wake Ennis up.

Ennis only opened his eyes when he heard the door shut, unable to move. Jack had been right here as he'd feigned sleep, and he didn't know what this might mean. Perhaps Jack was swaying more towards fighting for their relationship?

_Sure as hell hope so, _he thought to himself, thinking about Jack caressing his hair. He'd sorely missed that from Jack; it was such a loving gesture that meant a lot to him.

Ennis prayed with all his heart that Jack had decided to stay, and he vowed to do whatever it took to get them back on track. Things had been going so well for them, and might have stayed that way if Alma hadn't come to see Junior. Prior to that, it had looked as if everything was going to be okay. Jack would have slowly gotten used to having Junior around and they would have become a family. But now...it didn't look very likely. Everything had been ruined and he had half a mind to call Alma.

"Please don't leave me, Jack," he murmured, closing his eyes. "Don't wanna be without you..."

Back in the living room, Jack was once more trying to sleep. Being near Ennis hadn't improved anything; he felt uncertain about what to do. He lay there, thinking it over multiple times and trying to come to a conclusion.

Not long after he left, he thought he could hear someone talking within the apartment. The door was locked, so nobody had broken in. He would have heard them anyway. The sound was coming from their bedroom, and he wondered if Ennis was mumbling in his sleep or sending up a prayer that everything would work out. Jack wished he had an answer but he didn't.

He only knew of one thing for sure; he and Ennis needed some space, him in particular. They were fighting all the time and he was sick of it. They weren't happy right now and he didn't want them to divorce, so this may be the best solution. They could take a break from each other for a little while, just until his head was clear and he could breathe again.

_Can't spend every night on here, _he thought to himself, and then a solution came to him. _Maybe I could...get out of here. Go see Lureen and my brother in New York. Haven't seen either of them for a long time, and I know I can't stay here right now._

It would hurt to leave Ennis behind, even for just a short while, but he needed to do this. He didn't want it to get to a point where they were sick of the sight of each other, and it was bound to happen if this carried on. This was the best option for both of them.

* * *

_October 19th, 2009_

By the next morning, Jack had ultimately decided on his next move. In New York, he could take the time to calm down after everything that had been going on here. He would call Lureen after breakfast and explain the situation to her. He knew it would be hard to say goodbye to Ennis, even though it was only temporary. But he didn't want things to get even worse between them, and that would happen if he stayed; this was the best thing for them right now.

He was silent as Ennis prepared breakfast for the both of them. He could sense that Ennis was waiting for him to talk about what he'd decided, and he was trying to work up the courage; this was the hardest thing he'd ever had to do.

Ennis felt as if he was walking on eggshells; he had no idea what Jack had decided and if there was a future for them. The silence in the room was enough to make him worry. He set the breakfast down on the table and cast a wary glance at Jack, who had thanked him quietly before starting to eat. After a few bites, Ennis couldn't take it anymore; he just had to know what was going on.

"So, um...did you decide anythin' last night?" he asked unsurely, looking at Jack. His partner met his eyes and nodded; he looked tired but somewhat determined.

"Yeah, I did," he replied, twirling his fork absently. "I...I did decide what I'm gonna do." Knowing that Ennis needed an answer, he sighed. "I'm gonna go to New York for a little while."

Ennis could practically feel his heart breaking. "Jack..." He couldn't believe it; their marriage was over. "Are you...leavin' me?"

Jack looked at him, seeing the real fear in his eyes. He shook his head. "No, I'm not. I'm asking for a break, maybe a week or so. Ennis, look at me." When he did, Jack was sure to be clear. "I'm not asking for a divorce, okay? I can't breathe here anymore; I need to get away for a while. I need to clear my head and try to think about everything. I can't do that here; we just end up fighting about everything."

"Can't we work this out here, together?" Ennis pleaded, trying to keep hold of Jack even as he slipped away.

"I'm sorry...but I don't think we can. If I stay now...things are gonna get worse. We'll fight more and more...and Junior doesn't need to see that from us. If I stay...we _will_ break up for good. I can see it coming, Ennis. I don't want to, but it's there."

"Is this about you feelin' like I don't trust you?" Ennis asked, searching for answers. "You gotta know I do, Jack."

"I know you do," Jack replied, nodding. "I swear, Ennis...I know you do. But last night...that feeling of you not trusting me, it made me see how bad things are becoming for us. Even without the voices, I can see by myself what will happen if this carries on. I love you, Ennis. And I still want to be married to you, but I know that if I stay...a time will come when I wish I wasn't. I really don't want that to happen."

Ennis nodded, a lump in his throat. Even if this was only temporary, it still felt like he'd lost Jack. How was he supposed to get through a week or more without his other half? He didn't know if he could take it.

"Ennis," Jack said softly, knowing that this was hurting him. "I don't wanna hurt you with this; I know this is the right thing for us; like it or not, we need some time apart. It's the only way to save what we've got." He reached over and made Ennis meet his eyes. "You're the love of my life; the only person I've ever truly loved. That won't change even if I'm in New York. I'm doing this because I love you, okay?"

"Jack," Ennis finally managed to choke out. "I don't know if I can...go a week without you." Jack cupped his cheek.

"You can," he replied, nodding. "You're stronger than you give yourself credit for. Just...don't be alone, okay? Spend time with the girls; try and focus on Junior. Try not to worry, okay? I'm gonna call Lureen after breakfast and ask if she can take me in. I'll spend time with her and see my brother. Maybe I'll even go to see your mom. But I'll make sure they all know it's not a breakup. Alright?"

Ennis nodded, trying to ignore the prickling in his eyes. Jack saw it and stood up, walking around the table to him. "Come here." Ennis stood up and they embraced, clinging to each other as if they never wanted to let go. It was the first time in a while that they had hugged like this, and Ennis was going to miss it a lot.

"I love you," he said shakily, and Jack squeezed him. He was no longer angry; just tired and worn out by everything. But hopefully this trip would do them some good; he was fairly certain that it would.

"I love you too. Remember, Ennis...I'm not mad at you anymore. I can see why you reacted like that last night, seeing me with Kevin. And I'm sorry I flew off the handle about it. I know what we have to do now, and I'm sure it'll work. Just...work with me, okay?"

Ennis nodded, unwilling to let go of him. Jack gently prised them apart, hands on Ennis's face. "It'll get better," he assured Ennis, nodding. "Gonna miss you, cowboy."

The endearment made Ennis smile as much as he could. "You too, darlin'." Jack leaned in and briefly kissed him, not wanting to make things any more difficult than they already were. When Ennis opened his eyes, Jack was heading for their bedroom to pack.

* * *

Ennis took Jack to the airport, resulting in another emotional goodbye. It hadn't been cheap to buy a last-minute ticket, but he understood that Jack needed to get out of here. As Ennis slowly drove back, he thought about their parting.

"_Take care of yourself," Jack said, hugging him tightly. "I still love you, and I promise that I'll come back. We'll get the help we need and work this out, okay?"_

_Ennis nodded, trying to be strong. "Yeah. Say hi to the others for me. I'm sorry about all this, Jack..."_

"_Me too. It's not any one person's fault, not even Alma's. Just the way things have turned out. But we'll set them right together, I promise."_

Ennis shook his head and focused on what he was doing. He knew that Junior would be asking after them and dreaded what the girls would say when he told them. He slowly made his way to their apartment, wondering what the reaction would be.

He knocked and was soon met with Jessica, who smiled at him. "Hey, there you are. Did Jack keep you up all night when you were making up?" she grinned, and he blanched. Jessica saw the look on his face and frowned. "Oh God...what happened? Come on in; Amy's here."

"How come you ain't at work?" he asked her, and she shrugged.

"Had a day off. Where's Jack?"

"Headin' for New York," he told her as Amy walked into the room.

"What?" she asked from the doorway, as if she hadn't heard him properly.

"He asked for a break," Ennis told them. "He's gone to New York to stay with Lureen an' see his brother."

"What the hell happened? Sit down; Junior's still asleep." He took a seat and they sat near him, faces full of confusion. He sighed.

"I went lookin' for him, an' found him in a bar. Remember us tellin' you about his roommate before me, that Kevin guy?"

"The one who rejected him and was horrible afterwards," Amy replied, remembering the story.

"Yep. Well, he was in town seein' his ex an' she told him about Jack livin' here. I walked into the bar to see them...huggin'." Jessica's brows furrowed.

"What...?"

"It was just a hug," Ennis told them, sure of that now. "Kevin's still straight, an' Jack got upset over what's goin' on with us. He apologised to Jack for what he did an' was just tryin' to cheer him up. I saw them, got the wrong end of the stick. Me an' Jack...we started yellin' at each other in the bar, even with people watchin'. He kept sayin' how I don't trust him anymore just 'cos we haven't really been together for a while. I know it now, but last night...I didn't trust him."

He went on to describe the rest of their fight, and how Jack had ended up sleeping on the sofa. "This mornin', he told me that he's goin' to New York for a break. He knows now that I trust him, but I made him feel like I don't an' he thinks we need to spend time apart for a while, before things get even worse. I can see his thinkin', but...it hurts like hell. I didn't want him to go, but he'd made his mind up. He's right; it probably will be good for us. If he stays, we could end up fightin' even worse an' break up for good."

The girls were silent as they listened, taking it all in. They had thought that Ennis and Jack could overcome any problem together no matter what it was, and clearly this was not the case. "Ennis...we're sorry. Did he say how long he'd be gone?"

Ennis shrugged. "He said at least a week, maybe more. Jess, could you tell them at work? Just...say he's had to go for a family emergency or somethin'."

Jessica nodded. "Don't worry, I'll take care of it. Are you gonna be okay?"

"I guess. Just...gotta take one day at a time."

"Daddy!" chirped a voice from the other side of the room, and Junior came running into his arms.

"Hey, Junior. You have a good time with Amy an' Jess?"

"Uh huh. Where's Jack?" she asked him, blinking innocently. Ennis sighed, putting her on his knee.

"Jack's had to leave for a while, honey."

Junior's eyes widened. "Are you not gonna be married anymore?" she asked fearfully. "Is he comin' back?"

"He will come back, an' we're still gonna be married," he assured her, stroking her hair. "Jack's havin' a hard time right now 'cos he's ill, an'...he needs to spend time away."

"Is it my fault?" she asked him, and he shook his head.

"No, Junior. It's nobody's fault. _Except mine, _he thought to himself. "He's got a friend in New York, an' his brother lives there too. Like Grandma. Jack's gonna go spend time with them while he's there."

"Gonna miss him," Junior sighed, resting against his chest. Ennis nodded, rubbing her back.

"Me too, Junior. But he'll come back; said he would." Ennis hoped that Jack wouldn't change his mind about that. What if he only came back to apply for divorce and pack up the rest of his things? Ennis prayed that wouldn't happen.

The girls made breakfast and Ennis joined them; he hadn't finished his after his conversation with Jack. He'd thought that he'd throw up if he tried to eat anything then. Even now, it was a struggle to get anything down when he was feeling so alone. Jack would be on the plane by now and on his way to New York; Ennis wondered if he was staring out of the window, thinking of him and wondering if he'd made the right choice. Jack hadn't even said if he would call or text, and this made him feel even worse. He hoped that Jack was right, and that this trip did them the good they needed. He didn't want to think about the alternative if he could help it.

* * *

When Jack arrived in JFK airport, Lureen was there waiting for him. She was glad to see him but wished it could be under better circumstances. She hoped that he and Ennis would be able to work out their problems and dreaded the possibility of them breaking up.

"Hey," he said to her as he reached her, smiling a little. She moved forward and hugged him, knowing that he needed some support right now.

"I wish both of you could be here," she said to him, and he nodded.

"Yeah, me too. I just had to get out of there...couldn't take it anymore."

"You sure this'll do you good?" she asked, not entirely sure that it would.

"I think so," he said as they broke apart. "All I know is...we've got some serious problems and I need to keep a clear head if they're gonna get sorted out. I can't do that there, with him. Not right now."

Lureen nodded. "Okay. So...how long are you plannin' to stay?" He shrugged.

"A week, maybe more. Haven't decided, really. Thanks for taking me in, Lu." She smiled.

"It's no problem. When you told me that you're gay, I promised to help you in whatever way I could, remember? That extends to a roof over your head if you need one. An' I'm glad to have you here; I missed you. I really hope that you guys can work this out."

"So do I," he told her, nodding. "I love him, but it's really hard right now to be near him."

"Right. Don't worry about it right now. When did you last eat?"

"I didn't have much of breakfast; that was when I told him I'm coming here. Had some chips on the plane."

"Okay. We'll get you back to my place an' I'll make you somethin'. Come on." She took his arm and they headed for baggage claim, Jack trying not to think of the blonde man he'd left behind, who was probably nursing a broken heart. He swallowed; surely Ennis knew that this was only temporary? He'd told him so.

_You did, but maybe he fears that it'll become permanent, _said a voice in his head.

_Knock it off, _he thought back, trying to ignore the voice. He wondered if he'd found a way of shutting them up after all. Perhaps he could beat this thing.

When they collected his luggage, they headed outside to the cab that was waiting outside and got in. Lureen squeezed his hand in a show of support, and he was glad to have her there with him.

"Are you gonna visit your brother an' Ennis's mama while you're here?" she asked, and he nodded.

"Yeah, thought I might. How are they?"

"They're both doin' great. James an' Emily are tryin' to start a family," she informed him, which succeeded in raising a smile. "An' Ellen's got herself a job at one of the hotels; she's fine."

Jack nodded. "Good. Think I'll call James and let him know I'm here." Lureen nodded as he got out his cell phone, dialling his brother's number.

"Jack, that you?"

"Yeah. I, um...I'm in New York."

"Really? Is Ennis with you?"

"No, um...you know how we've been having problems lately? I asked him for a break..."

"Shit, Jack...what happened?"

"A lot of stuff. Look, I'll come by and see you, if you've got the time."

"We're busy today, but you're welcome to come over tomorrow," James offered, sensing that his brother needed to talk.

"Yeah, that's fine. I'll see you then. I'm staying with Lureen while I'm here."

"Alright. See you tomorrow, Jack."

"Yep, bye." Jack hung up and sighed. "This isn't gonna be easy," he said, looking out of the window. By now, they were almost at the bridge that would take them to Manhattan. "I miss him so much already, even though I know this is the best thing for both of us."

"Maybe you could text him," Lureen suggested. "Just let him know you're thinkin' of him. He needs to be sure that you're comin' back."

"Yeah, maybe," he replied, watching the scenery fly by. "It wasn't easy to say goodbye to him."

"An'...how's your other problem?" she asked, glancing at the driver. She didn't want him hearing about Jack having voices in his head.

Jack shrugged. "Mostly same as ever. But I think I found a way of dealing with it as a temporary solution. It doesn't bother me as much as it used to."

Lureen nodded. "Good. You know that you're gonna need somethin' more long-term, but I'm glad to hear it."

When they finally reached Lureen's building, Jack was starting to feel more comfortable about being here. He hadn't been to the city often, only a couple of times, and he had liked it here. He just wished he could be sharing this with Ennis; no doubt they would be having a good time.

But he had to stick to his guns here; going back before he was ready wouldn't solve anything. He knew that if he returned now, they would just end up fighting again and could break up for good. He'd done this in an effort to save his marriage, and was fairly certain he would succeed.

Lureen got him sat down in the living area and proceeded to make him something to eat. She started talking about her job and what had been going on in the city lately, and Jack was glad for the distraction. He knew that if he and Ennis were to split up, he could start over here in New York; it was a fast-paced city that was brimming with life. But he wondered if he could ever be happy here, without Ennis. In his heart, he knew that it just wouldn't be possible. His heart belonged to Ennis now, and the thought had always comforted him for he knew that Ennis would take care of it. Now he was no longer sure of anything in his life.


	26. Chapter 26

**Chapter 26**

_October 20th, 2009_

The next day, Jack headed over to his brother's apartment to talk to him. He knew that his parents would want to know about this, but he decided to put it off for now; it was just easier to talk to his brother. Lureen was at work today, so she gave him a spare key in case he returned while she was still out.

He hadn't been able to sleep much the night before, with nobody beside him. He'd slept in Lureen's spare room but he hadn't been comfortable without Ennis there. Normally, Ennis would be spooning up behind him, holding him close and keeping him warm. But last night, he'd felt so lonely and cold. He knew he wouldn't get much sleep here without Ennis.

He made his way to James's apartment and knocked, wondering how his brother would react to what was going on.

"Hey," he said when James opened the door, a sympathetic look on his brother's face.

"Come on in," he said, leading Jack inside. "I told Emily what's going on..."

"Sure." Jack sat down in a chair, sighing. "It's only been twenty-four hours, but...I miss him already so much."

"I know, bud," James replied, sitting down near him. At that moment, Emily appeared from the bathroom and spotted him.

"Hey, Jack. I heard about you and Ennis," she said, joining her husband and brother-in-law. Jack nodded. "You wanna tell us what happened?"

He did so, starting from when he'd walked into Amy and Jessica's apartment to find Ennis playing happy families with Alma and Junior. They already knew about his illness, whatever it was, so they could see how it had started.

He then described how things between him and Ennis had steadily worsened, to the point where they were snapping at each other. Then he told them about meeting his old roommate and how Ennis had walked in on them.

"I mean, I can see now why he reacted like that. But that night, I was just so pissed off that I refused to see it from his point of view. I thought that he didn't trust me. I know now that he does, at the time I thought he didn't."

"So what happened when he saw you?" Emily asked. Jack sighed.

"He flipped out, and...we started yelling at each other. Right there in front of everybody. It was horrible...we've never fought like that before." He picked at something on his jeans as he spoke. "I could see that Kevin was wishing he could be somewhere else, and I don't blame him. So then we decided to go back to our place and finish off there, away from other people. We got back and...I'd started to realise a few things."

"What like?" James asked quietly, seeing that Jack was struggling to talk about this.

"Well...mostly about whether or not he trusts me. I accused him of not trusting me. And I told him I'd be sleeping on the sofa, which I did. I said I needed to think about everything and decide what I wanted to do about it. I knew that things couldn't carry on like that."

"So you slept on the sofa...what about in the morning? Is that when you decided to come here?" Emily asked, and he nodded.

"Yep, pretty much. By then, I'd had time to think. I know now that he does trust me, and I believe that. But I remember the feeling I got when I thought that he didn't, and I realised just how bad things are for us. He even told me that he didn't trust me that night, when he saw me with Kevin. I know he does now, and I can see why he reacted that way. But I had to get out of there."

"Alright. But he knows that this is only temporary, right?" James asked.

"Yeah; I was sure to be clear on that. He asked me if I was asking for a divorce, and I told him no. I tried to make it very clear that this is only a break. I know it hurt him anyway, but...this really is the best thing for us right now. I need some space to clear my head and try to focus again. If I'd stayed, we could have ended up fighting again...and we could break up for good. At least we can stay together this way. He knows that I love him, and that I'll come back when I'm ready."

James nodded. "Alright. So what are you gonna do here?"

Jack shrugged. "Just...get some space. Spend some time on my own, you know? Do some thinking about all of this. I know I have to think about whether or not we can work this out. I've got to decide if I can do this; it's not fair to him if I can't but I don't tell him. If I decide to...break up with him, I have to tell him right away. I can't leave him with the hope that I'm willing to give it another try."

"You love him, Jack. I'm sure it'll work out. Just get the space you need, then go back and get whatever help you need. The couples' counselling and the therapy for whatever's going on in your head. One step at a time, okay?" Emily told him, and he nodded.

"Yeah, I know. Anyway...what's going on with you guys? Lureen said you're trying to start a family?" Seeing that Jack was seeking to change the subject, the pair of them started talking about their readiness to have a family and what their mother would say when she found out. They had agreed not to say anything until Emily became pregnant; they didn't want to get anybody's hopes up too soon.

Jack spent most of the day with them, grateful to have family here that he could be with and not have to spend this time alone. He tried not to think too much about Ennis; he needed to keep his emotions clear and not allow himself to get distracted.

* * *

Over in Provincetown, Ennis was trying his best to carry on without Jack. It had been very difficult to sleep the night before on his own, without the man he loved by his side. The entire apartment felt horribly empty without Jack, and he hoped that it wouldn't be for long.

When he thought about it, he could understand Jack's reasons for calling for a break. Perhaps he was right about them breaking up if he stayed; it was very likely that they would continue to fight without solving anything until it got to the point where they'd had enough. At least this way, they weren't sick of each other and wanted to remain married.

Still, none of that made it any easier. He could see that Junior was trying to cheer him up but he didn't know if he could even summon a real smile right now. Being without Jack felt like losing half of his heart, and Ennis knew he wouldn't be truly happy until Jack returned. Despite their issues, Ennis knew that there was nobody else he would rather spend his life with.

He was trying to eat lunch in their apartment when his cell phone buzzed; it was Lureen. He took a deep breath before answering it. "Lureen?"

"Hey, Ennis. I know that you know Jack's here. He's...actin' strange. He barely talks right now, seems to be doin' a lot of thinkin'."

Ennis sighed. "Is he alright, though? What about those voices?"

"He says he might have found a temporary solution," she informed him. "A way of keepin' them at bay for a while until he gets the help he needs."

"An' he did that by himself, without me," Ennis replied, feeling miserable. "Maybe he don't need my help after all."

"Ennis, don't say that. I know he misses you. An' he does need your help for the more long-term solution. This is just tidin' him over until he goes back home to you. He's gonna need you before all of this is sorted."

"I miss him too, Lureen. The apartment...it feels empty without him, even when Junior's here. I couldn't sleep last night...feel like a huge part's missin'."

"I know. I'm sure he feels the same way, but I think he's right; maybe this is for the best right now."

"Yeah, I was thinkin' the same thing. Maybe he was right...if he stayed, maybe we would still be fightin', an' then..." He couldn't go on; the very thought made him feel as if an iron fist was clenching around his heart. He couldn't allow himself to think of the possibility.

"Try not to worry, Ennis. He's doin' okay, but he does miss you. I'm keepin' an eye on him. If anythin' should happen, I'll let you know."

"Thanks, Lureen. Is he there?"

"I'm actually on a lunch break; he went to see his brother. Sorry, Ennis...if he was here I'd try an' get him to talk; you know I would."

"Yeah, I know. Thanks anyway. You think I should call him? He didn't say if he would call or text..."

Lureen bit her lip. "I don't know...it might be worth a shot. But remember...he has to concentrate on what he's tryin' to decide. I'm sorry, but...he don't need to get distracted right now."

"I know, Lureen. I just wanna talk to him...tell him that I love him. You know?"

"I guess that'd be okay. Ennis...I was there when he came out, remember? I know how hard it was for him back then, an' I'm tryin' to support him now." He heard her sigh. "I know you love him, but I think he needs a friend right now. I hope you don't take it the wrong way..."

"No, it's okay," he assured her. "I know what you mean. I'll just...send him a text to let him know I love him, an' that'll be it."

"Alright. I really hope you guys can work this out, Ennis. When he came out, I didn't know for sure if I would ever see him happy. But then he met you...an' I knew everythin' would be okay. Just give him the time an' space that he needs, an' I'm sure it'll all work out."

"Yeah. Thanks, Lureen."

"Bye, Ennis."

"Bye." He clicked off and put his phone on the table, thinking. Deep down, he knew that she was right; Jack needed a friend and not the one whom he was having trouble with. But that didn't mean that Jack didn't love him; Ennis knew that he did.

He looked at his phone now and then while eating his lunch, trying to decide what he wanted to say. He couldn't go overboard; Jack didn't need that right now. He had to keep it simple and clear so that Jack knew he was thinking of him.

Eventually, he came to a decision. Picking his phone up, he formed a simple yet heartfelt message.

_Hope you're okay. Take as long as you need. I love you._

He read it several times to see how it might look to Jack, and then sent it, his heart hammering. He wasn't sure if Jack would respond soon or at all, and he tried to tell himself that it was okay if there was no reply. Jack would see the message anyway and know that he would wait for him. That was all that Ennis could hope to achieve with this right now.

He cleared the dishes away and headed back outside, ready to face the afternoon. Work was going well, but he wondered if Emily had reviewed Jack's portfolio yet. He would have to ask Jessica to keep an eye on that; perhaps Jack would be offered a promotion to paid work after all, and nothing would make him prouder. A part of him had the feeling that everything would work out; they had too much going for them to simply give up now, and he would rather throw himself off the nearest cliff than let Jack go without a fight.

* * *

_October 21st, 2009_

Jack was in Lureen's spare room, trying to get to sleep. It was almost one in the morning and he kept tossing and turning, his mind full of thoughts. The more he tried to shut them off so that he could sleep, the more they came to him.

He had enjoyed seeing his brother and was considering going to see Ennis's mother, but most of the time he was trying to decide what to do. Lureen was leaving him to it, knowing that he needed to decide this on his own. He was very thankful to her for taking him in.

Earlier in the day, he'd been out having lunch by himself when he'd received a text from Ennis, which said that Ennis hoped he was okay and that he loved him, and also to take as much time as he needed. Jack was grateful for the support and was happy to receive a message from his husband, but he hadn't yet texted back. He just didn't know what to say in response.

Every time he asked himself what he wanted to do, he drew a blank. There always seemed to be two options; go back and apply for divorce, or go back and stay with Ennis. He couldn't stay in New York forever; he knew that. Besides, his portfolio was being reviewed and he was hoping to get the job he was after. If he took it, then that would mean staying in Provincetown. He couldn't ask Ennis to leave the area if they split up; that just wasn't fair. Could they live in the same town even after a divorce, acting as if they were merely friends or not even going near each other? What would it mean for them to break up if they both stayed there?

Jack turned onto his side and started chewing his lip, thinking. There was really only one question he had to answer; did he still want to be with Ennis? When he thought about it, he could feel it in his heart that he did. The idea of going back and them working it out gave him hope. He wanted to spend the rest of his life with Ennis, and wasn't a marriage supposed to be for the bad times as well as the good?

He remembered the vows they had exchanged on the beach last year, promising to stand by each other no matter what happened. He had to at least try. Jack looked down at his wedding ring, remembering when they had first swapped these at his parents' house during their first Christmas together. Back then, they were simply commitment rings; now they were so much more.

_I want to be with him, _Jack thought to himself, knowing that if nothing else. _And I know he wants to be with me. He even said to take as much time as I need; that means he's willing to wait for me. I'm damn lucky to have someone like that...I can't take it for granted. We have a lot to talk about and work through if this is going to work, even before we carry on with the counselling. We need to be absolutely sure of everything if we're going to solve this. The problem was with me freaking out about him leaving, but I know he's not going to do that._

Jack thought about his temporary method of beating back the voices in his head, and wondered if it would be enough to help him repair their relationship enough to go for counselling together. Perhaps it was the solution he needed in order to progress to psychiatric therapy for himself. He practiced the technique whenever the voices tried to assault his mind, and it seemed to work; all he did was tell them to shut up and that he was calling the shots on his decisions, and they would leave him alone. Maybe it was a question of willpower.

He reached for his cell phone and went to his photo albums; there was one of himself and Ennis in more private situations, usually of them in bed together when they were relaxing after making love. Ennis had the same photos on his phone because he'd sent them to him, and they both liked to look at them.

He clicked through the photos, a smile forming on his face as he remembered them. There was one he had taken of Ennis as he'd slept, and he knew that Ennis had a similar one of him. Ennis looked so peaceful and Jack felt his heart soaring at the very thought of him. He couldn't deny the feelings if he tried; he was very much in love with his husband and wanted them to be together.

_That's it, then, _he decided, nodding to himself. _Maybe, this method might be enough to tide me over until I can get proper help. In the meantime, we can work on our relationship and get back on track._

Jack smiled wider, finally feeling content. He wasn't quite ready to go back home yet, but at least he had a plan. Now he had something to work on while he was here; he had to improve his ability to knock back the voices so that they stayed away for longer.

He put his phone back and curled up, closing his eyes and allowing himself to dream of Ennis and happier times. He dreamed of them in bed together, with Ennis holding him close as they made love. Ennis steadily thrust into him and whispered in his ear how much he loved him; the words were music to Jack's ears and the dream melted into passion and love.

When Jack woke up the next morning, he saw that he'd shot on himself in the night as a result of his dream; he couldn't prevent the smile on his face and didn't want to. Everything was going to be alright, and he wanted to assure Ennis of that as soon as possible.

* * *

Later in the day, Jack was relaxing at Lureen's place while she was at work. He thoroughly appreciated that while she had given him a place to stay, she also understood that he needed to be left alone to figure this out; she had told him that she was there for him if he needed her.

Jack had his cell phone in his hands, debating with himself whether to call or text Ennis. What would happen if he heard Ennis's voice? Would it make things easier or harder? He wasn't sure, but he knew he wanted to be with Ennis.

Unable to make a decision right now, he put his phone in his pocket and switched the TV on, trying to distract himself. He knew that he needed to reassure Ennis that everything was going to be okay, but there was time for that. He had at least decided to do it by the end of the day, and he would stick to that.

As he sat there, he thought about how long it might take for them to get the help they needed. He figured that if he returned soon, perhaps the couples' therapy would last until the Christmas holidays. After that, maybe he would be able to progress to psychiatric help for whatever he was suffering from. Hopefully, he might be alright by next summer; in time for their second wedding anniversary. That was something for them to aim for.

He wasn't really paying attention to the TV; it was just something to do. If he was at home, he and Ennis would make out on the sofa if they couldn't find anything to watch. They were good memories and he wished that things could be like that again. Maybe one day, when he was better.

The program finished and he sighed, knowing that he had to make the phone call soon before he could really relax. He just had to tell Ennis that everything was alright. He pulled his phone out once more and selected Ennis's number.

"Jack?" Ennis asked, as if he couldn't believe it.

"Hey, bud," he said quietly, unsure of how to proceed. "Um...how're you doing?"

"I'm...okay, I guess. You?"

"Yeah, I'm better than before. I got your text, and...I wanted to say thank you. For...waiting, I guess."

"I'd wait forever for you, Jack," Ennis replied, sounding as if he had a lump in his throat. Jack smiled.

"Well...there was another reason I wanted to talk to you. I was up late last night, and I got to thinking about all of this. I've made a decision."

"Oh?" Ennis asked, sounding worried.

"Ennis...don't worry, okay? Everything's gonna be fine. I still love you, and I still wanna be with you. But I just need a little more time out here, okay?"

He heard Ennis sigh in relief. "Okay, bud. I hear what you're sayin'. It's like I said, Jack...take as long as you need. I'll be here when you wanna come home."

"Good," Jack replied, smiling. "I promise, Ennis...we're gonna be fine." This much he knew by now; somehow, everything would work out for them.

"Okay. Um...give my best to everyone there, especially my mama."

"Will do. And...tell Junior I'll be home soon, alright?" He did miss the little girl and wondered if he might be able to adopt her once they got back on track.

"Yep. I...I love you, Jack."

Jack smiled wider. "I love you too, Ennis." He reluctantly clicked off and sighed, lying down on the sofa and looking up at the ceiling. As much as he missed Ennis and knew that this break was for the best, he had enjoyed speaking to him. They were going to be just fine.

He heard a key in the lock and sat up in time to see Lureen enter the apartment. "Hey, Lu."

"Hey, how's it goin'? What are you up to?"

"I, um...I called Ennis," he told her as she put her bag and keys down, and she looked at him in surprise.

"Really? What...?"

"He sent me a text yesterday, telling me to take as long as I need, and that he loves me." Jack grinned at her. "So I called him today."

"He did talk about sendin' you a text when I spoke to him," she replied, nodding to herself. "I didn't know if he'd do it, though. He knows you need space."

"Yeah, but I appreciated it. I liked hearing from him. Last night, when I was trying to get to sleep, I decided that at the end of the day...I still love him and wanna be with him. I still need more time by myself, but...I know that much. Things are gonna be fine for us."

Lureen smiled and joined him on the sofa. "I'm glad to hear it. So what happens when you do go back?"

He outlined his plan to her, including his temporary solution for batting away the voices and how he could use it to his advantage. She agreed that it might be just enough to keep him going and help him get through couples' therapy, until he could get the help he needed. And at least he had decided about his marriage; he still wanted to be with Ennis.

"It sounds like it could work, Jack," she said to him, nodding. "Right...you want some lunch?"

"Sure; I'll help you." They both got up and set about making lunch together. Ever since he had gotten together with Ennis, he'd hoped that Lureen would find herself a good man. He remembered her short-lived relationship with a guy in their old dormitory building in college, but knew that she wasn't seeing anyone right now. Despite being gay, he did appreciate having a female friend that he could spend time with. For their first year of college, Lureen had been the only one who had accepted him without question; he hadn't even told his parents until the following summer. Now he hoped that she found herself the happiness she deserved; he knew all too well how difficult it could be to find.

* * *

Late that night, Ennis was unable to sleep. For one thing, he missed Jack terribly. The phone call had been wonderful and he'd loved hearing Jack's voice again. But now he missed Jack even more than before.

At least Jack seemed certain that everything was going to be okay between them; he wouldn't have said so if he wasn't sure. And Ennis was willing to give him however much time he needed until he was ready to come home. He did miss the sex; he couldn't deny that. But most of all, he just missed having Jack there with him. He missed the very presence of his other half and hoped that Jack wouldn't need much longer.

_Just hope that he can keep those voices at bay until he can see that psychiatrist, _Ennis thought to himself, staring up at the ceiling. _Maybe his plan, whatever it is, can help. I sure as hell don't wanna lose him._

There was another thing bothering Ennis; Junior's condition didn't seem to be improving. Darren had told them that it could take a while for any effects to be noticed with the stronger antibiotics, but Ennis had expected to see some kind of improvement by now. But she seemed as sick as ever and had a high fever; he was doing his best to keep an eye on her and wished that Jack could be here for him. He wished that everything could go back to how it was, so that nobody was sick. But that was wishful thinking on his part and he knew it; this was the reality of their lives now and there was nothing he could do about it.

Still, he tried to get some sleep while he could. It wasn't easy without Jack by his side, but he was trying his best. He looked over at Jack's side of the bed and moved over, sniffing. He hadn't changed the sheets since before Jack left and he could still smell Jack's shampoo on the pillow. He smiled and shuffled over, burying his nose in the familiar smell and not caring how it might look; this gave him comfort.

_I miss you, darlin', _he thought to himself, wondering if Jack could hear his thoughts. He had never seen the interior of Lureen's apartment, and tried to picture what the spare bedroom might look like. He tried to picture Jack lying there, either awake or asleep, and hoped that Jack knew he was thinking of him. _I love you more than words could ever say, an' I hope you know that, Jack. I'll be right here when you're ready to come back, an' I'm never gonna let you go. Gonna hold on as tight as I can 'cos I just can't lose you._

Ennis closed his eyes, thoughts of Jack on his mind. Unconsciously, his thoughts turned less than pure as he pictured Jack's body underneath the sheets. He sighed and allowed himself to think of those strong muscles and deep, deep blue eyes.

_When he opened his eyes, Jack was lying there next to him, a smile on his face. "Hey, cowboy," he murmured, stroking Ennis's thigh with a dark, lustful look in his eyes._

"_Jack..." he sighed, leaning over. Jack claimed his lips and immediately pushed his tongue into Ennis's mouth. It was warm and moist, and Jack couldn't help but moan at the feeling. _

"_Mmm..." He rose up and pushed Ennis down onto his back, breaking the contact and grinning. "Ennis..." He leaned down and nuzzled Ennis's ear. "Wanna fuck you," he murmured, sliding a hand down to touch Ennis's erection. "Wanna be inside you..." He felt Ennis hardening in his hand and grinned, Ennis just couldn't resist being touched like that, or the dirty talk when he did it._

"_Okay," Ennis croaked, unable to protest even if he'd wanted to. He let himself be at Jack's mercy, just lying there while the other man kissed and fondled him for a little while. When Jack decided that he'd teased enough, he grabbed the lube and quickly smoothed it over himself, biting Ennis's ear as he did so. Ennis tried not to moan too loudly when Jack spread his legs and started to push in, but it was difficult when it felt this good. "Jack," he sighed, letting his eyes fall shut as Jack kissed his neck._

"_That's it, just relax," Jack soothed, nuzzling as he moved steadily into Ennis. "Gonna make you feel good, baby."_

"_God, Jack," Ennis groaned, hands grabbing Jack's forearms as he felt the other man push in further. "God, I love you..."_

"_Love you too," Jack breathed in his ear, once more taking hold of him and stroking in time to his thrusts. "Come on, come for me...Ennis...come on..."_

_Ennis couldn't take it anymore, not with the words being whispered in his ear and the light, teasing touch that Jack was giving him. He shot in between them, stomach clenching and teeth gritting. He felt Jack come inside him and then fell back to the pillow, gasping for breath. _

_Jack pulled out of him and stroked his cheeks, smiling when Ennis opened his eyes. "I love you...don't ever forget that, okay?"_

"_I love you too," Ennis managed to say just before Jack kissed him again._

Ennis jerked awake, breathing heavily. He could feel a sticky substance on his chest and realised that his orgasm had been real. His cheeks reddened even though he was alone; it had been a while since he'd had such a dream and he could recall how good it had felt to have Jack inside him. He thought for a moment that his ass actually felt a little sore, as if Jack really had just fucked him. He smiled to himself and simply rolled over, once more burying his nose in Jack's scent. If everything went well, then maybe one day he would experience it for real once more. Either way, he couldn't wait to have Jack home where he belonged. That was all he cared about right now.


	27. Chapter 27

**Chapter 27**

_October 22nd, 2009_

Jack had been gone for three days now, and Ennis missed him more every day. He was relieved that Jack was willing to give things another go between them, but he wished that the days would pass quickly until Jack was ready to return.

His dream of Jack the night before had been very enjoyable, but he couldn't help wondering how things would go once Jack did come back. Would he be able to have sex right away, or would it take time for them to relax together? Ennis hoped that Jack wouldn't need too long; he missed being with Jack. It wasn't just the physical act and the satisfaction of needs, but it was more to do with the feeling in his heart when they lay together.

He sighed to himself as he started preparing lunch for himself in an empty apartment. Junior was with Amy, and he figured that Jessica had also gone home for lunch. They had told him that he was welcome to join them for as long as Jack was gone, but he decided he preferred to be alone. Jack's phone call had been the only sign of life and he was clinging onto it, trying to keep believing that everything was going to be okay.

As he worked, he spared a brief thought for Kevin. Despite his jealousy the other night, Ennis could now appreciate how difficult it must have been for him, to be caught up in their problems through no real fault of his own. It wasn't as if he'd come to Provincetown with the purpose of stealing Jack away; he was straight. And he'd even apologised for the way he'd treated Jack in college after he'd come out; that was more than a lot of straight guys would have done.

Ennis had considered finding him to apologise for his reaction, but he figured that Kevin would have left by now anyway.

The whole experience made him think; he and Jack were bound to make all kinds of friends in their lives, and some of them would be gay men; it was inevitable. He knew deep down that he could trust Jack, but he couldn't shake off the fear of losing him. The insecure part of him had often wondered what Jack had even seen in him to begin with, and he would never stop being afraid of Jack wondering the same thing. The chances of it happening were impossible, so he just had to have faith in that. Jack wouldn't leave him as long as he was good to him. Ennis knew he had to treat Jack right if they were going to remain together.

He nodded to himself and was considering calling his mother to ask her if Jack had visited her yet, when his phone rang on the worktop. A quick glance told him that it was Amy. "Hey, what's up?" he said to her, as if expecting her to invite him for lunch again.

"Ennis, you've gotta get over here," she replied, sounding panicky. He didn't like the sound of that.

"Why, what's wrong?"

"It's Junior; she...she can't breathe properly. She's struggling, Ennis!"

Ennis's face went white as a sheet and he wished more than ever that Jack could be here. "Shit...I'm on my way."

"Hurry up; we already called the ambulance. They're gonna take her to Cape Cod Hospital at Hyannis."

"Okay," he told her, remembering just how far away that was and hoping that the paramedics would get there soon. He knew that he would have to tell Jack what was going on but that would have to wait; he had to get to his little girl right now.

He cleared away his lunch despite having not eaten of it and grabbed a bag of chips on the way out, making sure he had his keys and cell phone. When he was ready, he hurried towards the girls' apartment and headed up; Jessica answered the door.

"Thank God," she said in relief, stepping back to allow him inside. "Amy's got her..." Ennis saw that Amy had Junior on the sofa, trying to help her to breathe. The little girl was in hysterics, which didn't help her condition.

"Hey, Junior," he said softly to her, and she buried herself into his chest. "Shh, it's okay...the ambulance is gonna be here soon." He rubbed her back and tried to calm her, even though he knew it wouldn't work. Her breathing was definitely worrying, coming out in gasps and sounding ragged.

They heard a siren in the distance, growing closer as the ambulance neared them. "They're here," Amy said, heading out of the apartment to meet them. Everything was a blur for Ennis as the paramedics entered the apartment and gave Junior an oxygen mask to help.

"Does she have any medical conditions?" asked one of them.

"Tonsillitis," Ennis replied, not liking it when the paramedic looked worried.

"Are you her father?" Ennis nodded and watched as Junior was picked up. "Can you come with us and sit with her in the back?"

"Yeah, sure." Ennis was about to follow them, but then looked back at the girls. "I'll call as soon as I know somethin'. If Jack calls you..."

"We'll tell him," Jessica replied immediately. "But I reckon he ought to hear it from you, Ennis." He nodded back at them and followed the paramedics downstairs, praying that Junior would be alright. He just couldn't lose her or Jack; his worst fear was seeing one of their names on a tombstone.

The ride to the hospital was far too long for his liking, and he cursed that there were no closer options. Still, he held Junior's hand tightly as she breathed into the mask, her eyes wide with fear. He knew that she wanted him to make everything better, and he wished that he could. But he could only think of one person who would make everything alright, and that person was in New York because of him.

* * *

As soon as they reached the hospital, Junior was wheeled off to the emergency room and Ennis had to sign the admission forms. He sat in the waiting room, trying not to panic as he attempted to fill out the forms. He had already informed them that Junior's stepfather was out of state, simply saying that it was a family emergency. Thankfully, Jack's lack of adoption where Junior was concerned meant that his signature was not needed for any surgery that might be required. At least Jack wouldn't feel forced to come back.

He received a text from Amy saying that she and Jessica would come down as soon as Jessica finished work, and he was grateful to her for that; he'd already called his own boss to inform them of the situation. He wasn't sure what he was supposed to do without Jack here to help him, and he sorely wished that Jack could be here. He couldn't keep putting it off; Jack deserved to know what was going on with their family.

He handed the forms back and now just had to wait. He wondered if Darren would be made aware of this, considering that he was their doctor. Perhaps Darren might even have to come down here himself; he sure could do with seeing a friend right now.

He thought about Jack, who was somewhere in New York and had no idea what was going on. This wasn't how things were supposed to be, and he wanted things to go back to normal. At least then, he and Jack could have dealt with this together. He needed Jack by his side and could now see what an idiot he'd been to push Jack away so often; Jack had felt lonely because of all the attention he'd been focusing on Junior. Ennis knew now that he had to give them equal attention, especially since Jack's was a more psychological problem that preyed on his mind and insecurities. Ennis hated knowing that he was the reason that Jack was no longer here, but he hoped that they could make up when Jack returned.

Ennis sat in the grey chairs, hating the silence around him and not knowing how his little girl was faring. He couldn't stop worrying about how terrible her breathing had sounded and thought back to when she had first been diagnosed. Darren had told them that in the worst case, she would have to have her tonsils removed. That would be fine with him if it saved her life.

_Please come home soon, Jack, _he thought desperately, hoping that Jack could somehow hear him. _We need you..._

Ennis sighed and pulled out his cell phone, selecting Jack's number and praying that he could get through this without breaking down; Jack didn't need that right now. He had to try and remain strong despite the heartache he was feeling. He needed Jack like he needed air and water and food; Jack's love had gotten him through some hard times, especially after his father had disowned him back in college. Without Jack, he would have spent that Christmas alone in a dorm room. Instead, he'd been welcomed into Jack's family and they had grown even closer; they had ended up swapping commitment rings. That time at the house in West Virginia had been the start of so much happiness for them, and he hoped that one day they could have it back.

He squeezed his eyes shut when he heard Jack's voicemail; Jack never usually turned his phone off so he figured the battery must be dead. He didn't know if Jack had taken the charger with him, but decided to leave a message anyway.

"Jack, it's me. Somethin' happened about an hour ago...Junior was at the girls' apartment for lunch an'...she started havin' breathin' problems. Amy called me an' told me to get over there. I did, an'...she couldn't breathe, Jack." His voice shook as he tried to continue. "The paramedics gave her some oxygen, an' now we're at Cape Cod Hospital in Hyannis. She's still bein' examined, I think...nobody's come out to talk to me yet. I'm thinkin' she might need surgery to have her tonsils removed. I just...I thought you had the right to know what's goin' on, an' I don't know if this is gonna change your plans or anythin', but I don't want you feelin' that you gotta come back if you ain't ready yet. I don't wanna force you, bud. Anyway, I better go. I dunno if your battery's dead an' if you've got your charger but I'll leave a message with Lureen anyway. Please call me when you get this. Bye."

He clicked off and stared into space, wondering if and when Jack would get the message. What if he hadn't taken his charger? Ennis decided to call Lureen even though he knew she would be at work; at least she could check her messages when she was finished and could inform Jack of what was going on.

"Lureen, it's me. Junior's havin' breathin' problems an' the paramedics took her to Cape Cod Hospital in Hyannis. I don't know yet what's goin' on but I'm thinkin' she'll need surgery. I left a message on Jack's phone, but I don't know if the battery's dead an' if he's got his charger or not. If he has, tell him to charge it an' check his messages. Okay, bye."

With nothing more for him to do, he sat back down and hoped that one of them would check their messages soon. He had no idea where Jack might be right now, but he hoped that he could hear that wonderful voice again soon, telling him that everything was going to be alright. More than anything, he missed having Jack's strong arms around him, protecting him from everything. As much as he liked caring for his family and taking care of them, there were times when he himself needed to be held, and this was one of them.

* * *

Not long after he'd left messages for Jack and Lureen, Ennis spied a doctor coming out of the emergency room, looking around. He stood up and headed over, wondering what was going on.

"Mr Del Mar?" enquired the doctor, and he nodded. "I'm afraid your daughter's tonsillitis has worsened...she's going to need to have her tonsils removed."

"An' that'll help her?" he asked, willing to do whatever it took for Junior's health. The doctor nodded.

"Yes. We're still giving her oxygen until we deem her stable enough to undergo the surgery. It shouldn't take too long. I understand that her stepfather isn't here?"

"No, he's in New York. A family thing," he said evasively, and the doctor nodded.

"Well...if I may ask, does he have any plans to adopt her? Because if he were to, he would have to be present if something like this were to happen."

"We're still workin' on that," Ennis told him firmly. "They said they don't need his permission if I'm here."

"That's correct. But if it came to a point where she needed our help and you were the one out of town, I should warn you that he would have to be her adoptive father in order to give permission. Where children are involved, it's a good idea for same-sex couples to cover all their bases."

Ennis nodded, seeing that the doctor was just trying to give him advice. "Thanks, doc. Can I see her until you're ready?"

"Of course, come through." The doctor led him into the emergency area and through to a small room, where Junior was sitting up on a bed and holding an oxygen mask to her mouth.

"Daddy," he heard her say weakly through the mask, and he sat by the side of her bed.

"Hey, Junior. Don't worry, okay? The doctors are gonna look after you. When they think you're ready, they're gonna give you the surgery. You remember me tellin' you about your tonsils, an' how they're causin' you to be sick? The doctors are gonna remove them. That'll make you better, okay?"

Junior nodded, squeezing his hand. "Is Jack comin' back?" she asked, and he sighed.

"I don't know, darlin'. I tried to call him, but his phone ain't switched on. I left him a message an' I hope he gets it soon. But in the meantime, I'm here for you. I can't stay when they do the surgery, but I'll be right outside. I promise."

He heard shuffling feet and looked up to see Darren standing there, looking worried. "Darren, hey."

"How's she doing?" he asked, looking at Junior in concern. Ennis went to stand by him.

"Her tonsils...she couldn't breathe before an' they just told me she's gotta have them removed. It's the only thing they can do now."

"Have you got in touch with Jack?" Darren asked, and Ennis shook his head.

"His phone...the battery might be dead so I couldn't call him. But I left a message an' I hope he gets it soon. I dunno if he took his charger so I left a message with Lureen too."

"That's something. I'm sure he'll find out soon enough and he'll call. Have you heard from him since he left?"

"Yeah, he called yesterday. He said that he still needs more time, but he will come back an' he wants us to be together."

Darren smiled. "I'm glad to hear that, Ennis." He looked over at Junior. "Do you think...he'll be able to adopt her at some point?"

"I dunno," Ennis admitted, shrugging. The papers remained in the desk in their bedroom, having been untouched for months. While he did want Jack to sign them, he knew that he couldn't press the issue. Jack should only sign them because he wanted to, not because it was the right thing to do. "The doctor told me that if Jack had adopted her, we'd need his permission as well as mine before performin' surgery."

"In this case, I guess it's a good thing he hasn't signed them," Darren replied, and Ennis nodded.

"Yeah. But then they said that if somethin' happened to Junior an' I was the one out of town, he wouldn't be able to give permission without proof of adoption. It's a real mess."

"He should consider it at some point, then. When he's ready to, of course," Darren added. "It won't do any good to force him into it."

"I know. That's the last thing I wanna do...he oughta do it 'cos he wants to."

Junior coughed weakly and he immediately went back to her bedside, taking her hand. "Shh..it's okay, darlin'." He looked up at Darren. "You got here quickly..." he noted, remembering the long drive in the ambulance.

"I was just doing paperwork when they called me. Since I'm her doctor they had to inform me. So...that's it. I'll stick around if you want me to; I'm not on call or anything."

"Thanks...I could do with someone to talk to. Amy an' Jessica can't get away yet an' Jack..." He trailed off, not wanting to think about that right now. He wanted Jack here with him, but he didn't want Jack to feel forced into coming back. He prayed that Jack had taken his charger and would use it soon, or that Lureen would check her messages and tell him what was going on. He looked at his watch; there were still a couple of hours until Lureen would be at home.

A few minutes later, the doctor returned and informed Ennis that while Junior was ready for surgery, there was currently no staff available to perform it. They decided to keep her on the oxygen until they could fit her in; hopefully she would be seen by evening at the very latest.

Ennis continued to sit by her side, talking to her and telling her stories to keep her calm. He thought of Jack and hoped to hear from him soon; their family needed to remain together in times like this.

* * *

Amy and Jessica were able to get away by five, and were soon at the hospital to see how Ennis was faring. The hospital was still busy so Junior was still waiting for surgery; luckily the oxygen mask seemed to be tiding her over for now. But as the time wore on, Ennis became more worried for her. She was still so young and her body hadn't fully developed, so he didn't know how well she would be able to fight this thing without surgery.

He hadn't yet heard from Jack or Lureen, which made him worry even more. He had no idea where they were or when they might check their messages, so all he could do was wait.

His friends arrived while he was sat by Junior's bedside, holding her hand and trying to keep her calm. She seemed to be holding up fairly well in the circumstances, but he still wanted this to be over as soon as possible.

There was a knock on the door, and he looked up to see Amy and Jessica enter the room. "Hey..."

"Thank God," he sighed, standing up to hug them. He was very grateful to them for doing whatever they could for Junior earlier. "It ain't good..."

"What's going on?" Amy asked as they all sat by Junior's bed. "Hey, Junior..." She and Jessica squeezed the little girl's other hand in comfort.

"Tonsillitis," Ennis replied, looking down at his daughter. "The doctor says she needs to have her tonsils removed...but they're real busy right now an' can't fit her in."

"Poor thing," Jessica replied, shaking her head. "Any idea when she can be seen?"

"They reckon by evenin' at the latest."

"Have you heard from Jack?" asked Amy, and he lowered his eyes.

"No...I left him a message; his cell's turned off an' I reckon the battery might be dead. I dunno if he took his charger, so I left a message on Lureen's phone. I thought that she would've finished work by now, so..."

"I'm sure one of them will call soon," Amy tried to reassure him, and he nodded. He missed Jack now more than ever and just wanted everything to be normal again.

"Yeah. Anyway...how's work? How're they doin' without Jack?"

Jessica shrugged. "We're pretty quiet. I know Jack was working with Emily and the veteran, but that's done with now. Emily hasn't finished reviewing his portfolio yet, but I'll keep an eye on that."

"Thanks," he replied, smiling over at her. "You know...when all of this is over, me an' Jack are gonna do somethin' for you. We'll help plan your weddin' or somethin'."

The girls smiled at him. "Thanks, Ennis. We're doing this because you're our friends...family, even. Who knows; one day we might all be a real family."

"Yeah, maybe," he agreed, thinking of their agreement to maybe have a child together and raise it. "That'd be good, when we're back on track." Just then, Junior started coughing next to him and he rubbed her back, soothing her. "It's alright, darlin'..."

"Can't they see her yet?" Amy asked, looking towards the door. "I'm gonna go see if they can..." She got up and purposefully marched towards the door, opening it and leaving the room. Ennis smirked at Jessica.

"Sure you wanna marry that one?" he asked her, and Jessica grinned.

"Pretty much...wouldn't have her any other way." They heard voices in the corridor and then Amy stepped back in, smiling sweetly.

"They're gonna find some staff to perform the surgery," she told them, looking very proud of herself. It was clear that she had accomplished her goal.

"Did you threaten to kick them in their...you know?" Jessica asked, glancing at Junior. "You did that in the restaurant when the service was really bad. Nearly got us kicked out."

"Nope, not this time," Amy replied, sitting back down. "Just told them that there's a very sick little girl in here and that we're getting really worried about her; that she and her dad have been here for hours." She shrugged. "Seemed to work."

"Thanks, Amy," Ennis said to her in gratitude, and she nodded. A few minutes later, Darren appeared in the doorway and they all looked at him.

"She can go into surgery in about ten minutes; we found some staff." He nodded at their smiles and words of thanks, leaving them alone.

"We might as well head back home for now," Jessica said, both women standing up. "There's nothing we can do right now..."

"Yeah. Thanks for comin', though," Ennis said to them, standing up to hug them again; he was very happy that they had come by even though they couldn't really do anything. "I'll keep you informed, okay?"

"Sure. You want us to go by your place for anything?"

Ennis shook his head. "No, should be fine. But you've got the spare key, right? I'll let you know if I need anythin'."

They nodded. "Alright." They kissed Junior on the cheek and then left; Ennis sat back down by his daughter's side and took her hand again.

"Daddy?" she asked quietly, and he looked at her. "When will Jack call?"

"I dunno, darlin'," he admitted, wishing that he had an answer for her. "He might call when you're in surgery; I'll let him know what's goin' on." Darren returned soon after and told Ennis that they were ready for Junior to go into surgery.

After they had wheeled her off and Ennis promised her that he would be waiting for her, he returned to the waiting room and tried to get comfortable on the grey sofa; he didn't know how long the surgery might take. All he could do was sit and wait until something happened. He knew that Junior would be alright, but he was still worried because she meant so much to him. It occurred to him that he would have to tell Alma about what was going on, but that could wait until this was over; he didn't need any more stress right now.

* * *

Jack was eating dinner by himself when Lureen came in; she had been working late so he had decided to go ahead with dinner; he would make her something when she came in. His cell phone battery had died earlier in the day and he meant to charge it up but kept forgetting; he didn't think that he would miss anything urgent.

When Lureen left work, she switched her phone on to find a message from Ennis and pressed the phone to her ear, listening. She stopped in her tracks as the message played and sprinted to the apartment, knowing that she had to talk to Jack and make sure that he was aware of what had happened.

She opened the door and looked around for him, eyes wide. "Jack...have you got your phone on?" He looked at her, wondering why she seemed so panicky.

"The battery died and I'm gonna charge it...what's wrong?"

"Go and charge it up, and switch it on. You've got a message from Ennis...I got one too." Jack did as he was told and Lureen played her message, switching on the loudspeaker.

"Lureen, it's me. Junior's havin' breathin' problems an' the paramedics took her to Cape Cod Hospital in Hyannis. I don't know yet what's goin' on but I'm thinkin' she'll need surgery. I left a message on Jack's phone, but I don't know if the battery's dead an' if he's got his charger or not. If he has, tell him to charge it an' check his messages. Okay, bye."

"Shit," Jack breathed, his eyes widening. "She's gotta have surgery?" He picked his own phone up and listened to the message that Ennis had left him. "Oh fuck..." he said softly. "I shouldn't have left!"

"You had good reason," Lureen told him. "You wanted space."

"Yeah, and now he needs me...damn it!" He flicked through his phonebook until he got to Ennis's number and pressed the dial button. "Come on...pick up..."

"Jack?" came Ennis's voice, and he sighed.

"Ennis, I just got your message. You were right; my battery was dead and I forgot to charge it. Lureen was working late so she's only just got hers...what's going on?"

"Junior went into surgery about ten minutes ago," Ennis replied, sitting up and rubbing his forehead. "They reckon she'll be fine when it's over...she's gotta have her tonsils removed."

"Shit, are you okay?" Jack asked, looking fearful.

"Yeah, I...I'm okay. Glad to hear your voice, darlin'."

"Ennis, I...I'm coming home. As soon as I can." He didn't need any more space now; he had already decided that he wanted to work on things with Ennis, and now his husband needed him. He could do this.

"Jack...I don't want you to feel pressured if you can't yet. It's okay..."

"No, I'm fine. I'm ready to come home, and I want to. I...I miss you, baby. Wanna be back home with you and Junior. We need each other, Ennis; that's all there is to it. The rest doesn't matter. We can work through this together; I know that now."

"Are you sure?" Ennis asked. He hoped that Jack would be coming home soon, but he still didn't want to put any pressure on him.

"I am," Jack replied firmly. "The sooner I come home, the sooner we can get back on track. I know what we have to do now, and I'm prepared to do whatever it takes to keep us together. I'll try to get a flight as soon as I can, okay?"

"Alright, but don't overdo it. She's still in surgery, but it could take a while. If you wanna get some sleep first, it's okay."

"I'll have to see. Did you say you were in Hyannis?"

"Yep, there's an airport nearby. Maybe you could get a flight to there."

"I'll try. I love you, Ennis. I'll get there as soon as possible."

"I love you too, Jack. Safe flight," he replied, feeling a lump grow in his throat. Jack hung up and turned to Lureen.

"Could you try to find me a flight to Hyannis while I pack?" he asked her, and she nodded.

"Sure. Any preference for the airport you fly from? The nearest one's La Guardia."

"That'll be fine...I just need to get home as soon as I can," Jack told her, turning to leave the room. He paused when he felt her hand on his arm.

"I hope it all works out, Jack," she said to him, squeezing his arm. "You two are meant to be together...you know that." He smiled at her.

"Yeah, I know." He headed to the spare room to pack, and Lureen switched the laptop on while she prepared herself some dinner. She was willing to help in whatever way she could; maybe Jack could get a flight out soon and be home to comfort Ennis.

Jack packed his things as quickly as he could, his mind racing. He had been glad of the space over the last few days, but now he was ready to go home and wanted to fix things. Junior would be okay, but that was irrelevant; Ennis still needed him. Even if the only thing he could do was hold Ennis and comfort him, Jack was willing to do it. He felt surer than ever that he would recover from his own illness in time, but right now he had to focus on his family; there was nothing like a sharp shock to make him realise a few things.

_I love you, _he thought to himself as a picture of Ennis floated through his mind. _I love you with all my heart and we're gonna make it through this. I swear on my life that we're gonna be okay._

A voice tried to whisper doubts into his mind, but he pushed it away impatiently, trying to focus on his task. Those voices were not going to take anything else away from him anymore; he was going to get his life and his family back.


	28. Chapter 28

_**Author's notes**_

_Hey guys! Unfortunately, this is the last chapter of the story. I hope you enjoyed it :) My next story will be called Two Hearts, One Soul. It will be a canon story of Ennis and Jack up on Brokeback in 1963._

_Kathryn xxx_

* * *

**Chapter 28**

Later that evening, Ennis was half-dozing in the waiting room when the doctor came looking for him. "Mr Del Mar?" he asked, and Ennis looked up. "The surgery went well; your daughter's on the mend now."

He let out a relieved grin. "Thank you...thanks for takin' care of her." He shook the doctor's hand and the doctor nodded.

"She's out of surgery now but she's still asleep; it's up to you if you want to go on through or wait until she's awake."

"Um...I'll go sit with her in a moment. Need to make some calls first." The doctor left and Ennis pulled his cell phone out; he couldn't wait to tell everybody, especially Jack. Their phone call earlier had lifted his spirits, because Jack was on his way home and willing to work through everything.

He tried Jack's cell phone, but it wasn't his husband who picked up. "Hey, Ennis. It's Lureen."

"Hey, where's Jack?"

"He went to pack, but I made him take a shower before he goes out in public." He could hear the amusement in her voice. "He shouldn't be long. What's goin' on?"

"Junior's out of surgery," Ennis told her, grinning.

"Oh, that's great. I bet Jack's gonna be happy to hear that. I'll tell him as soon as he gets out. Just tryin' to find a flight for him...it ain't lookin' good, I'm afraid. Everythin's either booked or already gone."

"It's okay if he can't get home right away," Ennis said, trying not to feel too disappointed. "She's out of surgery, so there's no rush."

"I'm sure he'd want to be there as soon as possible," Lureen told him. "Don't worry; I'm sure I'll find somethin' soon."

"Yeah. Anyway...get him to call me when he's out of the shower an'...tell him I love him." He could practically see Lureen smirking at this.

"I sure will, Ennis. Talk to you soon, an' give my best to Junior."

"Yeah, you bet." Just as he was hanging up and thinking about calling Amy and Jessica, he heard Darren calling his name; he looked up to see his friend walking towards him.

"I heard the great news; seems like she's gonna be fine," he said to Ennis, smiling as he stopped before him. Ennis nodded.

"Yeah, looks like it. Anyway...I wanted to say thanks for everythin' you did back home. You tried to help her, an' that means a lot to us." He shook Darren's hand.

"You spoke to Jack?" Darren asked, but Ennis shook his head.

"No; he was in the shower when I called. Lureen answered; you know, that friend of ours who lives in New York. She took him in when he went over there."

"Right. I'm sure he'll get here as soon as he can," Darren assured him. "Listen...there's nothing for me to do now, since it's over. I'm gonna head back to Provincetown. Let me know if you need anything for Junior, like...medication or anything."

"Okay. Thanks, Darren." Ennis watched as he left and then dialled Amy's number; the girls should be home by now, he figured.

"Ennis?" asked Amy when she picked the phone up. Jessica looked over at her.

"Junior's out of surgery; she's gonna be okay," he told her, smiling widely. She sighed in relief.

"Oh, thank God. We were so worried...is she awake yet?"

"No, still asleep. But I'm gonna go sit with her in a minute."

"Good. Have you spoken to Jack?"

"Well...it turns out that his phone battery was dead an' he forgot to charge it. Lureen got her message an' told him what was goin' on. He...he called me. Said that he's comin' home an' that he's ready to fix things."

"Really? That's great! Is he sure he's ready?"

"Told me he was," Ennis replied, looking at his wedding ring on his left hand. "I'll be glad to see him again."

"I know. Anyway...we're gonna go and get some sleep soon; I reckon you should try and do the same."

"I'll try. Thanks for everythin', Amy."

"Sure. Bye, Ennis."

"Bye." He hung up and decided that he could now go and see his daughter; she might wake up soon.

When he entered the room that she had been in before, he found that she was still fast asleep. With a smile on his face, he sat by her bed and took her hand, trying not to wake her. About ten minutes later, he saw her deep brown eyes opening. "Daddy?" she asked in a small voice. He stroked her cheek.

"Hey, Junior. How're you feelin'?"

"Better," she replied, nodding slightly. "Not so sick..." He sent up a silent prayer of thanks that she was alright.

"Good. You're gonna have to stay a little while, but they sorted you out."

"Is Jack comin' home?" she asked, and he smiled wider.

"He sure is, darlin'. Called me while you was in surgery...he's on his way home."

"Really?" she asked, and he nodded.

"Yep. He's tryin' to get a flight right now." He saw her eyes shining at him and squeezed her hand. "He'll be home soon enough, honey. He wants to see you."

"I miss him...an' I know you do too, Daddy," she said quietly, and he nodded.

"Yeah. But he's ready to come home...an' he's gonna get better, just like you."

"He promised he'd try," she replied, and he remembered how Jack had indeed promised her to try and get better just like her. Jack would never go back on such a promise.

"He sure did...looks like he's gonna keep it." He kissed her forehead and smiled at her. "You need your sleep, darlin'. You've been through a lot an' Jack won't be here for a while yet. I promise that he'll be here soon."

She nodded and closed her eyes, tired from everything she had been through. At least now she was getting better; that was the main thing. Ennis finally felt as if they were on the right track at last; their family was pulling through the hard times.

* * *

"Anything?" Jack asked as he left the bathroom, towelling his hair. Lureen sighed.

"No, nothin' tonight. I checked all flights from the three nearest airports; LaGuardia, Newark and JFK...but no flights to Hyannis until tomorrow mornin'. I checked flights further away an' they're already booked."

Jack sat down beside her and peered at the screen. "Okay...when's the next flight to Hyannis from around here?"

"Tomorrow at seven at JFK," she replied. "By the way...Ennis called." At the look on his face, she grinned. "Junior's out of surgery; she's gonna be okay."

"Thank God," he sighed, sitting back into the chair and rubbing his eyes. "How's he doing?"

"He seems okay...and he wanted me to tell you that he loves you," she said to him, smiling. Jack's cheeks went pink.

"Well...um...he knows I love him too. Anyway, see if you can get me on that flight; I don't care how much it costs. I'm gonna call him."

"Okay." Lureen set about booking a seat for him while he stood up, dialling Ennis's number.

"Jack?" came his husband's voice, and he smiled.

"Hey, bud. Lureen told me the good news; how is she?"

"She woke up just now but I got her to go back to sleep. She needs her rest."

"Good idea. Listen, I'm just trying to get a flight. Lureen says...the next available one isn't until tomorrow at seven. It'd be just over an hour until I get to the hospital..."

"That's okay, Jack," Ennis told him. "At least you found one. You know...Junior was askin' for you when she woke up. I told her you was comin' home an' it seemed to make her happy."

Jack smiled and sat down on the sofa. "I miss both of you, Ennis. Does she remember the promise I made her?"

"She sure does; even brought it up just now. You promised to try an' get better, like her."

"I'm gonna keep to that, Ennis. I swear. Um...Lureen passed on your other message. I love you too, baby." He threw a cushion at Lureen, who had giggled at this.

"Hey!"

"Anyway...I'll be home soon. Should be there sometime after eight, I reckon. Can't wait to see you..."

"Me neither. I'll probably be at the hospital; I haven't left since we got here in the ambulance yesterday...been here nearly twelve hours now."

"You ought to sleep," Jack told him. "Junior needs you to be alert when she starts recovering. And I don't want my husband falling asleep when I kiss him after so long away."

Ennis smiled. "Well...can't argue with that. I'll try to sleep, Jack. Um...so...how've you been lately?"

"I'm good," Jack assured him. "Feeling better than I was, and I'm sure now that we can work through this. We just need to stick together and try to not let things get to us." Not caring about Lureen's reaction, he continued, "I love you so much...can't wait to be back with you."

"Yeah...Jack, when you get back...when we get home, how's it gonna be?"

Jack knew what Ennis was asking about. "You mean...sex?" he asked quietly, hoping that Lureen didn't hear that. "Ennis...I've been thinking about the same thing. Wondered if it would be a good idea to go straight back into that after what's happened. But then I figured...maybe it'd be the best thing for us right now. To remember how much we love each other...how good we are together. You know?"

Ennis nodded, starting to feel hopeful. "Yeah...maybe you're right. Guess we'll just have to see when we get home. I don't wanna rush you into anythin', Jack."

"That's...real sweet, Ennis," Jack replied, smiling. "But I've got a good feeling about it. I reckon I'm up to it. I miss you, and not just the sex."

Ennis nodded, knowing that he felt the same way. "Same here, Jack." He sighed. "Anyway...think I'm gonna try an' get some sleep now that Junior's okay. Love you, Jack."

"I love you too, Ennis. Sleep well, okay?"

"Yeah, you bet. Night, Jack."

"Night, baby." Jack hung up and looked at the wallpaper on his phone; the photo of him and Ennis during their wedding celebrations. Everything would be okay now.

"You done with whisperin' sweet nothin's?" Lureen asked from her chair, smirking at him. Jack looked at her.

"Hey. I'm finally feeling like myself again after so long, and we're getting back on track. I reckon I'm allowed to be like this."

"Of course. Anyway, I got you the number to call for bookin' the flight. You'd better get to it."

"Okay." He took the piece of paper that she handed him and proceeded to book his seat on the plane. He couldn't wait to be back with his family, but at least he knew that Junior was going to be okay.

Once he'd booked the flight, he bid goodnight to Lureen and headed back to the spare room. As he undressed, he thought of Ennis and their talk about sex. He had the feeling that he would be able to make love with Ennis soon after returning; he needed it and felt as if it would somehow help them to start over. And he was sure that he and Ennis were going to be alright; he would get the help he needed once he was back home with Ennis and Junior.

He thought of the parental rights that Alma had signed over to him, and the adoption papers. Maybe once they were back to normal, he would be able to sign them and make himself Junior's adoptive father. That would be great, and he knew that he wanted to. He was absolutely certain that he could do this.

The last thought he had before going to sleep was what it would be like when he reunited with Ennis; they were definitely going to kiss and embrace as soon as they were in the same space. Anything else...he would have to see about that. But even if they couldn't do it right away, they would be able to eventually. That was a comforting thought.

* * *

_October 23rd, 2009_

Jack felt nervous as the plane came in to land at Hyannis. He couldn't wait to be reunited with Ennis, but he wondered how things would be once they were back together. He tried to tell himself that things would just go as they were meant to, and there was nothing he could do about it.

He wanted to tell Ennis of the plan he'd formulated as an attempt to get his condition under control while they worked things out. He thought it would work and he hoped that Ennis agreed. He had spoken to Ennis that morning just before he'd set off for the airport, telling him that he was on his way. Ennis was clearly tired considering the time it had been, but Jack could tell that he was still looking forward to it.

"_Can't wait to be back with you," he said as he waited for the cab. "To...hold you again. I've missed you."_

"_Missed you too," came a groggy voice; he smiled at the thought of Ennis rubbing sleep from his eyes. "Just...take care while you're on your way, alright?"_

"_Yep, will do." He hung up after some more sweet words and continued to wait until the cab came, his heart yearning for the man on the other side of the journey._

Now here he was, about to land in his home state and make his way to Ennis; it wouldn't be long now because the hospital was fairly close to the airport.

Leaving the airport was a bit of a blur for him. He grabbed his luggage and stepped outside, looking for transport and spying a cab right in front of him. He couldn't stop thinking about Ennis now that he was so close, and he hoped that nothing had happened to Junior since he'd last spoken to Ennis. That was the last thing they needed now.

He entered the waiting room of the hospital and looked around; Ennis was nowhere to be seen. Figuring that he would be with Junior, Jack went to the reception desk. "Hey, could you tell me which room Alma Del Mar Junior is in, please? I'm her stepfather," he asked, feeling a surge of pride at the title. Maybe one day he would be her adoptive father.

The receptionist directed him to Junior's room and he peered through the window; sure enough, Ennis was by his daughter's side. He knocked and opened the door.

The look on Ennis's face when their eyes met made it all worthwhile to Jack. It was a look that could only be described as pure delight, and he grinned at his husband. "Hey, you."

Ennis stood up and moved forward. "Jack...you're here..." They rushed forward to each other, their bodies colliding in a fierce embrace. Jack held the back of Ennis's shirt in two fistfuls, shaking slightly. His bag had dropped to the floor when Ennis had moved to him, and he could feel the familiar warmth enveloping him once more.

"Baby..." he murmured, closing his eyes. "God, I missed you..."

"Oh, darlin'..." Ennis sighed, rubbing his back. He couldn't believe that Jack was finally back in his arms and held him closer, tears threatening to spill from his eyes. "I'm so sorry...for what happened that night. With Kevin in the bar. I shouldn't have...I should've trusted you. At the time, when I saw you...I didn't, an' that wasn't right."

"Ennis...it's okay. I know why you reacted like that, and I know that you do trust me. I'm sorry for making you think that you couldn't." He pulled his face away so that he could look at Ennis. "You're the only one for me; you know that. Why would I cheat when I have everything I need right here?" He pressed his forehead against Ennis's and thumbed the tears from the brown eyes. "It's okay..."

He watched as Ennis took several deep breaths, trying to compose himself. "I...I'm glad you're back, bud. Been goin' crazy without you."

"I know. But I'm here now and I'm never leaving you again. I swear." Seeing that Junior was still asleep, Jack tugged at his arm. "Come on, let's take a walk." Ennis nodded and allowed Jack to lead him out of the room. As they started walking down the corridor, Jack slipped his hand into Ennis's. He smiled at how they seemed to fit perfectly.

They ended up in the hospital gardens, sitting on a low wall. The sun had risen properly by now and was shining brightly down on them. "Listen...there's something I wanted to talk to you about. It's...about those voices."

Ennis looked at him. "Are they still botherin' you? Lureen said you came up with a plan."

"Yep, and it seems to work. It started that night I slept on the sofa, before going to New York. This voice tried to say things to me, but I just...didn't let it. I think I told it to shut up or something, and that it was my decision to make. And...it just stopped. I kept practicing while I was away and I got better at it. So I'm thinking...we can still start with couples' therapy when we get back; it's okay that I can't see a psychiatrist right away. I've found a way to keep the voices at bay for now, you see?"

Ennis nodded. "Sounds just about crazy enough to work." Jack smiled and rested his head on Ennis's shoulder.

"Yeah. Hey...you haven't greeted me properly yet," he said, rising back up. Ennis smiled and leaned in, pressing his lips to Jack's at last. Love exploded in his heart and he pulled Jack closer, sliding his arms around Jack's waist.

Jack rested his arms over Ennis's shoulders and kissed back, feeling complete for what felt like the first time in months. Everything was going to be okay now. His tongue met Ennis's between them and he sighed, wanting to make the moment last forever.

_I love you, and we're never being separated ever again._

* * *

They made their way back to Junior's room, still holding hands and kissing. Ennis almost couldn't believe that Jack was really back and that they were okay; it felt very surreal. He wasn't sure yet what might happen between them when they got home, but that was okay. He felt sure that they would be able to work things out.

They paused outside Junior's room, and Jack pulled Ennis close. "Still can't believe this," he murmured, kissing Ennis again.

"Me neither...things are gonna be okay, aren't they?" he asked softly, looking into Jack's eyes.

"Yep," Jack assured him, nodding. "Won't be easy, but we'll figure it out." With one last kiss, they headed into Junior's room, taking their places at her side.

As they were talking softly, Ennis noticed that she was waking up. "Hey, Junior..."

"Daddy?" she asked, looking at him. Then she looked at Jack and saw him smiling at her. "Jack!" she said, reaching out to him. He took her hand and squeezed it.

"Hey honey...I heard that the doctors fixed you up. How're you feeling?"

"Tired," she replied. "But I don't feel sick now." Jack nodded.

"Good. You had us worried."

"Are you stayin'?" she asked, as if fearful that he was about to go away again.

"Yep, staying for good now. We're all gonna be at home soon enough, okay? I love your daddy, and we're gonna work this out. I promised you that I would try and get better, so that's what I'm gonna do."

She smiled at him and nodded. "Good. Daddy missed you...me too."

"I missed both of you," he replied, and then decided to say what he had been thinking of during the flight. "Listen...I've come to a decision about something. You remember how your mom gave me her parental rights, so that I could adopt you?" Ennis looked at him, wondering where he was going with this. "Well...I've been thinking about doing it. If that's what you want."

Junior's eyes were wide. "Jack...you mean that you'd be my daddy too?" He nodded.

"Yeah, if that's okay with you. I've been thinking about it."

"Jack...are you sure?" Ennis asked, remembering the problems that Jack used to have with the whole idea; that he'd felt as if he would never be Junior's true parent.

Jack nodded. "When we spoke this morning, you told me that if something were to happen to Junior and you were the one out of town, I wouldn't be able to authorise surgery without adoption papers. I kept thinking about what might happen if that were the case, and it scared me. I don't want something to go wrong because of it, so I've been thinking about making it official." He smiled. "Besides...I wanna do it. We'd be a real family then."

Ennis nudged him to get up. "Come on, over there." They headed to the far side of the room, out of earshot. "Jack...if it's what you want, then that's great. But...you were so resistant to it before. What changed?"

"Well...I did a lot of thinking after you told me what was going on with Junior. I realised how important it was for me to make an effort, because you needed me. I knew that, so I just...I realised that I had to try and do everything I could to make things better. I was scared of signing those papers, and you know that. I still am in a way, but I got to thinking...maybe it would be the best thing right now. Maybe that kind of responsibility is exactly what I need to push me into making an effort. It'll give me a reason to try."

Ennis looked into his eyes, surprised by the change in him after such a short time away. If it was possible, he loved Jack more than ever. Jack was willing to sign those papers because he could see that it was necessary; he wanted to.

"Jack...I dunno what to say, bud," he admitted, looking down at their feet. "If it's really what you want, then you know I don't have a problem with it. I've been hopin' that you'll do it for a while now."

"I know," Jack replied, lifting his chin. "And I'm sorry for all the grief it's caused us. But we're gonna be okay now. I promise." He kissed Ennis a couple of times and pulled him close, seeing the smile on Junior's face as she sat watching them. "I love you," he murmured into Ennis's ear.

"Same to you, darlin'," Ennis replied, squeezing him. When they pulled apart, Ennis sighed. "Um...have you eaten lately?"

"Had some breakfast at Lureen's before I left, and I had some chips on the plane," Jack replied, and Ennis nodded.

"There's a little café down the road, I think. If you wanna have somethin' else." He looked at Junior. "Um..."

"It's okay, Daddy," she said to him, smiling. "I'm still tired anyway...wanna sleep some more." He nodded and went over to her, kissing her forehead.

"We won't be long," he told her, and Jack copied his movement. "See you later."

"Bye, Junior," Jack said to her, wondering what it might be like to adopt her. They left the room, once more hand in hand and feeling light-hearted.

"Reckon you need some fresh air anyway," Jack said to Ennis as they left the hospital. Ennis nodded and stretched.

"Been sat in that chair all night...can't wait to sleep in our bed."

"With me by your side," Jack said to him, eyes sparkling in the sunlight. Ennis blushed and they carried on walking, both of them thinking about the first night they would be spending together. Neither of them were sure when it would be, given that Junior was still here, but they knew that they were looking forward to it. Both of them wanted it to be a night to remember, and they knew it would be because they loved each other. That was all that mattered now, and they knew that they would be okay.

* * *

"You ready?" Ennis murmured, looking down into Jack's face. They were back home with Junior, who had been released that afternoon, and were now in bed together. This would be their first time together in a long while, and both were nervous.

Jack nodded, widening his legs. "Yeah...come on." Ennis slowly pushed into him, watching his face. Jack's eyes slid shut as he felt Ennis complete him, the familiar feeling washing over him like a wave. "Oh..."

"Feel okay?" Ennis asked as he worked his way inside Jack, nuzzling his face. He so wanted to do this, but he would stop if Jack asked him to.

"Feels...wonderful," Jack whispered, pulling him closer. "Take me," he breathed into Ennis's ear. "I...I need you, baby."

Ennis obliged him, keeping his initial movement slow and exploratory. He wanted to remember everything about sex with Jack and how they made each other feel in these moments. He planted his mouth on Jack's, pushing his tongue inside where it was met with its mate. They kissed fiercely as they rocked together, hearts pounding and small sounds escaping from them. Ennis heard Jack whimper and broke away in alarm, but the look on Jack's face was not of pain or discomfort; it was of lust. He smiled and kissed his husband's neck, thinking about leaving his mark there.

"God, I love you," Jack groaned. "Wanna be doing this with you...every night of our lives from now on."

"Fine with me," Ennis replied, grunting as he pushed in deeper and faster. "Oh fuck..."

He didn't last much longer; after a few more thrusts he felt himself coming inside Jack, letting out a low groan. Jack felt his muscles clamp up and he too reached his climax, shooting in between them. Ennis slowly sank down onto Jack's chest, sighing and pulling out. His head was spinning, not just from his orgasm but also from the fact that it was real. Jack was truly here with him, and they had just made love. He trembled slightly and Jack wrapped his arms around him.

"It's alright," Jack whispered, stroking his hair. "I know what you're feeling right now."

"Just can't believe it's real..." Ennis murmured, trying to calm down. Jack lifted his chin and made him meet his eyes.

"It is real, Ennis. I'm right here, and we just...well, here's proof," he told him, nodding down at the sticky fluid covering his chest. Ennis was lying right on top of it but he didn't especially care.

"Yeah...I love you, Jack," he replied, leaning up to kiss his other half. When they broke apart, Ennis rolled off him but stayed close, tucking himself up into Jack's embrace.

"Ennis...there's something I've been meaning to tell you, ever since I got back," Jack started, knowing that Ennis needed to hear this. "Nothing bad," he added quickly when he saw the worry in Ennis's eyes. "I just...remember that night before I left, when I slept on the sofa?"

"Yeah," Ennis replied, having a feeling of where this might be going.

"Well...at first I couldn't sleep, so I got up and...I came in here. I figured you were asleep, and...I don't know why, but I walked around to your side and crouched down. I, um..."

"You put your fingers in my hair," Ennis finished quietly, looking at him. Jack blinked. "I was awake, Jack. Just fakin' sleep 'cos I couldn't drop off. I felt you touch my curls."

"Oh...right," Jack replied. "Well, I don't know why I did it."

"I was hopin' it meant that you were thinkin' of stayin'." Ennis's voice was so quiet that Jack immediately knew he'd hurt him. He cupped Ennis's cheek.

"Baby...I'm sorry. But I really did need some space. And it did me good; I've got a clearer head now and I'm sure of what I want." He smiled. "I wanna be with you. I...I wanna adopt Junior and have us all be a family. I want things to get better for us, and they will. I know what we have to do now, and I can't wait to get started."

"Me neither," Ennis replied, running his hand over Jack's sticky and sweaty chest. He didn't mind it in the slightest; it was tangible proof of what they had just done, and that was a good thing. "I swear, Jack...I'm gonna do my bit. I'll...treat you better. Pay more attention to you now that Junior's on the mend. I know you need my help to get better, so I'll be there."

Jack smiled. "Fair enough. And you already are good to me, Ennis. You're the best husband that anybody could ask for, and I love you to bits." He felt Ennis kiss his neck and grinned. "I really enjoyed being with you again...feels like so long since the last time. I know that we weren't really happy over the past few months. Alma's visit didn't help. But I promise...I'm happy now. We're gonna be just fine, you and me."

Ennis felt relieved; he had dreaded losing Jack lately. "Jack...I was scared of losin' you. Don't know what I'd do if you asked me for a..." He couldn't even say the word now without feeling even more scared, and Jack knew it.

"It's alright. I'm never gonna do that; it's not what I want, ever. Even though we've been through some shit lately, I know that I wanna be with you no matter what. I know that this is where I belong, for good. We ought to be together; being without you out in New York felt like I'd...left behind part of my soul. We're only complete when we're together, you know?"

Ennis nodded. "I know. I feel the same way, Jack." He managed to smile up into his husband's face, and Jack returned it. Their hands found each other and clasped together, certain now that their marriage and love was going to last. Two halves of the same soul were always going to find their way back to each other, because the end of the journey was always worth it.


	29. Epilogue

**Epilogue**

When Junior was brought home on Friday, it was clear that she was a lot better than before. She still needed some bed rest, but soon enough she was back on her feet. She returned to kindergarten the following Monday and soon caught up with her friends.

As for Ennis and Jack, they had started to repair their relationship. Jack went to see the psychiatrist friend of Darren's for a diagnosis. Within a few weeks, he was diagnosed with adjustment disorder including both mixed anxiety and depressed mood; it certainly seemed to make sense with everything that had happened.

Ennis was there for him as promised; they went to couples' therapy and talked through all of their issues without arguing. They listened to each other and took into account how they were both feeling.

One thing that helped was Jack signing the parental rights documents. He took them to Mark, their lawyer, and by the middle of November he had in his hand adoption papers for Junior, stating that with both his and Ennis' signatures he would officially be her adoptive father.

"Looks like it's official now," he said to Ennis as they looked over it. Ennis was holding him from behind, squeezing him gently. He was very happy that Jack was now Junior's adoptive father; it seemed to make Jack feel better about everything.

"You feel like her parent now, bud?" he asked softly, and Jack nodded.

"Yeah, I do. I've got a real standing in her life now. Feels good." Ennis kissed his cheek.

When they felt as if they were making good progress with their couples' therapy, Jack started seeing the psychiatrist, named Linda. He was prescribed anti-anxiety medication and antidepressants in case he needed them, and he also talked through his feelings while Ennis sat by him.

At her suggestion, Jack told Ennis all of his previous fears that had risen ever since Junior had first come to live with them. As patiently as he could, Ennis assured Jack that his fears would never come true. It wasn't always easy, and it could get very emotional during the sessions, but slowly Jack got better. The voices dimmed down and eventually went away just in time for the Christmas holidays.

Around that time, Emily had finished reviewing Jack's portfolio and he was offered a full-time paid role within the company due to his progress. Jack always fondly recalled the look on Ennis's face when he told him.

"I'm so proud of you, bud," Ennis said to him as they hugged tightly. Jack grinned and managed to hug him back.

"Thank you...I never really thought it'd work out, after everything..."

"Well, it has. An' we're gonna celebrate." He kissed Jack firmly on the mouth, showing him exactly how they were going to celebrate.

The pair of them loved decorating the apartment with Junior's help; it would be their first Christmas as a family and they were looking forward to it. While Ennis was putting the boxes away, Jack snuck up behind him.

"Ennis..." he called as sweetly as possible, and Ennis knew he was up to something. He turned to see Jack holding a sprig of mistletoe with a grin on his face.

"Where'd you get that?" he asked, eyebrows raised. Jack's grin widened.

"Bought it yesterday when I was getting presents. Come on, give me a kiss." He puckered his lips at Ennis, who simply couldn't resist. He pulled Jack close and kissed him, grinding his hips against Jack's enough to make him whimper. "You damn tease," Jack breathed when they broke apart. "Look what you've gone and done," he said, gesturing to his crotch. Ennis smirked.

"Reckon I'll have to do somethin' about that," he replied, taking Jack's hand and leading him to the bedroom. Their sex life was back to normal if not better, and they could truly enjoy each other once more.

One night, they were lying in bed together after making love, cooling down. Jack was lying on his chest, arms folded on the pillow as he looked over at Ennis.

"I'm so glad we've sorted things out," he murmured. "The voices have gone, I adopted Junior, we're better than ever...got a lot to celebrate this year."

"Yeah." Ennis smiled at him. "You're the love of my life, Jack. I'll be tellin' you every day for the rest of my life that I love you. Hope you won't get bored with that."

Jack shook his head. "I could never get bored with that, baby."

"You've been callin' me that more an' more lately," Ennis observed. "I...I quite like it."

Jack kissed his cheek. "Good, 'cos the name's stuck now. We're stuck with each other for life, Ennis. Might as well make the most of it," he said with a grin. Ennis smacked his ass.

"I'm glad to be stuck with you...even you do drive me crazy sometimes." Jack rolled onto his back and burrowed close to him, curling up like a cat.

"I'm crazy for you," he murmured, feeling like he could finally say that word without associating it with his mental health. They were past all of that now. Ennis put his arm around Jack and held him close.

"Same here, darlin'. You know, I've been thinkin'. You an' me oughta take another trip after what we've been through."

"Yeah?" Jack asked, looking up at him. "Anywhere you have in mind?"

"Well, I was thinkin' we could all go somewhere, as a family. What d'you think?"

Jack smiled. "Sounds great. But where?"

"How about we take Junior to Disneyland or somethin'? She'd love it, an' we could get a break."

"That sounds good. I know we could take some time away, Ennis. We do need a vacation. But when could we do it? The girls are getting married in March, remember?"

"Yeah. Either next month or February, or maybe after the weddin'. The weather could be better in the summer."

"We could make it an anniversary trip," Jack suggested, his eyes lighting up. "I'm feeling a lot better, Ennis."

"An' I'm glad," Ennis told him, drawing Jack's mouth up to his to show him just how much.

They spent the week between Christmas and New Year's at Jack's family home in West Virginia. Junior loved running through the trees on the property in the snow, being chased by her fathers. Jack's mother told him off for worrying everybody over the past few months and he assured her that he was fine now. Jack's father thanked Ennis for looking after his son during such a dark time, and told Ennis that he was proud to call him a son-in-law.

Both Ennis and Jack loved lying in a warm bed when it was snowing outside, and they made the most of their privacy while Jack's family entertained Junior. Ennis would often look at Jack and see that the light had returned to his eyes. For so long, it had been very dim and then had eventually gone by the night in the bar. Now it was back and Ennis never wanted to see it disappear ever again. He knew it was down to him to make sure that Jack remained happy, and so far they were doing great.

Ennis sometimes thought of his father, wondering if he would have ever come around to the fact that his son was with another man. Jack told him that there was no way of knowing, so he shouldn't let it bother him. This was simply how things were now, and they had to focus on the future. Now that they knew they would be okay, they could start to look forward.

"Remember, you've still got a lot of people who love you," Jack told him when they were lying in bed. Your mom, Junior, my family, me, our friends. You still have a family, Ennis, and we're all here for you." He leaned forward to kiss his husband, hoping to make him feel better. Sometimes, there was only one way to do that; this was just fine with him.

When they returned, they busied themselves by helping Amy and Jessica prepare for their wedding. All four of them knew how lucky they were to be able to marry legally in the state, so they had to make the most of it. Ennis and Jack were very grateful to the girls for everything they had done for them over the past few months, so they took on most of the responsibility for making sure that everything went to plan.

In the meantime, the pair of them spent a lot of time with Junior. On the weekends, they took her down to the beach so that she could run around and get some exercise. They watched her while sitting in their deck chairs, enjoying the sun and the company.

"This sure is the life," Jack sighed, stretching. Ennis nodded.

"Yep. Got everythin' we need here, I reckon," he replied, and Jack smiled at him.

"Yeah." He reached over and took Ennis's hand, squeezing his fingers. They had been through some very dark times, but now things were a lot better and they were happier than ever.

For Valentine's Day, Ennis took Jack back to the cabin in Vermont where they had spent their wedding anniversary. Once more, he surprised Jack with a large bouquet of red roses on the day and was very loving and attentive to him all weekend. Jack especially loved Ennis holding him in bed after some very emotional lovemaking.

"That was amazing, Ennis...I love you..."

Ennis kissed his forehead, feeling as if his heart would burst with happiness. "Right back at you, darlin'."

When they returned, it was clear to anybody who saw them that they were as happy as they used to be, if not more. They kissed when they thought that nobody was watching, not especially caring if anybody was. Jack was never tormented by the voices ever again.

At the end of February, Amy and Jessica were married in the local registry office, with Ennis and Jack as their witnesses. When the girls gave their speeches during the reception, they made a point to thank Ennis and Jack for being such good friends to them. They hadn't yet formally talked about raising a child together with all four of them as the parents, but there was plenty of time for that to be discussed. Ennis and Jack still had their hands full with Junior, who was still very young after all.

In March, Alma paid another visit to them. Jack was nervous about seeing her again after what had happened last time, but then he remembered everything that he and Ennis had achieved since then. He was in a much better position than last time.

Ennis made a point of not making Jack feel like the odd one out where Junior was concerned; he was after all her adoptive father now, and that meant a lot. He let Alma spend as much time with Junior as she wanted during her visit, while he kept a respectable distance and stayed by Jack's side. To their relief, Jack suffered no setback from the visit and even though he was clearly nervous, they got through it. Alma even told Jack how grateful she was to him for giving Junior two parents who would be there for her. They would never be friends, and they both knew that, but at least they could get on for Junior's sake.

"Wasn't as bad as I thought it would be," Jack mused one night, after Alma had left. He and Ennis were curled up on the sofa together with a bottle of wine, while Junior was fast asleep in her room. "Thought I might have a setback, you know?"

"Yeah, I was kinda worried," Ennis admitted, giving him a squeeze. "But we're okay, ain't we?" Jack smiled up at him.

"Yeah, we are. It's different this time. I've adopted Junior, for one. And we've been through so much since the last visit...we're in a good place now."

"We sure are. I know that Alma's last visit wasn't easy, because we were only just gettin' used to havin' Junior around. An' I know you were strugglin', Jack. Makes sense that you couldn't really adjust, an' then havin' to see me with her like that, like a family that didn't include you...I can understand why you developed that disorder."

"Yeah, me too in hindsight. I hope that I never slip into that ever again..." He sounded a little fearful that he would, but Ennis simply kissed him softly in response.

"You won't...'cos you've got me by your side. I trust you, an' I love you. I...I know you was scared of me leavin' you, but that ain't never gonna happen. Couldn't be happy without you, Jack." He nodded. "You're stuck with me."

Jack grinned and kissed him again. "Sounds good to me. Remember when we were just kids, roommates at college? I never thought we'd end up together, even...when we actually got together. I wasn't sure if it was gonna work because I thought it might be too good to be true. That I had fallen in love with someone who could love me back and make me happy...didn't think it would happen for me." He sighed. "I still remember that day in the locker room, when we nearly kissed. That was just...that was the start of it, right? If that hadn't happened, do you think we might have gotten together?"

Ennis thought about it for a moment. "Don't really know," he finally admitted. "I liked you, but with my dad an' everythin' I didn't think it could happen. If you hadn't chased after me an' tried to get me to talk about it, I don't know if I'd had the guts to chase after you."

"I'm sure it would have happened eventually," Jack said softly, nudging him. ""We're meant to be together, Ennis. That's just how it is. Some people are just supposed to be together, like soul mates. That's what we are and I don't have any doubts about that." He smiled. "We were attracted to each other, and we were young guys with plenty of hormones. Couldn't have kept it all bottled up for three years without something happening."

"Yeah, guess not. One of us would have jumped the other by Christmas, right?" Jack laughed, the image of it forming in his mind.

"Probably." They fell silent for a few more minutes, and then Jack noticed the time. "Hmm...reckon it's time to go to bed."

"Not to sleep though, right?" Ennis asked in amusement. Jack smirked at him.

"Not right away. If you fall asleep on me, I'm gonna kick you out of bed and onto the floor."

Ennis cupped his cheek. "I'd never do that to you, bud. I could never get tired of you." Jack smiled back at him and brought their lips together, eager to get Ennis into the bedroom and show him just how much he loved him.


End file.
